


Cuffs

by TwoBoys2Love



Series: Cuffs [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jared Padalecki, Cop Jared, Cop Jensen, Detective Jensen, First Kiss, First Time, Hate to Love, Kidnapping, M/M, Top Jensen, Top Jensen Ackles, detective jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:09:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 87,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1283929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Detective Ackles gets a new partner who may be a bit of a challenge. They have different views about everything. Ackles picks up some work on a new case that reveals his partner's secret and dredges up the past</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note - Jared and Jensen will "switch" in this fic. It was just a natural progression while I was writing.

"Fuck. You. Detective."  
  
Detective Jensen Ackles closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Jeremy. Dude. You can't seriously believe this is gonna go well for you."  
  
When he opened his eyes he took a quick survey of  _Jeremy_. The pistol in his hand was a Glock 23 Gen Semi Automatic .40 S &W, it probably had 15 rounds in the magazine. The hand holding it was shaking. There were track marks on Jeremy's arm; his face was drawn, pupils dark and skin sallow.  
  
"Here's the thing, Jeremy." Jensen shifted his weight and slipped one hand under his jacket to flip it open. "You see this gun here?"  
  
Jeremy's eyes darted nervously from Jensen's face to the shoulder holster and then back. "Don't move. I will shoot you in the head."  
  
As Jensen watched, the shake in Jeremy's hand intensified. "I don't doubt you will, Jeremy. Do you mind if I call you Jeremy? Hogbin is a last name that I just  _can't_  take seriously. I mean, who names their-"  
  
"Shut up!" Jeremy's yell echoed through the abandoned warehouse.  
  
"Touchy, touchy," Jensen mumbled. He held his hands out, palms bared to Jeremy.  
  
"Back away."  
  
"I can't do that, Jeremy. I gotta take you in."  
  
"I'm gonna shoot you if you don't start taking some steps back."  
  
Jensen saw a very slight movement behind Jeremy. "Jeremy - Jer - you shot someone, Bud. You know you gotta go away for that."  
  
"I won't tell you again." The gun wavered a little until the barrel was pointed at Jensen's chest.  
  
It was a little out of hand but Jensen didn't let his concern show on his face. "I told you. You're going to jail. I will wait here all night if I have to…"  
  
Jeremy's body crumpled to the floor and revealed a tall man, shaggy brown hair was plastered to his forehead and it looked like every muscle in his lean body was tensed. He lowered the pistol he had cracked Jeremy's skull with and stared at Jensen.  
  
"Or, I could just stand here until my partner clobbers you." Jensen smiled smugly and headed over to where Jeremy was crumpled on the floor.  
  
"You know, Ackles? One of these days I'm not gonna be here to save your ass." Jared holstered his gun and yanked the cuffs off his belt.  
  
"Chill, Jared. I knew you would get here. Besides, I could take that asshole any day of the week."  
  
It was Jared's turn to look smug. "Yeah, well, we'll never know that because I'm so great at keeping your ass out of trouble."  
  
"I got him, didn't I?"  
  
Jared's gaze snapped up quickly. "You would have gotten yourself killed if I hadn't belted him!"  
  
Snatching the cuffs from Jared's hand, Jensen kneeled down and cuffed Jeremy's hands behind his back. It wasn't up for debate.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
After they got Jeremy into the back of the car it was a little quiet.  
  
Jensen glanced over at his partner a few times, wondering how long the silent treatment would continue. After a mile or so Jensen checked his rear view and Jeremy was still passed out. It was probably a good thing, although Jensen felt a twinge of guilt for not driving to the hospital a little faster. Damn guy had been through far worse.  
  
"So. You pissed still?" Jensen asked even though he knew the answer.  
  
All Jared did was shake his head and roll his eyes. Jensen was pretty familiar with both gestures.  
  
"Want me to wake up Jeremy so ya got someone to talk to?" He actually wasn't sure it was possible to wake the guy up now that he'd crashed.  
  
"Why can't you just  _wait_  the minute it would take for me to get where I need to be?" Jared continued to look straight ahead as Jensen maneuvered them through the heavy traffic.  
  
"And miss out on one of these fabulous lectures?" It really  _was_  a little entertaining when Jared got the pursed-lip-bitch look. There were times when Jensen saw it as a bit of a challenge. How many times during the week could he get Jared pissed off?  
  
"That's why I don't bother talkin' to ya," Jared said.  
  
Fair enough. But Jensen was entitled to  _some_  entertainment.  
  
A really foul smell began to drift forward from the back seat. "Jeremy. You fucker."  
  
Jensen opened his window and leaned a little closer to it. He smirked when Jared did the same.  
  
"Anyway," Jensen said. "it's done now. He's in custody, my gorgeous mug is still in perfect condition. You got to save the day again, Padalecki. That has  _got_  to be good for your ego."  
  
"You don't really think this is about ego, do you?" Jared asked.  
  
Jensen shrugged and leaned his arm out the window. It was a gorgeous day for early March; he spent too much time inside.  
  
"Really?" Jared's voice carried a mixture of disdain and amusement. Jensen seemed to bring out both in his partner.  
  
"Nah. You're right. Untwist your panties. You're a good partner, Padalecki, a damn good cop."  
  
Jensen could  _feel_  his partner's eyes on him. No doubt, he was trying to determine whether Jensen was yanking his chain again.  
  
"Honest," Jensen said. If he grinned a little  _too_  much it was Jared's fault for baiting him.  
  
"Yeah." Padalecki remained completely unconvinced judging by his voice. It wasn't the first time he'd pissed his partner off and definitely wouldn't be the last. It always took new partnerships a while to settle and this one would be no exception to that.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
"You're an irresponsible dick head," Captain Morgan said when Jensen walked into his office.  
  
"Hello to you too, Sir." Jensen pushed in front of Jared so he could beat him to the more comfortable chair. He'd been yanked into Morgan's office enough times that he felt at home there.  
  
Jared sat down on the rigid chair closest to Morgan's desk.  
  
"All went well, I trust?" Morgan asked.  
  
"Absolutely." Jensen flashed a cocky smile at his partner.  
  
"Okay. So why did the desk Sergeant tell me that you had to request a second vehicle, Padalecki?"  
  
Nineteen out of a hundred times, it was Jensen's ass that had gotten them in enough trouble to warrant a visit with Morgan. Half the time he was just running his mouth off.  
  
"I. When I went." Padalecki shifted on the chair and Ackles smirked.  
  
"Spit it out Jared. Morgan ain't got all day." Jensen reached over and snatched a cookie off the plate by the Captain's small coffee pot.  
  
Morgan rubbed at his forehead with his eyes closed. "Jesus, someone just tell me  _something_."  
  
Jensen let out a small huff and leaned forward to sit on the edge of the chair. "I got a call from one of my C.I.'s lettin' me know that Jeremy Hogbin was pullin' some of his stuff back from one of his street runners. I've dealt with the guy before and he's only dangerous 'cause he's an idiot.  
  
Anyway. Padalecki wasn't here yet so I figured it would be a problem for me to do it myself."  
  
"Right," Morgan said. "And Padalecki took a second vehicle because?"  
  
Jensen threw his hands up. "He figured I needed back up."  
  
"You  _did_  need back up," Jared finally said. "That guy's unpredictable as hell. He was high as a kite and twitchy."  
  
Morgan looked first at one man then the other. "Do I really have to be having this conversation with the two of you? You've been working together for six months now. Can't you sort this… whatever-it-is… out?"  
  
"No," Padalecki said at the same time as Ackles said, "Yes."  
  
They both opened their mouths to clarify and Morgan stopped them with a raised finger before they could speak. Morgan sighed and rolled his shoulders back. "Padalecki, get out.  _Ackles_ , stay."  
  
No one liked spending much time in Morgan's office and Jared was no exception. He was up and gone quickly and the door clicked shut behind him.  
  
"What's goin' on?" Morgan asked without looking up.  
  
"He's still a bit wet behind the ears and sometimes, I give him grief for it," Jensen said. "The guy is idealistic."  
  
"That can work."  
  
Jensen nodded. "Yes. It can."  
  
"Don't do stupid shit; you're the senior partner," Morgan said firmly. After a few moments of silence he looked up at Jensen and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Going now," Jensen said quickly. He wasn't going to overstay his welcome.  
  
He wasn't convinced he'd escaped until he heard the door click shut behind him.  
  
There was a little laughter from around the pen, probably because he looked as stupidly relieved as everyone else when he came out of Morgan's office. Jensen made an exaggerated bow then headed over to his desk.  
  
Qualls muttered something about Jensen being  _put out to pasture_. He was kind of a dick but Jensen liked to call it  _small man syndrome_. Honestly? The people who seemed to be the biggest pricks were either really short or really underweight.  
  
"Qualls," Jensen said as he sank down into his chair, "Don't make me come over there and lodge my foot up your ass."  
  
There was no more shittalk and everyone seemed to settle back into their work.  
  
His desk butted up against his partner's so he, generally, had no choice but to watch Jared's disdain. He chose to believe it wasn't as serious as it looked most of the time.  
  
"Don't get all holier than thou.” Jensen said.  
  
"I’m not." Jared shuffled some papers around on his desk.  
  
"Okay then." It wasn't Jensen's style to belabour a point.  
  
"Nothing new, so back to followin' old leads," Jensen muttered.  
  
"And reports," added Jared. He was already working on his laptop, no doubt, writing up the day's activities.  _That_ report ought to be a good read.  
  
As Jared shrugged out of his suit jacket and settled into working on the report, Jensen watched out of the corner of his eye.  
  
They'd been working together for a little over six months. For the most part, things were going pretty well but there were a few things yet to be worked out between them.  
  
Jim Beaver, Jensen's first partner had retired the year previous. He'd been a great partner, even if he  _was_  pretty pissy on Monday mornings. When he'd retired, Jensen wasn't sure what to expect in a new partner. He sure hadn't expected Padalecki.  
  
When Morgan had shown Jensen the request for transfer Jared had submitted, it had seemed like they might be a good match.  
  
They were pretty close in age, certainly closer than Jensen and Jim were. They were both born and raised in Texas. They seemed, on paper, to have similar philosophies about things.  
  
When they'd met, Jensen had been a little surprised at how attractive Jared was, and how damned tall. If he were to be honest with himself, Jared was the kind of guy that Jensen might have been interested in once upon a time.  
  
 _Once upon a time._  
  
As they began to work together, Jensen realized they had different styles. Padalecki was a by-the-book kind of detective. Jensen was, pretty much, the opposite. One of the things he had learned quickly from Jim Beaver was to trust his instincts. He made decisions based on his gut and didn't really go in for much in the way of planning.  
  
The seat-of-his-pants stuff really seemed to get under Jared's skin. Jensen didn't lose sleep over it but he wasn't sure how long Jared would put up with it before moving on again.  
  
Okay, so there might have been a little part of Jensen that liked having a  _hot_  guy for a partner. But, he knew, better than anyone that it was a requirement of the job to keep their relationship purely professional. It was better for Jensen's sanity, anyway.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It wasn't their case but they were doing a favour for Tal and Hodge. Their coworkers had to be in Court to testify - big drug case - so Jensen had agreed to accompany the CSI team while they served a warrant for search and seizure.  
  
Tal and Hodge had been getting closer to arresting Mark Sheppard for a while. It just turned out that everything happened at once.  
  
Mark Sheppard was a pretty shitty guy. He ran a scam where he was basically a modern day grifter. He would meet desperate, single women using online dating sites, check out their places while they were on a date, bust in later and steal three or four of their most valuable things. He was an expert disguise artist and pretty slick with the ladies. Nasty dude.  
  
The deal was that Sheppard was in Europe. The warrant had been signed and the team was going in to get evidence. Hopefully, by the time Sheppard was back in the country they would have all their T's crossed and their i's dotted. Tal and Hodge could arrest him.  
  
Jensen unlocked the safe in his bottom desk drawer and picked up his weapon to slide it into his shoulder holster. "It's just a search and seizure. We'll be back in time for dinner."  
  
Jared nodded and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. He just stared at Jensen.  
  
"You  _ready_?"  
  
Jared flipped his suit jacket open so Jensen could see his weapon was already holstered. "Got my badge in my pocket too, Da-"  
  
" _If_  you call me  _Dad_ , I will punch you. I'm only like … What? Four years older than you." Jensen kicked the desk drawer shut and smiled at his partner. "Shall we?"  
  
Jensen downed the rest of his lukewarm coffee and tossed the cup.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
A gunshot had been about the last thing Jensen had expected when he'd knocked on Sheppard's penthouse door.  
  
The first shot missed Jensen's head by a few inches. He was pretty sure he felt blow back from it.  
  
He glanced behind him quickly and saw that Jared was braced back against the wall. CSI had cleared back down the hallway. When he realized everyone was safe, for the moment, Jensen got angry.  
  
Jared tilted his head towards the door and nodded. He pushed himself up the wall and braced himself against the doorframe.  
  
After a quick check through the smoked glass beside the door, Jensen nodded his head once and stepped quickly to the other side of the hall.  
  
He counted down from three in his head, pushed off the wall and kicked his boot flat against the door.  
  
Fortunately, it wasn't a modern building, with doors that held up to pretty much everything but fire axes.  
  
The lock pulled away from the frame and the door shot open and banged against the wall. There was no one in Jensen's line of sight. He took a few steps forward and checked the front part of the hallway.  
  
He sensed his partner move in behind him and headed into the hallway. They moved as a unit; one of them moved, they cleared the immediate area, then the other would move.  
  
The condo was dimly lit, all the blinds closed. Jensen could smell the sharp residue of gunfire in the air.  
  
A light pressure from Jared's fingers on his shoulder got Jensen's attention. He followed Jared's finger towards the left side of the hall. Jared tapped his finger to his ear and pointed again. He'd heard something; Jensen would bet his life on his partner's hearing. And he did just that by holding up three fingers, then pointing the same direction.  
  
Another countdown and Jared swung past Jensen's side, weapon at the ready. Crouching down, Jensen covered Jared's entrance into, what looked like, a living room.  
  
Something glinted in a beam of sunlight that had managed to wiggle in through the blinds. Both detectives swung and aimed at it almost instantly.  
  
"Don't  _move_ ," said Jared loudly.  
  
Jensen could see the outline of a body, the muzzle of a semi automatic handgun appearing from behind a curtain. "Sheppard, get your ass out from behind that curtain and say hi to us."  
  
"No thanks, I've got an appointment with a lovely masseuse later today." The voice was gravelly and rich with an unmistakable British accent. Jensen had run into Sheppard before. The body behind the curtain was definitely their man.  
  
"Thought you were out of town.” Jensen said to the curtain.  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"That's not very nice," Jensen said. "Not very nice is it, Detective?"  
  
Jared shook his head slowly. "Not nice."  
  
"Don't worry," Jensen grinned. "I've got a clear shot at his shin. That'll hurt like a  _mother_."  
  
Jared's shoulders stiffened and Jensen got that feeling that he was swerving off Jared's set course of regs again. He would get a bitch face later.  
  
"You two jokers are fresh meat. Where are the usual idiots?" The suspect emerged from around the edge of the curtain. Sheppard had a pretty foul look on his face but it went well with his black hair and bushy, black eyebrows.  
  
"They sent the farm team. Figured you weren't worthy of their talents," Jensen deadpanned.  
  
He could see the tension in Jared's back growing. Maybe taunting the suspect wasn't part of the usual routine but Jensen liked to get some enjoyment out of it.  
  
"Let's just get this over with," Jared said calmly. "Drop the weapon and kick it towards me."  
  
Sheppard laughed and emerged from behind the curtain. Now the gun was squarely aimed at Jensen's chest. "There are a few other choice ways for this to end as far as I can tell. The best one is that you two morons back up and head out the way you came in."  
  
"Not gonna happen," Jensen said with a forced smile on his face. He was getting  _really_  tired of the jackass in front of him and wanted to get the hell out of there.  
  
"Okay," Jared said. "Sheppard, there are five more cops outside. There's no point in someone ending up shot." He stepped forward slowly, strung like a bow. Jensen could tell his partner was ready for anything.  
  
For all his cockiness, it looked as though Sheppard was wavering. His eyes darted over to Jensen - a tell - the weapon in his hands shook slightly. But there was some thing on Shepard's face, a look that worried at Jensen's urge to take the man down.  
  
Tilting his head slightly, Jensen kept his gaze locked on Sheppard.  
  
"Last chance," Jared said. "Drop the gun and kick it towards me."  
  
Sheppard's left eye twitched, a muscle in his jaw was jumping. The  _second_  he saw a tendon in Sheppard's wrist flex, Jensen was in motion. He threw his body sideways, slamming into Jared and knocking him out of the line of fire and against the wall. A shot cracked and whipped past Jensen's ear, right where Jared had been standing.  
  
Something behind them crashed. Jensen rolled sideways and came up in a crouch. He sighted, aimed and fired all in less than a second.  
  
His shot hit Sheppard just above his right kneecap. Sheppard yelled in pain and fired off a reflex shot. It ricocheted past Jensen and something struck his temple and punched a sharp pain into his head. His vision only blurred for a couple of seconds, then everything went into a quiet lull.  
  
"You hit?" Jensen called to his partner.  
  
"No. Good," Jared shook some drywall dust out of his hair. There was a bullet hole just above his head. "You good?"  
  
"Yup." Jensen ignored the fire that seemed to be burning the skin down the side of his face.  
  
"When you two are done, get me a fucking ambulance?" Sheppard spat. His hand was pressed to his wound and his gun was lying about two feet away.  
  
When Jensen stood, he stumbled slightly then swung his leg over to kick Sheppard's gun towards his partner. He heard Jared moving and knew he had picked it up.  
  
" _You_ ," Jensen grumbled as he closed in on Sheppard. "You pissed me off."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The blood on the side of Jensen's neck was tacky and making his skin itch. The EMT was still bandaging the cut on his temple so he was trying to be patient. It seemed a piece of wall had been fired at him when Sheppard's shot had hit the wall. It had given Jensen a good slice.  
  
When Jared had joined Jensen on the back step of the ambulance, he'd been quiet for a while. He never stayed that way long enough though. "You could have gotten shot. Or you could have gotten  _me_  shot." Jared kept his voice low.  
  
The EMT stuck the last of the gauze on Jensen's temple, patted his shoulder and hopped down out of the bus to check with the other uniform police.  
  
"Don't start again." Jensen's head was aching a little and he really wasn't in the mood to get another lecture from a guy with less than half his experience.  
  
"There was quite a lot of blood. I was … worried." Jared dropped his gaze and used a towel to clean some blood off his own hands. He must have picked it up when he helped Jensen out of Sheppard's condo.  
  
Before being dispatched to the ambulance, Jensen had seen to arresting Sheppard and handing him over to the uniformed officers. The team of CSI officers had swooped down upon the condo and begun gathering samples of anything and everything.  
  
There was a lot of stuff recovered from two of the back rooms. It was a strange collection of items, judging by what Jared said. Not every item was valuable; some of them were just unusual. Jared said it was more like a museum collection than a store of stolen goods.  
  
But, it wasn't their case so Jensen put it out of his mind pretty quickly.  
  
"Look Padalecki. This is the way I am. I don't have family; I don't even have a damn goldfish. Yeah, I take chances, but I get the job done." Jensen sighed.  
  
"There's a couple of ways this can go," Jensen continued quietly. "You can put up with my occasional  _lapses_  in judgment regarding the rules and procedures, or-"  
  
"Or?" Jared looked a little weary himself.  
  
"Or. Go see Morgan before you head home and request a new partner." Jensen shrugged.  
  
The way Jared's stare burned into Jensen's eyes, he wasn't quite sure what his partner's answer was going to be.  
  
Padalecki nodded and his expression became a lot more neutral. Funny, it didn't make Jensen feel any better. Jared turned and headed off but Jensen only let him get a few feet away.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Jared paused and looked over his shoulder. "What?"  
  
"Take me for a beer? These guys said I shouldn't drive." It wasn't that he didn't feel like he had a right to tell Jared to back off but they still had to work together. Despite what he might say publicly, he  _liked_  working with the guy. And, hell, maybe he'd never be able to date someone like Jared but he could still be around him.  
  
"Head injury and drinking?"  
  
 _God_. Jensen owed it to the world to get Jared to loosen up a little. He was  _way_  too uptight for someone his age. "Would it help if I said I didn't want to go home and just sit there alone?"  
  
The icy stare was back again and lasted long enough for Jensen to feel like he'd done irreparable damage. Then Jared's shoulders dropped a little and he sighed. "Okay. One drink then I'll drop you off at home."  
  
Jensen slid off the back of the ambulance and put on his best smile. "Let's go."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
 _Aces_  was a pub half way across town from the station. It was old; it smelled of stale beer and cigarettes. It was like a second home to a lot of local law enforcement. As shabby as the place was, it had a doorman and a membership list. One of the rare places in the community where a cop could feel like he could let loose a little.  
  
Jensen slid into a booth and Jared went up to the bar to get a couple of beers. It was quiet, and didn't take long for Jared to get back to the table.  
  
Picking up his nicely chilled beer, Jensen smiled and pressed it to his temple. Even through the bandage, it felt good.  
  
"Does it hurt?" Jared took a drink of beer and actually looked a little concerned.  
  
"Yeah. Nothing that bad,though. Just a scratch, really." It was a bit of a lie. The cut was deep but the EMT had said it would be fine with butterfly bandages. If it would just stop throbbing, Jensen would feel a lot better.  
  
"Good. I guess head injuries  _do_  bleed a lot." There was a look of skepticism on Jared's face but he seemed willing to let it go.  
  
"How come we never hang out, Dude?" Jensen knew that he irritated Jared but he figured he couldn't be  _that_ bad.  
  
Jared chuckled quietly and looked down at the table. "Just not much of a people person, I guess."  
  
"I find that hard to believe." Jensen's college memories were a little hazy but Jared reminded him of some of the guys he'd had for drinking buddies.  
  
For a while, it looked as though Jared was deep in thought. Maybe he was trying to come up with a cover story. "It's just not my thing anymore, Jensen. It's nothing personal." The smile on his face looked pretty genuine; it suited him.  
  
Jensen slouched down on the bench seat a little. "Why'd you leave Texas, anyway? Never  _did_  ask you."  
  
"God. Long, boring story," Jared said with an almost shy smile on his face.  
  
After a sip of beer, Jensen furrowed his brow and blinked a few times. "Aww, come on, Jared. I've got a head injury; tell me your secrets."  
  
When Jared's eyes widened ever-so-slightly, Jensen realized how weird that sounded.  
  
"Come on," Jensen said. "You gotta spend, at least, half an hour with me. You can't dislike being around me _that_  much."  
  
Jared set his beer down and rested his forearms on the table. "I … needed a change. Small town Texas isn't exactly the place to be a cop. Crime happens there but it's completely different."  
  
"No challenge for your epic intelligence?"  
  
"Not even," Jared said. "God. Why am I even telling you anything? You'll just use it to get at me later."  
  
Hurt, Jensen sat back a little. "I'm not a complete asshole. Can't we just have a normal conversation? If we can't - that's okay but don't lie about it."  
  
Judging by the look on Jared's face, the last thing he said might have been pushing things.  
  
"I don't get along with my family," Jared said quickly.  
  
That certainly wasn't the confession that Jensen had expected. "I think most people have trouble with family."  
  
"I'm not talkin' about just having a fight every now and again. We don't speak anymore. It was one of those things … We just saw some fundamental things pretty differently."  
  
"What kinds of things?"  
  
Jared shook his head and picked up his beer again. This time he chugged it back until half the bottle was gone. "I don't wanna dredge it all up again."  
  
"But we're doing the sharing thing!" Jensen protested.  
  
"Now, see? I knew you'd go for the comic relief." Jared set his beer down and checked his watch.  
  
It hadn't even been half an hour. There was a clock on the far wall and he'd checked it more than once.  
  
"Okay," Jensen said. "I'll let you have your secrets. How about… how'd you end up here, then?"  
  
Looking a little surprised, Jared leaned on the table and propped his head up on his hand. "Liked the idea of living near the ocean. I wanted to be far enough away from Texas that I wasn't tempted to head home for holidays or anything."  
  
"Determined to keep the distance?" Now, Jensen may not know his partner all that well but he seemed like the kind of guy that wouldn't hold a grudge.  
  
"I guess I just didn't want to face up to it, you know?" There was a sadness on Jared's face that Jensen really wasn't used to seeing.  
  
"Fair enough," Jensen said.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"What about me?" Jensen smirked.  
  
"Why here? Not a good ol' Texas boy, after all?" Jared was smiling again, this time he had even busted out the dimples. Jensen made a mental note to ask his partner out for beers more often. There was something about that smile that made Jared even more attractive.  _And_  just what the hell was he thinking like that for?  
  
Jensen pushed his beer away; maybe it hadn't been a good idea to drink with a head injury. "I want a boat."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"I want a boat. Always have. Ever since I was a kid - first time - I saw a boat on TV that was what I wanted. I figure it'll be my retirement."  
  
"Huh," Jared said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just didn't figure you for that kind of guy." Jared took another drink and looked a little surprised.  
  
" _What_  kind of guy?" Jensen chuckled. His partner made it sound like he'd contracted some kind of tropical disease.  
  
Gazing into Jensen's eyes, Jared smiled. "The kind of guy who has  _dreams_  about the future."  
  
"Don't you?" Jensen had to drop his gaze; the intensity of Jared's eyes was a little too much.  
  
"Some." Jared shrugged. "Hopefully, I'll never have to kill someone? Won't make a big mistake on the job? Nothing really specific. No boats or anything." There was a wistfulness to Jared that Jensen hadn't seen before.  
  
Jensen held up his bottle towards Jared. "Well, man. You surprised me. That doesn't happen very often… so cheers!"  
  
Shrugging a shoulder, Jared smiled a little and checked his watch again.  
  
"Am I keeping you from something?" Jensen asked.  
  
Jared shook his head. "It's just…"  
  
"What?" Jensen said when Jared didn't continue.  
  
"This is just a little strange. We've been partners for almost six months and you've never, once, showed any interest in my personal life. And that's okay."  
  
"Can't I change my mind?" Jensen gave his best smile as a peace offering. Jared had a wall up that didn't seem like it would be coming down anytime soon. Jensen was beginning to wonder if there wasn't more to it. For once, maybe it wasn't all about him.  
  
Jared rarely responded more than to smile that crooked, half-smile he had.  
  
"Hey," Jensen said wearily. "Could you maybe take me home? My head is starting to hurt a bit."  
  
Jared nodded. "Sure. Drink up." He returned the smile and, for once, it looked almost genuine.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Weekends, when he actually got them  _off_  work, usually meant Jensen would be doing a lot of sleeping and a lot of TV watching.  
  
It was rare that he headed out to do something social. However, it was rare for Morgan to invite people to his house.  
  
For some reason, Morgan had invited Jensen to a BBQ at his house. Turned out it was a kind of strange house warming, burning of the mortgage thing.  
  
Jensen would have said, "No thanks," to anyone else.  
  
He'd dragged his ass out of bed late enough that lunch was breakfast. He showered and put on his favorite jeans and his Indian Motorcycles t-shirt. Right about the time he got his boat he planned on getting a motorcycle too.  
  
Somehow, the hours of the afternoon seemed to disappear too quickly and it was time to head over to Jeff's.  
  
The BBQ was in full swing by the time Jensen arrived. He'd never been to Morgan's house before but it was pretty damn nice. It was an old house that had been completely refinished. Rumor had it that Morgan had done all the carpentry himself. Jensen was impressed before he even made it around to the back yard.  
  
There were a few guys from the precinct, a couple of kids, and quite a few people that Jensen didn't know.  
  
He spotted a huge metal tub full of beer and ice and headed over to it. He pulled out a nice, cold bottle and cracked it open.  
  
"Ackles!" Morgan headed over to Jensen.  
  
"Hey, Sir. Great place."  
  
"Shit. Call me Jeff. We're off work. And thanks, I did most of the work here myself, real labour of love."  
  
"I'll say. Lot of work." As Jensen looked around the large yard, he spotted Jared. Naturally, Jared was at a table with Alona Tal, Traci Dinwiddie and Kim Rhodes. It was like women flocked to the dude.  
  
"How are things  _really_  going with you and him?" Morgan asked.  
  
Jensen did a double-take . He hadn't realized he'd been staring long enough for it to be obvious. "Good. I mean, it takes time to get used a new partner but we're doing okay."  
  
"Yeah? No problems?"  
  
Jensen shook his head and groaned as he smiled. "He file a complaint about my stunning personality or something'?"  
  
Laughing, Morgan grabbed his own beer out of the big tub. "Nah, just askin'."  
  
Jensen figured there had to be more to it than that but he wasn't going to push. "Hey. Are you manning the BBQ?"  
  
"That I am," Jeff answered.  
  
"Is that much smoke normal?"  
  
"Shit!" Jeff darted back over to the BBQ and started moving frantically.  
  
Chuckling, Jensen took a swig of beer and headed towards Jared's table. As he wound his way through people, lawn chairs and flowerbeds, he could see Jared laughing. It was nice to see that the guy could actually  _have_  a good time.  
  
By the time he got to the table it looked like Alona was approaching the end of a story.  
  
"-And, let me tell you, being a petite blonde has its advantages when I'm taking someone down."  
  
"They don't expect you to be able to kick their ass?" Jared asked. His eyes were bright and those dimples were out again.  
  
Alona laughed. "Bingo."  
  
"Hey, ladies," Jensen said. "Jared."  
  
After a round of greetings the women decided, en masse, to head over to the BBQ and cajole Morgan in to cooking faster.  
  
"Well, I sure seem to clear a table quickly." Jensen sat down across from Jared and smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Aww, they'll be back. I've noticed before that they move as a flock. Watch out for Alona though, she had me in a headlock earlier." Jared rubbed at the back of his neck and smiled grimly.  
  
Jensen laughed. "Yeah. Should have warned you. She did the same thing to me shortly after I met her."  
  
"Stronger than she looks."  
  
Jensen nodded.  
  
"How's your head?"  
  
Jensen rubbed at the edge of the bandage he was still wearing. "It's okay. A little sore. Listen, about that… Jared, I-"  
  
"Burgers are ready!" Alona set her plate down on the table and got comfortable again. "What are you two talkin' about?"  
  
There was no way Jensen was going to try and smooth things over with his partner while he had an audience.  
  
"I'm hungry," Jared announced. He set his drink down and stood. "Want a burger Jensen?"  
  
Jensen shook his head. "I'll get one later."  
  
After a quick smile, Jared headed off towards the BBQ where Jeff looked a little bit swamped.  
  
"He's hot." Alona took a bite of her burger and smirked at Jensen.  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes and had another drink.  
  
When Alona finished chewing and swallowed, she turned to face Jensen. "What? You? No comment? I don't believe it."  
  
"Yes. He's hot," Jensen said quietly. "He's  _also_  my partner and  _therefore_ , completely off limits."  
  
"So he  _is_  gay?" Alona looked entirely too pleased.  
  
"What? No! I mean, I have no idea." Jensen backtracked quickly. In the first place, he wouldn't ask anyone he worked with about their orientation. Second, well, it was just better not to know.  
  
"Damn. I thought maybe you could date him," Alona said. "I mean, Kim and I were talking about it earlier and _holy hot_!"  
  
"Jesus Christ, Alona-"  
  
"What?" Alona looked innocent enough but Jensen knew better.  
  
"It's just-  _so_  not okay. We're partners and just because I'm gay doesn't mean I hit on every hot guy I come across!"  
  
"Oh yeah," Alona scoffed. She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Are you seriously trying to tell me he's not in the top percentage of hot?" Alona looked truly shocked.  
  
"No. Yes." Jensen rubbed his forehead. "Just. Stop."  
  
Alona turned back to her burger and picked it up. "Fine but I think you two would be a  _great_  couple."  
  
"Fuck, Alona. Give it a rest," Jensen snapped. He didn't plan on letting it get to him. Maybe it was the fact that he  _had_  noticed Jared and it  _was_  the first time in a very  _long_  time that had happened.  
  
There was no way that Alona was the kind of person who would be hurt by him losing his temper, but she did look a little taken aback.  
  
"Sorry," Jensen muttered.  
  
"Hey. Jensen?" Alona smiled softly and tilted her head a little. Her pony tail swung out and Jensen noticed how really golden her hair was.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What  _happened_  to you? I mean, I've known you a long time now and I've never seen you lose your temper - _unless_  one of us is stupid enough to bring up your personal life."  
  
Jensen was pretty surprised that no one else had ever come right out and asked him. Well, it wasn't like most of the men he worked with would bring it up. He hadn't kept his orientation a closely guarded secret or anything. But, he also knew that most of them were still a little uneasy about it. He was accepted there because he was _damn_  good at his job. He figured that respect bought him a little leeway.  
  
"It's complicated, Alona."  
  
"Jensen, everything is complicated; that's life." Alona picked up her drink and took a sip. She grimaced as she swallowed. "Tip? Don't let Jared make you a drink."  
  
Smiling, Jensen found himself searching out Jared in the crowd that had gathered by the BBQ. He'd been trapped by Qualls and was, no doubt. having to listen to one of the guy's crazy stories.  
  
He took a deep breath and looked down at the bottle he was still holding. "I lost my partner."  
  
Munching on a bite of burger, Alona looked over at Jensen. "Yeah, so what? Jim retired… a … oh. You don't mean Jim." Eyes wide, Alona set her burger down slowly.  
  
Jensen nodded. "We met in school. He was with me through the Academy. All that shit."  
  
Alona nodded and turned to face Jensen again. "How did …?"  
  
"He was at a human rights rally. He was … It was his thing, you know? Speaking out,  _making the world a better place_  - and all that crap." There was a fond smile on his face as he thought back over some of the good times.  
  
There was a sad smile on Alona's face, almost as though she could sense what was coming.  
  
"We pieced together what happened. He was alone when he left the demonstration. Someone must have followed him; someone with a point to make, no doubt." Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments. "Maybe he argued with them, maybe he came across someone else taking a beating. I won't ever know." It was the kind of thing that Jensen would always wonder; what if he'd been there that night? Would things have been different?  
  
"It's okay, Jensen. You don't-"  
  
"They made their point all over his face with a baseball bat." Bile crept up Jensen's throat and he clasped his hands tighter around his beer bottle.  
  
"Fuck," Alona whispered.  
  
"He'd been dead for a few hours before he was found. No suspects. No witnesses. Nothing for me to do except…" Jensen shrugged. He wasn't going to go into the way he'd hit the wall. He knew it was nothing to be ashamed of but all that pain was  _his_. There was nothing more personal than that awful fucking pit that opened up under your feet when you lost someone you loved.  
  
"I'm  _so_  sorry, Jensen. I had no idea," Alona said softly. Her small, cool fingers slid over Jensen's hand and he took the offer of comfort. He'd learned a long time back how rare it was.  
  
"I'm good now. Well-" He shrugged again. "You know what I mean. But I decided a couple of things. I would always live just like everyone else and that it would be a cold day in hell before I got into a relationship again."  
  
It looked, for a moment, as though Alona was going to protest then Jared was standing across from them staring.  
  
"Am I interrupt- I can go sit over-"  
  
"Oh, shut up and sit down, Jared," Jensen said. "Everyone knows Alona and I are fucking."  
  
Alona's laughter was light and Jensen had to join in when he saw the shock on his partner's face.  
  
"God, Jared," Jensen managed to get out. "I'm joking; sit down."  
  
Jensen's laughter trailed off and Alona withdrew her hand to pick up her burger again.  
  
Looking a little reluctant, Jared sat back down. He'd brought two plates back and Jensen felt a little bad when Jared slid one towards him.  
  
"Thanks," Jensen muttered.  
  
"I didn't know what you liked so I got you a bit of everything." Jared's cheeks looked a little pink and he wouldn't make eye contact. It was kind of cute and Jensen wondered if his tall colleague had a thing for the shortest woman in the precinct.  
  
Alona snorted and tried to cover it up by putting her burger down so she could have some more to drink.  
  
Kim arrived at the table looking rather frazzled. "I'm pretty sure Trace is half a beer away from hitting on Morgan."  
  
Jensen laughed and leaned forward to see what Traci was up to. "I'm  _so_  not getting involved in  _that_  mess."  
  
"Me either," Alona said quickly.  
  
"I tried to save her," Kim said in mock seriousness.  
  
They all turned to look at Jared who froze. "Oh  _no_ ," he said. "No way."  
  
Eventually, Jared joined in with their laughter.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It looked like it was going to be a slow week by Tuesday. Nothing much had happened and it looked like there was more  _nothing_  ahead of them.  
  
Jared seemed to be okay. He'd picked up the task of filing their backlog of reports. If Jensen didn't have to read them all, he'd be a hell of a lot more excited about that task getting done.  
  
Jensen had been updating himself on new B.O.L.O.s and missing kids. There were also a lot of articles that he'd been meaning to read. He just didn't have much desire to read it all in the same week.  
  
For the fiftieth time that day, Jensen checked his email. For the twentieth time since the BBQ there was an email from Alona with a photo of her friend Matt attached. Jensen rolled his eyes. Yes. Matt was an attractive fellow and he seemed very nice if Alona's propaganda was anything to go by. He had opened up a fitness gym, boxing after a career in acting. The acting part didn't particularly appeal to Jensen but he  _got_  the fitness stuff. He'd started working out in University and never looked back.  
  
"You look like you just smelled something really bad," Jared said. He had unbuttoned his white shirt and there was a light dusting of chest hair that was a little distracting.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You. What you reading?"  
  
"Oh." Jensen hit  _reply_ , typed  _no_  and hit send. " _Alona_  is trying to set me up on a blind date; I said no."  
  
Groaning, Jared leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms up above his head. "God. Blind dates suck. The last place I worked a guy set me up with his wife's best friend. It was excruciating."  
  
 _There was Alona's answer._  Jensen picked up his phone and texted Alona.  
  
 ** _Jensen:_** _he's not gay. told ya_  
  
After he tossed his phone down on his desk he looked over at Jared again. "The date sucked?"  
  
"I only met her once. And  _that_  was because it was a set-up. She was the  _complete_  opposite of my type and not at all - well, it was just a bad,  _bad_  idea. But that wasn't really the worst part."  
  
"Oh?" Amused, Jensen folded his arms across his chest and leaned back so he could put his feet up on his desk.  
  
"No, the Jackass actually got pissed off at me when I said I wasn't interested in her. It … It created this  _big_ , stupid mess and man… It sucked."  
  
That was the most Jared had ever said about his personal life in one shot. Jensen smirked. "Guess that's another reason to say  _no_  to Alona."  
  
"Absolutely," Jared said firmly. "Don't be tempted. No one needs to know about your personal life in this job. And besides, Alona is too good a friend to lose, right?"  
  
"Yeah." Jensen nodded. "We go back a ways." He opted for not saying  _she's the only one who knows…_  He figured that would be a conversation starter that he didn't want to follow up on. Jared, obviously, thought that there was a clear distinction between work and personal anyway.  
  
"Dating sucks," Jensen said. He  _truly_  believed that.  
  
"Why? Too much time with people?" Jared was  _actually_  teasing him. Apparently, wonders never  _did_  cease.  
  
Smiling, Jensen looked around for the coffee he'd had earlier. Feet thumping back onto the floor, he picked it up. It was still a little warm so he drank some of it. "I just  _hate_  the whole process of dating. It's just - well, it sucks."  
  
Jared laughed and rolled forward on his chair and tapped at the keyboard. "How else could we do it? Just match up people randomly? Like the draft lottery."  
  
Jensen frowned as he thought about it. "Hell if I know. What if there's only one person out there that we're meant to be with and that's it?"  
  
"Mr. Depressing strikes again," Jared murmured.  
  
There was this weird thing about Jared. He made Jensen feel like talking. It seemed like he invited confession. It was weird. Maybe it was his eyes. They were really  _kind_. As crazy as that sounded, Jensen thought it was important.  
  
"You went all quiet." Jared's eyes appeared over the top of his laptop monitor. "What you thinkin'?"  
  
 _No more_. Jensen scoffed. "Don't get all co-dependent on me, Padalecki. We're just starting to work together without too much of your bitchin'."  
  
Maybe it was a little dismissive. Hell, Jensen knew it was, but he really didn't want Jared to expect him to be a deep thinker. It was more comfortable when people thought he was  _just another cop_. He didn't want to be labelled as anything else.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
"Morgan. I'm gonna crawl out of my skin." Jensen had stepped into the Captain's office as soon as he'd seen an opportunity in the steady stream of people wanting to see the poor guy.  
  
"What did Padalecki do now?" Morgan looked confused.  
  
"What?" Jensen frowned as he sank down into the chair in front of Morgan's desk. "No. No. He's - we're fine. He'd updating all our reports and closing off cases and data files. He's happier than a pig in shit; it's organizing."  
  
"So what's the problem?" Morgan rubbed at the afternoon's growth of stubble on his cheeks.  
  
"I can't just sit there and read; my brain will turn to mush." Jensen had never been very good at tolerating the less active parts of the job.  
  
"What am I running, a daycare center?" Looking a little perturbed, Morgan picked up the file he'd been reviewing when Jensen had interrupted him.  
  
"What's Sam Smith working on?"  
  
Morgan lifted an eyebrow and leveled his gaze at Jensen.  
  
"Oh come on, Sir. You've let me work with her team before. They'd probably be happy to have an extra body."  
  
"It's not a case that you should be working on," Morgan said. "Something will drop for you and Padalecki soon. Just suck it up."  
  
That was the kind of answer that made Jensen suspicious. "What kind of case is it?"  
  
"You won't want to be involved in this one."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"Jeff, c'mon," Jensen pushed. Now that his interest was peaked, it was annoying not to know the details.  
  
"Caramel."  
  
"The gay club?" Now  _that_  was out of Jensen's usual territory. He rubbed at his shoulder, nerves on edge.  
  
Morgan nodded. "Four young men have gone missing from there. So far, we're flying under the radar with the media. Sam has two undercovers in there and it's tentative, at best. The regulars are a pretty tight group.”  
  
"Because the community is rattled." Jensen was familiar with the  _community_ , for obvious reasons.  
  
Morgan nodded. "No sign of the four. But one of their bartenders gave us a vague description of a possible suspect. Nothing has come of it yet."  
  
"And her people on the inside?"  
  
"One bartender and a security guy working at the back door." Suddenly, Morgan looked really tired. Frustrating cases were like that, they sucked the life out of cops.  
  
"Video?" Jensen was going over all the possibilities in his mind already.  
  
"The club has closed circuit. The owner is a bit of a tech junkie. The cameras record all the open hours of the club and it saves to disc each night. Not sure his patrons would like that, but then that's the reason he's _cooperating_  with us. Disappearances and video proof of attendance at a popular gay club would make a great news story and be terrible for business.”  
  
Jensen nodded. He could imagine. He knew where the bar was on the outskirts of the city and even though many of his co-workers knew he was gay, Jensen had never felt comfortable going there. Running into someone from the precinct would have been the ultimate in awkward. "Anything I can do to help?"  
  
There was silence for a while as Jeff studied Jensen's face. He seemed to be mulling it all over. "Okay," He said finally. "But I'm keeping you in the office. The situation at the club is fragile.”  
  
"Fair enough," Jensen said as he nodded.  
  
"There are hours of video that need to be reviewed. We know, approximately, when the missing men were at Caramel. Beginning there, we need to try and identify the people who interacted with the missing men."  
  
It was better than going crazy at his desk. Jensen nodded firmly. "Sounds good. Sam probably already has a database of regulars."  
  
"Of course she does," Morgan said as he chuckled. He was pretty damned proud of everyone at the precinct but he had his favorites and Sam Smith was one of them. She was damn good at her job.  
  
"Great. When can I start?"  
  
"Give me ten to talk to Sam. She'll get you started." Morgan turned back to the file without a goodbye.  
  
Jensen stood and headed for the door.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
Hand on the door knob, Jensen turned and looked back over his shoulder.  
  
"If it hits a nerve. You can back out. Anytime." Morgan didn't look up from the file.  
  
"Yeah, I know." Maybe it was time.  
  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	2. Chapter 2

It didn't take Morgan long to get the go-ahead for Jensen to work with Samantha's team. Jensen had worked with her before and he knew that she would request him if there was a vacancy any time in the future.

The only notice Jensen got was an email from Morgan saying _good to go_. About three seconds after that he received an email from Sam with some details.

Jensen looked up from his laptop and smiled at Jared. "You wanna head across the street and grab a coffee?"

After running his hands through his hair, Jared nodded. "God, yeah. My hands are cramping."

When Jared pushed his chair back and stood, he looked a little _rumpled_. Jensen took a deep breath and turned away. Sometimes, there were images of Jared that Jensen just didn't need burnt into his memory.

They headed out into the fresh air. It was a bit of a relief after the over-processed air in the precinct building.

Traffic was light and after a short wait they jogged across the street and headed into the coffee shop.

The bell on the door jangled behind them. They must have been roasting beans because the cafe smelled really good.

Jensen smiled at the woman behind the counter. Cindy Sampson owned the coffee shop but still made time for the customers. She was lovely; she had a quick wit and a great laugh.

"Hi, Jensen," Cindy called out.

Jensen held up his hand in a greeting. "Cyn, do you know my partner, Jared Padalecki?"

Stepping up to the counter, Jared extended his hand to Cindy. "I'm in here quite a bit."

She smiled at Jared then turned to Jensen. "Not nearly as much as _you_ are, Handsome," Cindy said to Jensen. She winked and leaned on the counter.

"Oh Cindy, you _are_ good for my heart," Jensen answered. He grinned and elbowed Jared in the ribs. "She _adores_ me."

Laughing, Jared studied the menu board that was up above Cindy's head.

Cindy smiled at Jensen. "The usual?"

When Jared looked at him curiously, Jensen grinned again. "I always get a mocha, large. Cindy uses real chocolate and her roast is amazing."

"I'll have the same,” Jared said.

Cindy nodded. "Go sit; I'll bring 'em over when they're ready."

Nodding, Jensen winked at Cindy and headed over to his favorite table by the window.

As soon as Jared sat down, Jensen smiled. "Hey. Before I forget, Jeff's given me some work with Sam Smith. I'll be working in the Audio Visual lab for a while."

It was a bit cowardly to just throw it out there so casually but Jensen didn't want to make it sound like a big _deal_. 

The look of surprise on Jared's face was a bit unexpected. Sure, it was a bit unusual for a team to work on separate projects but Jensen was sure he'd been whining a _ton_ about not having anything interesting to do.

Finally, Jared leaned forward a little. "What's going on?"

Jensen took the easy way out. “It's a big case. Tons of video footage and the perp could be on there somewhere."

"Oh," Jared said quietly.

"It won't be a long-term thing."

Jared nodded and leaned back in his chair. His legs were kind of awkwardly bent. The table and chair seemed entirely too small in Jared's company.

"Here you go, Men." Cindy appeared at the table and set down two paper cups full of steaming coffee. There were extra chocolate sprinkles on Jensen's mocha.

"Thanks, Cyn. Add both of them to my tab."

"You bet," Cindy said over her shoulder. 

"So. Is this about you and me?" Jared asked quietly.

"What?" Jensen had only just picked up his coffee but he set it back down again.

"Well. There was the thing with the arrest, getting dragged into Morgan's office. Is this about us not working well together?"

"What the hell?" Jensen had to admit that he'd known there was potential for this to blow up in his face. If the tables were turned, Jensen would be pretty pissed.

"It's okay, _Ackles_. I won't protest if you request a new partner." Jared shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and looked out the window. "You and I are a bad combination."

"Is this High School? Did I miss something? I'm doing some work for Sam. It's a temporary thing." Jensen felt a little guilty. Okay. Maybe he felt a lot guilty.

"High School? You know, you're an asshole sometimes-"

"-Only sometimes? Obviously, I haven't been trying hard enough."

"Great," Jared muttered. "Perfect time for a demonstration."

"Where is all this coming from? Have you just been letting this simmer since we started working together?" Jensen was getting really tired of defending himself. Ninety per cent of the time he was mildly amused by it but, sometimes, it got under his skin.

For some reason Jared looked like he had shut down but he was still curious. "What is it?"

 

"Huh?" Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and finally took a sip of his coffee. It didn't taste as good as usual.

"What is it about me that rubs you the wrong way?" When Jared looked away from the window his face was drawn; he looked tired.

Jensen shrugged his shoulders and looked away in an attempt to refrain from rolling his eyes. His _partner_ was blowing the entire thing out of proportion. "Okay. Let's slow things down here a little. I tell you that I'm gonna be doing some work to help one of our colleagues and you lose your shit? I'm bored, Jared. That's all."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, that's _your_ prerogative. It's the truth." Mostly. Jensen hadn't become a detective to push paper but his damned partner seemed to prefer the paper.

"Okay," Jared said coldly.

"Okay." It wasn't all that amusing now that Jensen realized how serious Jared was. "You know? If we're gonna continue to be partners we have to get through whatever this _damn_ thing is between us."

"We see things very differently," Jared said. He finally picked up his coffee and took a drink.

"Do you seriously think I saw things the same way Jim Beaver did? He was more than twenty years my senior. Hell of a guy, but we just worked with what we had. Sorted out the stuff that worked from the stuff that didn't.”

Jared's eyes widened a little and he fixed Jensen with a pretty intense gaze. "So, you're willing to work on this?"

Frowning, Jensen _did_ roll his eyes. "Of course I am."

Shaking his head in disbelief at the situation, Jensen snatched his coffee off the table and took a drink. 

"I've got to get back," Jared murmured.

Not wanting to prolong the encounter, Jensen nodded and stood. He headed for the door quickly. "Cindy! See you soon, Love."

"You bet, Jensen. Nice to meet you, officially, Jared."

Jensen was moving quickly and had no idea what Jared's response was. Knowing his partner, he'd said something extraordinarily polite. That's the way Padalecki rolled. Maybe it was left-over chivalry. 

Jensen sipped his coffee as he waited for a few cars to pass and he felt Jared appear beside him.

"I'm sorry," Jared murmured.

 _That_ wasn't what Jensen had expected. " _O_ kay."

"I struggle a bit with - with confidence in working relationships."

When Jensen turned to look at Jared, his partner just looked away. The wind was blowing Jared's hair across his forehead in wisps. _Damn_. Another one of _those_ images. Jensen mumbled, "I can be … a bit abrasive."

There was only silence from his partner for a while and then Jared laughed. He laughed louder than Jensen had heard him laugh before.

For a couple of deep breaths, Jensen just stood there, staring. Then he smiled and shoved at Jared's shoulder with his free hand. "Idiot."

For some reason, that just made Jared laugh harder so Jensen waited a couple more seconds then jogged back across the road.

Whatever the _fuck_ had happened - and Jensen still wasn't sure he knew - it seemed to be over for the time being. Not that Jensen was going to complain but he wasn't sure that it would last.

He shook his head as they headed back into the precinct. At least Jensen's life wasn't dull.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The AV lab was air conditioned because of all the equipment that was running in there all the time. Jensen didn't really mind but he made a mental note to bring a sweater next time.

The number of video files was a bit overwhelming.

The footage he was reviewing dated back over a year. The first disappearance was a twenty-two-year-old named Richard. Jensen remembered when his disappearance had been reported.

There had been the usual speculation that he'd simply taken off with a guy he'd met, but Richard's roommate had been insistent that he wouldn't take off with anyone.

A uniform cop had discovered Richard's body down an alley five days after he had been reported missing. It was clear that he'd been held somewhere, sexually assaulted and, finally, strangled. His body had been propped up in the alley - almost like he was on display. There was a piece of cloth wrapped around his face, hiding it from view.

Jensen really hated crime scene photos. But, they had so much to tell.

With a headshot of Richard in front of the digital screen, Jensen set to work hunting for the anything out of the ordinary.

Caramel was a pretty modern club. The design was minimalistic and there were four cameras to review. The AV technician had set up the screen in one-quarter view. Jensen could view one video then synchronize the time signatures if there were other angles he wanted to view.

It took a long time for him to find Richard and then there were a few hours of dancing, drinking, and conversation. Jensen watched every single second of the recording.

There was nothing even the slightest bit atypical in any of the footage. Jensen hadn't ever been to the club on his personal time but it all seemed like pretty standard club behavior to him.

By the time he reached the point in the video when Richard left there was _nothing_ out of the ordinary.

He had captured the cleanest full body and face shot he could of all the people that Sam's team hadn't already categorized. It was a monumental undertaking. It was no wonder Jensen had been so warmly welcomed by Sam and her team.

On his way to lunch, Jensen had stopped by Sam's office to let her know about his progress. She looked a little more fragile than usual.

Jared, on the other hand, looked pretty relaxed by the time Jensen made it to his partner's desk.

Someone had ordered pizza and Jensen grabbed a slice on his way past the kitchen.

"Hey, Jared. How was your morning?" He sank his teeth into the slice of pizza and perched on the corner of his desk.

"About halfway through the backlog." He closed the file he was working on and picked up the can of soda that was on his desk. "I think my eyes are gonna fall out of their sockets."

"I know the feeling." Jensen took another bite of pizza. He'd been watching moving images for so many hours that the world around him almost seemed watery at the periphery. 

"What you workin' on?" Jared set the can of soda down so that he could rub his eyes.

After a quick look around, Jensen shifted a little closer. "Checking through video feeds. Cataloging people and trying to pin point someone we should investigate further."

It seemed unwise to give Jared too many details. He would have heard of the cases but may have overlooked the details because he wasn't working on them. That is, at least, what Jensen was hoping.

All Jared did was nod. He didn't seem all that interested in the case.

It was for the best. Jensen could see how it could cascade into an explanation he wasn't prepared to give.

"How long will you be working with Sam?"

"I guess until something comes up for us?"

Jared stared for a moment then nodded. "Hopefully it will, soon."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The images Jensen was watching began to run together. There were _so_ many different faces and yet, no one who seemed to be a potential suspect. He moved through day after day, month after month. His intention was to get through them all once and then go back to view some of the days proceeding and following each disappearance.

Obviously, whoever was behind the disappearances wasn't going to make a stupid mistake. Frustrated, Jensen was reminded of the theory that the only killers who were caught were ones who made mistakes. It wasn't a comforting thought.

Leaning back in the chair, Jensen kept his eyes on the screen. His gaze moved lazily from one video feed to the next; it was a little hypnotizing. There was no sound accompanying the recordings but it was easy to _see_ the beat in the way the crowd was moving to it.

A movement across the screen on the top right image caught Jensen's attention. He turned the dial to stop the image and then moved it back slowly. He couldn't see much of the man who moved across the corner of the image but his gait seemed familiar.

Squinting a little, Jensen leaned in closer and ran the video slowly. It was annoying. He moved through the time frame trying to find an image where the man he was focused on moved to the forefront of the crowd.

He moved through about an hour of footage. The man was never very far from the bar. He reappeared with another man. They were standing really close together. The man leaned forward to grab a drink and his face was crystal clear.

Jensen slammed his hand on the pause button. _Jesus Christ_.

He looked around the lab, not even sure what he was looking for - except that he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Confirmation?

When he swallowed his throat felt really tight and dry. Jensen leaned forward and ran the video back a few seconds. The man turned again and reached for the drink again. His face was illuminated by the bright light over the bartender's head.

The man whose body had seemed so familiar, was his partner. Jared Padalecki.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Armed only with a screen capture he had printed out, Jensen left the lab and headed back to the pen to see if Jared was still at his desk.

He could feel a warm prickle of sweat on his upper lip. Honestly, he wasn't even sure what to think or what he was going to say. Throughout his career, he'd never encountered anything quite like it.

To be sure, there was nothing technically wrong with Padalecki being at Caramel. He had moved from another city so it was conceivable that he may not have given much thought to the disappearances.

The being gay thing? Apart from having the potential to be a monumental problem for Jensen, it wasn't an issue at the precinct. Well, it wasn't an issue officially.

But _Jesus_. There was an ongoing case that was centered around a gay club where his partner, apparently, hung out.

Jensen had thought about that as he'd reviewed the footage. Padalecki didn't look uncomfortable in the video. He had disappeared from the bar several times, perhaps, to dance. But. He was comfortable there.

Just before heading into the pen, Jensen paused outside. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, glanced down the hall to see if any of the interrogation rooms were free then pushed the door open.

The pen was quiet but there were still a few people around. Qualls was sorting through, what looked like, shredded documentation. Tal and Hodge were at their desks working on their laptops.

Jared looked up from his screen while Jensen was still across the room. He smiled and rubbed at his jaw as he watched his partner walk towards him.

When Jensen got to the side of Jared's desk, he looked down into his partner's almost-green eyes for a few seconds.

Jared tilted his head, frowned slightly and smiled. "You okay?"

The deep breath that Jensen took didn't do much to settle his nerves. He held the print out up so he could look at it one last time and then let the paper drop down onto Jared's keyboard. He paused there long enough to watch Jared's hand move towards the paper, then he turned away.

Jensen walked slowly back across the pen, through the door, and down the hall. Interrogation room three was empty and he headed inside. The panel at the side of the door control the multi media monitoring and Jensen made sure everything was turned off. He headed over to the table in the center of the room and leaned against the end of it.

Jensen lost track of time so he wasn't sure how long it took Jared to come and find him. He would have seen Jensen head into the room through the window. Maybe he'd just needed some time to figure out what to say. Jensen couldn't wait for that part.

The door was still open and when Jared got to the interrogation room, he leaned against the doorframe. He was pale. Even though he kept his gaze aimed at the floor, Jensen could see the tension in his body.

But … damn it all to _hell_. Jensen was _not_ going to be the first person to say anything. He figured Jared owed him that much. He'd been put in a hell of an awkward position and he wanted out of it.

"Is this from the video you're working on?" Jared's voice was shaky and thick like he'd been awake for an entire night.

Jensen remained quiet, staring at Jared until his partner finally had the balls to look at him. The problem was that he felt pretty bad when Jared finally looked him in the eye.

"The missing men were last seen at _Caramel_. I'm assisting Smith's team by reviewing all the footage surrounding the dates they were last seen." Jensen sniffed and crossed his arms.

The tendons in Jared's neck worked like crazy as he swallowed. "So. What point were you trying to make by tossing this at me?"

The paper made a crackling sound in Jared's hand as he held it up and waved it in Jensen's general direction.

"Do you know what I'm doing while I review this video?" Jensen didn't think that Jared had put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

After a stony gaze, Jared shook his head.

"I'm entering the faces of the patrons into a database that will be reviewed by Smith's team. We're looking for a suspect there." Jensen paused for a while to let it sink in.

"You shouldn't make assumptions," Jared said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, don't even _go_ there. I don't give a fuck why you were there but I'm not stupid. Give me some credit. _Caramel_ has a closed membership, a doorman, you have to be a guest to get in. It's not the kind of place you stroll into for a -"

"Is this an interrogation?" Jared's cheeks were looking a little flushed, his hand clenched into a fist that had screwed up the print out.

"Should it be?" Taken aback, Jensen raised his eyebrows. They may have had their issues but Jensen hadn't, for the slightest instant, thought that his partner might be involved in the disappearances. He didn't appreciate Jared insinuating he had _that_ little faith in his partner.

"No," Jared said. "It _shouldn't_ be an interrogation." Jared's jaw was set, his shoulders squared. He was definitely on the defensive.

Smiling coolly, Jensen held his hands up in surrender. "I'm just passing on the news. I'll just go ahead and do my job then?"

A muscle twitched in Jared's jaw as he stood there. For a few seconds, Jensen wasn't quite sure what was going to happen. Then, Jared nodded his head slightly and left.

Jensen sighed and dragged a hand down his face. In retrospect, maybe he could have handled it better. But hindsight was always twenty-twenty.

When Jensen returned to the AV lab he closed out of the database without recording Jared's presence at the club. He had a lot of thinking to do.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen settled into a routine in spite of the news about his partner's potential _surprise_ orientation. In the mornings, Jensen arrived early and disappeared into the Audio Visual lab. He poured over the images, filled out entries in the database when he could and tried not to look for Jared in the videos.

It was damn near impossible.

Lunch was usually time for Jensen to get some fresh air and drop into Cindy's for something to eat.

With a full stomach and the lingering flavor of a good coffee in his mouth, Jensen felt more ready to face his partner.

The drought of cases ended quickly and the detectives were busy again. When Jensen arrived back at his desk each afternoon, Jared had something set up for them to follow up on.

It was mostly silent work. It was miserable. Jensen had hoped that, somehow, things would just… smooth out again. Even though he had no idea what to do about Jared's presence on the video, he hadn't expected the atmosphere with Jared to remain frosty for so long.

But, if that was the way that Jared wanted to play it, who was Jensen to try and change things?

He went along with it.

Oh, they could work a case. They could exchange information and compare notes. It wasn't a problem. The time they spent in the car was pretty shitty but Jensen was determined not to let it show. He would turn up the radio, roll the windows down and enjoy the fresh air. If it weren't for the fact that Jensen was always _far_ too aware of Jared's presence; he might have found the whole thing enjoyable.

The worst part was the _not_ knowing. Things were so shaky between them that Jensen hadn't asked for any more information about Jared being at _Caramel_. Jared's sexual orientation was irrelevant to the part of Jensen that saw himself as Jared's partner. There was another part of him that was very curious though.

He wasn't sure why he was so curious. It wasn't about him and Jared having any potential for a future hookup. Everything he'd seen since discovering Jared in the surveillance video had just reaffirmed that they could never be more than partners.

The really shitty thing was that none of the awkwardness could be blamed on Jensen. All he'd done was demonstrate to Jared that he knew Jared had been at _Caramel_. That was all he had done. Being saddled with a partner who barely tolerated him wasn't what he'd had in mind.

So they worked.

There was a car theft ring operating in the downtown area. Morgan assigned the case to them. Jared did a lot of work on it; Jensen showed up in the afternoons to go along on silent car rides to try and find stolen cars at known chop shops. It sounded simple but it was a lot of footwork, being nice to people Jensen didn't want to be nice to and seeing a lot of cars, he'd never be able to afford. It was bizarre.

After a few afternoons of the same annoying silence, Jensen began to run out of patience. He snapped at Jared a few times and began muttering under his breath. The entire situation was crazy-making.

A week of the same hostility finally broke Jensen's resolve to let Jared have his animosity if that was what he wanted. He'd been half way through explaining how he thought Jared had asked the wrong question at the garage they had just visited and Jared just glared at him and climbed in the car.

Jared slammed the door so hard that the sound of it stunned Jensen into standing there for about half a minute.

As far as he could tell he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary. He certainly hadn't said anything that deserved a door slammed in his face.

Exhausted and _way_ more than a little frustrated, Jensen rounded the car and got in behind the wheel.

Jensen took a few deep breaths but the urge to say something didn't pass.

" _What_ the _fuck_ is your problem, Jared?" Jensen was beyond trying to sugar coat it.

The glare he got from his partner was pretty icy.

"I mean. Ever since I saw you on that video, you've been as bitchy as fuck. No matter what we're doing you don't seem happy.

"I'm working not socializing," Jared said in a dangerous voice. 

"I don't wanna be your buddy or date you, Jared. I just want us to do our job without being treated like I've done something unforgivable. It's wrong and stupid-"

"- oh so I'm stupid now? Is that was this is about?" Jared's face was flushed and his jaw was clenched.

"What's _what_ about? I know you're _not_ stupid, Jared. That's why this _attitude_ of yours is ridiculous." Jensen started the car. He was suddenly missing the awkward silence and if he didn't get them back to the station, they were going to have a bust up.

"It's because I'm gay," Jared said.

Jensen turned his head slowly until he could see Jared's expression clearly. He wasn't sure what to address first; the fact that Jared had announced that he was gay or the fact that Jared seemed to think _that_ was the reason they were fighting.

"Are you saying that your think I'm pissed at you because you're gay?" That was _rich_. Jensen shook his head and put the car into gear. Without waiting for another word from Jared, Jensen pulled away from the curb and headed towards the precinct.

"That's _exactly_ what I'm saying," said Jared. "We were really starting to get along better then you found me on those stupid videos." Jared turned his head to avoid looking at Jensen.

As Jensen tried to come up with something to say he was also trying to drive well enough that they didn't get into an accident. "Jared? I showed you that I had footage of you in that stupid club because I wanted to give you a heads up that your _colleagues_ might see you."

"That's not-"

"And! If you'll recall, I didn't ask anything about you. I didn't ask if you were gay. I didn't ask if you were there to support a friend. Did I?"

"You know I'm gay," Jared almost yelled. " _That_ is why we're fighting." Jared was panting slightly, looking out the windshield as though he could steer with his eyes.

"I didn't _know_ you were gay until you said you were a minute ago!" Jensen was quite sure Jared was going to make him go completely insane.

The look on Jared's face was one of bitter disbelief. "Oh, don't give me that. You knew the instant you saw me in that video. That's when you started treating me like shit."

Enough was enough. " _You_ are behaving like a child. You've been rude and petulant and-"

"Rude? Simply because I don't want to be treated like dirt by a homophobic-"

 _That_ made Jensen laugh. He just couldn't help it. It wasn't that he doubted that gay men _could_ be homophobic, but that label absolutely didn't apply to Jensen.

When he finally stopped laughing, Jensen looked over at Jared. His partner looked like he was ready to jump out of the moving car. And Jensen? Well, he was trying to figure out how things had gone from bad to full-on shitty in such a short period of time.

Jensen settled on not making things worse. "Jared? Shut the _fuck_ up."

The ten-minute drive to the precinct was pretty uncomfortable. Jensen was torn between feeling relieved that Jared had stopped talking and reluctance about never working things out.

It was beyond Jensen how they'd gotten to where they were. He was still mystified when he pulled into one of the marked stalls at the precinct.

The engine ticked over after Jensen turned the ignition off. The two men sat there, tense, ready to snap. But it was Jensen who broke first.

He pulled roughly on the door handle until the door finally opened. The fresh air was a relief and Jensen paused long enough to look back over his shoulder. "I'm not sure _how_ you haven't figured this out, Jared. But _I'm_ gay too, you Jackass."

Outing himself to his partner was worth the potential embarrassment simply for the stunned look on Jared's face.

Feeling as though enough had been said, Jensen climbed out of the car and strode into the building.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jared was quiet all afternoon. They worked. The acknowledged other people. The completely ignored each other. As far as Jensen was concerned, it wasn't his move.

The fact that he'd been the one to leave the car first didn't mean a thing. The ball was in Jared's court. Honestly? Jensen was a little surprised that Jared hadn't said a thing. But then, they were sitting in a room full of their colleagues. It wouldn't be the best place to have a _huge_ discussion.

The stolen car thing occupied most of Jensen's afternoon. And people thought detective work was all _CSI_. and _Dexter_. No. A lot of it was paperwork, research, tracking down connections and searching out patterns in what might seem random.

It was Jensen that had put together the fact that there were some related thefts. The first thing he'd noticed was the type of vehicles. Then he noticed a similarity in technique. The team had an unusual system. There appeared to be someone who drives down the street the night before the thefts and took out a couple of street lights. It could be to mark the vehicle they had targeted or it could be to give them more shadow to work in.

Jensen had driven by one of the neighborhoods where two of the cars had gone missing and noticed the lights. A quick call to the city had revealed that the broken street lamps were reported two days prior to the auto theft. On average, it took city employees a week to fix the lights. 

For Jensen's first task of the week he had called the city and sweet-talked Myra on reception. He'd promised to bring her a non-fat, no whip mocha the next time he came down to her building if she promised to email him the very next time someone in a residential neighborhood reported any broken streetlights.

The email came late the afternoon in question. Jared had done nothing more than glance at Jensen a couple of times when he thought he might not be caught. Jensen could be pretty stealthy when his pride was at stake so he didn't get caught catching Jared sneaking glances at him.

He wasn't sure what Jared was expecting to see over the top of his monitor. Signs of _gayness_? Jensen growing a new and strange appendage? Whatever it was - Jensen was pretty sure it wasn't going to solve the rift that was growing between them.

He was pretty relieved when Myra emailed to tell him that there were two streetlights reported broken in Dunkirk. It was a middle-class neighborhood. People, generally, had enough money to have a reasonably nice vehicle, but likely not enough money to have a multi car garage if they had one at all.

It looked like a good potential location for another theft. Jensen just needed to sit down there for a few hours, and if he was subtle enough, he just might tag himself a car thief.

There was the ever present issue of backup. Sure, it was a regulation. It even made sense a lot of the time. Taking Jared Padalecki along would suck.

The thought of being trapped in a car with Jared for a couple of hours was such an unpleasant thought that Jensen spent quite a bit of time staring at the email.

He could just leave. He doubted that Jared would question him if he just got up and left. It wouldn't be the first time Jensen had done it and the way things were looking, it wouldn't be the last.

The other problem was that no one was going to be attempting to steal a car until, at least, two in the morning.

A week ago, Jensen might have suggested a break for dinner and then catching up on some stuff around the office before heading out together. But. It wasn't a week ago. And Jensen was in no mood to spend any more time with Jared than he absolutely had to.

He sighed and closed the email. If he went out without Jared, his partner's wrath would be pretty epic. Morgan, too, would be quite pissed off. It hadn't been that long since their Captain had read them both the riot act.

"Jensen, what are you thinking about?" Alona's voice sounded entirely too happy. When Jensen looked up the usually normally perky blonde actually looked kind of tired.

"Just something I may check out tonight. You heading out soon?” Alona had the _ready to be done_ look about her.

"God, yeah. Hodge and I are gonna go for a beer. You two wanna come?"

"No thanks," Jared said from somewhere behind Jensen.

Alona smiled. "And you, Jensen?"

Shaking his head, Jensen wheeled back on his chair a little and smiled at Alona. "I would love to spend more time in your company but I've got something I gotta do."

"It had better be work related if you're going to bail on me, Jensen."

Alona could nearly always make Jensen laugh. "Of course it's work. It's not like I actually _have,_ a social life.”

The smile on Alona's face softened a little. "I'm sure you _could_ have one if you wanted but I'll accept work as an excuse. See you men tomorrow."

Jensen watched her walk away. When Alona had first arrived at the precinct Jensen hadn't been all that sure about her. She was pretty, petite, had a beautiful smile and a bright blonde, bobbling ponytail. She looked more like she belonged on a cheerleading squad than at a desk in the precinct.

She was _damn_ good at her job though. Jensen would partner with her any day. But then, Alona and Hodge made a great team. 

"What work are _we_ doing tonight?" Jared's voice jolted Jensen from his thoughts.

"It's just something I want to check out. You don't need to come alone."

The huff that came from behind Jared's monitor wasn't very promising. "Don't be - back up? Remember?"

"All I want to do is swing by a neighborhood tonight and check out a theory. Not worth us both losing sleep over it." Jensen really sucked at trying to mislead people. He didn't want to lie and that just left him with a pathetic excuse.

"If it's important, I'll come along."

Jensen turned his chair so he was facing away from Jared and then closed his eyes. He could already feel the start of a headache and there were still hours to go.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

As soon as Jared got in the car that night, Jensen knew that it was a bad idea. Sure, he might make a fairly significant collar but that would only happen if he and Jared weren't trying to kill each other.

Jensen had arrived at Jared's place right on time and his partner was already sitting outside on the building steps looking around.

Jensen unlocked the car and waited for Jared to climb in. "Not late," he said.

The look on Jared's face was getting all too familiar. It was a cross between annoyed as hell and confused. But Jensen didn't feel too bad. If Jared had annoyed himself by being outside for too long that was Jared's cross to bear.

"Didn't say you were late."

"Fair enough." It was true. Jared hadn't actually said a thing.

"Where we going?" Jared wasn't looking at Jensen. He seemed to be avoiding it.

Jensen was pulling out into traffic so he paused for a second or two. The last thing he needed was an accident.

"Unless you're not talking to me at all," Jared said. "Which would be juvenile."

 _That_ got to Jensen. "Juvenile?"

"Yeah." Jared nodded. "It means-"

"I know what it means, for fuck’s sake," Jensen spat.

That stopped the conversation, pretty much, dead in its tracks. Jensen realized it was going to be a _very_ long night.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

They sat in the car, in silence, for over an hour. Fortunately, Jensen had brought along a Thermos of coffee. Sure, he'd hated having it filled at Starbucks but it was needed. He didn't offer Jared any when he first got it out. He was still fuming about his partner's earlier _dig_.

The problem was that Jensen had never been able to be _nearly_ the dick he wished he could be sometimes. Not offering Jared coffee made him feel really guilty. When he did offer it to Jared, all he got was a shake of his partner's head.

Things weren't going very well inside the car.

Things weren't going very well outside the car either. There had been no sign of movement. It was possible that they'd been made but it was equally as possible that this wasn't part of the pattern Jensen had spotted.

And if it wasn't part of the plan then it was just several painful hours in the car with someone pretty hostile. Not the best way to spend an evening.

When Jared finally spoke, around the middle of hour two, Jensen jumped and spilled coffee on his hand.

"Are you ever gonna tell me why we're here?"

It took a couple of seconds for Jensen to recover from the abrupt end to the silence.

"I. I was going over the auto thefts and I noticed a pattern."

Finally, Jared turned to look at Jensen but as soon as Jensen returned the look his partner turned away again.

"The streetlights have been reported broken a couple of days before the theft," Jensen said.

"How'd you find that out?" There was a look of slight disbelief on Jared's face.

"I know a woman who works for the city; she agreed to email me if there was anything else like that reported."

The car fell into silence again. Jensen wasn't sorry. Then Jared screwed it up again.

"So it was a hunch?" Jared asked.

"I suppose it was," Jensen said. "Lots of good police work begins with a hunch."

Jared nodded. He was silent a while as he looked around the neighborhood. "Good hunch," he said finally.

 _That_ surprised Jensen. It didn't sound sarcastic, so he decided to go with it. "Thanks. I still get 'em sometimes."

All Jared did was nod again and Jensen's brief hope that things might get better was dashed. For once he wasn't sure what to do and it felt uncomfortable - like crossing his arms the wrong way.

Jared sighed and Jensen noticed that a fog of condensation was creeping onto the windows. "Been a long time since I fogged up the windows on a car."

For a few seconds, Jared just looked at him, then slowly, he smiled. Eventually, he looked down and picked up the thermos and poured himself some coffee in the small cup that served as a lid.

"You know," Jensen said tentatively. "If you give me the dates you were at _Caramel_ \- if you know them. I could just not review those nights or something." Jensen had thought long and hard about a way he could help his partner.

"What?"

Jensen could feel Jared's eyes on him. It was a little disconcerting. He shrugged and slipped a finger into the collar of his shirt to tug at it. "I'm not trying to be an ass. I mean it. It's really the only thing I can do. I told Sam that I'd start in proximity to the nights the vics went missing and move out from there. But, we won't get through all the nights-"

"It's okay."

Relief made it a little easier to believe. He hadn't relished the idea of 'covering' for Jared even in the most inconsequential way. But, for some reason, he knew he'd do it.

"Anyway, that's-"

"It's really okay," Jared interrupted. "Honestly, I don't want you to do anything out of the ordinary."

"You could have just told me," Jensen said softly. He was back to staring out the window but there was still no movement in the neighborhood.

"You didn't tell me." The timber of Jared's voice changed slightly and Jensen felt like they were headed to dangerous ground again.

As much as Jensen wanted to begin with, _it doesn't affect my job - why tell anyone,_ he didn't. "I've never really done that," Jensen admitted. "Don't hide it. I think most people we work with know. I'm used to being the _one_ at our precinct."

Jared nodded again and then his eyes moved back to sweeping the neighborhood.

It seemed like things were going okay so Jensen decided to keep talking. "Talked to Morgan … about it … when I first transferred in. He asked if I wanted to date him and I said no. He said that was good because it was against regulations. He said I wasn't obligated to tell anyone, that it was all good. That was it."

A slight smirk appeared on Jared's face. "And if you'd said you _did_ want to date him?"

It was easy to return Jared's smile. "We would have had an entirely different conversation, I suspect."

"He's straight, right?"

Jensen lifted an eyebrow. "Does it matter?"

He thought it was a bad move to ask that but then, Jared's expression softened. "Point taken. Was just friendly curiosity."

Nodding, Jensen shifted slightly to get more comfortable. "He's straight. Pretty sure he'd married to his job."

There was a warm smile on Jared's face and he glanced at Jensen before looking outside again.

"What do you think the odds are that we'd end up together out of all the people we could have ended up with?" Jensen was pretty sure he was about as _out_ as most people in law enforcement ever wanted to get.

"What?" Jared pulled one leg up on the seat so he could look at Jensen dead on.

"Together?" The realization of how odd it sounded settled onto Jensen rather suddenly.

Jared's lips were rolled together as he seemed to try and hold back a smile at Jensen's _obvious_ discomfort. "I got it. 'Spose it was a bit of a coincidence.

There was a movement about a block away from them and both men fell silent instantly.

It was a bit of a struggle for Jensen to focus his eyes. He squinted into the darkness and could _just_ make out the shape of a man moving hunched over towards a Range Rover that was parked under the broken streetlamp.

"Four o'clock," Jared said under his breath.

"Yeah," Jensen said softly.

The car wasn't stolen until it was entered by someone other than a driver with permission. Jared was moving very slowly and lifting the small print out they had brought with them. "That's not little old Mrs. Wilson," he whispered. "Is he in?"

"Just about." The keys were still in the ignition and Jensen turned them one click. Then he heard Jared's door click open.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll take the sidewalk," Jared said but his tall form was already out of the car by the time Jensen realized what was going on.

"Shit," Jensen muttered under his breath. He couldn't see his partner at all and he could only make out the silhouette of the suspect. He watched for a handful of anxious seconds and then saw a slice of moonlight reflect off some chrome on the opening door of the range rover.

Jensen figured he could cover the distance to the Range Rover in about five seconds. He wasn't sure if Jared would already be at the vehicle's side but he wasn't going to wait.

He wouldn't normally even pull his weapon at an auto theft but if the suspect had a gun, Jared would be a target.

Shaking his head, Jensen swore again, turned the ignition to fire up the engine and stamped on the accelerator.

Everything happened quickly. Jensen's car tires squealed but grabbed quickly, sending his car lurching forwards.

Before he had time to think about it, he was parallel to the Range Rover.

Smiling through the open passenger window at the suspect, Jensen ignored the way his heart was racing.

Clearly panicking, the suspect made an ungraceful cross to the passenger door to shove it open. As the perp clambered out of the range rover Jared's arm appeared from over the door and slid around the suspect's neck.

It was a little chaotic and then the suspect fell out of the Range Rover effectively blocking Jensen's view.

"Fuck!" Jensen slammed his hand on the steering wheel as he jammed the car into reverse. He practically gave himself whiplash when he slammed the brakes on but he was out of the car in moments.

As he rounded the back of the Ranger Rover he could see a pile of tangled limbs on the concrete sidewalk beside the vehicle.

Before moving closer, Jensen cleared the vehicle; just because he hadn't seen an accomplice didn't mean there wasn't one.

There was a lot of scuffling going on near the ground and then there was a loud bang as a part of someone's body hit the door. Jensen kicked the vehicle door open but was relieved when he saw that it wasn't Jared that he could tell.

"Good?" Jensen asked. The excitement had really made Jensen's blood race.

"Yup," came Jared's muffled reply.

Jensen slipped back and pulled out his flashlight so he could train it on his partner.

Jared had the suspect in a choke hold but both men looked a little worse for wear. There was a mixture of dirt and blood on both their faces.

"Get the fuck offa me," the man hissed.

"You have the right to…"

Jensen tuned his partner's voice out and studied his face. There was a cut on Jared's bottom lip and blood was still trickling down his chin to drip onto his shirt. He must have taken a punch or been pushed into the side of the car. But then, he shouldn't have leaped out of the car so quickly when Jensen pulled up. He figured it would be wise _not_ to say anything.

As soon as the cuffs clicked shut on the suspect`s wrists, Jensen reached for Jared`s shoulder. “You're bleeding. Let me get him in the car.”

For once, Jared didn't protest. He waited until Jensen had hold of the cuffs and leaned against the passenger door of the car.

Jensen yanked on the cuffs to pull the guy up to his feet. " _You_ assaulted my partner, asshole."  
The suspect shook his head and muttered something so Jensen _accidently_ steered the guy into the bumper as the moved around the car.

He holstered his weapon, pulled the back door open and smacked his hand down on the suspect's head to make sure he didn't hit it into the car.

The suspect mumbled something about brutality, so Jensen just shoved him harder into the back seat and slammed the door.

Jared was still leaning against the car when Jensen arrived back at his partner's side. Jared rubbed his bottom lip with one hand. It was still bleeding. 

"What happened?" Jensen asked.

"Elbowed me as he went down," Jared said. He wiped his hand on his jeans and it left a blood stain.

Jensen grabbed Jared's shoulder and eased him forward so he could reach into the car. He grabbed some paper towel from the glove compartment.

After he closed the door he hesitated then reached up to press the paper towel to Jared's bottom lip. His partner's cheeks were flushed with the exertion of the fight. He didn't knock Jensen's hand away, which was a sign that the elbow had hurt.

Jensen lifted his free hand and curved it over the side of Jared's neck. The flesh was hot and smooth and Jensen looked up into Jared's eyes. "You good?"

Jared's bottom lip was swollen but it seemed to have stopped bleeding when Jensen pulled the paper towel away.

"I'm okay," Jared murmured. His fingers slid over Jensen's for a few moments as he took the paper towel himself. "Surprised me, that's all. Was stupid."

"You got out a bit fast." Suddenly, Jensen felt weird. He stepped back, hands falling away from Jared's neck.

The dazed blur was beginning to leave Jared's eyes and he finally stood up away from the side of the car. He blew out a breath and swept his hair back off his forehead.

"Sorry," Jared murmured. He turned and fumbled with the door handle before finally managing to climb into the car.

One long sigh later, Jensen was headed over to the driver's seat. "Let's get this douche bag to the station and get a coffee," he said.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Fortunately, nothing much was going on at three in the morning. Jared sat down to do paperwork and Jensen walked their suspect through booking. The car he'd been after had already been impounded for evidence collection and everything had gone pretty smoothly.

When Jensen had been finished he'd gone to find Jared. His partner was icing his swollen lips as he waited.

They decided it didn't need stitches but that a grubby diner might not be the best place for coffee. Jensen had figured he'd just drop his partner off, then head home and crash.

Jared surprised him. He asked if Jensen wanted to come up. He said he had beer, coffee and hot chocolate.

Jensen was too shocked by the invitation to ponder the choices. Jared even had to ask him a second time before Jensen said yes.

That's how he ended up standing in Jared's condo, in a rather well put-together living room.

There was a long leather sofa with a matching recliner. It looked like the perfect place to watch the game on a Sunday. Jared had an enormous television, even bigger than Jensen's and an impressive looking stereo system.

What surprised Jensen was the number of books. There were bookshelves down two walls of Jared's living room and they were filled floor to ceiling.

Photography, biographies, novels, short story collections, science textbooks, history. Pretty much every topic Jensen could think of was covered. It was a remarkable collection.

It wasn't that he figured Jared wouldn't be a reader, it was just the sheer volume.

Jared came back from the kitchen carrying two mugs of hot chocolate rather than coffee and Jensen did a double take.

Jared hand changed while he was gone. He was wearing beat up old jeans and a star wars t-shirt that looked like it had seen better days. His feet were bare, his hair brushed back off his face and there was now a butterfly bandage across his cut.

Jensen got caught staring and Jared set the mugs down, then touched his lip gingerly. "It's so I don't bite down on it. I keep forgetting it's there."

Nodding, Jensen looked around then decided to sit at the end of the sofa. Reaching forward, he grabbed one of the mugs and focused his attention on that rather than his partner. Jared looked _particularly_ good in his casual clothes up until then, Jensen had only seen him in slacks and button downs.

Jeans and t-shirts really worked for Jared. It worked so well, in fact, it might be a very good idea if Jensen didn't see it too often. He was, he reassured himself, only human.

"Jensen? Is it okay?"

Realizing he'd been quiet too long, Jensen nodded. "Thanks. How's the lip feeling? Sore?"

"Not too bad. It'll be fine." Jared sat down at the other end of the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"You have a _hell_ of a lot of books," Jensen said.

Jared laughed. It was a pleasant sound, more relaxed than usual. "Surprised?"

"No," Jensen answered quickly. "Just haven't seen that many in one place in a long time." It was the truth. Jensen hadn't even been to a library since he was in the Academy. It was a long time.

"I have a _thing_ about knowledge."

"A thing?" Jensen turned a little and pulled one leg up onto the couch. It was certainly interesting to learn a little more about his partner.

"Knowledge is the key to everything. It's how the world works. We know how to do certain things so we thrive. Other cultures may not thrive. It's how the world progresses; it's how _we_ progress.” Jared smiled and looked a little sheepish before dropping his gaze.

"Makes sense to me," Jensen said. "It's evolutionary. I probably don't know as much about it as you-"

"-I've just read a lot of books." Jared sounded almost apologetic.

"No. No. It's great. I think you're smart. That's something you should be proud of." It sounded a little stupid but Jensen couldn't come up with much better at three am.

Jared shrugged and took a drink from his mug. "What do you do with your free time?"

The whole thing was beginning to feel like some sort of awkward first date. "I watch TV. I sleep. Mostly, I just work too much. I've been known to spend hours online hunting for shit about a case, you know?"

"Yeah." Jared nodded and his hair began to fall forward again. Jensen liked it so he looked away quickly. He shouldn't have even noticed it.

"I figured out the pattern for the car theft thing just staring at it all. Finding patterns in things-"

"It's what the human brain does," Jared said.

They fell silent and Jensen sipped his hot chocolate. It tasted really good.

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"Huh?"

"Being gay," Jared said. His gaze was averted but Jensen didn't mind.

"It wasn't like I set out deliberately to _hide_ it." Jensen shrugged. "When it's come up, I've talked about it. I don't know. I guess I figure it shouldn't matter on the job." Jensen hadn't really put a great deal of thought into it."

"Jeff knows?"

Jensen nodded. "We were having a beer one night. It ended up being closer to six or seven beers. He was fussin' about me not having a wife. He has a theory that it's what keeps a lot of cops grounded." Jensen wasn't sure that he, necessarily, believed that but there was something to be said for having someone at home waiting for you to come home.

"How was Jeff when you told him?"

"Fine." Jensen sat back a little and got more comfortable. "He has a friend who's gay. He said, and I quote, _I don't give a shit._ “Jensen laughed softly. He could still remember most of the conversation. It was hilarious and probably one of the reasons he and Jeff had become friends.

"Jared, if you're worried about Jeff having a problem with it, don't."

"Why didn't _you_ tell me then?"

Clearly, Jensen wasn't expressing himself well. He'd never thought it was important that people know his sexual preference. Honestly, it had never occurred to him to bring it up. "Why did you need to know?"

Jared looked over at Jensen and then frowned. "I didn't _need_ to know. You're overstating it. But we're partners. We're supposed to trust each other. Maybe it could have mattered at some point, I don't know."

Jensen took another drink so he could put off answering. He really was getting confused. "Wait," he began. "You didn't tell me either. You can't honestly believe that it's something people need to announce like an STD."

Hair flipped over Jared's eyes as he shook his head vigorously. "It's different for you. I was coming into an unknown environment. I had _no_ clue if I would be accepted or beat to shit down some dark alley."

The hot chocolate suddenly seemed less appetizing and Jensen set it down. "If I'd told you, would you have still been my partner?"

"Of course." Jared sat back, looking a little indignant.

"Would it have made a difference in the way we work together?" The events of the evening were catching up with Jensen and he was feeling really exhausted.

"Of course it wouldn't have changed anything," Jared said adamantly. 

"Then it didn't matter really." Jensen sighed. "Sorry. Look. It's late and I'm tired. It's maybe not the best time to have this discussion."

Looking a little surprised, Jared nodded. "Sorry. I. I was just thinking about it earlier. Guess it was on my mind."

The acceptance made Jensen feel a little bad. "Maybe, just some other night? I'm gettin' too old for this three am shit." He really was. There was a time when Jensen could have worked till three am and still gone in for his regular shift in the morning. Those days were beginning to pass him by.

"Okay." Jared looked a little like the wind had been taken out of his sails.

Sliding a little closer, Jensen leaned in to get a better look at his partner's swollen lip. He held Jared's chin and turned his head slightly. "Looks to me like it'll hurt in the morning."

Jared blinked a few times and his cheeks began to take on a slightly pink hue. "It's gonna sting later, but …" He shrugged. Jared, oddly enough, didn't pull away.

Something about Jared's eyes was a little like plunging into a dark pool. Jensen could be lost in there forever. "You're too pretty to get hit on the face. You should work on your defense."

It was difficult to see but it looked as though the pink tint on Jared's cheeks grew a little. He stayed quiet, leaning a little into Jensen's hand.

It was dangerous territory for more than the obvious reason. Jensen let go and stood so quickly he bumped the coffee table. "Holy shit, I'm tired. I … gotta go dude."

With a little distance back, Jensen felt better. They were just tired and a little punchy. It was the _wrong_ time to be having a bonding session.

"Oh," Jared said quickly. "Yeah. Of course." He stood and, for a couple of heartbeats, was so close to Jensen that his warm breath ghosted over Jensen's lips.

 _Definitely_ not the right time to be having … anything with Jared. "Yeah."

"Okay." Jared stepped back and set his mug down on the table. "You goin' in tomorrow?" 

"Nah, gonna take a day. Morgan will be pleased with the collar and, Hell, he's always bitchin' at me to take time off."

"Okay if I go in just for a few hours in the afternoon?"

"I'm your partner, not your Mom. Whatever works for you, Man." Jensen felt uncomfortable again and was too tired to even figure out why.

All Jared did was nod. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Drive safely," he warned. "You're tired."

Jensen nodded and smiled before heading for the door. "I'm good. Go to bed. Put some more ice on your lip. "After flashing one more smile, Jensen strode across the room and slipped out into the hallway.

He'd never been more relieved to get out of anywhere. It was an unwelcome turn of events to find himself looking at his partner and seeing a hot guy rather than _just_ his partner. It was stupidly inappropriate too when it came right down to it.

Jensen let his head fall against the wall as he waited for the elevator. "Stupid," he murmured.


	3. Chapter 3

Things went back to semi-normal around the precinct after Jensen's day off. He didn't do much while he was away from work. He slept. He made coffee and thought a little about his partner. It occurred to him that he hadn't even asked if Jared had a man in his life. He hadn't noticed the presence of anyone else in Jared's condo and he certainly didn't recall Jared saying anything that would hint at him not being single.

 _Not_ that it mattered. at least, it shouldn't matter.

By the time he returned to work Jensen was well rested and a little more curious about Jared's life. It was odd. The more he found out about his partner, the more he wanted to know. Jensen usually tried to confine his curiosity to suspects rather than colleagues, but Jared was different.

There were a few enticing reasons to find out more about Jared. Jensen was going to try and ignore most of them. It seemed like an uphill battle.

The precinct was busy when Jensen arrived. Morgan was behind closed doors with Tal and Hodge; Qualls was taking a statement from a woman who looked pretty rattled and _very_ frustrated with the diminutive Detective. It was a common thing; DJ seemed to bring out the impatience in people.

Someone on Sam's team was shut in the AV room. They had a lot of damn ground to cover. Jensen didn't envy Sam's responsibility. There was a lot riding on her figuring out what the _hell_ was going on with the missing men. For the time being the connection between the men hadn't been picked up by the media but it was just a matter of time. Reporters would pay a pretty penny for first hand information about ongoing cases and a lot of young cops needed extra cash.

Jared was already at his desk. Jensen was beginning to think that Jared preferred work to home. Jensen didn't really have a preference but bed was a pretty damned good alternative to most things.

"You're looking bright and bushy-tailed - Jesus!" Jared's eye was a little black, his cheek and jaw swollen and he had a hell of a fat lip.

"I know," Jared muttered as he sat back in his chair. "Didn't look so bad the other night, did it?"

"It sure as hell didn't," Jensen agreed. "You can still see though?"

Jared laughed. "So far, so good. I kept icing it. Hell of a headache though."

"Damn, I bet." Jensen shrugged out of his jacket and sat down. "What time did you come in?"

"Only about half an hour ago. I decided that sleep was more important than anything else. Especially when I looked in the mirror."

"I can imagine." Jensen pulled up his email. He had to thank Myra for the tip that had led them to the spot of the previous night's arrest. He'd have to stop by there soon.

"Hey, Jensen."

When Jensen looked up, it was to find Jared leaning forward a little on his desk. His fingers paused on the keyboard. "Yeah?"

That Jared was nervous seemed obvious, but Jensen wasn't sure of the cause. He was quiet and his eyes swept around the pen quickly.

"You alright?" Jensen asked. He barely resisted the urge to look around himself.

"Yeah," Jared said. "Yeah. But I was thinkin' we could go for a beer tonight. Maybe we could talk. You must have some advice on how to do things." Jared's hand fiddled with a paperclip on his desk until he'd bent it back and forth so much it broke.

"How to do things?" Jensen wasn't sure he was following his partner. Jared wasn't new on the force or anything and he certainly didn't lack experience.

Sighing, Jared Looked a little frustrated. "You know, the _coming out_ at work thing." No-one could possibly have overheard Jared, he spoke so quietly.

 _Oh._ There was part of Jensen that really wanted to say _no_. If they spoke anymore about it there would come a point, that inevitable awkward moment, when Jared asked Jensen about his past.

It had been years and Jensen still couldn't even think about his loss without tears threatening. It never seemed worth dredging it all up. It was done. It was so far in the past that it seemed like a movie Jensen had seen - some lingering plotline. It didn't seem, at all, like something he had lived through.

"Ackles?"

The use of his last name spiked through Jensen's thoughts.

"Yeah. Sure. After work?" It wasn't like Jensen really _could_ say no.

Jared's face brightened. "Great. Thanks. If you're nice all day; I'll buy you a beer."

Jensen smirked. "All day is a tall order."

As soon as he'd turned back to his laptop, Jensen banged out an email to Myra promising flowers the next time he saw her.

What he really wanted to do was email Alona and tell her what was going on with Jared. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. In his entire career he'd never had an openly gay partner and it felt strange somehow. It wasn't that it was _wrong_ , just unusual. Telling Alona didn't seem right though.

Over the course of his career, Jensen had never thought about the way being gay affected his work because, as far as he could tell, it didn't. He could see, however, it becoming a problem if Jared turned out to be the kind of man that really needed to talk things out with everyone. The people Jensen worked with who were a little skittish around gay people didn't want to even think about their colleagues sexual orientations. Jensen didn't bring it up if other people weren't talking about their respective personal lives. It felt like a workable solution.

He and Jared should be fine. There was no reason for things to go badly. In fact, Jensen was pretty confident that the only thing that could make everything awkward was if he was attracted to Jared. Which he wasn't. Which he _mostly_ wasn't. Therefore, threat neutralized.

Admittedly, the _not being attracted to Jared_ thing may take a little work.

"Did you sleep on your day off, Jensen?" Concern had written itself onto Jared's face; his brow was furrowed and his eyes were on Jensen.

"What?" Jensen was a little distracted by the strategy he was developing to avoid noticing the way Jared's eyes were a mixture of colors.

"You. Sleep. Last night?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just seem distracted," Jared said.

"God. Yeah. I'm fine. Just- yeah. Beer. I'll meet you at Aces at eight. Good?" _Aces and Eights_ , hopefully not a dead man's hand.

Jared looked a little skeptical but he nodded before looking away.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The day went by quickly; the early evening went by even faster. Jensen actually tried two t-shirts on before choosing to wear an old _batman_ design. It was two t-shirts more than he usually tried on before going out to meet someone.

There were a couple of reasons for that. He didn't usually go out and meet people in the evening and when he did, it didn't really matter what he was wearing.

Why it mattered what _damned_ t-shirt he was wearing to meet Jared, Jensen wasn't sure. It kind of annoyed him that he was even thinking about it. God damned Jared was beginning to change everything in Jensen's life. Batman was a hero so Jensen went with that choice. It could always come in handy if he needed something to talk about.

By the time Jensen got to the pub, He had decided there was nothing wrong with choosing a cool t-shirt. Nothing wrong with Jared thinking his partner was a fashionable dresser. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good for the first time in years. It wasn't that he was a troll or anything, he knew that, but he didn't go out of his way to show off his assets. The wings of Batman on his t-shirt might possibly accentuate the pecs he'd been working for at the gym.

When Jensen had arrived, Jared waved to him from across the pub. His lanky partner was occupying one of the more private booths at the back. It was probably wise considering what they were going to be discussing. It seemed to Jensen that Jared often made wise choices.

After a short wait at the bar, Jensen headed over to join Jared in the booth with two beers. He slid one across the table towards his partner.

"Thanks." Jared drained the mug he already had and pulled the fresh one closer.

"Feels weird being _out_." Jensen laughed as he shrugged out of his jacket.

"Don't go out much?" Jared smiled and his nose wrinkled a little. It was cute. And the fact that Jensen noticed it was cute made him _very_ uncomfortable and demonstrated, clearly, he would have trouble with the attraction thing.

"Nah. I'm kind of a home body. Usually watch TV or drag my ass to bed. Jim used to push the hell out of me when we first got together. If there was a case, we took it. Got used to being exhausted after work."

"He was a good partner?" Jared looked genuinely interested.

"At first, I thought only one of us would survive." Jensen laughed softly. He had fond memories of his early days with Jim. "He was a grizzly old guy who hated being wrong and _Jesus_ he gave me hell when I made a mistake. But … he taught me a hell of a lot about being a detective."

There was a brief silence while Jensen thought about his days with Jim. He drank some beer, shook his head and smiled.

"Jeff matched us up, with Jim's okay of course. Knowing him like I do now, I'm sure he could see the potential for Jim to pass on his knowledge. Hell, I needed to be taken down a peg or two and Jim was probably the only one who could do that."

Jared nodded as though Jensen's tale was familiar. "When I got my first Detective gig I may have thought the sun didn't shine until I got up in the morning. It must have been infuriating to work with me." Jared winced at the painful memory.

All Jensen could do was laugh. He was quite certain they all went through a stage of over confidence. "They build us up so we have a good basis of confidence. It's up to people like Jim to adjust it to the right level. I'm a better cop for having worked with him."

"Seems like you turned out okay," Jared said. "Guess it’s tough to be stuck with someone like me. After someone as knowledgeable as Jim, I mean." Jared looked down at the mug he was holding. His thumb was sliding through the moisture on the glass.

"You and I will be fine, Jared. We haven't been working together that long. It takes time to get used to each other."

Jared nodded, but he didn't look up.

Jensen leaned back a little so he could cross his legs under the table. "First thing Jim Beaver said to me was, _If you ever let me down, Son, it'll be the last thing you ever do._ I was so nervous, I nearly gave myself an ulcer. Wasn't like I wasn't gonna try to be a good partner though. It was weeks before he cracked a smile and months before he took me for a beer."

When Jared looked up he was smiling. "We're right on schedule then."

"Pretty much." Jensen preferred it when Jared was smiling. It looked more natural, like the curve of his lips just belonged there between his dimples.

"You're staring," Jared said.

"Sorry. I-" Well, what the hell was he supposed to say? "Dimples. I didn't notice that you had dimples before. Guess you haven't been smiling all that much."

The smile went a little lopsided and Jared looked down at his beer. "Got a lot of flack over those when I was a kid. Older brother used to call me _Dimples_. Of course, that was mild compared to _Jaredina_."

Wincing, Jensen chuckled softly. "Dude, that's just uncalled for."

That made Jared laugh. "Older brothers can really suck."

"I know it. Got one of my own. It's better now we are old enough that we can drink beer and talk about work rather than bugging the hell out of each other. Right?"

The smile on Jared's face faded and he looked out across the pub. "I wouldn't know. We - we don't see much of each other these days."

"He live far away?"

"I don't know."

"You don't. Oh." The look on Jared's face was a dead give-away for the fact that Jared had a tumultuous relationship with his brother. Over the years, Jensen had learned there was only one thing that put such an intense look of hurt on someone's face. _Family._

Jared shrugged and paid far too much attention to the beer mug in front of him.

"I know that look," Jensen said quietly. "What happened?"

It looked, for a while, as though Jared might not share his story with Jensen. He stared across the bar for a while then pushed his mug back and forth in the small pool of water that was collecting underneath it.

"I don't see anyone in my family," Jared began. "Not since my first year of college."

"Wow."

"Completely _not_ my choice." Jared sighed and stretched his long legs out under the table. "It all started in high school."

"High School sucks," Jensen offered.

"It sucked even more for tall, skinny and recently figured out he was gay." Jared pointed his extended thumb at his own chest.

"You knew in High School?" It wasn't _that_ young but there weren't that many teenagers willing to fight for their beliefs at that age. The notion that he might prefer guys had definitely occurred to Jensen in High School but he hadn't done anything about it until the summer after graduation.

Nodding, Jared crossed his arms and sank down a little in the booth. "It was so movie-of-the-week. We were teenagers. My friend Chad was over and he was horny. God, that guy was always horny; it was ridiculous. He - he kissed me. He wasn't really my type but he was a guy and _Jesus_. You know how amazing it feels when you get a kiss _just_ right? It's like you've been doing it wrong all the time and is suddenly feels like you never want to stop doing it."

Jensen nodded. Kissing, if he recalled correctly, was underrated. It had been a while.

There was a light in Jared's eyes that hadn't been there before. It looked as though it was a fond memory; as it should be.

"His lips were wet and his hands felt really strong. It was so different than kissing a girl. Better. It was hot and I really loved the way he felt under my hands." Jared flexed his fingers as though he could still feel the ghost of a touch from so long ago. "I think it was the very first time I truly realized that I could have something with a man. It had been in my mind but that made it a real possibility."

It seemed as though the pad of a very cool finger was trailing down the furrow of Jensen's spine. He could imagine, _all_ too clearly, how it might feel to kiss Jared. It had been a long time since he'd even cared to think about kissing someone, let alone his partner.

"And, that's when it all went to shit. My Dad opened the door and he yelled something; I didn't even hear the words. But Chad was running and the back of Dad's hand connected with my cheek. It is still all kind of surreal, even after all these years."

" _Jesus_." It made Jensen feel a little ill. He couldn't imagine treating a kid, his _own_ child, like that. "Must have felt … horrible."

Jared's laugh was hollow. "Wasn't how I thought I would start off my senior year." Jared blinked a few times and then looked away. "Wasn't the best was to recall my first kiss with a guy either."

"What happened then?" Jensen wasn't sure he actually wanted to know considering the look on his partner's face.

"I met with Dr. Singer every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. I was told I had made an incorrect choice. I learned how wrong my lifestyle was. Millions of religious quotes, blah, blah, blah. It was brutal. They stopped short of electrotherapy. I'm _not_ even joking."

"I, _God_ , I don't even know what to say, Jared. I had no idea people …" Jensen was at a loss for words. What Jared was describing was cruel.

"Still did absolutely insane shit? Yeah. They do." Jared chewed on his bottom lip for a little while then tilted his head a little. "It's big business in some states. There are parents who will pay a great deal of money to make sure their _perfect_ son is straight."

"And," Jensen began slowly. "Now, you don't see anyone in your family." He could see how being treated like he was defective would drive a wedge between Jared and his family.

Jared nodded. "By the time I turned seventeen and could refuse to go to therapy, I was old enough to be kicked out of the house. I had two hundred dollars, a backpack full of clothes and a pre-paid bus ticket."

"From Dad?"

"Yup." Jared's smile turned hard, almost icy. "Guess he wanted it made crystal clear that I was welcome to exist as far away as possible from them. I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. My brother was ay at a basketball camp and my sister was sleeping over at a friend's. Must have been like I was never there."

"Cold." As tough as things had ever been in Jensen's life, he'd never had to deal with that kind of rejection. Having his entire family cut him off would be a cruel punishment.

"Cold," Jared agreed. "My brother seemed to inherit that mean streak from my father; he wants nothing to do with me to this day. I did find an email address for him once. Won't make that mistake twice. Didn't see my little sister for a really long time either but she tracked me down just a few months ago." The expression on Jared's face changed again; it softened.

"You see her now?" It soothed a little bit of the ache that was developing in Jensen's chest to hear that someone had contacted Jared. His partner was far too nice a guy to have no family.

Nodding; Jared smiled again and his hands finally stilled on the table. "We've been emailing and skyping recently. A lot of what she'd been told was … well, it wasn't the truth. We've been working through some of that. She has two kids now; I'm an Uncle."

"That's really great." While he didn't get to see his family as often as he would like, Jensen adored his nephew.

"She's talking about us all getting together for a family Thanksgiving." Jared's smile broadened to a grin that took over his entire face.

It was impossible to resist Jared's enthusiasm and Jensen couldn't help smiling. "He held up his beer. Here's to mending bridges then."

Their mugs clinked together and Jared blew out a breath. "Okay. Your turn. Tell me something about your life."

Shrugging, Jensen wrapped his hands around his mug. "I see my family when I can. Same as you, I've got an older brother and a little sister who ain't so little anymore." Jensen chuckled. His _little_ sister was a woman in her own right; an amazing person. She'd been the one person Jensen had relied on while he was grieving; she just seemed like the one who could deal with it all.

"You see them often?" Jared leaned on the table, so focused on Jensen it was a little intimidating.

"Holidays. Christmas and Thanksgiving. Whenever I can get away; I do. Can't wait till my nephew is old enough to fly out here himself." As soon as his nephew had been born, Jensen had found himself planning future trips for them to do together. He wanted to be there for his nephew's first professional baseball game. He figured Uncles should take nephews to Disneyland rather than parents. He had a lot of it worked out and yet, he looked forward to his nephew growing up independent and challenging all Jensen's preconceived ideas.

"What about having your own kids?" Jared blinked slowly and Jensen found it difficult to look away.

"I wanted to once but things change. Life gets - well - things change." There were some conversations Jensen wasn't ready to have with his partner. He was quite sure he would _never_ be ready to have certain conversations with anyone now that he thought about it. It was like tearing the scab off a wound; pointless, painful and bloody.

Brow furrowed, Jared pressed his hands to the table. "What happened to you, Jensen?"

For a fleeting moment, looking into his partner's eyes. Jensen thought it might be possible to reveal some of his story. But, it was just _too_ big for him to even find a starting point. How did you describe someone's violent death without, first, telling of the way they had lived their life.

Before he got a single word out, Jensen could feel an unpleasant burn in his eyes. He shook his head. "Probably a lot of people have the same story. I had what I wanted and then I … didn't. And here I am now. A little battered but no worse for wear."

It wasn't strictly true. It had taken Jensen a _very_ long time to dig himself out from under all the loss. It was a damned long haul. He didn't want to go back there. If he looked close enough, there were still cracks in the walls he had built. But as long as there was no pressure, the walls would hold.

"Where _do_ you drift off to, Ackles?" Amusement made Jared squint his eyes a little before he drained his beer.

"Nowhere exciting." The laugh Jensen forced sounded just that; and he covered by sliding out of the booth to stand. "Another?"

After a brief frown, Jared nodded. "One more. Gotta drive."

"Don't wanna be a bad influence. I _am_ a cop." Jensen winked and turned quickly to head across the bar.

As soon as he was a few steps away, Jensen let the smile fall from his face. He needed to get himself together. Enough time had passed that Jensen was furious at his inability to reveal anything without his emotions boiling over.

The walk to the bar gave him some time to take a few deep breaths. He liked Jared and, at the same time, kind of wished he had a different partner. He'd never wanted to reveal much about his life to someone before. And while that felt a little like progress it also felt a lot like an accident waiting to happen.

"Ackles. What crawled up your ass - oh wait. I hear you like that kinda thing." The burly man behind the bar was round faced and red-cheeked. He had the skin of a drinker and the attitude of a redneck. There wasn't much about him that Jensen liked but he'd known that the first evening he'd met him.

"Shut up, Olsson. Has it really been so long since I threatened to report you to the Health Department?"

The smirk on the bartender's face wavered and he reached down to wipe his counter. "What ya want?"

"Two drafts." Jensen threw some money on the counter and leaned against the bar. He'd had trouble with Olsson ever since _someone_ had seen fit to tell the man that Jensen was gay. He couldn't see any reason why his orientation was of concern to the bartender; it wasn't like he brought dates to the place.

From across the bar, Jared looked thoughtful. He looked unaware of the music, the people - nothing seemed to pull him from his thoughts. But then, partner or not, Jensen realized that he didn't know Jared well enough to guess what he was thinking.

"Here." With little flare, Olsson slid two sleeves of beer towards Jensen. "On the house, Princess."

For all his bark, the man didn't really want to take Jensen on. Any cop was very capable of making a bartender's life hell.

Jared looked up and smiled as Jensen approached. "You know the guy behind the bar?"

"Unfortunately." Jensen slid back into the booth after handing Jared a beer.

"Asshole?"

"Yeah. Nothin' I can't handle." Jensen didn't want to waste any more time on the Olsson. Bigots always seemed like a waste of time; there was never anything Jensen could say that would change their minds.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

One more beer ended up being four more for Jared and that necessitated a ride home from Jensen. Even though he seemed pretty sober he was probably still over the limit.

Jensen hadn't felt much like drinking so he was glad to drive. It would be much easier to pick up Jared's car in the morning than bail him out later when his colleagues taught him a lesson.

When they arrived at Jared's condo Jensen was invited in; it seemed harmless enough.

So he was sitting on Jared's couch again, looking out over the city while his partner made them coffee or hot chocolate or whatever else he came up with. It was far too late for caffeine but Jensen needed something to do with his hands. He'd always envied people who smoked because they always had something to fidget with.

"Probably not great," Jared said as he set a mug in front of Jensen. "Forgot how many scoops I had put in halfway through.

Jensen laughed but the coffee did look pretty strong.

"You ever get lonely?" Jared asked rather suddenly.

Jensen narrowly avoided choking on his first sip of coffee. It was the combination of the question and the proximity of Jared's voice. When he'd come back to the couch, Jared had sat next to Jensen; it was a bit of a surprise.

"Lonely?" It was a struggle for Jensen to get the question out. All his focus was back on _not_ noticing Jared's presence or the way their shoulders were brushing together.

"Yeah. Like after a case, comin' home, no one to talk to." Jared was staring straight ahead, his knee resting lightly against Jensen's. 

While he tried to stay calm, Jensen tried not to focus on the heat seeping through his jeans. His partner, apparently, ran hot. He would file that away with all the other revealing facts about Jared he was trying to forget; there was getting to be a rather long list.

He tried to remind himself that it was perfectly normal to sit the way they were. There had been nights at the bar, many times, when all the cops had piled into the pub and been practically sitting on top of each other.

In the bar.

Not on Padalecki's couch, late at night.

"Well? Do you?" Jared had let his head fall back against the sofa and rolled it lazily to the side so he could see Jensen.

"No. Nah. Not really. I talk to Tal if I need to blow off steam; she's great. Morgan and I are friends. He's different away from the precinct." 

"I saw that. So..." Jared rolled his head again until he was staring up at the ceiling.

"So?"

"Is Morgan your type?" Jared licked his lips and Jensen didn't manage to turn away in time to avoid seeing it.

It was, obviously, time for Jensen to go home. "He's straight."

"I know," Jared answered quickly. "Just seems like your kind of guy."

"I should be going,” Jensen said quietly. For the first time, he wondered if Jared was more inebriated than he'd seemed. The questions had veered into territory Jensen really didn't think they should be exploring.

"Don't - I was just-"

They both stood and Jared twisted towards Jensen, nearly knocking his coffee out of his hand. He grabbed Jensen's wrist, long, warm fingers steadying the hand before taking the coffee and setting it down on the table.

They were almost face to face and Jensen was pretty pissed off that his heart was beating up a storm like it cared about their proximity. It was a complete betrayal by his nervous system. Sure, Jared was a good-looking guy but Jensen was often around men who were - who was he even kidding? Jared was hot and Jensen was losing the battle to stay blissfully unaware of that fact.

"I - thanks for the beer. For going for a beer. And the coffee," Jensen said quickly.

"You didn't even drink it."

Shaking his head; Jensen found himself staring at Jared's lips. It was _far_ easier than looking into his damned eyes.

Jared opened his mouth to say something, closed it, then caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

 _God._ Jensen was being tested. He was certain of it. His fingers curled into a fist and he raised his hand intending to press it gently to the middle of Jared's broad chest. But one of his partner's hands caught his.

It was an automatic response to reach for Jared's opposite shoulder; it was the instinct of a cop to break free of the grip. But Jensen didn't get freedom, he got Jared pressed up against him.

"Thought you-"

"I didn't mean-"

There was silence for a few uncomfortable beats then Jared laughed nervously.

Jensen tried to breathe like a normal human being even though he could, for the very first time, feel _exactly_ how rock hard Jared's body was. Somehow, he had ended up with his hand pressed to his partner's chest, his fingers resting on the line of Jared's collar bone. Jensen was so far into Jared's personal space that his long hair was tickling Jensen's cheek: his hand nearly branding it's presence onto the flesh of Jensen's forearm.

There was movement, a tug and then lips pressed to Jensen's. Suddenly, the problem he had with his heart racing was completely forgotten. Jared had kissed him. _They_ were kissing. And for the seconds the kiss lasted, everything seemed to slow down and all the moments bled together. Jared's lips were warm, smooth and tasted faintly of beer. It was wet and sensuous and set a flurry of feelings skittering around in Jensen's body.

Jensen didn't mean to open his mouth - it just happened - and heat shot through his veins like a bullet from a gun. Every part of his body that wasn't numb was tingling at the same time and, he felt a longing he'd avoided for a very long time. It hurt and felt amazing at the same time. It was all wrong; he shouldn't be feeling any of it for _Jared_.

And then they were springing apart.

The coffee table caught Jensen right across his left shin and he stumbled then half hopped as he moved to the end of the couch.

Already on the other side of the room, Jared was rubbing a hand across his chest like he'd been punched.

There had been no punching. That might be the only thing of which Jensen was sure. Everything else was a muddle of thoughts and feelings balled up in his chest.

"I'm sorry," Jared said softly.

Jensen cleared his throat and moved around behind the couch. "No need to apologize. It's just late."

"I drank. Was drinking." Even Jared didn't sound like he believed his excuse but Jensen was willing to let it go; he _needed_ to let it go.

"No problem. Anyway…" If Jensen could _will_ himself out of the condo he would. It was high time that someone invented transporters for awkward moments.

"It's late." There was something flat in Jared's tone but Jensen wasn't going to stick around to examine it.

"See you at work," Jensen murmured. He headed for the door and said good-bye over his shoulder as he headed out.

He didn't relax until he was in his car and repeating over and over that _nothing_ had happened. The problem was that he didn't believe it for a second.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen hadn't taken a sick day in years. In fact, he couldn't remember that last time he'd been ill.

He'd known, standing outside Jared's condo still tasting the kiss that he would be calling in sick.

In part, it was a kind of truth. He didn't feel great. He had lain awake once he'd finally gone to bed. He'd just stared at the ceiling, unable to slow his mind enough for sleep to be a possibility.

For a while he had wondered if he should just pick up the phone and have it out with his partner. Jared would understand why the kiss had been a mistake that couldn't be repeated. It had looked like Jared had equally as disturbed by their encounter. A discussion might have made them both feel better. But, Jensen didn't pick up his phone.

It was all a bizarre situation that Jensen could have done without.

All the justifications in the world hadn't gotten Jensen any closer to a peaceful rest that night.

At some point, he _must_ have fallen asleep because the next thing he was aware of was sun streaming through the blinds in his bedroom window.

More time to just lie there and stare.

After a quick call to the duty officer to beg off work, Jensen climbed out of bed slowly, feeling a little like he'd been beaten the night before. Angst and drama. Great. _Just_ the way Jensen wanted to spend his life.

Before he was even dressed he heard his phone bing impatiently. He had a feeling it would be Jared so he gave the phone a wide berth when he headed to the kitchen to put some coffee on.

He'd only been out of bed for five minutes and he was already feeling a little guilty.

Generally, Jensen wasn't the kind of guy who fled from a challenge. _Generally_. He'd never encountered a challenge that was over six feet tall, hot, intelligent and...well, there were a lot of things that made Jared stand out.

Once the coffee was on, Jensen approached his phone like it might actually rear up off the table and attack him. Unfortunately, he was right. There was one missed call from his partner; the voicemail light was on.

There was a slight chance that Jared _wasn't_ freaking out about the kiss. The man could have just left a message asking how Jensen was. That was something Jensen might do if the tables were turned.

Against his better judgment, Jensen grabbed his phone and tapped the voicemail icon.

"Hey. Listen. I hope you're okay. If your sick day is about last night. It…it was just one of those things. It won't - it was stupid. Too many beers, like I said." It sounded as though Jared moved the phone, maybe about to hang up but then he was back. "And, if this isn't about last night and you really are sick _please_ delete this message and pretend you didn't hear it."

Jensen closed his eyes and shook his head. It was a little ridiculous that, in spite of everything, Jensen still thought his partner's semi-neurotic behaviour was _cute_.

At that moment, Jensen decided that he was going to spend his _sick_ day in bed. Perhaps if he kept the covers over his head he would suffocate before having to deal with their mistake.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen didn't feel much better when he finally headed back to work. He would really rather avoid the entire situation. But, quitting his job over a kiss seemed to be a slight overreaction. He was an adult and he could behave like one.

He hoped.

By the time he reached the precinct, a coffee and a drive had done a lot to soothe Jensen's ragged nerves. The whole thing was just stirring up emotional shit that Jensen had kept buried for a very long time. It was bound to rattle his cage a little. He _could_ handle it though; he'd been handling his emotions perfectly well for a very long time. He wasn't about to let one indiscretion screw that up.

Jensen's plan was to just go back to work and completely ignore what had happened between him and Jared. It was just one of those things; it was one of life's speed bumps.

The precinct was almost empty when Jensen headed past the front desk. There was only a duty officer and a couple of people who appeared to have had a very rough night. 

However, as soon as he sat down, Alona made a beeline for him. There must be something exciting going on if Alona actually wanted to talk before ten am.

Jensen set his coffee down and steeled himself.

"You missed the meeting."

"What meeting?" Jensen loved it when he was already out of the loop before his day even started. It really set the tone.

"Smith and her team. One of the guys you tagged for them had a history at _Caramel_. He'd been given a temp ban before for harassing some young guys. You helped them pinpoint that he was there on two of the relevant nights." Alona looked a little proud of Jensen and he couldn't help but smile.

Having a lead _was_ good news. "Is he known to us?"

"Not officially," Alona said. She circled the desk to sit down in Jared's chair. "No priors. He works at a clothing store near the club. High end men's clothing."

"What was the meeting for?"

Alona tilted her head slightly and leaned on Jared's desk. "Not that I blame you, but when you said _no_ , Samantha called a meeting to find someone else to go in. That's how Jared told us."

"Wait." Jensen didn't like the way that Alona's words had stopped making sense to him. "Who told who what?"

Smiling, Alona looked a little pleased with herself. "For _once_ I know something you don't. Jared came out at a meeting. _You_ said he was straight."

"He was when I told you he was," Jensen murmured. "I mean, I thought he was." Everything was still coming together in his mind and he didn’t like where it was leading him. "He just told me the other - wait. What did I say no to?"

Alona winced as though she was starting to put together something she really didn't want to be involved in. "Undercover work? At _Caramel_."

The hesitant way Alona answered was a dead give-away that she had realized something was amiss.

Undercover work. No doubt, at the club. Jensen shot up out of his chair.

"Jensen, hang on," Alona said sharply.

"What? You see what's happened here? I can tell by the look on your face. Was it Jared who told everyone I'd said no? He didn't even ask me! And my partner decided to come flying out of the closet without even warming me?"

Alona nodded slowly. She looked pretty reluctant to continue the conversation. "Maybe he thought you weren't ga-"

"He _knew_. But that's beside the point. I'm supposed to be his _partner_. I don't care so much about the undercover work; it's just work. But, _Jesus_ , what the hell happened to trust?" Jensen was pretty pissed. He didn't have a problem with his partner doing undercover work but he sure didn't like being lied to and that was, essentially, what had happened.

Alona folded her arms and leaned back a little. "Don't get all crazy about it, Jensen."

"This isn't about me being _crazy_ , I'm pissed off. He - look. This isn't your problem, it's mine, ours. He and I can work it out." Adrenaline was racing through Jensen in such huge amounts that his hands were shaking. He stuffed them in the pockets of his pants so Alona wouldn't notice.

Right on cue, Jared walked into the pen with Sam. She looked gorgeous as ever; her long, blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun. Jared looked bright eyed - almost a little feverish. That is, until he looked over and saw Jensen. He went pretty pale when their eyes met.

Turning back to Alona, Jensen tried his best to look reasonable and calm - the opposite of how he was actually feeling.

Narrowing her gaze; Alona cocked her head to the side. "Jensen."

"It's all good," Jensen said. "My partner and I just have to have a talk."

"Okay," Alona said as she stood. She looked a little worried but she also understood the dynamics of partnership. Jensen knew she wouldn't come between partners. "Just don't be too hard on him."

Jensen nodded but he couldn't think of a single reason why he should be nice about what had happened.

Alona walked back over to her own desk, passing Jared at the halfway mark. If she said anything to Jared, Jensen wasn't able to hear it.

But Jared's pace slowed. He didn't look much like he was looking forward to having a discussion with Jensen.

Jensen sat back down in his chair and waited. By the time Jared sat down there was sweat glistening on his forehead.

Spinning slowly on his chair, Jensen stopped when he faced his partner. He suspected that Jared was glad there were two desks between them.

"Jensen." The chair squeaked as Jared sat down.

"You lied to everyone."

"Not exactly," Jared answered quickly and quietly. "I said you didn't answer. You didn't because I didn't call or send you a text. I wanted to do it."

"Come out or work the case?" Nothing that Jared was saying was making Jensen feel inclined to forgive his partner.

"Both, I guess. It seemed like a good way to let everyone know at once. Get it over with." There was a little bit of defiance in Jared's expression and a little bit of pride.

"Well, thanks for the heads up," Jensen spat. He was furious. It felt kind of like a betrayal. They'd been on the verge of trying to work things out - then the kiss - now it seemed like Jared was trying to undermine the fragile trust they had built up. Jensen was fully within his rights to just go to Morgan and tell him to find another partner. He'd tried to reach Jared, gone out of his way to foster communication and honesty.

"I don't need your permission to come out to my co-workers." Jared kept his voice low but it had to be apparent to everyone in the room that things weren't good between them. Jensen could sense the eyes of their colleagues settling on them.

"Do you _really_ think that's what this is about?" Because he was trying his best to keep his voice down, Jensen leaned forward across his desk. "We're supposed to be able to trust each other. What the hell kind of trust was lying about contacting me? And not even telling me you want to come out to everyone? There are bound to be repercussions from that and you think I won't get caught by shrapnel if the shit hits the fan?"

Jared rolled his eyes and turned away to fidget with his laptop. "You said everyone here was fine, that it wasn't a problem."

"Not everyone knows about me. I've told people as it came up. I told you that. Did you even give Morgan a heads up? He _is_ your Captain." Morgan was going to be pissed, and rightly so.

Looking over at Jensen briefly, Jared shook his head. "I guess I should have."

"Yeah, I guess," Jensen echoed harshly. He wasn't in the mood to give Jared any leeway.

For a while, Jensen stared at his partner. He was really having trouble believing that any of it had happened. He really had thought that Jared and he were going to work well together. That was before. Jensen wasn't even sure how to proceed with a partnership based on mistrust.

Jensen heard an email notification on his laptop and turned toward it. Anything to avoid looking at his partner. Half an hour earlier, he'd thought his biggest problem had been a kiss; he knew differently now.

He clicked on his email icon and opened one from Jeff Morgan.

_Could have used a little warning re: Jared's announcement. He good to go for this case?_

"Fuck," Jensen muttered. It was an obvious assumption for Jeff to make. Partners were usually working together on things. They might even consult one another. If they weren't Jared, that is. "Morgan."

"Can I help w-"

"Shut up, Jared. Just… shut up."

Jared sighed but, wisely, stayed quiet.

Jensen shoved his chair back as he stood then strode out of the pen towards Morgan's office. The very last thing he wanted to do was discuss what had happened. Unlike Jared, however, he respected his Captain and realized that he needed to let him know what was going on.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

"At least he told you," Morgan said.

When Jensen had arrived at the Captain's office it had taken him a while to explain what he thought had happened that morning. The part he couldn't explain was why. He wondered if the whole mess had to do with the kiss but he wasn't going to reveal that to Jeff. Maybe Jared was just going to shove Jensen away; request another partner. The fact of the matter was that Jensen didn't know what was going on in his partner's mind.

"He told me, Jeff. But I should have known he was gonna tell _everyone_. You know as well as I do that there will probably be some fallout from this. It's not how I would - how I've been handling it myself."

Jeff scratched his head and shrugged. "No doubt. Some people will have something to say about it but it will blow over quickly. The people here are good; you know that better than most."

It was true. Jensen couldn't think of anyone they worked with who was likely to be an asshole about anyone's sexual orientation. That didn't change the fact that Jared's status put Jensen in an odd position. The whole thing was a mess and Jensen would have to deal with the consequences even though he'd had no input up front.

"Anyway," Jensen said quietly. "I'm sorry you weren't given a heads up. I gotta work on things with Jared, I guess."

"What kinds of things?" Morgan leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. 

Jensen shrugged. "I need to understand why he doesn't trust me." It sounded horrible to Jensen. It was, basically, the death sentence of a partnership. Lack of trust. That was the basic issue as far as he could see and the only way to deal with it would be to tackle it head on.

"You want out?"

"Of?" When Jensen looked up he could see that Morgan had his serious face on.

"The partnership. You want to work with him until the dust settles and then see if there's someone else you want to work with?"

It shouldn't be an easy decision but it was. Jensen shook his head. He didn't want another partner; he wanted Jared. They _did_ work well together and Jensen had figured they'd get used to each other and everything would be hunky _fucking_ dory. 

It was a bit like being on a roller coaster ride; there were highs and lows and things were cycling so fast Jensen couldn't tell what was going on anymore, let alone which direction to head.

Finally, Jensen answered his boss. "I don't want a new partner. I want to fix this."

Jeff studied Jensen's face for a while. "Then fix it."

It was pretty typical advice from Jeff. Jensen smiled and shook his head fondly. "I'll get right on that, Boss."

Jensen headed back out into the pen slowly. He'd successfully avoided Jared the entire morning and he wasn't looking forward to their next conversation. He'd had lunch with Alona so he could vent. Then he'd hung around Morgan's office for a while. He was out of alternatives.

It was time to face his partner and he'd come up with a plan while listening to Jeff. It might not work, hell, even Jensen thought it was a little crazy but it was all he'd got. 

Jensen rolled up his sleeves as he strode across the pen. He yanked his drawer open and fished out his car keys. "Padalecki. Let's go!"

If Jared said anything, Jensen didn't hear it because he headed to the door swiftly. He wasn't in the mood to have an argument with Jared before they were out of the building. The trip wasn't open to negotiation. There was a plan and Jensen was sticking to it.

The car was already running when Jared arrived at the passenger door. He hesitated a moment then opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

Jensen jammed the car into drive and shot out of the parking lot. He kept his eyes on the road, not wanting to see how Jared was feeling about the spontaneous road trip.

"Jensen, where are we going?"

"This place I know."

"I don't get to know where?" Jared sounded a little concerned. He might actually be wondering if Jensen was going to take him out into the middle of nowhere and leave him for dead. Truth be told, Jensen had considered it briefly.

"No." Jensen had _no_ intention of telling Jared where they were going. Keeping him guessing seemed like a good way to unsettle him, shake him loose a little. He needed Jared to actually listen to him; he needed them to wipe the slate clean so they could rebuild their working relationship.

Jared blew out a long, slow breath and turned to stare straight ahead.

Neither of them said a word as Jensen drove out of the downtown core, then past the outskirts of the city. He had checked with Samantha before leaving the precinct and neither of them were needed for anything pressing until after the weekend. There were no plans for Jared to work _Caramel_ until the following week. There was no reason for Jensen to change his plan.

A full hour passed before Jared asked another question.

"Are we driving to Canada?"

"No."

"Do we _have_ a destination?"

"Obviously."

"Stop at the next gas station then, I gotta piss." Jared sighed and slumped down in the seat resignedly.

As soon as Jensen saw the neon of a truck stop sign, he pulled over. While Jared was in the bathroom, Jensen filled up the car and bought a couple of coffees and some Cheetos. Jared emerged from the bathroom as Jensen was heading outside again so he handed his partner a coffee without comment. They continued _not_ speaking as they climbed back in the car and headed out.

Jared drank the coffee but he didn't say a word. He sighed occasionally and it sounded a little like frustration but. Jensen just kept driving. 

The route was really familiar to Jensen. He'd driven it _so_ many times. It had been a very long time since he'd had company on the drive but it had felt like the right thing to do. He'd had a gut feeling that the journey was the right one. He'd find out soon enough.

He had to hand it to Jared; he certainly had willpower. Not one word passed his lips during the journey. It was almost a little inhuman.

The only time Jared looked like he might say something was when Jensen turned off the freeway onto an old back road. It was a little bumpy and the further along it they travelled, the clearer it became that it wasn't used very often. Aside from the fact that he looked a little uncomfortable, Jared seemed unphased. It wasn't quite the reaction Jensen had hoped for but he'd take it. At least Jared hadn't pitched a fit and thrown himself out of the car.

As they travelled, the sun fell closer and closer to the horizon. The last of the light was clinging to the horizon as Jensen made a final turn onto a small dirt road. Potholes seemed to make up half of the road and Jensen smirked when Jared bumped his head against the window. He might have even swerved toward a few of the bigger ones deliberately. 

By the time Jensen pulled up and parked in front of a small log cabin, twilight had settled over everything. There was a smudged glow about them and everything looked a little like a landscape painting. The cool air was sinking down and greeted Jensen when he climbed out of the car. It was his favorite time of day at the cabin; he just didn't get to see it very often. He needed to change that.

The passenger door creaked open and Jared emerged slowly. He was pretty tall to be cramped in Jensen's car for such a long drive. If Jensen weren't so pissed off he'd probably feel bad for the guy. He watched as Jared stretched his arms up then twisted his back a little. "Where the _hell_ are we?" Jared finally asked.

"My cabin."

"Are we on vacation or have I been kidnapped?" It was a pretty fair and accurate question all things considered.

"A little of both," Jensen said. Taking Jared back to the precinct hadn't been an option as far as Jensen was concerned.

"How long are we staying?" Jared pulled his jacket close around him and looked around a little nervously.

"We'll head back on Monday," Jensen answered. He had gained a bit of respect for the way Jared was taking it all in stride. And it was about that time that he realized Jared was angrier than he was letting on.

Jared looked a little pissed off. "Hours of driving into the middle of nowhere to stay at _your_ cabin. I have no clothes or anything. You didn't talk to me; I have no idea what's going on. Not to mention the fact that I might have plans-"

"Do you?"

A little taken aback, Jared stared daggers at Jensen. "Nothing that can't wait," he said through gritted teeth.

"Good. We're not leaving here until we trust each other. We need to be able to work together as partners. Okay?" Jensen stared _hard_ at Jared; he studied his partners face for any sign that he was getting through to him.

"Do I have a choice?" Jared's fingers were gripping his arms hard enough to bunch up the material of his jacket.

Instead of answering, Jensen took the keys out of the ignition and opened his door. "It's getting cool. Come on inside."

It felt good to be at the cabin. It had been too long since Jensen got to spend a significant amount of time there. He'd bought the cabin after his first promotion. He'd always wanted a _real_ log cabin and it had been on the market at _exactly_ the right time. Jensen hadn't hesitated to buy it. Working things out with his partner seemed like a good use of the place.

He unlocked the front door and headed inside. It was dusty just as Jensen expected. He didn't turn around but he heard Jared cross the threshold behind him. Each time Jared didn't turn around and leave felt like a small victory.

"There are some clothes in the closet in the back bedroom. I'm sure something there will fit you," Jensen said. He slid his jacket off his arms and hung it over the back of the couch. "I'm gonna dust and air the place out. You can help if you want. Or … whatever."

When Jensen looked up, Jared was just staring at him. Jensen shrugged and rolled up his sleeves. All the cleaning supplies were under the sink so he headed into the kitchen. After a few moments, he heard Jared head off down the hall.

The routine of cleaning up the cabin felt good. It was simple, maybe a little mind numbing but Jensen liked it. There were times when it just felt right to work with his hands. It was a little like checking in with the cabin, saying hello after his absence.

He was already finished dusting the living room when Jared reemerged from the hallway. Jared had traded his suit for a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans. The jeans didn't fit quite right on Jared's slender hips but the shirt fit him well. Jensen was glad he kept clothes there.

Jared stood behind the couch looking around for a while before speaking. "What you want me to do?"

"Pull the covers off the beds? Open the windows?" That was next on Jensen's list of things to do so if Jared wanted to participate that was a good sign.

"You got clean sheets?" Jared traced the pattern on the couch with his finger.

Jensen nodded. "Karen leaves them for me on the back porch when she knows I'm coming out."

"Okay." Jared headed off down the hall again. He didn't even bother asking who Karen was so he, clearly, wasn't in a chatty mood yet.

Jensen was a bit surprised that his partner wasn't putting up more resistance. The man _was_ armed. But, then, it wasn't like Jared would want to walk all the way home. It would take a hell of a long time. He had to remember that he was just as much of an unknown to Jared; Jared might not want to chance Jensen's reaction to more fighting.

There were scraping sounds coming down the hall and then Jensen heard the creak of the huge window in the master bedroom. For some reason, Jensen found himself just standing there in the middle of the living room with a smile on his face. It had been a good idea to head to the cabin. Jensen just hoped it would change things for them.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The cool evening air was beginning to slip in through the windows as Jensen finished up some dinner. Karen had left some food for him so he'd made a nice spicy pasta sauce and cooked up some fettucini. It was nothing gourmet but it would probably taste pretty good. It was more than he would have made if he was alone; usually he settled for a sandwich the first night.

"Jared! Dinner!" Jensen called out. He heard something that sounded like an affirmative response from one of the back bedrooms. It all felt a wee bit domestic. All Jensen needed was an apron and some flowers on the table to complete the scene.

He was still grinning to himself when Jared came back down the hallway. How Jared felt about being at the cabin was still a bit of a mystery. He had played along with the cleaning but he hadn't said much to Jensen. It was probably a mixed blessing.

Jensen dished out some pasta and set two plates on the table. Alcohol hadn't seemed like a good choice so Jensen poured a couple of glasses of water.

Jared hovered at the end of the table until Jensen gestured for him to sit down. "It's just pasta. I got steaks out of the freezer for tomorrow though."

All Jared did was nod but, at least, he finally sat down at the table. When Jensen sat he slid a basket of bread towards Jared. "Karen makes it; it's good. She takes care of the place when I'm not here in case you were wondering. Does some shopping for me. Laundry, stuff like that."

While Jensen spoke, Jared was just sitting at the table, palms pressed to the tabletop as though he was holding the damned thing down.

"What are we doing here, Jensen?" Jared's entire body was tensed. He looked like he was on his guard, ready for anything. It was a little disconcerting.

Regardless of how tense Jared looked there was no point in avoiding answers any longer. "Like I said. We're gonna spend the weekend here and we're gonna sort out whatever the hell has gone wrong between the two of us. It's somewhere different; a change of scenery. We're gonna just - figure it out. I ran out of damned ideas, Jared and we gotta fix whatever it is that's going on."

"There's nothing wrong," Jared said quickly but it wasn't very convincing.

"You know, as well as I do, that we've gone off the rails. We need to … get to know each other, or something." Jensen's plan had ended about the time they'd arrived at the cabin. He really didn't know what to suggest beyond dinner and a good night's sleep.

"Get to _know_ each other? Are you high?" The anger that Jared had kept simmering below the surface all day seemed to be breaking out. "This feels like some kind of relationship _encounter_ session; I don't want couple's therapy, Jensen."

"Look. I'm tired from driving all afternoon and I'm hungry," Jensen answered. The last thing they needed was for an argument to break out. Instead of continuing the discussion Jensen scooped up a forkful of pasta. It tasted pretty good.

It wasn't very long before Jared started eating. There really wasn't much else for him to do when it came right down to it.

"I don't like it when I can't figure things out," Jensen said after a while. "This… us working together could be good. I want to try and work out how we can do that without driving each other crazy."

"I'm not a puzzle," Jared said, between mouthfuls of pasta. He was still glowering and the grasp he had on his fork looked, potentially, deadly. It may not have been a wise idea to give Jared a pointed object.

"Don't take everything so damn literally," Jensen almost growled. He'd just about had enough. "I have handcuffs, you know."

Jared started choking and Jensen smirked. He could still surprise his partner, it seemed. That or Jared's mind had wandered somewhere that had surprised him. 

Jared set his fork down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "This is the weirdest thing that's _ever_ happened to me. Wait … you basically kidnapped me. It _is_ a crime, y'know."

Nodding, Jensen kept eating. It wasn't like he could deny it. If Jared really wanted to cause Jensen some grief he could simply call Morgan and tell him what had happened. After he swallowed, Jensen set his fork down. "Can we just - can we _try_?"

When Jared looked up, his gaze was crystal clear. Jensen could feel that gaze run down his body. But Jared didn't answer and the silence was too stifling for Jensen to handle.

"Please?"

After a deep breath, Jared nodded slowly. His shoulders slumped a little and some of the tension drained from his body. All of the resistance hadn't dissipated but something had reached Jared; Jensen was willing to mark it in the win column.

Jared sighed and it was a little pitiful; he looked as though he felt trapped. It a made Jensen feel a little guilty; he hadn't really thought about their trip as kidnapping so much as _desperate measures_.

"Jared? If you really want to go back…" Jensen shrugged and pushed his pasta away. His appetite hadn't stuck around once his guilt had arrived.

Jared's eyes were intense, his gaze sharp and alert. It felt, a little, like those hazel eyes could reach right into Jensen's mind and pull out thoughts one at a time. Then Jared turned his head and stared out the window into the darkness. "Jensen, you've been kind of an asshole, but … no. I don't need to go back. I'll stay here. I - you're right."

There was no way Jensen could keep the smile off of his face. For the first time since things had started to go wrong, he felt like there might actually be some hope for them. "I'm pleased you see it my way."

"Shithead," Jared murmured but there was a slight twist of a smile on his lips. "I can't fucking believe you did this."

"The bright side is that there's a hot tub outside," Jensen deadpanned. It was true. The hottub was Jensen's one real luxury; it was awesome at the end of the day to slide into the heat of the water and just let it melt his tension away.

Jared's eyes widened. "N-No swimsuit."

Jensen laughed. "If I really wanted to be evil, I'd let you suffer. But … seeing as I'm so awesome I'll let you know now that there are extra swim trunks here. It's not a nudist colony or anything. I swear I have no plans to do anything untoward."

"You bring people here a lot?" Jared's question felt a little like an attempt at diversion. Far be it from Jensen to put a stop to the first reasonably pleasant conversation they'd had all day.

Jensen shook his head. "No. I don't. Always thought I would. Parties with all the friends I was gonna make once I settled down here." That was before Jensen had realized that there were some things he _couldn't_ move past. It had been harder than he'd thought to open himself up to new friendships. Trust. There it was again, nipping at his heels no matter which way he ran.

"Guess I should feel honored," Jared said.

A slight smile on his face, Jensen nodded. The truth was that he hadn't brought anyone else to the cabin. There wasn't another person he knew, except maybe for Morgan, that he'd want to share that part of his life with.

"I guess I can use some time away from it all," Jared said softly.

"Just wait till you see the stars." Jensen winked.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The rest of dinner had been pretty quiet. Quiet but comfortable. Oddly enough, Jensen found that he didn't mind. After hours of driving he was pretty happy to rest his brain for a while. It was different having someone else at the cabin with him. He knew he shouldn't get used to it but it felt nice. It made the place feel a little more like a home. And that was just the wrong kind of thinking, Jensen had reminded himself as he had wandered into the living room.

"What's the deal with the hot water?" 

Jensen jumped when Jared spoke. His partner had been quiet since they finished dinner and Jensen had thought he might have gone to bed. "Hey. Water. Yeah," Jensen said. "There's a big hot water tank." 

"I assume it's okay if I have a shower then," Jared said. His tone had softened a little but he was still a little reserved. Kidnapping could do that to a guy. 

"It's your home while you're here. Fresh towels in the linen cupboard in the bathroom. Take a long shower if you want," Jensen said. 

Jared leaned against the doorframe for a little while, lingering, looking a little like he had something else to say. 

"You got everything you need?" Jensen asked hesitantly. There wasn't much more he could do to make things more comfortable but he was willing to try. 

"Yeah. I'm good. Just." Jared sighed and ran his hand through his hair then shrugged as though he couldn't find the words. 

"Just what?" Jensen looked up. 

Looking down at the floor, Jared sighed. He was quiet for a while, lost in thought then he spoke softly. "One question. Why are you fighting so hard for this? Why does it matter?" 

It was a question that Jensen had asked himself. He hadn't come up with a lot of answers. He just really didn't want their partnership to fail. Even though he couldn't put his finger on it, there was something _about_ Jared that Jensen liked. They _fit_ together. "I like you, Jared. I think we can work really well together." 

After nodding, Jared shrugged again. "Just seems like a lot of effort." 

The man was right; it was a lot of effort and Jensen didn't really have a good explanation. Their partnership just _seemed_ worth it. Some things defied description when that was the one thing that might change the tide. 

"Jared? I just want this to work. We seem like a pretty good team, yeah? We've got potential. Most of us cops, we spend more time with our partner than with our spouse. It's _that_ important. We just gotta sand off the rough spots." 

If the slight smile on Jared's face was any indication, Jensen had finally said something right. "Alright," Jared said. "But - maybe if we don't figure out things this weekend. It's okay if we just let it go." 

A frown creased Jensen's forehead and he blinked a few times. "Yeah. Sure." 

But, Jensen didn't give up that easily. 


	4. Chapter 4

A hot shower seemed to improve Jared's mood. When he came back to the living room with his wet hair and his damned glowing cheeks, he sat down on the couch. It was the closest he'd been to Jensen voluntarily since they'd arrived at the cabin. Not that Jensen was complaining.

"How was your shower?"

"Pretty good. I expected a lot worse." The scent of shampoo and soap wafted off Jared's body and it was a little intoxicating. Clean always smelled so good.

Jensen wetted his lips and then smiled. "I could never live anywhere that had shitty water pressure. It's always the first thing that I check."

Jared laughed a little and nestled back into the couch. "This is pretty comfy too."

"I do enjoy my modern comforts." Jensen smirked a little. "You want a drink?"

"What ya got?"

"A very old Scotch."

Jared pressed his lips together as though trying to make a decision. "I think I'll have a Scotch."

"Perfect." Jensen got up and headed over to the kitchen. There was a bottle of expensive Scotch on the bottom shelf of the bottom cupboard. It had been Jensen's gift to himself for Christmas the previous year. He strode back to the coffee table and set the bottle down with two glasses then held up his finger. He headed back to the kitchen to get something out of the fridge.

"What's that?" Jared asked.

"The key to enjoying a good Scotch." Jensen held out a large bar of expensive dark chocolate. He nodded knowingly and set the chocolate down on the table as though it was fragile.

"Chocolate?"

"Yes, Jared. Expensive dark chocolate is the key to savouring the drink."

"I don't think I've ever had any trouble enjoying Scotch." Jared smiled crookedly then gestured to the bottle. "Pour me one."

Nodding, Jensen poured two glasses and handed one to Jared. Next, he leaned down and broke a couple of squares off the chocolate bar. "Trust me."

The smile on Jared's face faded a little and he took a deep breath. "Hit me."

The square of chocolate looked tiny in the middle of Jared's palm. Jensen stared for a beat too long, then sat back down. He held up his glass towards Jared. "Here's to being partners."

A strange expression flitted across Jared's face, then he looked down for a few moments. When he looked at Jensen again, he was smiling almost imperceptibly. "To being partners."

The glasses clinked together and both men raised them to their lips.

The subtle burn of the Scotch felt good to Jensen. He didn't drink it often but when he did, he liked to sample the best. As soon as he'd swallowed he lifted up a piece of chocolate and set it on his tongue. "Just let it melt," he mumbled.

Still looking a little wary, Jared slipped the square of chocolate into his mouth. Jensen could see the way Jared worked the chocolate in his mouth; he'd be lying if he said it didn't affect him. He reminded himself that there were some things he would do best not to focus on. Clearly, Jared sucking on a piece of chocolate was one of them.

Looking away, Jensen cleared his throat. "Am I right?"

"Mmmm. God, yeah," Jared said softly. "How did I not know about this?"

"Not hedonistic enough, I guess." Jensen kept his eyes on the amber colored liquid in his glass.

"Maybe," Jared said. "How'd you find out?"

"This guy I dated once. He gave me this speech about sensuality and enjoying every experience and using all my senses. He had me try the chocolate thing."

"Did he get more than one date with you?" Jared's crooked smile was back.

"No. I fell in love chocolate and Scotch but he kind of creeped me out."

For some reason, the admission amused Jared. He laughed and shook his head and finally looked like he was relaxing a little. Jensen thought relaxation suited his partner. That and baggy jeans and a flannel shirt. They _definitely_ suited Jared.

More things to add to Jensen's list of things _not_ to notice. It seemed to be growing rapidly. 

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

It was a blessing and a curse that there was so little to do at the cabin. Jensen had wanted time and space for he and Jared to work things out and that was exactly what they had there.

Thinking ahead, Jensen left the Scotch on the table but he didn't offer Jared another drink. Things were already confused enough between them, they really didn’t need any help in that department; no help at all.

It seemed the time to talk was upon them.

"Why did you want to work at this precinct?" They'd been making small talk since sitting down so the directness of Jensen's question seemed to surprise Jared.

"Cutting right to the chase?" Jared asked.

"No time like the present," Jensen countered. And with Jared's mandatory deadline of Monday for fixing things - time was precious.

"There were a few places available. But, I liked the idea of a small city with a medium sized precinct. Morgan has a really good reputation."

"He does?" It didn't surprise Jensen to hear that people thought highly of the Captain; Jeff was a great guy. But he hadn't been looking for a long time so he had no idea what information was about. 

"Yeah. He's known for being fair. He doesn't micromanage. Basically, I heard that he let people do their jobs and didn't interfere. Who wouldn’t want to work in a place like that?" Jared's demeanour had brightened a little. It seemed that he had a genuine enthusiasm for his work.

"I'd say that's pretty accurate. Jeff's the best Captain I've worked ever with. He's a great resource too, if you ever want to talk something over." Jensen often went to Jeff to run things past him. The Captain's candour was refreshing. 

"Is that a dig?" Jared looked at Jensen from under his lashes.

For a few moments, Jensen was puzzled and then he saw the link Jared had made. "About you not telling Morgan you planned on coming out to the entire watch? No. It actually wasn't. I was thinking more along the lines of Morgan giving work advice."

Looking like he could accept Jensen's answer, Jared turned so he was sitting sideways on the couch. "Do you really think I should have cleared it with Jeff before letting people know?" Jared's brow was furrowed, the tendons in his neck a little tense.

"Not cleared it. That was entirely _your_ decision, Jared. I just think that giving him a heads up would have been a courtesy. I'm pretty sure that all he would have done was offer his support." Jeff was a good man and the rumours Jared had heard were true; Jeff was nothing, if not fair.

Shrugging, Jared looked down at his hands where they were clasped in his lap. "You're probably right. I didn't really think through the consequences."

"Why'd you do it? I didn't even think it was something you were considering." The whole thing had taken Jensen by surprise. He'd figured Jared might tell people at some point but certainly not so soon.

"I don't know." Jared shook his head slowly and his hair fell forward to frame his face. "I get like that sometimes. I get an idea in my head and it feels like I have to just get on with it. Like I suddenly can't stand the idea that I'm not acting on it or making any progress, y'know?"

It sounded a little like fear to Jensen; a need to get out of whatever situation he was in. He doubted Jared would appreciate being told that though.

"Well, it's done now," Jensen said. I suppose there's something to be said for getting it all over with." He chuckled quietly. He really wished he'd been there to see the looks on peoples' faces. He could think of a couple of people at the station who would have been pretty surprised. 

A smile curved Jared's lips. "Alona looked pretty excited. It was a little disturbing."

Laughing, Jensen leaned back into the soft comfort of the couch. "I'm sure she is _very_ happy. Before she even knew, she was going on about how you and I would make a great couple."

"She what?" Jared's eyes widened.

"Oh, it's a harmless fantasy," Jensen said dismissively.

"For her or you?"

A little taken aback, Jensen did a double take when he saw the question inscribed on Jared's face. "What? No! I mean, it was _her_ fantasy. Hell, it was just a poor choice of words." 

He didn't think that Alona _actually_ sat around and fantasized about them. All things considered, it was kind of a disturbing thought.

"I was just kidding," Jared said weakly.

"No, Jared. You weren't."

Jared shrugged again but he had the decency not to deny it a second time. "Do you think it will be weird working with me now?"

"It was _already_ weird," Jensen teased. He couldn't help laughing at the petulant look on his partner's face.

"I'm serious!"

Jensen kicked off his sneakers and put his feet up on the coffee table. His laughter quieted slowly. "Well, it was already a bit of a challenge. If you're asking me if I think it will be worse now; no, I don't think it will be worse."

"It shouldn't change things."

"It doesn't … for me." Okay. It was a white lie. Before the revelation that Jared was gay, Jensen had thought his partner was hot, straight and completely inaccessible. _Since_ the revelation, Jared was a hot guy who was gay and whom it would be completely inappropriate to engage in a personal relationship. It sucked a little more than Jensen had expected but it didn't really change a lot.

"Doesn't change anything at all?" Looking into Jared's eyes was a little like staring into the sun. It hurt but it was impossible to look away.

"N .. No. I mean, no." Jensen wasn't sure what Jared was getting at but it was making him feel a little defensive and a whole lot of uncomfortable. Yeah, he'd had slightly less than innocent thoughts about Jared - the man was beautiful to look at even if he could be infuriating.

Jared's eyes narrowed a little as though he was trying to see through Jensen's facade.

"What?" Jensen's nerves were a little frayed. The previous few days had taken their toll.

"Nothin'," Jared said dismissively.

Jensen punched Jared's thigh gently. "Come _on_. What were you getting at?"

For a while, Jared just stared at Jensen. Just about the time his gaze was getting a little _too_ intense, Jared looked away. "I just thought, the other night when you kissed me-"

"- _you_ kissed me-"

"-when _we_ kissed." Jared waved his hand as though it made any further explanation unnecessary.

All that was going through Jensen's mind was _no, no, no._ It was the last thing he wanted to talk about and probably the least likely to help improve their partnership. "When we kissed … what?"

"Didn't you … _feel_ anything?" Jared's voice wavered slightly. It sounded like nerves.

"Dude. Don't rehash that." Jensen could feel the danger approaching. And things had just started to feel more normal.

"Oh, I forgot; you'd rather pretend it didn't happen." An edge was sharp and abrupt in Jared's voice.

Jensen couldn't face everything going south again. "Don't," he said softly.

The frustration slid off Jared's face slowly. It was like watching his expression melt away. "Jensen, it's not that. Fuck, I don't know."

Jared dragged a hand down his face and let out a sigh that gave away how exhausted he was.

"I'm tired," Jensen said quietly. "I think I'm gonna head to bed."

All Jared did was nod. The fight seemed to have burned itself out.

Sliding to the edge of the couch, Jensen held his heavy head in his hands for a while. It had been a very long day and an even longer night.

The warm weight of Jared's hand settled on the small of Jensen's back. His back arched slightly, his muscles clenching involuntarily. Jared just pressed his hand a little more firmly before rubbing at the knotted muscle in Jensen's back.

"We can talk tomorrow," Jared said quietly. "But, Jensen? I think there's something that … that. Maybe you need to talk about some shit too."

A dull ache throbbed to life in Jensen's chest and he bit down hard on his bottom lip.

The couch shifted under Jared's weight as he moved to sit closer to Jensen.

Jensen could still feel the heat of Jared's hand and it was, oddly enough, comforting. Neither a promise nor a threat it was just a _touch_.

Cool lips brushed Jensen's temple and he let out a quiet gasp.

"Goodnight," Jared whispered against Jensen's ear.

A wave of gooseflesh slid down Jensen's neck and over his shoulders. The couch shifted again and Jensen heard footsteps fade away as Jared headed to the bedroom.

Shaken, Jensen fell back onto the couch. The tide had turned so quickly, he wasn't even sure what had happened.

"Jesus," he whispered. Too much was too close to the surface. "Awesome idea, Jensen. _Just_ awesome."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen always slept well at the cabin. The bed was comfortable and he had a pile of warm blankets to burrow under. The window could be open, even on a cold night, and Jensen would stay warm.

There was a quiet at night that was particular to the cabin. They were far enough from the main roads that there wasn't the slightest hint of traffic noise. Jensen had learned quickly that the night could be filled with other sounds. He'd heard owls and other birds he couldn't identify and even the occasional four legged creature crashing through the uncleared brush. 

Sometimes, deer crunched on the grass and bushes outside the windows. And there was the almost constant rustling of the wind in the trees. It was one of the few sounds that could soothe Jensen, regardless of what was going on in his head.

All that puzzled him about his relationship with Jared had been lurking around in Jensen's mind when he'd finally headed to bed. But the shushing of the leaves, the creaking of the cabin as it settled, and all the other wonderful sounds made it easy for Jensen to relax. Relaxation brought the blissful relief of sleep.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen blinked his eyes open in the bright morning sunlight; it was a little overwhelming. He was used to waking up before the sun was up. He didn't sleep in very often.

Groaning, Jensen battled the blankets until he could get his arms out and rub his eyes. He always woke up wishing that he could live at the cabin and never go back.

Something niggled at Jensen's mind. He sniffed and realized that he could smell bacon cooking. He'd either died and gone to the perfect heaven, or Jared was cooking.

Jensen threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. He stretched his arms high above his head and then got dressed.

The wool socks on Jensen's feet muffled his footsteps as he walked down the hall. He leaned against the wall near the kitchen and watched for a while, as Jared buttered some toast.  
“Do you do windows too?" Jensen smirked.

Jared dropped the knife he was using and swore softly.

Laughing in the morning had always been pleasing to Jensen, especially when it was at someone else's expense.

Jared stopped to pick up the knife he'd dropped. "Jesus, Jensen. You're really lucky I left my gun in the bedroom."

Laughing even harder, Jensen headed over to sit down at the table.

"I was just gonna wake you up," Jared said. He finished the toast and brought the plate over to the table.

Jensen was impressed. There was an omelette at each place set at the table. Smiling, Jensen lifted his eyebrows. "Impressive."

"Thanks," Jared answered a bit shyly. "I hope you don't mind. I can't sleep in these days; too used to getting up for work."

"Mind?" Jensen snorted. "Thanks man. I haven't had a homemade breakfast in ages." Needing no further invitation, Jensen grabbed a fork and got stuck into the omelette.

"I always try to have, at least, one real breakfast on the weekend. It's not all that impressive." Jared picked up a piece of toast and set it on the edge of his plate.

"Seems pretty impressive to me," Jensen mumbled with a mouthful of food.

Jared grinned. "During the week I eat donuts."

"Do _not_ underestimate the value of a perfectly good donut." Jensen emphasized each word by stabbing the air with his fork.

Shaking his head fondly, Jared began eating his breakfast.

"Wanna go for a hike?" Jensen asked when he was halfway through a slice of toast.

"If I say no, will you water board me?" One of Jared's eyebrows was raised slightly but he looked amused.

"Cut the chops or I might." Jensen made short work of the rest of his omelette. There was _never_ enough time on the weekends; never enough.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The air was fresh, the sun warm and Jensen was happy to be heading out.

After breakfast they'd both changed. Jensen had dug out his old pants for himself and a pair of sweats for Jared. They both had on old t-shirts; the good kind that had been washed a hundred times and were really soft.

They headed out by mid-morning along a barely visible trail. It wasn't a problem for Jensen; he'd been on the same hike a few times over the years he'd been coming to the cabin.

"What's at the end of this fabulous hike?" Jared asked from behind.

"A lake."

"Can we swim in it?"

"You bet." Jensen smiled over his shoulder. "It's fed by mountain streams. It's a little on the cold side but it's clear as glass."

"Uh huh." Jared didn't sound convinced.

Jensen knew it would be worth it. He was never disappointed by the land around the cabin. By the time they reached the top of the first hill they could see the mountains off in the distance.

Jared made a quiet sounds when he arrived at the hill's peak behind Jensen.

"What?" Jensen turned and smiled at Jared.

"Great view." Hands on his hips, Jared walked around in a circle slowly as he admired the scenery. 

"Right?" Jensen loved it. He got an absurd amount of pleasure out of knowing that Jared was impressed.

"Beautiful."

The look on Jared's face was sweet. He finally looked relaxed and well-rested. His hair was all messed up, blown by the wind, and Jensen wished he could take a photo.

"Come on," Jensen said after a while. "Let's go to the lake."

He headed off, the smile on his face broadened when he heard Jared's footsteps behind him.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The silence they walked in was comfortable. If only they could be quiet all the time, things would be great.

Fresh air made Jensen's lungs feel like they could take deeper breaths and he could feel the city air being cleaned away.

Every time Jensen breathed in he was overwhelmed with all the different scents. There was the fresh tweak of pine trees, the acrid scent of rotting cedar. If he concentrated, Jensen could swear he could even smell the crisp scent of the snow high up on the mountain side. It was probably his imagination but it was a damn sight better than the metallic flavoured city air.

"God," Jensen said. "It's so nice to breathe the air out here." He glanced back at Jared in time to see the man picking up a pinecone from beneath one of the tall evergreens.

"Didn't peg you as the outdoorsy type, Ackles." Jared sniffed the pinecone before tossing it over his shoulder.

"I never used to be," Jensen answered. The ground felt a little spongy underfoot and Jensen knew they were getting close to the lake.

"Just got up one morning and decided to invest in a cabin and commune with nature?" Smiling, Jared moved faster to catch up with Jensen.

"Nah." Jensen returned the smile. "I just realized that most people are shitty." That was about as blunt as Jensen could be without bringing up too much of the past.

"Not everyone," Jared said quietly.

"Well. No. I wouldn't have gotten into law enforcement if I didn't think there were some people worth fighting for."

Nodding, Jared stared down at the ground as he tried to negotiate his way around a particularly damp part of the path. "I think people are basically good. It's not like kids are born all messed up. We do that to 'em."

"Nurture, not nature." Jensen said in agreement.

"Yup. Who said that we're born a clean slate? God, I used to know all this shit." Rubbing at his forehead in frustration, Jared stumbled when his boot caught a particularly large rock.

Jensen caught his partner's arm and stopped him from falling. "Steady there, Dude. I don't think I could carry you all the way back to the cabin."

The sound of Jared's laughter made a ball of heat grow in the middle of Jensen's chest.

"Don't worry, Ackles. I'm graceful like a gazelle."

Jensen snorted his denial and made sure Jared was steady before letting go of his arm. There was a smear of dirt on Jared's cheek and, without thinking, Jensen rubbed it away with his thumb.

Jared flinched back slightly then seemed to recover. He blinked a few times, tilted his head and studied Jensen's face.

"Mud," Jensen murmured. "You had mud…" Jensen gestured toward Jared's cheek. Something about Jared was almost magnetic. It was hard for Jensen to resist for some reason.

"See? Nature's dirty too." The crooked smile that Jensen really liked slid on to Jared's face.

"Funny guy." Jensen grinned and picked up his pace. He _really_ needed to stop touching Jared. It was like being shocked or jolted.

Once Jensen picked up speed, they went quiet again. The trail seemed to demand quiet with all its beauty. No matter how many times Jensen walked it, he never tired of the view. 

The crunching of their footsteps was the only sound they made for a while. Jensen was glad it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. It was a little surprising considering all the arguing they'd been doing. It was far too early for Jensen to think they'd made any progress. But, he couldn't help _hoping_.

They rounded a final stand of trees and Jensen fell back deliberately. He wanted to see Jared's reaction when he saw the lake for the first time.

He wasn't disappointed.

As soon as the azure blue stretch of water appeared, Jared stopped in his tracks. He followed the gentle curve of the shore with his gaze then whispered, "Wow."

Smile on his face, Jensen nodded. "Pretty awesome, huh?"

"It really is," Jared said. For a long time, he just stared out over the still water. "You're very lucky to have a place out here."

"The path goes straight down to the shore." Jensen brushed past Jared and headed down. "All downhill. You can make it, Jared."

Jensen was sure he heard Jared let out an indignant scoff before the sound of footsteps got faster.

Adrenaline spiked Jensen's veins and he broke into a run. As well as he knew the trail, there were a couple of times when Jensen nearly took a dive. He could hear Jared gaining on him. His partner's footsteps were far closer than Jensen expected; he'd underestimated Jared's speed.

Jared kept pace with Jensen as he zigzagged his way down to the shore. It reminded Jensen of being in school - running like hell as soon as school was over.

There was a final outcropping of rock at the end of the trail.

Jensen leapt forward and landed squarely on the flat surface of stone and propelled himself forward. His landing was soft, the sand and covering of drying reeds absorbed most of his momentum.

He turned in time to see Jared running toward the outcropping. He hoped his partner had seen the way Jensen had used it to propel himself forward.

Jared copied Jensen's move exactly and landed on the beach a couple of feet from his partner.

"That was fun," Jared said with a bright smile on his face.

Chuckling softly, Jensen headed down to the edge of the water. Practically still, the beautiful aqua surface of the lake reflected nothing but the clouds in the sky.

Jensen sat down on a log near the water and pulled his shoes and socks off.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked. He moved closer, still looking around them as though he were trying to take it all in.

"Goin' in," Jensen answered. He grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up and off. the cool air was a bit of a shock and he rubbed at his arms.

"Are you insane?" Jared's gaze snapped back to Jensen.

"I go in every time I come here. It's my thing." Water was good for the soul. Jensen wasn't sure where he'd gotten that idea from but he believed it. He wasn't about to break with tradition because it was cold. 

"You _are_ insane." Jared laughed and made himself comfortable on the log beside Jensen. "Knock yourself out. I'll be waiting right here."

Jensen stood and, after a moment's hesitation he pulled his shorts down so he could step out of them.

He tossed them onto the log beside his socks then rubbed his hands together brusquely. 

There was one problem. Jensen usually swam naked. He could leave his boxers on, but he couldn't wear them back then. Hiking back to the cabin in wet underwear would suck. If he took them off after the swim - well - it was stupid to be shy.

He and Jared were adults. If they were at the gym together he wouldn't have hesitated to get undressed to shower. He shrugged, decision made, then dropped his boxers and kicked them up onto the log with the rest of his clothes.

When Jensen glanced at his partner, he smiled. Jared had busied himself with retrying the laces on his boots.

Jensen took a deep breath and ran, albeit gingerly, across the rocky beach to splash into the lake.

"Holy _shit_ ," Jensen cried out in a far higher key than he expected. The water was cold as ice. Jensen kept wading forward and when the water reached his balls he was pretty sure they retracted up to his shoulders. He couldn't help letting out a cry of agony.

Jared busted out laughing from where he was still warm, dry and comfortable. He tried to say something but he dissolved with laughter again.

"Oh yeah, laugh it up," Jensen said through chattering teeth.

"Hey, this is _your thing_." Jared had the decency to cover his mouth even though he continued to laugh into his palm.

Jensen threw his arms up in the air and let out the closest thing he could manage to a war cry before diving into the water.

The cold made all the muscles in Jensen's body feel like they were about to cramp. His chest ached like it was being torn apart and then the numbness of extreme cold settled in. Jensen had always heard that dying of hypothermia would be pleasant but it sure didn't feel terribly pleasant.

He shot up to break the surface of the water and sucked in a huge breath. The air felt warm in comparison to the water. "Fucking cold."

Jared was shaking his head, a broad smile on his face. "Come back out, you idiot."

"It's practically hot tub temperature. Come on in, ya coward." Jensen laughed and splashed water in Jared's general direction.

"Fine, get hypothermia." Jared laughed again and stood so he could see Jensen more clearly.

"Worried ya won't be able to find your way back to the cabin without me?" Jensen grinned, but it really _was_ damned cold in the water.

Struggling forward, Jensen found his footing on the bottom of the lake and began wading back to shore.

Jared reached over for Jensen's shirt and shook it out so it was ready for his partner. "Hurry up before ya freeze to death."

Splashing his way back to his partner, Jensen was so cold he wasn't even able to worry about being naked anymore.

He stumbled when he got back to the shore; his legs felt heavy as the water fell away. Jared stepped forward and held the t-shirt up to pull it over Jensen's head. The cotton stuck to his wet skin and both men laughed as they wrestled the shirt down Jensen's chest.

"You are seriously fuckin' nuts; you know that?" Jared was still smiling as he rubbed his hands over Jensen's arms to try and warm him up a little.

"W-w-was perfect." It might have been more convincing if Jensen's teeth hadn't been clacking together.

"Uh huh." Jared smiled fondly and patted Jensen's chest. "You better get dressed."

Looking a little flushed - maybe it was all the laughing - Jared turned back to the lake and made as if to study the distant shoreline.

Struggling into his boxers and shorts was no laughing matter for Jensen. It really was _damn_ cold and once he was out of the water, he could feel that there was a slight breeze. He tried to dry his feet off a little on his shorts before putting his socks on. At least, his feet would be warm.

"Do you really swim in there all the time?" Jared headed back over to the log and sat down beside Jensen. 

Nodding, Jensen rubbed his hands together to try and get some feeling back in his fingers. "Never feel like I'm actually here until I've been in the water. Usually, I swim a little longer than that."

Jared looked over at Jensen briefly then looked back out at the lake.

"I love it out here," Jensen said quietly. He followed Jared's gaze to the opposite side of the lake. "There's a road down to the shore on the other side of the lake.”

"Your boat," Jared said.

Surprised that Jared remembered his dream of getting a boat, Jensen peered at his partner.

"What?" Jared asked when he became aware of Jensen's eyes on him.

"You remembered the boat thing."

"Yeah." Jared shrugged. "Seemed important to you."

"It is." The wind was picking up a little and Jensen shivered.

A frown flitted across Jared's face, then he closed his eyes for a moment as he shook his head.

Not sure what was going through Jared's brain, Jensen sighed and folded his arms across his chest to try and salvage some of his body's warmth.

The heavy weight of Jared's arm fell on Jensen's shoulders. His partner pulled him in close against his side, fingers firm on Jensen's shoulder.

Dropping his gaze, Jensen let Jared's body heat soak into him. That strangest tingling sensation was working its way down the chilled flesh on Jensen's arms. "Thanks."

"Body heat," Jared said. "Best way to warm someone up."

"Were you a boy scout?" Jensen kept his eyes down, not wanting to make eye contact. It was, after all, a little awkward. It was pleasant being that close to Jared.

"I've taken first aid," Jared said indignantly.

When Jensen looked up there was a smile on Jared's face. "We should head back pretty soon," Jensen said. "If I don't get moving soon, I won't be _able_ to."

The hair that was tucked behind Jared's ear came loose and fell forward. It almost glistened in the sun and Jensen realized there were very blonde strands in his partner's hair. That list of the things that Jensen wasn't supposed to notice was getting unmanageably long. It was hopeless.

Jared squeezed Jensen's shoulder before withdrawing his arm. "Let's go then, Genius. I'm hungry." Right on cue, Jared's stomach growled loudly.

"Well, we can't have that." Leaning on the log, Jensen managed to get up to his feet. His body seemed intent on reminding him that he wasn't as young as he used to be.

It wasn't a long walk back to the cabin but the sooner they got back, the sooner Jensen could get warm. The wind had picked up a little and even with constant movement Jensen was beginning to feel chilled. 

For a while, Jared teased Jensen as they walked. There were lots of jokes about Jensen's staying power and his strength.

Jensen didn't mind. The friendly banter was the closest the two of them had come to acting like partners the entire time they'd been together. It was a pleasant development and Jensen hoped it stuck around.

With the lightened mood between them, the time they spent hiking passed quickly. In spite of the fact that Jensen was uncomfortable in his partially damp clothes, he wasn't counting the minutes till their return. He was actually surprised when he saw the cabin ahead of them.

For the last half a mile or so, they walked side by side. Jared was musing about living in the city and the plusses and minuses of urban life. For the most part, Jensen listened. He was still trying to get to know Jared and hoping he could figure out how to get the man to trust him.


	5. Chapter 5

Things seemed to be going better but Jensen knew that was a bit of an illusion. They weren't discussing anything life changing; they hadn't even touched on anything to do with work. That was where there seemed to be something going on. Work. Lack of trust.

"You're daydreaming again, Ackles." Jared thumped the meaty part of Jensen's arm. It hurt a little and Jensen rubbed at the ache.

"I'm gonna have a shower. Is there any way you could be persuaded to make a pot of coffee?" Putting on his best smile, Jensen looked up at Jared as they climbed the steps up to the front porch.

It only took a second for Jared to answer. "Sure, you need to get warm. Do we have any soup or anything? I could make you some."

It was a bit more than Jensen expected but he nodded, pleased to take his partner up on the offer.

"Get in the shower, Dude." Jared pushed Jensen forward gently with a hand to the small of his back.

Smiling slightly, Jensen headed straight down the hall to the bathroom.

He showered as quickly as he could. It wasn't until halfway through the shower that he began to, actually, feel warm again. He may I have to concede that a dip in the water had been a crazy idea.

By the time Jensen was pulling on clean jeans and a hoodie, he could smell coffee. His stomach growled and he stuffed his feet into a pair of wool socks before heading down the hallway.

"Hey," he said as he reached the kitchen.

Jared was stirring some soup on the stove. "All I could find was a can of chicken noodle. Hope that's okay."

Nodding, Jensen opened a cupboard to get two bowls. He set them on the counter and retrieved a couple of spoons from the drawer. "Shower was good. I needed it."

Jared laughed softly as he labelled soup into both bowls. "Still think you're crazy for going in that damn lake, though."

"Maybe," Jensen said.

They headed over to the couch with their soup and got comfortable. Jensen was more than pleased to be able to drag one of the spare blankets over his legs.

"So. You come up here just when you have vacation time?" Jared spooned some soup into his mouth and sucked in a slippery noodle.

Jensen raised his eyebrows at the display.

Jared smirked. "What? How do _you_ eat it?"

"Like a normal person," Jensen teased. He tossed his spoon onto the coffee table and held the bowl up to slurp out of it.

Jared laughed again and Jensen felt the warmth in his chest grow a little. He nestled back into the couch. "I come up here whenever I can. Doesn't feel nearly often enough."

"Why somewhere in the middle of nowhere?"

For a few moments, Jared thought about lying or, at least, telling a partial truth. Maybe his brain had been frozen in the lake, but he decided to go with the complete truth.

"I - I got the place because it felt safer to be out here. Away from other people. You know?"

A frown creased Jared's forehead and he looked a little puzzled. "You're a cop; can't get much safer than that."

"Yeah." Jensen nodded. "But you know as well as I do, bad shit happens to us just like everyone else." Images Jensen didn't want to revisit were lingering far too close for comfort.

"Did … did something happen to you?" The bowl Jared had been holding clunked onto the coffee table as he set it down.

It was an opening, a chance to break down one of his damn walls but Jensen just couldn't seem to do it. He shook his head slowly, lips pressed tightly together.

"I shouldn't pry," Jared said quickly. "It's none of my business."

"It's not that," Jensen said softly. His throat clenched tightly around the words and he closed his eyes for a few moments. "I - it's just. I can't. I - can't."

When Jensen finally opened his eyes, his vision was a little blurry. He could still see that Jared looked a little shock.

It was a bit of a struggle for Jensen to swallow so he took a moment to set his soup on the table. "I'm sorry."

The creases on Jared's forehead deepened and he tilted his head slightly as he stared at Jensen. "God. There's nothing to apologize for."

Jensen covered his mouth with his hand and let out a long sigh. He peered at Jared over his hand, wishing that the conversation had gone _far_ differently.

"I mean it, Jensen." The couch moved a little as Jared shifted closer. "Man. Obviously something happened to you. Something - I mean, whatever it was." He ended by just shaking his head.

So many times, Jensen had imagined telling someone about everything that had happened. It had never worked out in his mind, and, clearly, it wasn't working in reality either. Telling Alona had been a bit of a reflex action. He didn't want constant pestering from her about any single gay friends she might have. He had told her just enough for her to back off. And that was the most he had ever told anyone. 

"It's okay." Jared reached out, hesitated, then cupped his hand over the side of Jensen's neck. "Alright?"

Things were unravelling a little around Jensen. He'd been so certain that he had everything figured out; that he was the one with the plan when he had thought of the cabin.

Panic nipped at Jensen's reality and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and leaned into the strength of his partner's hand.

"You alright, Jensen?" Jared's voice was tight; it almost had that _cop_ sound that Jensen was used to hearing at work.

Nodding, Jensen twisted out of Jared's grip and stared out the front window. He didn't want Jared's sympathy and he certainly didn't want to be _handled_ like he was some rattled witness at a crime scene. "I'm good," he said gruffly.

Pushing up off the couch, Jensen cleared his throat and ran his hand over his hair a few times. "Jesus. Sorry. I - I should do the dishes."

"Whoa. What just happened?"

"Nothing," Jensen said too quickly. He picked up both bowls of soup that, clearly, neither of them was going to finish. He was halfway back to the kitchen before Jared spoke again.

"Jensen. What the _hell_ just happened? You don't have to talk about … whatever this is that happened … but you can't just walk away like nothing happened."

"Yes, Jared. I can." There was no way that Jensen was going to turn and look at his partner. The edge was too close, too sharp and it was taking all of Jensen's strength to hold it together.

The silence was heavy in the room for a while - it was uncomfortable. But, at least, it was something else for Jensen to focus on, rather than the chaos that was tearing him apart inside.

"What the fuck are we doing, Jensen?" Jared stood, banging into the coffee table as he stepped forward.

"I told you; we're trying to figure out what the hell is going to fix our partnership." There was a buzzing in Jensen's ears and he shook his head slightly.

"Trust," Jared said as he paced across the room to stand in front of Jensen.

And I told you, I can't talk about this," Jensen said flatly. He watched as Jared continued to walk towards him slowly.

"Jensen, are you alright?"

Something about the question seemed almost ludicrous to Jensen. He hadn't been alright since he'd gotten the news his lover had been beaten to death. No. Jensen wasn't alright. But he had always managed to be alright enough. 

He rubbed at his temples. It felt like his blood was full of lead, thick and sluggish in his veins. The sound was horrible in his head. It was like he could hear his blood grating through his body.

"I lost someone, okay?"

Jared flinched at the sharp tone of Jensen's reply. "I wasn't - I didn't mean for you to-"

"No. I get it. I just thought I should tell you."

Taking a step back, Jared nodded and reached up to push his hair back of forehead.

"He died. Well," Jensen rubbed at the ache in his forehead. "He was killed."

"Jesus Christ," Jared murmured. "I'm really sorry."

Jensen nodded and looked down. He hadn't meant to just blurt it out. Hell, he hadn't meant to tell Jared a thing about it. "It's just, it's hard."

"You don't need to explain," Jared said quickly.

But it really felt like he should be explaining himself. He was on the verge of falling apart right in front of the person whose trust he was trying to earn.

"Sometimes," Jensen began in an almost whisper. "It's just hard. I don't - I don't talk about it." Jensen's heart was pounding hard, his breathing a little shallow.

"Drink?"

"What?" Jensen looked up to see a kind smile on his partner's face.

"Would you like a drink of that fancy Scotch of yours?" He was already walking towards the cupboard where the bottle was stashed.

Jensen nodded. The insanity of the situation was beginning to catch up with him. When he headed over to the couch his legs felt a little weak. After all the time that had passed, Jensen felt as though he should be able to talk about his lover without falling apart. He returned to the spot he'd previously occupied on the couch.

The clink of glasses startled Jensen and he looked up to see that Jared was already back with the Scotch. He set the glasses down and opened the bottle to pour them both a drink.

"Little early," Jensen muttered.

The bottle froze in Jared's hand. "You think?"

"I'm not actually complaining." Alcohol seemed like a good idea.

Smiling, Jared finished pouring and held out a glass for Jensen.

The first sip was good. The heat of the whisky began to chip away at the cold mass of anxiety in the middle of Jensen's chest.

"Better?" Jared sat back down again and tasted his own drink.

"Yeah."

Telling Alona had been Jensen's big accomplishment for the decade. He obviously wasn't prepared for a repeat performance

"I just don't talk about it much." Jensen gestured toward Jared with his crink. "Cold must have done something to my brain."

The smile on Jared's face looked more puzzled than anything else. He took another sip of his drink. "Makes you seem a little more human."

"What?" Jensen drained his glass and set it down on the coffee table before filling it again.

Tilting his head a little Jared smiled warmly. "You seem pretty perfect sometimes. It's nice to see that you have things that are hard for you as well."

"Thanks. I think." Jensen downed the second glass of Scotch.

Laughing, Jared leaned back a little. It looked like he was relaxing again and Jensen wished he could manage that himself.

"Another drink?" Jensen asked.

"Nah, I'm good."

Jensen poured himself another two fingers which was actually more like four. "Interesting weekend we're having so far."

That made Jared laugh a little louder. "Do you have entertainment planned for later?"

"Movies? I have movies." There were some DVDs in the cabinet, although Jensen couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the TV on.

"You got music?"

"Now, you're talkin'." Jensen got up and headed over to the cabinet on the back wall. In the first cupboard he had one of the few real luxuries he'd brought out to the cabin; a _very_ nice stereo.

After a few moments of searching through the man CDs he had, Jensen put on some Ella Fitzgerald. "There we go."

"Nice," Jared said as Jensen returned to the couch. "Wouldn't have pegged you for a jazz guy though."

"Really? What would you have guessed?" It was always interesting to hear about people's preconceived ideas.

"Let's see." Jared set his empty glass on the coffee table and turned towards Jensen as though he needed to study his face.

"Well?" The Scotch was warming Jensen's chest, the change in conversation was doing wonders for his mood. Frankly, he'd rather talk about anything other than the past.

"Hard rock. Classic." Nodding, Jared began to look a little over-confident. "Maybe some of the rock country anthems. The kind of music that makes people want to get up and move."

Jensen nodded slowly. "Not bad, Jared. On a road trip? For sure. Out here though I always feel like jazz just suits the place."

"Okay." The smile on Jared's face broadened. "What about me?"

"I bet you like more modern stuff. Real bands though, with real musicians." Jensen had a slight advantage. He'd seen some CD's in Jared's car once. He saved the best for last. "Radiohead."

For a few heart beats Jared just stared, mouth opened into a soft 'O'. Then he seemed to begin to put things together. His eyes narrowed and he smirked. "You saw the music in my car."

Putting on his best innocent expression, Jensen pressed his hand over his heart. "I would never cheat you, Jared."

Both men laughed quietly and Jensen leaned forward to pour himself another drink.

"Take it easy, Dude. You'll be in bed by seven and then who will entertain me tonight?"

The idea of being his partner's entertainment amused Jensen. Regardless of his partner's advice. Jensen downed another shot of Scotch.

The music went a long way toward settling the storm that had been brewing in his mind. Jazz had that effect on him. It was better than a tranquilizer any day. The Scotch could be helping.

Jared's fingers were tapping his knee in time to the beat and Jensen felt himself starting to relax. He needed to unwind a little or their 'weekend of working things out' - well, it wouldn't be.

"And there you go," Jared said. "Off in some fugue or something."

"Isn't fugue a musical term?"

"No idea." Jared seemed amused.

"What?" Not that Jensen was opposed to entertaining Jared but he wasn't quite sure what he'd done.

"You're just a lot more random than I thought." The smile on Jared's face was warm and sweet.

Jensen looked away from his partner. _Fucking smile._ "Want me to start the barbecue soon?"

Nodding, Jared closed his eyes and looked pretty blissed out. "Right. You promised me meat. I _love_ steak."

Eyes widening, Jensen smirked. "Will you need some alone time with the steak?"

"Maybe." Blinking his eyes open again, Jared looked over at his partner and waited until Jensen looked up. "You feelin' better?"

The brief reprieve was over and it hadn't lasted a long as Jensen had hoped. To stall for time while he collected his thoughts, Jensen leaned down and poured himself another drink.

As the Scotch hit the glass, Jensen glanced at his partner in time to see a fleeting look of concern in Jared's face. "I'm okay, Jared."

"That's why the sudden urge to empty the bottle?"

"No." Once the glass was full again, Jensen leaned back and held it up so he could inhale the scent. "I just like it."

Staying quiet, Jared nodded but his smile faded a little.

"Don't worry, Padalecki. You won't have to hold my hair back while I throw up." It was a little insulting that Jared felt the need to be so opinionated about Jensen drinking. He rarely drank at all and Jared didn't know him well enough to comment. At least, that was what Jensen thought.

"I'm not worried about anything like that," Jared finally said. His fingers curled into his palm and he rested his fist against his lips.

Rolling his eyes, Jensen set his half-finished rink back on the coffee table. "I just thought it might make me feel a little better."

"Or you could just talk to me. That _is_ why you kidnapped me."

When Jensen looked over at his partner they both smiled slightly.

"Perhaps not the best choice," Jensen added meekly.

"Things weren't all that great for me at my last posting." Jared spoke quietly, his voice even and smooth.

Frowning, Jensen shifted so he was sitting sideways and could watch his partner.

"My partner was an asshole. I wasn't really completely honest with you. I _did_ tell him that I was gay."

"That's when it took a turn for the worse?"

As Jared nodded his hair swung forward. Long hair seemed to be a portable hiding place for Jared. Any time he revealed anything personal, Jensen had noticed Jared's eyes would disappear behind a veil of hair.

Jensen noticed that Jared was nodding.

"People are shitty and…" Jensen shrugged instead of finishing the thought. It had been on the tip of his tongue to say that people were violent, angry and cruel. But, they both knew that. It wasn't possible to be in law enforcement and avoid the really bad shit that people did.

Jared blew out a very long breath and gazed over at Jensen. "Do you think people can change then?"

"From being a complete asshole? No." Jensen smiled mirthlessly. The problem was that he really didn't have much faith in people anymore. It would take more than a few damned miracles for that lack of faith to change. It was Jensen's protection. If he expected the worst from people then he was unlikely to be disappointed.

"I don't think I've decided what I believe about that." Both of Jared's hands slid into his hair long enough to push it all back off his face for a few moments.

"You're young. You'll figure it out." Through Jensen had meant for it to sound like he was teasing, the words sounded a little bitter in his own ears.

"You seem to think that you and I can change."

"What?"

Shrugging, Jared averted his eyes before speaking again. "You brought me here because you want change. Right?"

"That's different." Jensen truly believed it was different. He wasn't even convinced that they actually needed to change. They just needed to find a way to trust each other in the midst of all that they'd been subjected to.

"It's not all _that_ different." Jared's smile had all but faded from his lips.

"Doesn't matter," Jensen said quickly. "We're already getting along better, don't you think?"

Jared nodded silently and shifted to the edge of the couch. "Think I'll go and relax for a bit, maybe get a little sleep."

"No, don't." Jensen's hand shot out to encircle Jared's wrist. The hot skin against his palm made Jensen shiver.

Jared's eyes made their way to where Jensen's hand was tight around his wrist. As Jensen watched, the pink tip of Jared's tongue appeared to move along his bottom lip.

Jensen stretched his fingers out and repositioned his fingers so he could slowly tighten them again on his partner's wrist. When their eyes met the connection was almost tangible. The intensity of it was a little overwhelming. Jensen wasn't sure why he was unable to let go of Jared. All he had to do was uncurl his fingers and let the man pull away.

"Are you okay, Jensen?" Although there was real concern in Jared's eyes, he also looked a little uncertain.

Jensen had to blink a few times. The heat of the Scotch was chasing away the lingering heaviness of the cold. Jensen traced his thumb over the pale blue map lines of veins on the underside of Jared's wrist. The skin was silky and smooth, the intersection between the veins becoming just the slightest of bumps.

"Jensen?"

The tone of Jared's voice had changed. He sounded worried and Jensen felt a little guilty. He wasn't trying to make Jared worry, not consciously. But he wasn't even sure what he was doing.

He _did_ know that he liked the feeling of strength in Jared's wrist. It had been a long time since Jensen had laid his hands on someone - at least - when he wasn't arresting them. It felt good.

Jared leaned forward and slipped his hand over Jensen's. "Hey."

"Sorry. I -" Jensen wasn't sure what to say.

Ducking his head a little, Jared smiled. He leaned in a little closer, his hand still warm over Jensen's.

It was the closest Jensen had been to Jared - well - except for the night of their ill-fated kiss.

He could see that Jared's eyes had taken on a green hue. Those damned eyes were kaleidoscopes of color. It would be so easy to spend forever gazing into them.

Exasperation made Jensen close his own eyes. He was suddenly _very_ tired. Even his bones ached. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was delving into the past. He just didn't know anymore.

He felt Jared's hand withdraw and his heart fell a little at the loss. It shouldn't. Even as Jensen realized what he was feeling, he chastised himself.

He jumped, his lashes fluttering when Jared's fingertips slid along his cheek bone.

Their eyes met when Jensen looked up and it felt a little like a fire sliding down his spine.

There was part of him that knew he should pull away before things went too far. But pulling away was difficult. It meant losing the sensation that was swirling through his body.

"It's okay," Jared said in an almost whisper. He must have leaned closer again because his breath was hot on Jensen's cheek. All the little hairs on the back of Jensen's neck stood up.

Jensen tilted his head, brow furrowed and squeezed his eyes shut again. He knew without even trying to that he couldn't speak. He didn't have the words and his throat felt tight and dry.

Lips replaced fingertips and Jensen winced as though the gentle brush hurt. No. They shouldn't be touching and Jared's lips _certainly_ shouldn't be moving slowly and gently against his skin.

Jensen's breathing began to increase in speed. His heart surged into a terrifically fast rhythm. "This isn't.."

All of Jensen's words fled as hot, wet lips slid against his own. With his eyes clenched tightly against the image of his partner, Jensen tried really hard to lift his hands to push Jared away. It just wasn't working though.

Jared's lips were softer than Jensen remembered. The way Jared kissed him was almost teasing. Even while a voice inside Jensen's brain was telling him to move away, stop the sweeter-than-fuck passes of Jared's lips, there was another, equally as insistent voice telling Jensen to move closer.

Tilting his head a little, Jensen parted his lips slightly. As though it was an invitation, Jared slid his tongue forward. The tip of his tongue ran along the straight line of Jensen's teeth.

Heat was rippling through Jensen's body. Each sweep of Jared's tongue left Jensen's mind spinning a little faster.

When Jared pulled back slightly, Jensen let his teeth capture Jared's bottom lip. It was full and sweet and Jensen wasn't sure that he'd ever felt quite so much from a kiss.

Jared moaned softly and the low wanton sound of it tore through the haze of pleasure that surrounded Jensen. Breaking away from the kiss, Jensen took a moment to suck in a lung full of air before opening his eyes. He blinked; his eyes felt scratchy and overused.

 _No._ There shouldn't be kissing going on. It was the very last thing that they should be doing.

Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth Jensen shook his head slowly. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. "We can't," he murmured.

Jared looked as though he'd been slapped. Flushed cheeks only made his eyes seem brighter and Jensen stood. He swayed for a few moments, legs feeling too weak and tried to stand.

"It's okay, Jensen. It's just -"

"No," Jensen said unconvincingly.

"What? C'mon," Jared said teasingly. "It's just a kiss. You don't - you're not interested?"

All Jensen did was blink then he shook his head again as he managed to stand properly. "This isn't why - this isn't what we're supposed to be doing." It was a very hollow sounding protest.

"Okay," Jared said weakly. He looked up at Jensen with an almost unbearable lack of emotion on his face. 

"No. Wait," Jared said as he shifted forward on the couch. "It's not okay. I don't get it. Normally, you're all cocky, you don't run from anything. Hell, half the decisions you make on the job are fucking reckless as hell. And suddenly, you can't kiss me?"

It took a while for Jensen to catch up with what Jared was saying. What he chose to focus on was the obvious criticism of his performance at work. "I'm _not_ reckless."

Looking a little surprised, Jared laughed in disbelief. "I say all of that and what you take away is that I called you reckless?"

"My - my job is important to me."

"And _my_ job is important to me. This?" Jared gestured between them. " _This_ has nothing to do with our jobs."

"It has everything to do with our jobs!"

"How?" Heat had risen to Jared's cheeks and he was beginning to look a little flustered. Not that Jensen was sadistic but it was nice to see Jared looking like he was out of his depth.

"Fraternization?"

"What?"

"It's when-"

The look Jared gave him was _absolutely_ filthy. Clearly, Jared also remembered their previous fight.

Jensen twisted around so he was facing Jared head on. "Look Jared, here's the thing. We _can't_ see each other because we work together. It would be bad enough if we just worked in the same precinct but we're _partners_ and that is _so_ not okay."

"Who would even know?"

Exasperated, Jensen threw up his hands and glared down at Jared. "No."

"Because you don't want to? or because you _think_ that you shouldn't?" It looked as though Jared had regained some of his composure.

"That's besides the point," Jensen said quickly.

"Because you don't want to admit that you liked it." Jared licked his lips and the fact that it caught Jensen's attention made him feel like a liar.

"I don't wanna talk about this." Jensen reached for Jared's cheek then changed his mind and turned to walk away.

Before he could get more than a step away, Jared grabbed his arm. "Don't walk away from this."

"From this?" Jensen was beginning to feel the frantic scrabbling of panic in his chest.

"Maybe this … this … attraction we're dealing with. Maybe part of our problem is how we feel about each other."

"I don't _feel_ anything."

Anger blazed in Jared's eyes. The grip he had on Jensen's wrist tightened and he pressed his lips together for a few seconds. "Ackles, you look me in the eye and tell me that you're not attracted to me."

Rolling his eyes, Jensen shifted his weight to his back foot and tried to twist his arm free of Jared's grip. There was no way he was going to play, what amounted to truth or dare, with Jared. "I'm not doing this."

"Don't walk away," Jared said. Even as he spoke, his grip loosened on Jensen's arm.

"What do you want from me, Jared? What? 'Cause I'm really not getting what the point of all this is." Jensen was a mess of emotion. The more Jared pushed, the more of Jensen's past was unearthed in his mind.

"I just don't understand why you're so cut off from me. Clearly, we're attracted to each other. We're adults. You wanna work on our damn partnership? Start with the fact that you don't even trust _yourself_." Jared dropped Jensen's hand and stood up.

They stood there for a while, Jensen panting, Jared staring.

"How can you be _such_ a good cop and have so little faith in yourself, Jensen?" Jared's expression softened and he reached out to grab Jensen's shirt and tug him closer. "What happened to you? Why the hell are you so broken?"

Something buried deep inside Jensen snapped. A flood of pain and panic slammed into him. He stumbled back as though he'd been sucker punched.

Looking startled, Jared tried to stop Jensen from falling but his fingers slipped off Jensen's wrist.

All the strength left Jensen's legs and he fell to his knees. The pain hardly registered in the storm of hurt that was whipping into a frenzy around Jensen.

He was vaguely aware of Jared saying his name. HIs partner was saying other things too but none of the words were really making sense. All Jensen could do was kneel there. Too much was flooding through him.

Jensen's hands gripped his thighs, fingers claw-like and rigid. He just didn't have the strength to grip hard enough to make the rest of the pain stop.

Then warm hands slid over Jensen's. The pain subsided enough that Jensen felt like he could breathe again. He could feel his entire body trembling violently and all Jared did was sit there with him.

Maybe it was Jared's silence. Maybe telling Alona the bare bones was the first step and it was time for the second. Maybe there really _was_ something about Jared that drew Jensen out of himself.

Finally, Jensen managed to look up. Jared's eyes were clear and bright and they were entirely focussed on Jensen. He loosened his grip on his thighs and turned his hands over.

Long fingers slid through his and held on.

The sigh that eased out of Jensen's body shuddered and rattled him a little.

"It's okay," Jared whispered. He squeezed Jensen's hands.

"That's the problem." Jensen's voice was almost a croak. His throat was so tight it felt like it was burning.

A confused frown flickered across Jared's face but he stayed quiet.

And maybe _that_ was it. Maybe it was that Jared had given him enough space and silence to talk. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was angry that it felt so natural to have Jared there at the cabin. 

The first thing Jensen did was take a deep breath. "His name was Gil McKenny. We. We were together for a month over two years. And then he was gone."

Staying silent, Jared just kept his gaze locked on Jensen.

"He was an activist. Always fighting for something. He used to say that he wouldn't settle for being tolerated. He had this theory that every time someone settled for tolerance it was a step back for the movement. _The movement_." Jensen could feel the way his face was altered by his anger. All that time had passed and he was still so angry he could _taste_ it.

All Jared did was nod, his eyes were wide and encouraging.

For a little while, Jensen just listened to the sound of his own heart beat. Jared's hands were so strong, alive, covering his and it was the perfect distraction.

"Gil was walking home. He must have pissed off the wrong people with his stupid speech. I used to tell him all the time to be careful. Always said he should call me and I would swing by to drive him home. Easy right?"

Jared didn't nod but he smiled sadly.

"He walked home. Stupid fucking-" Emotion broke Jensen's voice and he took a few slow, breaths before continuing.

"He was jumped about ten minutes from home. They. They didn't just beat him, they tortured him. When I identified his body-" The heat of tears surprised Jensen. The anger gave way to the hurt that was always _right_ there underneath it.

Jared reached up and slid his hand over Jensen's cheek. His thumb moved along Jensen's skin slowly and it was comforting. It was a reminder he was still breathing.

Another deep breath helped Jensen force more words out. "There was barely a part of him that wasn't bloodied and bruised. He had ten broken bones. Part of his scalp was...I mean, I knew it was him. I would have known him anywhere." The scent of the morgue was swirling to life around Jensen. It was like being drawn back to that horrible moment. He could feel the scratchy shirt he was wearing that had made his neck itchy, the feel of the rough paper cup in his hand full of water someone had said he should drink. More clear than anything was the face of the coroner, they'd worked together before and there he was telling Jensen his lover was dead. "He was so cold."

"I'm so sorry that happened to him," Jared said quietly. His hand moved back to settle on Jensen's again.

Jensen laughed dryly. "I haven't told anyone here his name. Can't even remember the last time I said it outloud." For years it had been like some curse that Jensen didn't dare utter. But really, it hadn't turned out to be the huge monster Jensen had been expecting.

The fight and the tension began to bleed out of Jensen. He sagged forward. Just like it was meant to happen all along, Jared's arms were there to catch him.

Jensen buried his face in Jared's neck. With each breath in he could smell the warmth of life.

"Thank you," Jared whispered into his partner's hair.

It seemed strange, being thanked for telling someone such a horrific story. The problem was that he was suddenly really tired, exhausted and completely drained.

It had taken years to begin it and then it was over so quickly it was hard to believe it had happened at all.

Jensen became aware that Jared was speaking to him and he pulled back slightly to blink up at the man.

"Jensen? You need to rest." Jared's voice was even and warm. And yes, Jensen was exhausted. Nodding, he let Jared help him up to his feet.

Jensen still felt a little chilled from the earlier swim. It felt like he'd been in the lake about a hundred years ago.

It was all a bit of a blur to Jensen. It felt a bit like sleep walking. But, he was home and safe and he let Jared guide him down the hallway.

His bedroom was dark, the curtains were still drawn from the night before. The dark was good. Jensen realized that his head was aching a little and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"You always do that when you're tired."

Jensen started. He'd almost forgotten that Jared was still there. "What?"

Gesturing to the back of his own neck, Jared smiled.

Frowning, Jensen nodded and then sank down onto the edge of the bed.

"You need anything?"

Sighing, Jensen held out his hand until Jared grasped it. The idea of being alone felt wrong. He'd never felt like that at the cabin before. He didn't like it. "Stay with me for a while?"

Nodding, Jared walked around to the other side of the bed. "C'mon."

Jensen laid down and watched as Jared climbed onto the bed. Once he was settled his motioned for Jensen to join him.

Jensen crawled to Jared's side and lay down. He wasn't surprised at all when Jared slid his arm under his shoulders and pulled him closer. He would have been surprised hours before, but not now.

It had been a very long time since Jensen had lain in bed with another person. He'd missed it. It was so much easier to avoid living in the past when there was a warm body beside him. It was possible to relax because the warm body was Jared.

Jensen tried to stay awake for a while. He managed consciousness long enough to rest his hand on Jared's chest. His will to keep his eyes open, however, was no match for Jared's warmth.


	6. Chapter 6

When Jensen opened his eyes he was a little confused. There was still sunlight coming in the bedroom window. He rubbed his eyes with balled up fists as he brain kicked into gear again.

The sensation of Jared's lips came slithering back into Jensen's mind, and he groaned. That's right, there had been kissing. Jared had asked him what had happened, and then Jensen had fallen apart.

"Fuck," he whispered. His head whipped to one side then the other when he remembered that he'd fallen asleep _on_ his partner. For the first time since they'd arrived at the cabin, Jensen found himself wondering if the trip was a good idea after all. Things didn't seem to be going the way he'd envisioned them. 

He concentrated on listening to the familiar sounds of the cabin. There was no one moving, and Jensen couldn't hear any music. For a moment, he wondered if Jared had just decided to give up. Maybe he'd taken the car and headed back to the city.

Shaking his head, Jensen rolled towards the edge of the bed and sat up. He rubbed his hands over his face brusquely to try and loosen the fog of sleep.

When he could focus his eyes properly, Jensen stood and stretched as he walked to the open bedroom door. It felt a little ridiculous but he peered around the doorframe to look down the hall.

There was no sign that Jared was still there.

Emerging from the bedroom cautiously, Jensen padded down the hall slowly. "Jared?"

A beat passed, and then the most bizarre kind of loss crept into Jensen. What if Jared really had taken off? It wouldn't be a huge surprise after what he'd put Jared through. He'd, not only, kidnapped his partner he'd basically had a meltdown. 

Jensen knew he had blurted out a minor tempest of words that, sort of, loosely described his past. It had been so much more painful than the vague words he'd chosen for Alona. But why?

Head down, shoulders protesting the way Jensen tried to stand straighter he let out a sigh of frustration. He headed down the hall into the living room.

It only took a quick glance toward the door to tell that Jared wasn't there. His shoes and coat were nowhere to be seen.

Jensen shrugged, knowing that he really couldn't blame his partner. He knew that Jared had gotten nothing but conflicting messages, combined with a brief bout of emotional overload. Awesome. The best he could hope for was that the car was still outside. Maybe Jared had been crazy enough to try and walk back to the city. Even Jensen didn't know where he'd left the car keys, so there was hope.

His footsteps were almost inaudible as he headed over to the front window. The sun had taken on the soft, burned red of later afternoon, and it gave the trees an inviting glow.

The sunlight glinted off the bumper of the car, and Jensen had a moment's relief before a movement off to the side caught his eye.

Jared was sitting under Jensen's favorite oak tree. He was leaned back against the strong, old trunk with a book held open in his lap.

As though sensing someone was watching, Jared looked up. When their eyes met, Jared smiled.

It surprised Jensen how pleased he was to see Jared. It wasn't like he'd had company out at the cabin before, so it shouldn't have felt so … normal.

Relief felt good, and Jensen pressed his palm to the cool window pane. Jared's smile widened, and he got up to walk back over to the cabin.

They met on the front porch. It felt a little more neutral than the living room, or worse, the bedroom.

It was warm in the lingering sun, and Jensen shaded his eyes, so he could see Jared more clearly. "You're still here."

Nodding, Jared set the book down on the small table by the door and sat down on the bench. "Was I not supposed to be here?"

After hesitating a moment, Jensen joined his partner on the bench. "I made this, you know."

"The cover?" Jared smoothed his hand over the material covering the bench cushion.

"The bench. There's a shed around back with some tools. Took a few carpentry classes a long time ago." He shifted back to get comfortable and ran his fingers over the smooth finish of the arm on the bench.

"Hobby?"

Jared was looking at him again. The guy's eyes felt like they burned right through Jensen.

"I had this stupid idea that one day, I would build one of those big Shaker beds, maybe some night tables and a dresser. A whole bedroom."

"Just for you?"

That was always the part of Jensen's dreams where things began to fall apart. "Well...with someone. But then my someone was gone. And, I built this, because I figured I'd find someone else."

All Jared did was nod, Jensen saw it out of the corner of his eye, so he kept talking. "People eventually started to say, _there might be someone else out there for you, Jensen._ "

The birds were chirping up a storm for some reason, and Jensen was thankful because it filled up the short silence between them.

"And now? You don't think that?"

"I thought I had it made," Jensen said softly. Nervous, he rubbed his hands on his pants. "It was like there was this list of things I was checking off. School, great job, perfect guy…"

He really had thought that things were going to be okay. He thought he'd reached that magical point in his life when he could stop fighting for everything. That was when the carpet had been pulled out from under him.

"And it all went away?" Jared was staring out over the top of the car.

It might just be a poor choice of words, but Jensen needed Jared to understand. He turned towards Jared. "No."

There was a very puzzled expression on Jared's face.

"We didn't want it to end. It was just … just ripped away, and I feel like there's this fucking wound…."

The expression on Jared's face changed, and he looked a little frantic. "No - I didn't mean-"

Jensen held his hand up to silence his partner. "This isn't me trying to make you feel guilty. I just need you to know how unbelievably brutal this was. It wasn't - it isn't the kind of thing someone gets over."

Sadness softened the edges of Jared's eyes, and he looked down at his feet. "Jensen? I know what happened was _really_ fucking awful. I'm a cop. I _do_ have the ability to conjure up what you must have gone through. I know that I can only _begin_ to understand but _Jesus_! This never meant _your_ life had to be over as well."

Before all the words were out of Jared's mouth, Jensen was shaking his head. His bottom lip trembled as anger began to smolder in his chest. "Don't tell me what it meant. _You_ have no idea what it felt like. _No_ idea."

It was Jared's turn to look angry. "So what? You just punch the time clock twice a day until you can check out as well? Is that it?"

"Why the _fuck_ does it matter to you? Really this - whatever I am or I'm not dealing with - has _no_ bearing on you-"

"That is so selfish." Jared stood, towering over Jensen and crowding him so that it was impossible for him to leave.

"Call me all the names you want. It's not gonna change a fucking thing." Jensen was nearly vibrating, he was so angry. Jared had no right to make any judgments about Jensen's past. _None_ whatsoever. And how exactly had things escalated so quickly?

"That's where you're wrong. I work with you. You think that you having a death wish doesn't have any effect on me? You take all kinds of stupid risks when we're out there-"

"You are _so_ not in a position to judge me-"

"I'm not judging you," Jared said firmly. "You rush into situations that are dangerous. You take unnecessary risks. Is it about all this?" Jared didn't _look_ like he was trying to piss Jensen off, but he was certainly accomplishing it.

"Don't make it sound like losing the man I wanted to spend my entire _life_ with is just some inconvenience you have to put up with." The fight was leaving Jensen. The loss of Gil was always with him, but it was a bit like wearing a watch. He didn't always know it was there, but not having it with him felt uncomfortable.

"Jensen, I'm not saying that." After a forced sigh, Jared sat back down beside his partner. "I just think this loss has made you into the walking dead. Like you're just letting the time run out but hoping that something will check you out early if you take enough risks."

It was a terrifying thought really. Jensen supposed it was a cop's worst nightmare: a partner with nothing to lose. But that wasn't how Jensen saw himself. He just didn't want to fight for something only to have it torn away.

"What was he like?"

"Gil?" Jensen really needed to stop counting how many times he said his dead lover's name like some macabre butcher's bill.

Nodding, Jared got comfortable. The warm swell of his thigh muscle was pressed to Jensen's, and it felt good. He felt less like he was going to lose control.

"He was sweet. He was very outgoing, outspoken too. Never passed up a protest or an opportunity to change someone's mind. He liked the city though."

Jared nodded, and his smile warmed considerably.

"People was _it_ for him. He worked with teenagers who were coming out." Jensen allowed himself a slight smile. " _Before_ it was trendy to do that too. He used to say that it made him feel like he'd made a difference to someone."

A twinge of bitterness soured Jensen's memories of all the groups and parades he'd been dragged to.

There must have been a marked difference on his face.

"What?" Jared's fingers slipped along Jensen's forearm as he spoke.

"Well, ultimately that's why he -" That rock hard knot of loss, and fear and anger lodged itself in Jensen's throat again. He coughed and tried to swallow.

"You think he was killed because of being out so publicly?" It was difficult to sense the tone in Jared's voice.

"It wasn't a mugging. They didn't touch his wallet, and he would have just given it to them anyway. Even Gil had to have learned _some_ things about personal safety while living with a cop."

Jensen and Gil had had many arguments over their time together. The detective in Jensen couldn't just be muted, and some of the things Gil had done were reckless.

There was that word again. It would be ironic if - Jensen stood up so suddenly that Jared yanked his hand back, startled.

"Shit," Jared muttered.

"Sorry. I. I. Dinner. If you wanna eat tonight I should start something. He fussed at the collar of his shirt, agitated with himself.

Jared was managing to look unconvinced and hopeful at the same time.

"Hungry?" Jensen asked.

"Usually am," Jared said. It looked, for the time being, as though he was willing to take a break from _talking_.

"C'mon. Grab a couple beers and come around back. I'll get the barbecue started."

As soon as he was around the corner of the cabin, Jensen leaned heavily against the wall and closed his eyes.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Apart from a minor glitch with Jensen not being able to find matches. Jared had never actually lit charcoal, and he spent a lot of time trying to argue for the benefit of propane barbecues. That was all well and good until Jensen pointed out that propane tanks needed to be filled, and the nearest gas station was miles away.

The argument was friendly and comfortable. Jensen felt almost as though things were back to normal between them. Jensen was always most comfortable when they were in their roles as partners. It was a good fit for them.

He wasn't sure what Jared was comfortable with. Since they'd arrived at the cabin, Jared had taken everything in stride. Turned out Padalecki was one of those men who was comfortable in almost any situation he was thrown into, and Jensen couldn't help admiring that.

They ate their steaks, Jensen's well-done and Jared's medium. Steak two days in a row wasn't exactly an inconvenience. The meal ended up looking and tasting okay. Jared scrounged up a can of Baked beans and a bag of Doritos from the car. It had seemed an odd combination but tasted pretty good.

For a while they managed to steer clear of talk about Jensen's past. Jared spoke a little more about his experience of high school. It was very different from Jensen's.

Jared was on the debate team and in the Chess club. There was a good amount of teasing because of that, but Jared took it all in good stride.

Jared offered to do the dishes and Jensen hunted around for some of the old photos of the cabin from when he'd first bought it. For some reason, he really wanted to show Jared how much he'd managed to improve the place.

"It's got to be here somewhere," Jensen muttered as he ran his fingers along the spines of the many books in front of him.

Laughter floated over from the sink where Jared was still clanking the dishes around.

"Don't laugh at me, Padalecki." But Jensen couldn't help smirking.

"I _believe_ that you did a lot of work on the place. You don't have to prove anything to me." Jared banged a few cupboard doors and then looked over at Jensen pleadingly with a mug in his hand.

"Cupboard right beside the fridge, top shelf. Wonder if I took the album back to town. Why would I do that?"

Jared laughed again. "What are you asking me for?"

"Rhetorical." Jensen gave up and headed to the stereo. When he looked over to the kitchen he could only see Jared's ass from behind the open fridge door as he put the leftovers away. He raised his eyebrows and looked back down at his music quickly.

"You like blues?"

"Yup." Jared walked over to the couch and flopped down.

"Classical?"

"Sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

Shrugging, Jared smiled. "I gotta be in the right mood.

Jensen settled on Radiohead. It was hard to go wrong with Radiohead. When he sat next to Jared he was pleased to see his partner bobbing his head in time to _15 Step_

"You don't have any photos of him." Jared was looking around the room.

"Can we not?" Jensen kept his voice soft. The last thing he wanted was another argument. "Just tonight. I need a reprieve." Keeping a smile on his face seemed to be a good idea.

"Yeah," Jared said softly.

"So. Tell me what _your_ type is."

"My what?" Jared looked amused.

"Your type. You like 'em older and experienced like Jeff or strapping, young and outgoing like Hodge."

"Oh God. We are not talking about the guys we work with. That's just wrong." Jared shuddered a little and flashed a crooked grin at Jensen.

"Alona?" Jensen teased.

The only response he got from Jared was a rather dramatic eye roll.

"Hey. Did you date girls in High School?" Jensen was curious about what made Jared the kind of person who would suddenly out himself at work.

"Just to a couple of school dances. Nothing too crazy. A few relatively innocuous kisses. You know how is it." Jared's cheeks were tinted with a little pink that wasn't there before.

"I dated a cheerleader named Danneel," Jensen said proudly.

Jared looked over and narrowed his eyes as he studied Jensen's face. "You're not trying to pretend you dated Danneel Harris, are you? You did not."

It was always a good reveal when Jensen was trying to impress people. "Yes, Jared. Yes, I did."

"Shut up!" Jared's eyes were sparkling when he swung around on the couch to face Jensen.

Looking smug, Jensen folded his arms and leaned back, so he could put his feet up on the coffee table.

"No," Jared said in disbelief. "You did _not_ date the Danneel Harris who was a Maxim girl. You _did_ not."

Pulling a hand free, Jensen sat forward, so he could pull his wallet out of his back pocket. He flipped it open to the photo he kept for just such moments.

Snatching the wallet out of Jensen's hand, Jared frowned. As he looked at the photo his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He looked over at Jensen, and his mouth slowly curved into a crooked grin. "You dated Danneel Harris."

"I did, Jared. For over six months. Still hear from her every now and again." Jared's smile was infectious, especially now there were dimples and a glint in his eyes.

"Well, color me impressed. And not just because you're gay." Jared laughed, but he still managed to look impressed.

"I didn't know I was gay when I asked her out but. I mean. Dating her? I was suddenly _very_ aware that she wasn't my _type_." Even Jensen had to smile remembering the crazy conversations he'd had with Danneel back then. She was pretty amazing when it came down to the whole _gay_ thing.

"Guess you know for sure."

"Know what?" Jensen frowned.

"You're _absolutely_ gay."

Jensen's own laughter took him by surprise. It was a ridiculous statement, but Jensen had never thought about it that way. He made a mental note to tell Danneel the story the next time they spoke.

When he finally stopped laughing, Jensen sighed. "She was a damn good kisser though."

Jared turned to face Jensen again, mouth wide in surprise.

"I _can_ kiss women, Jared. And Danneel had _great_ lips." It was no word of an exaggeration. The woman, not only had a terrific personality, but she had lips that were made for kissing.

"See. I had you pegged for one of those guys who had pretty much always known he was gay. I know you told me differently." Jared held up the photo of Danneel again. " _This_ woman and you? Damn. Hot couple."

"Now you're just making fun of me." Jensen tried to pout, but he was actually enjoying himself so it was impossible.

"No, I'm not." Even though Jared was smiling he was still managing to look pretty serious. "She's gorgeous. And you -" Jared seemed to think better of continuing his train of thought.

Heat prickled on Jensen's cheeks. The idea that Jared thought he was attractive was uncomfortable and flattering all at the same time.

Silence settled upon them and, this time, it wasn't quite so comfortable. Jensen smoothed his hands on his thighs, and Jared leaned forward to pick up an old National Geographic magazine from the bottom shelf of the coffee table.

Jensen sniffed and rubbed at the stubble on his jaw. He hadn't shaved since they'd arrived. He hummed along with the CD for a while.

"You have a good voice," Jared said. He tossed the magazine onto the table. "Want a drink?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. After-" Jensen waved his hand, hoping that he wouldn't have to go into detail.

"Ah." The couch squeaked when Jared shifted around.

"You know. We could go back to the city." Jensen felt more than saw Jared turn to look at him. "It's just that we seem to be getting along better now. We could just drive back."

There was no way Jensen was going to look over at his partner. Oh, he would make the offer but he didn't want to take Jared back. He might not know what to do, or even how to identify what he felt, but he didn't want to take Jared back home. They could easily get away with three more nights at the cabin.

"Do you want to go home?" It was hard to read any clues in Jared's voice.

"Do you?"

Jared stayed silent.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a few moments, Jensen brushed his hands back and forth over his hair. "I - I don't want to go back. And-" Jensen shrugged.

"What?" Jared's fingers settled on Jensen's arm.

"I don't want _you_ to go."

The moment he said it he felt a little nauseous. Yes. He wanted to be around Jared. He liked his partner and, more than that, he was attracted to him. It was a little like cheating on Gil - at least, that was how it felt.

"Okay, let's stay." The fingers fell away from Jensen's arm. "I like it here, and I haven't had a vacation in a really long time"

And _why_ on earth would that make Jensen feel disappointed? Why? Because Jared didn't say that he was enjoying his time with Jensen? It was hardly surprising considering the roller coaster ride that Jensen's emotions were on.

"There you go again," Jared said softly. "Lost in that head of yours."

For some reason Jared had annoyed him. It wasn't like Jensen was day dreaming. He just didn't know what the hell he was feeling, let alone, how to express it.

"You look pissed off," Jared said. The breath he pushed out of his lungs sounded a lot like frustration to Jensen. "Were you hoping that I was gonna ask you to take me back to town? You can. If that's what you want."

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Do you know how terrifying that is? I made it this far by always being in control of my personal life." It was a valid strategy for a while. Shutting people out had brought Jensen years of distance.

Jared made Jensen feel things. That hadn't happened in a very long time. He had mixed emotions about it. Hell, he had nearly every emotion at once. That might explain why he felt sea sick.

"What do you want me to do, Jensen?" There was _definitely_ frustration in Jared's voice.

"I don't know. Nothing. Everything." As usual, Jensen had no definitive answer.

"I have a feeling that it's a good thing you're not interested in me. Too much drama."

"Nice." Being dismissed felt a lot worse than whatever else had been going on between them.

Shaking his head, Jared shifted to stand. "I've tried pretty much every approach I could think of. Listening, talking, asking questions, being quiet. You _kidnapped_ me, and I even went with the flow on that. I'm done, Jensen. I'm out of ideas, and I don't think I can-"

Jensen spun quickly and caught Jared by the forearm. He yanked Jared back down onto the couch and their mouths connected _hard_.

Jared let out a surprised grunt when their teeth clacked together. They were twisted awkwardly on the couch, Jensen nearly slid off the edge of the seat. Then, suddenly, everything started to work.

Jared's lips parted a little, and his hand found its way to Jensen's hip.

Once he managed to regain his balance, Jensen slid his fingers into Jared's hair.

The change was immediate. Moaning into the kiss, Jared slid his tongue forward to trace the gentle curves of Jensen's lips.

As messed up as everything was inside of Jensen's head, the kiss felt about as perfect as a kiss could be.

Heat was whirling through him, twisting through his veins and cranking up the pace of his heart. Each lingering pass of wet lips, each sweep of Jensen's tongue deeper into his mouth, left Jensen a little more dizzy.

Jared's hands worked their way to Jensen's shoulders and then slid to his neck. He held Jensen and deepened the kiss.

Their mouths opened wider, Jensen shuddered, and then he was giving in to the gentle caresses of Jared's tongue.

Their breath mingled as they learned their way through the kiss. Jared's teeth dragged over Jensen's bottom lip, and they both moaned quietly.

When they pulled back slightly, Jared didn't let go. His hands were warm on Jensen's flesh and sent that heat radiating down his body.

All the heat and longing that Jensen felt was making him tremble. He had no idea what to say, no idea what to do. His thoughts were racing nearly as fast as his heart, and he could still feel the tingling sparks of desire skittering across the surface of his skin.

"That was…" Jared's voice was more breath than sound.

All Jensen could manage was a weak nod.

The pleasure of the kiss left Jensen weak. He drew in a deep breath and savored the unique scent of Jared's skin. He knew it would fade as they spent more time together, eventually, Jensen wouldn't even notice it. Things like that should be treasured Jensen had learned. Loss had made him acutely aware of what was important.

That was about the extent of Jensen's ability to string thoughts together. It was also, pretty much, the extent of his _calm_.

Not for the first time around Jared, he had no idea what to do.

Jared sat back a little, eyes focused intently on Jensen's. "Just let it be, Jensen."

Tilting his head, Jensen studied the whirl of color in Jared's eyes while he let the words sink in.

_Let it be._

It wasn't Jared telling him to stay away from it; it was Jared telling him to just let things be what they were. It sounded simple, but Jensen could already feel the tension winding tighter around his spine.

"Hey," Jared said quietly.

It took a couple of seconds for Jensen to focus. He smiled weakly and rested his hand against Jared's chest. The firm strength of Jared's body was comfortable and reassuring.

"Jensen, don't get all lost in yourself. We don't have to - things can stay the way they are, but don't shut me out again, okay? That's all I ask."

It seemed like a simple request but Jensen knew himself. There was no way it would be as simple as just deciding to let Jared in. Nothing was ever that simple when it involved Jensen's emotions.

Forcing himself to nod, Jensen collapsed back into the couch and watched as Jared did the same.

The music was still playing, the light outside was fading away to a violet sky, and there was Jared at his side. "You know. When I had the bright idea to bring you out here I thought I was pretty clever."

Jared laughed briefly and held his hand out for Jensen's. "I think you're pretty clever."

Licking his lips, Jensen stared down at Jared's hand for a few heartbeats before sliding his fingers across his partner's palm. 

The way Jared's fingers tightened on his hand made Jensen's heart clench. Years had passed since the last time Jensen had held someone's hand.

Letting his lashes fall to his cheeks, Jensen sighed and relaxed a little more. "It's not so bad."

"What?"

With a squeeze of Jared's hand, Jensen smiled. "Baby steps, right?"

"Sure. Whatever you want." The wind picked up outside, and Jared looked over at the window. "Looks like it's going to be a stormy night."

"I like storms." Over the years, Jensen had seen some amazing storms while at the cabin. "I usually get a blanket and sit outside to watch. It's like my own private nature channel."

A smile grew on Jared's face again and his thumb rubbed the length of Jensen's. "You know, you're pretty cool for a detective."

"I'm cool in general," Jensen answered. The waves of nausea had all but disappeared, and, at some point, he'd finally stopped shaking. Progress.

"I wanna have a shower," Jared said. "You get a blanket, and I'll meet you on the bench." 

Jensen nodded. _One step at a time._

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The stormy, late afternoon morphed into a warm and humid evening. Jared had joined Jensen on the front porch and the two men watched as a massive thunderstorm rolled towards them.

While the blue-grey clouds oozed forward in dark plumes, Jared spoke about his family. Jensen wasn't sure what happened, maybe it was just that Jared wanted to equalize the sharing scale.

Mostly, he spoke about his father. It was clear that Jared missed his family, but he seemed to miss his father most of all.

It made sense to Jensen. He'd been lucky enough to have a good relationship with his own father. Still, he didn't see the man very often now that he was busy working half way across the country.

The longer Jared spoke, the closer the storm traveled until it was hunkered down over the cabin and ready to pounce.

The men fell silent as the thunder rumbled around them. A couple of the bursts of sound were so loud and low that Jensen could feel them in his chest.

Lightning cracked the sky to pieces as Jared and Jensen murmured quietly to one another. For a while, it was their own little world.

It eased Jensen into the idea of _being_ with Jared. There was no way he could possibly foresee how it would turn out. But, he was less inclined to run screaming from the cabin.

The storm settled in, and the air cooled, so eventually Jensen suggested moving back inside.

For a while, Jensen busied himself with cleaning up. He picked up the last of the dishes and folded the blankets before piling them back on the couch.

The entire time he moved around the cabin, he was thinking. He thought about what would happen once the weekend was over. He thought about some of the things Jared had said to him.

He came up with as many ways as possible to avoid thinking about the fact that he really wanted to kiss Jared again. And he wanted _so_ much more, which was the thing that was making him so unsettled.

Once he'd faced the way he felt, it seemed a lot more difficult to push it aside.

Things were changing far too quickly for Jensen to even keep up.

Pacing out into the living room, Jared curled his hand over Jensen's shoulder. "You know. You don't have to keep yourself occupied out here. I don't _expect_ anything. I promise."

An uninvited smile slipped onto Jensen's lips. Jared was sticking to his _no pressure_ deal, and it was winning ground with Jensen.

"I'm not … okay," Jensen said. "I probably am killing time, but not because of you. Strictly because of me."

Jared's brow furrowed and he cocked his head in confusion.

"I'm hoping - I mean. I was thinking that if you went to bed first I could _possibly_ find the balls to actually join you."

Both of Jared's eyebrows shot up, and he blinked a few times, clearly, surprised by Jensen's admission.

"Not for - I just wanted." Jensen raked a hand through his hair and growled in frustration. "Falling asleep beside someone; I missed it." He liked the way Jared felt next to him. 

When Jared remained silent for a little while, Jensen felt worry nipping at his heels. Maybe he'd gone too far and strayed into the _ridiculous_.

"Or," Jared said softly. "We could both sleep in your bed."

Jensen nodded. "Okay."

Narrowed his gaze, Jared smiled. "You sure?"

There really wasn't much more thinking that Jensen could do. "Yeah."

Chuckling, Jared backed up slowly. I'm just gonna go then. Does it matter which side?"

"Side?" Everything seemed confusing to Jensen.

"Bed. Does it matter which side I sleep on?"

"No. I - no. Whichever." Adrenaline sent a spike of anxiety ripping through Jensen's body. He had no idea what he was doing.

"Okay." After a couple more steps back Jared turned, flashed a quick smile and headed down the hall.

It seemed Jensen had reached the point of no return.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

It took Jensen about half an hour to get his feet to move in the direction of his bedroom. He'd realized after Jared left the living room that he would never have been able to sneak into Jared's room. He knew himself well enough to know that he would have laid in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling and debating the pros and cons. All he would have been left with was a sleepless night. Maybe Jared had been anticipating that as well. 

When his weak legs finally carried him down to his bedroom, Jared was already in the bed. The lamp on Jared's side of the bed was on and Jensen's side of the bed was turned down. _That_ made him smile.

Feeling a little helpless Jensen stood at the side of the bed. His gaze traveled along the curve of Jared's bare shoulder. The man's hair was long enough to graze his shoulders. For some reason, it seemed more unruly than usual now that Jared was shirtless.

"Don't panic," Jared teased. "I've still got my boxers on." There was a crooked smile on Jared's mouth, and it was pretty adorable.

"I'm good." It was Jensen's standard reply even while he was trembling so badly he wasn't sure how long he could stand there.

"Get in before you pass out." Jared flipped the covers back a little further and patted the mattress. "I won't bite … probably."

"Teasing a man who's a nervous wreck. Good, Jared, really good." Jensen took a deep breath before tugging his t-shirt off and tossing it into the laundry hamper. He clenched his hands into fists to try and stop the shaking.

The button on his jeans felt far too big to fit through the buttonhole, and he fought with it for a while before finally getting it undone. He shoved his jeans down and stepped out of them quickly before he could change his mind.

The bed springs protested when Jensen scrambled under the covers.

"That was quite an entrance." Jared was lying on his side, head propped up in his hand. Amusement was written all over his face.

Lying there on his back, staring at Jared, Jensen finally relaxed a little. He rolled his eyes and turned back to stare at the ceiling. His throat felt dry, and he ran his tongue over his lips.

"This isn't supposed to be torture," Jared said softly.

His voice was _so_ close to Jensen's ear that the words practically slithered down his skin.

"You want me to go back to the other room?"

"No," Jensen said quickly. He really wanted Jared there. He wanted him there a lot. Rolling onto his side, Jensen mirrored Jared's pose. As soon as their eyes met Jensen felt better. "Just settling, you know?"

"I know." Moving very slowly, Jared reached up and slid his hand down Jensen's arm.

The easiest thing for Jensen would have been to close his eyes but he didn't want to. He needed to see Jared's eyes.

"You tired?" Jared's hand kept moving up and down Jensen's arm slowly.

"It _was_ kind of a crazy day," Jensen answered. That was quite an understatement. As he stared into Jared's eyes, Jensen couldn't help moving a little closer. It felt a little like he was being drawn in.

Their bodies were so close that Jensen could feel _heat_ radiating from Jared. It soaked into him and eased some of the worry away.

"I bet this isn't what you thought was going to happen this weekend." Jensen was a little surprised himself. Taking Jared to the cabin had been about trying to salvage their partnership not hooking up. _Hooking up_ didn't seem to be what was actually happening anyway.

"Stop overthinking every single thing that happens." The smile on Jared's face was beautiful. There was just no other way to describe it. Warmth and calm radiated from that smile, and Jensen thought that if he could bottle and sell whatever that look was he'd be a millionaire.

"I think it's gonna take some time before I manage that," Jensen said. He tried to focus on the way Jared's fingers felt sliding over his skin instead of the doubts that were lingering.

Jared's eyes widened for a moment, and he rolled away to turn off his lamp.

Fortunately, the moonlight was bright, and the blinds were still open. So far from the city, there was never any reason to close them for privacy.

In the silver of the moon's full light, the color left their skin. It felt like watching an old black and white film. Jensen smiled at the thought and allowed his eyes to trail down Jared's body.

With the usual golden hue washed from his skin, Jared looked more exotic. Only the shadows defined the curves and angles of the man's body.

Jensen's gaze traveled the width of Jared's broad shoulders, then down the muscular curve of Jared's biceps. He loved the way his partner was built. It felt like Jared was solid, unbreakable and, at the same time, hotter than hell. Jensen had never seen anyone like Jared, and it must have shown on his face.

"You're staring," Jared said softly. His own gaze didn't waver as he stared into Jensen's eyes.

Swallowing was difficult, and Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments. When he reopened them Jared's dark eyes were still locked on his. The only change on the man's face was that his once closed mouth was now open slightly, lips wet and glistening in the moonlight.

The trembling in Jensen's body began again, but it was different. The heat rippling through him was entirely about the _want_ in Jared's eyes. The full curve of Jared's bottom lip looked perfect, and Jensen really wanted to taste it.

"Stop thinking about it and do it if that's what you want," Jared whispered. There was a deep rasp in his voice that Jensen hadn't heard before.

The breath felt like it was snatched _right_ out of Jensen's lungs. _This is really happening_ , he thought.

Still so close, Jensen only had to straighten his fingers out to touch the smooth skin of Jared's abs.

Jensen rolled his bottom lip under his teeth as the hard definition of his partner's abs quivered under his touch.

It felt like Jensen's mouth was completely dry and _Jesus_ he hoped that he wasn't going to do something ridiculously embarrassing. "I - it's …"

"Okay," was all Jared said, and it was as though the word unstuck Jensen.

He pushed forward to press his hand flat against Jared's abs then slid his palm up until his fingers could feel the strong beat of the blood moving through Jared's veins.

It was such a simple touch, but the jolt of pleasure that Jensen felt was a shock. He sucked in a sharp breath, and when he blew it out he chased the breath down to Jared's shoulder. His lips parted, and he brushed them the length of Jared's collar bone.

Jared's breath became a little more uneven, and he dropped his arm to rest his head on the pillow.

The expanse of Jared's long neck opened up in front of Jensen, and he pressed his lips to Jared's pulse then tasted his way up to the man's jaw.

Jared's skin was salty, smooth until Jensen's teeth grated over stubble. After a deep breath of Jared's scent, Jensen stilled.

Jared's breathing was a little labored sounding, and he turned his head slowly until his lips were _just_ touching the corner of Jensen's mouth. "You alright?"

The heat of Jared's breath was comforting. Jensen took solace in the fact that the sensation was so real; he remembered the sensation.

"I don't know," Jensen whispered. The truth was painful to admit, but there seemed to be little point in hiding anything.

Shifting a little, Jared looked into Jensen's eyes again. "You look tired."

It hadn't occurred to Jensen until Jared mentioned it, but he _was_ as tired as he felt. Drained. There had been so many things going through his mind, so many emotions weighing him down.

"Sleep," Jared ordered. "By my calculations, we still have two nights left."

_Two nights left._

Nodding, Jensen slid his arm over Jared's waist in case he had any ideas about moving.

The bed shook a little when Jared laughed. "I'm not going anywhere."

Pushing all his hesitation aside, Jensen pressed up against his partner's body. The contact took his breath away, and he ended up gasping for air. He slid a hand up into Jared's hair and held on as though it was a lifeline.

Smooth lips traced the curve of Jensen's ear. "Sleep."

Smiling against Jared's shoulder, Jensen closed his eyes. All the exhaustion of the day caught up with him quickly. He fought against it for a while then surrendered. The last thing he was really aware of was Jared's broad palm rubbing up and down his back.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Red. Eyes still closed, Jensen could feel the heat of sunlight on his face. The light was red through his eyelids.

A dream lingered on the very edges of Jensen's awareness. He'd been running through snow. Somehow, his truck had become mired down in the damp snow. The dream was slipping away like sand through his fingers. There was someone there with him. They'd been driving but the snow had been far too deep for them to continue.

Of all things, Jensen thought. _Snow._

When he opened his eyes, he was nearly blinded by the sun that was streaming in the window. "Jesus."

A groan beside him made him jump, and Jensen squinted as he turned his head. Ah yes. He was sleeping with his partner. 

Still asleep, Jared smacked his lips and rolled onto his belly. His arm ended up slung across Jensen's hips, fingers caressing bare flesh.

Even asleep Jared _touched._ In a way, that didn't surprise Jensen. It should, but it didn't. There was part of him that was still very aware of how little he knew about Jared.

Jensen sighed and reached down to curl both hands over Jared's forearm. The strength hidden beneath that warm flesh was impressive. Jensen could feel the tendons moving as Jared's fingers slid over his skin.

Directing his gaze downwards, Jensen had to smile. Jared's hair was tousled, his skin flushed from sleep, and there was a mysterious half-smile on his face.

On impulse, Jensen reached up to brush the hair back off Jared's forehead.

Jared's lashes fluttered, he licked his lips and then blinked his eyes open. "Mornin'."

"Hey." It wasn't very often that Jensen smiled first thing in the morning, but it was impossible to resist. He'd always thought Jared was attractive, even when he hadn't been prepared to admit it. Half asleep was a _very_ good look for Jared.

"Time is't?" Jared mumbled.

Jensen chuckled softly and picked up his partner's wrist, so he could see the face of the huge watch.

"Not even nine," Jared said grumpily.

Laughing again, Jensen resettled Jared's arm across his hips. "Not much of a morning' person, are ya?"

All Jared did was shake his head. His lips were pressed tight together, and his eyes were scrunched up against the light in the room.

The whole situation amused Jensen. Honestly, he'd always pegged Jared for a guy who was chipper first thing. Current evidence definitely suggested otherwise.

The sun was making all the covers too warm, so Jensen rolled out from under Jared's arm and flipped the quilt back. For a while, he just sat there letting the sun warm his face.

There was a sad groan behind him, and Jensen smiled when Jared reached out to try and grab Jensen's arm. "Where you goin'? S'too early to get up."

Jensen's smile grew, and he pulled one knee up onto the bed, so he could turn and face Jared. "I _thought_ I would make your sorry ass some coffee and a bowl of cereal."

"Cereal?" Jared sounded indignant. "Made you a full breakfast."

"You did, Jared. But, I figure, this is the healthier choice. And we're gonna go for another hike. I have another fantastic place to show you."

"Yeah?" Jared opened one eye tentatively and closed it again quickly. " _Why_ is it so fucking bright in here?"

Covering his mouth with his hand, Jensen tried to stifle his laughter. He was certainly learning some new things about his partner.

Jensen shook his head and slid his fingers into Jared's hair, so he could mess it up even more. "Take your time, Sleeping Beauty, I'll bring you a coffee here if you're not up when It's done."

There was some incoherent mumbling behind Jensen as he slid off the bed. When he stood he stretched his arms out then picked his jeans up off the floor. He hopped around a little as he pulled them on. His eyes may have strayed towards the bed a few times, but who could blame him?

The image of his partner spread out on the bed was something Jensen wasn't going to forget anytime soon. The giant of a man almost reached from one corner of the mattress to the other. The covers were draped across his hips making him look like a model waiting for the artist. All the miles of skin Jensen could see were a beautiful color, flushed a little, it was _quite_ a sight.

After a last, lingering look, Jensen headed to the kitchen. The floor felt cool under his bare feet, and he hurried to the carpet in the living room.

It was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was already warm, the sky bright blue. It was a great day to go for a hike.

Jensen busied himself with making coffee and creating a mixture of the cereals that Karen had stocked in the kitchen. He chopped up an apple, sweetened the mixture with honey and topped them off with a bit of milk. He'd show Jared how good _just_ cereal could be.

Because the hike would take them a few hours, Jensen began to put together some lunches. His hands slowed as he made up some trail mix. He'd gone from trying to save his work relationship to making a nice lunch for a, potentially, romantic hike.

For the first time since he'd woken up he felt the unpleasant tendrils of anxiety creeping into his mind. Things had changed direction quickly. Perhaps things had changed _too_ quickly. When it came down to it, Jensen couldn't tell exactly _how_ things had begun to develop.

Down the hall, the shower went on, and Jensen shook himself free of his thoughts. He really needed to stop all that thinking; all it seemed to do was make things more complicated.

He finished up the lunch quickly and grabbed his backpack off the hook by the front door. He filled up a couple of water bottles and picked up some nice looking oranges and added everything to the pack.

The shower turned off, and Jensen took a deep breath to steady himself. They had one more night, and two more days at the cabin. He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

Once he heard Jared head into the guest room, Jensen went back down the hall to get dressed.

By the time he emerged from the bedroom again Jared was already enjoying the cereal left on the table for him. 

"Jensen, this is really good," Jared said before he shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

Grinning, Jensen sat down at the table and began eating.

After chewing for a while, Jared swallowed and stretched his legs out under the table until their ankles were resting together. "Where are we going today?"

"Not tellin' you." Jensen put a spoonful of cereal in his mouth and gave Jared a sly look.

"Another lake?"

"Nope."

"Mountain?"

Jensen shook his head.

"Pub?" Jared grinned, eyes wide and bright.

The look on the man's face made Jensen choke on a mouthful of cereal as he tried to swallow and laugh at the same time. When he finally finished coughing he shook his head slowly. "There isn't a bar within one hundred miles of here."

"I give up. Where you taking me?" There was a whine in Jared's voice.

"That's not gonna work on me, Dude. You think I've never heard anyone whine before? I'm a cop!" There was warmth building in Jensen's chest, and he could feel heat creeping onto his cheeks. When he looked up, Jared was just staring at him; a fond look in his eyes.

Jensen tilted his head slightly, frowning a little. "What?"

Shrugging a shoulder, Jared brought his fist up to his mouth and tapped his thumb against his lips a few times before speaking. "Can I ask you a question?"

Jensen nodded slowly, a little uncertain that he was going to enjoy the question.

"This can be something, right?"

It was exactly the kind of question that Jensen was dreading. It wasn't that he didn't want to answer the question, it was that he didn't _know_ the answer.

The open intensity of Jared's gaze was a little _too_ vulnerable looking, and Jensen had to close his eyes for a few moments. "One step at a time, right?"

The smile on Jared's face wavered for an instant then he dropped his gaze to the bowl in front of him. "That doesn't really sound like a yes."

A deep breath did little to calm Jensen's racing heart. "Jared. Let's - we have today. We have tonight, and then we drive home tomorrow, yeah? Give me that time?"

It was all Jensen felt he could ask for. Jared had been more than patient with him, and the first half of the weekend had been an emotional roller coaster.

The look on Jared's face softened a little, and, after a tense few moments, Jared nodded. "Don't we have a hike to start?"

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The two men set off shortly after Jared awoke. Jensen had found some clean clothes for his partner, and a pair of old hiking boots. All things considered, they were well kitted out.

Jensen's planned trip would take them about three hours. They could eat the lunch Jensen had packed and have plenty of time to explore before returning to the cabin. Most of the trip out would be uphill but Jensen knew that Jared was up to the task. It had turned out that Jared was much fitter than Jensen had realized.

They were quiet for the first hour or so. It was comfortable silence and occasionally, Jensen would catch himself watching Jared as he moved.

When it came to physical tasks, Jared was almost graceful. At first glance, it might be difficult for a stranger to believe that his height and long limbs could even _be_ graceful. When his body was moving, it was smooth and fluid, and Jensen _definitely_ appreciated the visual.

Once or twice during the first hour of hiking, Jared caught his partner staring. All he did was smile at Jensen and turn his gaze back to the trail.

Once the sun began to give off more heat both men seemed to be more alert. They chatted about work for a while. Jared was still impressed with the way Jensen had figured out the pattern of the car thefts.

That lead to an entire discussion about seeking out patterns in what, initially, seemed random. After some playful arguing back and forth, Jensen admitted to having hummed along with the machine sounds of the washer and dryer when he was a kid. He was trying to find patterns in things even when he was young.

They were making good time until the washer and dryer story. Jared had begun laughing so hard at Jensen's story that he'd had to stop walking until it passed.

Of course, it was all in good fun, and Jensen was happy to be putting a smile on Jared's face.

Jensen hadn't noticed when they were working together, but Jared had a fantastic smile. He had straight, white teeth and dimples that were quite alluring.

Being outside in all the fresh air felt really good to Jensen. Judging by the pink blush on Jared's cheeks and the almost continuously present smile, it looked as though it was good for Jared too.

As they hiked, Jared spoke a little more about his family. The in-person meeting with his sister was set for a couple weeks after they would be back at work.

It looked as though Jared was a little nervous about it, and Jensen hoped that it would all work out well. Jared and his sister had even spoken a little about their father. His opinions of Jared's sexual orientation hadn't changed, but, it seemed, he might regret having been so harsh with Jared.

For his part, Jared looked unconvinced that his father had changed enough to actually regret forcing Jared out of this life. Jensen was pretty certain that Jared was right.

Discussion about the senior Mr. Padalecki's disdain for gay men, and everything their lifestyle entailed resulted in the partners having their first discussion about the upcoming undercover work Jared had volunteered for.

Because of the way Jensen had found out about the work, they hadn't spoken about it. Jensen was worried that Jared would be in a dangerous situation. Jared assured him Samantha's team would be all over the club, inside and out. He didn't think there would be any danger at all.

The thing about Jensen was that he had a kind of healthy respect for criminals. The fact that the killer had left them with no DNA, hell, practically no forensic evidence at all meant they were dealing with someone who was not only clever but paid great attention to detail.

Jensen would be happier if he were the one who would be going undercover, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Jared was _certain_ he wanted to do the undercover job.

Fortunately, about the time Jensen began to get frustrated with the conversation, they arrived at the first view point.

"A waterfall," Jared said breathlessly.

Jensen nodded. They'd hiked parallel with the river and it was impossible to even _hear_ the rushing water until they were practically on top of it.

"This time you _are_ going for a swim," Jensen said as he pushed past his partner to lead him along to the bottom of the falls.

"What's it called?" Jared called out from behind.

"Scotsman's Falls."

"Named after the Scotsman who discovered it?" Even though he couldn't see Jared's face, it was easy to hear the smile in his voice.

"Maybe. I never bothered researching it. Too beautiful."

"Y'know? You keep surprising me, Ackles."

Jensen stopped short at the words, and Jared ran right into him. For a few long moments they stood there, then Jared's arms moved to circle Jensen's waist. "That's a good thing," he whispered against Jensen's ear.

Pleasure twisted its way through Jensen's body, and he sighed happily. He felt a bit lighter when he started walking again.

The time passed quickly, and Jensen stood back and grinned when they finally reached the point on the trail where the waterfall finally revealed itself.

They were both panting, the last few miles had been hard earned as they were traveling on a steady incline.

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Jared stared ahead at the wall of water just ahead in the distance. "That's amazing."

Jensen smiled as he took his place at Jared's side. "When I first found this place I remember thinking about the people who came here first. You know? Wondering what they must have thought when they saw things like this. Made me feel like an Indiana Jones type." Jensen laughed at his own imagination.

"Just need a hat and a bull whip, right?"

Jensen shook his head and stared ahead at the waterfall. The sound of it was more of a dull roar than anything else. From where they were standing it was difficult to judge how big the waterfall actually was. "Let's go."

It only took them a short time to scramble down to the base of the waterfall. The sound of the water was loud and wiped out all of the other sounds around them.

Jensen looked over at Jared and did a double-take. The awe on Jared's face took Jensen's breath away. If he was an optimistic type he might think it would be worth investing a lot of time on putting that look on that face.

But, he wasn't all that optimistic.

"Come on." Jensen threaded his fingers through Jared's and pulled him along the path. "This time _you_ are going swimming too."

"Oh no," Jared answered quickly. "That's not gonna be any warmer than that stupid lake."

Jensen kept walking and held on tight to Jared's hand.

"I'll freeze. We'll have to walk back and I'll be-"

"I brought towels this time." Jensen looked back to smile sweetly at Jared.

"Come on. Have some compassion."

"I can get naked and swim alone, I guess." Smirking, Jensen heard a quiet whimper from behind him.

For what it was worth either the thought of Jensen naked or the cold water quieted Jared for the rest of the walk.

The falls were about two hundred yards wide and more than the same in height. They crashed into a wide pool that was surrounded by rocks. The water had eroded a pool at the continuation of the river that was wide enough to deepen the pool.

What Jensen hadn't mentioned was that there was a hot spring that fed into the pool. It was _quite_ different from swimming in the lake.

The water in the pool was warm and almost salty tasting because of the minerals that bled into the pool.

He planned not to tell Jared. Maybe it was a little test of what he could get Jared to do, but if he admitted that to himself, he'd have to face all kinds of things he didn't want to face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks to candygramme on LJ for betaing :)

"You hungry or you wanna swim first?"

"You're serious, aren't you? About the swimming." Jared was just standing near the edge of the water staring at it.

" _Dead_ serious." There was no way that Jensen was going to let Jared off the hook. His partner was going in the water whether he wanted to or not.

After a few seconds of, what seemed to be, weighing his options Jared nodded.

"Yes food or yes swim?" Jensen wasn't going to relent.

"Yes. Torture." The fact that Jared's replay was pretty funny was almost lost on Jensen. He was completely blindsided by the fact that Jared suddenly pulled his shirt off over his head. He'd touched some of that skin, sure. But seeing Jared there in the full-on sunlight was something else altogether.

"Jensen?"

He must have been staring again. He _was_ staring again. "What?"

"Are we goin' in or are we just gonna stand here looking at each other?" There was an amused look on Jared's face. Perhaps he was well aware of the effect his bare flesh was having on Jensen's ability to concentrate.

There didn't seem to be much chance of Jensen leveling the playing field but he decided it was worth a shot.

The backpack made a dull thump as Jensen dropped it safely behind some small rocks. Once it was stowed, Jensen grabbed the bottom of his old t-shirt and peeled it off slowly. 

He was pleased to see that Jared's gaze was drawn to his body. Jensen wasn't a fitness freak or anything but he tried to take care of himself. Working out was another way he'd discovered to pass time over the years he'd been alone. 

After another moment's hesitation, Jensen slipped out of his shoes, pants, and boxers. He stood there and took a deep breath as he felt the burn of Jared's gaze. Then he took off at a run and dove into the pool.

It was warm enough to feel fantastic without feeling stifling. Jensen swooped down through the water in a curved extension of his dive. When he finally broke through the surface of the water again he took a deep breath and blew away a lot of the tension he'd been holding on to.

The air felt cool on Jensen's face as he began treading water to stay at the surface.

When he wiped the water off his face he saw Jared still standing there on the rocks.

Their eyes met and Jared's crooked grin returned to his wine-coloured lips. A hand swept through his hair and then both of his hands were sliding his pants down and off.

There was no way that Jensen could tear his gaze away from the body that was appearing from under all those clothes. Slender hips made Jared's shoulders seem even wider, his lean body was well-toned _everywhere_. Even while Jared struggled with the shoes he'd forgotten to remove Jensen was still mesmerized.

Jensen's limbs moved a little slower and he sank deeper into the water until he was tasting the sulfur flavor of it on his lips.

When Jared finally kicked out of his boxers, and Jensen only had a fraction of a second to take in the expanse of his partner's body before a huge splash sent water crashing over him.

It was probably a good thing.

A long arm sliced through the surface of the water and Jared broke into a front crawl. He pulled up just short of the spot where Jensen was.

Jared's hair was stuck to his forehead and cheeks. He pushed it out of his eyes and that left little pearls of water clinging to the tips of his lashes.

And Jensen was staring again.

There was something really beautiful about Jared. With all that hair damp against his face, the unusual shape of his eyes stood out even more. Exotic and unusual but most of all, they were filled to the brim with a joy that Jensen envied. It seemed as though Jared found something pleasing about almost everything that happened around him.

"I'm startin' to get a complex with all the staring." Jared's cheeks grew a little pink as he looked down at the water. " _And_ , you lied to me about the water."

It took a few heart beats for Jensen to follow Jared's train of thought. "I - uh. Yeah. It's a natural hot spring."

A smirk crept onto Jared's lips, and he drifted a bit closer. "You like lookin' at me."

Biting down on his bottom lip, Jensen nodded slowly. There didn't seem to be any point in lying.

Apparently, Jared had expected Jensen to deny it - or - he just wasn't quite as cocky as he seemed. He blushed and blinked a few times as he looked past Jensen to the waterfall. "It's beautiful here," he said after a thoughtful looking silence.

"It is." Jensen watched Jared as _he_ watched the falls. The rose colored blush on his cheeks certainly wasn't going anywhere. Maybe it was the warmth of the water. Maybe.

"I've never brought anyone here," Jensen said. It wasn't much, but, for some reason, he felt like he wanted to give Jared something.

When Jared looked back at Jensen, his eyes were soft, heavy lidded. "I like that."

Jensen believed him.

The steady rushing of the waterfall was relaxing and Jensen closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. The heat from the water was untying all the knots in his muscles, wringing out the remaining worry.

Hands settled on Jensen's hips, and his breath hitched as he opened his eyes. The water wasn't warm enough to detract from the heat of Jared's hands. _His partner had his hands on him._

Things had changed quickly. In a strange way, Jensen was getting used to that. 

Only, he wasn't.

Nothing could have prepared Jensen for the sharp desire he felt the instant Jared's hands took hold of him. The hold was gentle, but there was possessiveness behind it.

It made Jensen nervous and, somehow, fulfilled all at once. He was certain that his brain would just melt down before the weekend was finished. And he'd started _this_ all himself.

"Don't," Jared said softly.

Jensen frowned, uncertain of what he was supposed to be stopping.

"You get all caught up in your thoughts. You just freeze up." Jared's strong grip was slowly pulling Jensen closer.

It was a kind of protection Jensen realized. All the sensation that stirred up so much emotion was overwhelming. Drifting away into the battle to defeat his guilt made it easier to pretend nothing was happening. But _that_ was only going to drive Jared away. "I'm - trying."

"I know." There was a warm smile on Jared's face, and he pressed his hands flat to Jensen's hips to close the last of the distance between them.

It was impossible for Jensen to keep his eyes open once he was flush to against Jared's body. He realized Jared was able to stand on the rocky bottom of the pool when he felt the way his muscles were tensed against the current of the water.

Jared's palms slid along Jensen's water slick skin, hands finally curving over his ass to lift him.

For the briefest moment, Jensen felt panic and pain knotting up in his chest and threatening to crush his heart.

"Just let me in," Jared whispered. His arms tightened around Jensen's body and his lips hovered _just_ over Jensen's.

The urge to catch those lips in a kiss made it almost impossible for Jensen to draw in a breath.

"Please," Jared whispered.

It felt like an uphill battle, and Jensen had reached the tipping point. His choices were to turn away and stop things _right_ then, or he could give in. He knew what his body wanted, but his mind was still clinging to the past that he could never get back.

Jensen's hand traveled along Jared's shoulder blade until he could feel the damp strands of hair that clung to Jared's neck.

There was a release inside him, something let go, and, for once, the tension began to slide away like quicksilver. A shudder moved through Jensen's, body and he found himself nodding without really being aware of why.

For once, it was Jared who seemed like he didn't know what to do next - or maybe, he was just making sure it was Jensen's choice if they did _anything_. There had been a lot of false starts between them. Any reluctance that Jared had must be because of Jensen.

Jared's lips parted to speak, and Jensen shook his head. Nothing that had passed between them had been made better with words.

All he had to do was lean in, and his mouth slid over Jared's. A spark of pleasure skittered through Jensen's body, and it felt as though his muscles were burned to ash.

Jared let out a sweet moan that vibrated against Jensen's lips.

_This is real._

Sliding his hands over Jared's shoulders, Jensen let himself float in the warm water. The gentle movement of the current slid Jensen's sensation-charged flesh against Jared's. It felt insanely good.

Jared's movements were stronger, more certain. His grip on Jensen's hips was strong enough to bruise, and the kiss was more about _claiming_ than _exploring_.

Their mouths moved together almost frantically. It was wet, the faint salt of the water flavoring their kisses. _Want_ had Jensen firmly in its grip, and he didn't know what the hell to do about it.

Fortunately, Jared didn't seem to have the same problem. He dragged Jensen closer to the shore until he could brace him against the rocks.

The strength in Jared's arms was incredibly hot; Jensen couldn't stop moving his hands over every inch of flesh he could reach.

The water swirled around them, and Jensen twisted sideways to try and fight the current. That was the moment he was certain his heart would stop beating.

The firm heat of Jared's arousal slid against the tender skin at the top of Jensen's thigh. Everything spiraled down on him, only this time, Jensen acted on it.

His hands moved over the rounded muscles of Jared's body and then along the sharper lines of his bones. His partner's body was cut. Somehow, Jared found the time to work _hard_ on his fitness.

Jared swung them around in the water and lifted Jensen in one graceful movement. It caught Jensen off guard and he dug his nails into the skin along Jared's shoulders.

Jensen was shoved back until he was sitting on a small underwater ledge just near the shore. The combination of cool air on his chest and the intense heat of Jared's body stole all his thoughts away.

Mind in a whirl, Jensen leaned forward and reclaimed Jared's mouth. _God_ he could kiss the man forever and never feel like he'd had his fill. Jared's lips were smooth and inviting but _Jesus_ , Jensen felt like he was being invited to burn up.

Hands rough on Jensen's body, Jared seemed to be gasping for air. "Jensen, say something."

The gravelly weight of Jared's request slid straight down Jensen's body and made his cock ache. He was hard enough to be uncomfortable and crazy enough with _want_ that he would say yes to almost anything.

"W-what?" _Say something_. How was Jensen supposed to pull out something useful from the rat's nest of feelings inside him.

Holding himself up on extended arms, Jared panted against Jensen's ear. He was rolling his hips forward, his hard shaft gliding along the space between Jensen's thighs.

"Wanted you for a long time." Jared breathed the words into Jensen's ear rather than saying them.

Each syllable nudged Jensen closer to the scalding heat of Jared's hard. In case there _was_ any doubt in Jared's mind, Jensen grabbed onto him roughly and pressed their bodies together. 

There wasn't room for air between their chests. The only movement left was the gentle rise and fall of their lungs and the impatient nudging of Jared's hips.

Jensen's lips moved over Jared's face tasting his skin and feeling the stubble on his cheeks, the cut of his jaw. He couldn't help scraping his teeth along Jared's chin until he could bite down on the man's luscious bottom lip.

The bite made Jared moan; his body jumped in Jensen's arms. All Jensen did was hold on tighter. He slid his hand down the unending curve of Jared's back until he could dig his fingers into his muscular ass.

Every part of his partner was smooth, warm flesh over hard flexing muscle. It was unreal the way all those miles of skin felt under Jensen's touch.

His awareness was drawn to long fingers dragging up his shin, over his knee and along the sensitive flesh of his thigh.

Some kind of sound escaped Jensen's lips, it was caught somewhere between a whimper and a moan and, _hell_ , if he were begging then it was Jared's fault.

When Jared's lips found Jensen's again it was messy and hard, their teeth clicked once, and that just seemed to make Jared even more fervent.

Jensen's tongue glided forward into the wet heat of Jared's mouth. It made his heart race when Jared's breath caught just before he wound his eager tongue around Jensen's.

All the while, Jared's hands never left Jensen's body. He squeezed Jensen's thighs, then his hands slid around to cup Jensen's ass.

 _Those hands_ made Jensen feel like he was being handled, and _this_ time he didn't mind it even though it felt unusual. He struggled a little in Jared's arms until he managed to grab a handful of that long wet hair. He snapped Jared's head back and set about mouthing his way down his neck.

Salty, wet, skin glided under Jensen's tongue, and he could feel the way Jared's throat worked as he tried to swallow.

"Jensen." It was strained and raspy sounding, and it was impossible for Jensen to miss the desire and desperation that was intertwined with his name.

Jared sank down in the water slightly as Jensen released his hair. His lips were fiery against Jensen's chin, his throat, down across his chest. The moment Jared's lips captured the round peak of Jensen's nipple, it hardened. Jared's teeth grazed the responsive bud, and Jensen dropped his hands to grasp the rock ledge.

All the pent up emotion, the desire he'd shunned for so many years was bubbling up through him. There was too much of it and Jensen felt a little lost.

Jared was working his way back up Jensen's chest, pausing over his heart to suck hard on Jensen's aching flesh. When Jared's cheek finally rasped against Jensen's it was almost a relief.

As if he could sense how close to the precipice Jensen was, Jared gentled his kisses. Both of his huge hands slid up to cradle Jensen's skull.

Their lips moved slowly; each pass gentler than the one before. And with each sweet press of warm, slick lips, Jensen could feel himself steadying a little more.

Such a short time together, and it felt like Jared could read him like a book. It was terrifying and a relief at the same time.

"Okay?" Jared whispered against Jensen's ear.

The heat of Jared's breath made Jensen close his eyes again. Even though he wasn't sure it was true, Jensen nodded. He was _way_ beyond the point of no return. If Jared were to walk away, Jensen was sure he would forget how to breathe. It was a terrifying feeling. It was _beyond_ terrifying. Jensen was beginning to realize how deep he was getting.

Leaning back slightly, Jared gazed into Jensen's eyes as though he was searching for answers.

A slight smile appeared on Jared's lips but it did little to soften the look of _want_. His eyes were almost black, reflecting both the sunlight and the water. A flush of desire had appeared across Jared's chest, his neck and along the rise of his cheekbones.

They just floated there for a while, staring into each other's eyes intently. It was strange but just looking into Jared's eyes felt even more intimate than the touching.

"Don't stop," Jensen said finally. "Please." His voice wavered and he struggled to get the words out. _God_ he hoped that Jared could see how much he wanted even if he couldn't say it. 

The next breath Jared drew in was a little shaky and for the briefest moment he looked uncertain.

Jensen hooked his legs around Jared's and pulled him close once more. The warm water was _Hell_ on the over-sensitive flesh on his cock. He moaned loudly, unable to catch the sound before it slipped out.

Hand over hand Jared caressed his way down Jensen's body until he could force some space between them.

The sensation of being pushed away made Jensen's stomach drop. He flinched back reflexively and then all his breath was snatched out of his lungs by Jared's touch. Jared's long fingers wrapped around Jensen's aching cock and slid the length of it before squeezing gently.

Jensen opened his mouth to say something. Maybe it was his relief, maybe he was going to say Jared's name. Every sound dissipated as he felt the grip of Jared's hand. His balls felt full and throbbed in time with each movement of Jared's hand.

Their foreheads were pressed together and their breath was hot and fast. The effect was dizzying. Jensen could only cling to Jared's shoulders and struggle to draw in air. 

Each sweep of Jared's hand sent another surge of pleasure crackling through Jensen's body. The building pressure in his aching flesh had almost reached the point of being painful.

Jared groaned as he rubbed up against Jensen's thigh. Jensen barely registered the sound but he was sure he could feel the racing of Jared's pulse tapping against his fingertips.

Jensen's nails dug into Jared's hips as he held on tightly. The world was spinning around him, and at the center of it was Jared. The hazel in Jared's eyes was all but gone, his still damp hair was plastered to his skin. He was panting, his body moving fluidly as he rolled his hips forward.

The weight of pleasure crashed into Jensen. His lungs were empty, his nails cutting into Jared's flesh, and he was coming so _hard_ that a touch of pain sliced through him with the pleasure. His entire body jolted, and he fell against Jared's firm body.

Their lips came together, tongues desperately seeking each other's mouths.

The throb of Jensen's cock was so intense that his vision began to fade; all he could see and feel was Jared all around him.

He was vaguely aware of Jared's voice; a moan that was thick and rich with the release that followed so closely after his own.

The water, so warm around them was comforting and brought Jensen back to his senses slowly. Jared was leaning against him heavily, his tousled hair brushing Jensen's cheek.

Jensen wanted to say something, but he was too drained to even conjure up the ability to speak.

Almost as though he knew what Jensen was thinking, Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's neck lazily.

For a while they just held each other, the only movement was the swaying of their bodies as the water moved them. 

All the tension had left Jensen's body; he was weak, his muscles loose and liquid under his flesh. It felt good.

Time just kept sliding by them until Jared finally moved back a little. He took a few deep breaths and when he looked up there was a shy smile on the man's face.

 _Shy._ Of all things after what they'd just done.

Jared wiped his hand across his face and then swept his wet hair back. When he dropped his hands back to the water he moved them through it slowly as he stared at Jensen.

Wetting his lips, Jensen cleared his throat tentatively. His throat was raw, and he swallowed a few times before trying to speak. "You waitin' for me to freak out?"

Jared frowned and looked down at his hands as they moved through the water. "No," he murmured.

"You freakin' out?"

Laughing softly, Jared stepped forward again and reached out for Jensen's hand. Their fingers wove together easily and Jensen realized how comforting it was.

"Listen, Jensen. I know that you can't -"

"Don't." Jensen knew he didn't have all the answers that Jared wanted. But, he _had_ wanted Jared. He _still_ wanted him. There was just a lot of baggage in his way.

A smile curved Jared's mouth for a few seconds then it disappeared.

Jensen tried to smile. "Remember what you told me?"

Cocking his head slightly, Jared frowned.

"Let it be." It seemed like the only way to prevent a nervous breakdown. If Jensen stopped too long to think about it, well, he'd just had sex with his _partner_. Perhaps, worst of all, he hadn't thought of Gil while pressed to Jared's body. He hadn't been sad or hurt for a while and that was because of what he felt for Jared. That was a lot to process.

Jensen was thankful for the rushing of the waterfall. It filled the odd silence between them.

Jared took a deep breath and he smiled brightly. "Okay."

A little surprised, Jensen smirked and shifted off the ledge to float closer.

"Just taking your word for it." Jared moved closer and let his arms drift forward until his fingers bumped against Jensen's.

It felt good to just stay right there in the moment and Jensen couldn't help but smile. "That was…" He shook his head in disbelief. There just weren't words that were fantastic enough to describe the way he'd felt. He _still_ felt.

"Fucking amazing?"

Nodding, Jensen looked down at the water as he threaded his fingers through Jared's. He was still feeling weak, his body was still thrumming with pleasure even as they spoke.

When Jared wetted his lips, Jensen couldn't help staring. That simple action sent pleasure darting through Jensen's body. It was incredibly easy for him to remember the deliciously wet slide of that tongue between his lips.

"Drifting off again," Jared said fondly as he squeezed Jensen's fingers.

"Your tongue," Jensen said quickly. For once, he actually had an answer he didn't feel bad about sharing.

A puzzled frown settled on Jared's face. "What?"

"Your. Tongue," Jensen said very slowly. "It distracted me. I was thinking…"

"About?"

"The way kissing you felt."

The frown on Jared's face slowly untwisted and became a smile. "I can live with that."

Jensen leaned against Jared's chest. "I thought it might be okay."

"So what now?" Even optimistic Jared Padalecki appeared to be at a bit of a loss.

If Jensen allowed himself to linger with his thoughts he knew that he would be in trouble. It was like the feeling he had when someone was watching him when he couldn't see anyone. All that hurt that he'd pushed aside was still there...lingering.

Jared's question was a good one though. _What now_?

Jensen only had one answer. "Lunch."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The small feast that Jensen had packed was a hit with Jared. It seemed that after their _swim_ , Jared had worked up an appetite. Not surprising, really.

They sprawled on the sun warmed rocks as they ate. Once Jensen was dry he had gotten dressed; Jared had opted for staying shirtless. Jensen had a theory about that, but it just made him smile.

As the sun beat down on them, they finished off most of the food and a lot of the water. Full, content and, at least on Jensen's part, satisfied.

Jared had found a comfortable spot to stretch out his long frame. He'd rolled up his shirt, stuffed it under his head and laid back on one of the huge slabs of rock. Jared closed his eyes shortly after getting comfortable.

Jensen sat for awhile, face turned up to soak up the heat of the sun's rays. It couldn't be helped that when he dropped his gaze it found Jared immediately.

It was hard to avoid looking at someone who looked like Jared. And the truly insane thing was that, beyond their flirting, Jared seemed to have _no_ idea how attractive he was. That might be one of the most attractive things about him.

Jensen smiled happily even though he could already feel the ever-present confusion creeping closer.

"God Damnit," Jensen whispered. After a moment's hesitation, he scrambled over to Jared's side. There was _just_ enough room on the huge slab for Jensen to lay down beside his partner. His _partner_. God, Jensen's life was about to get really complicated.

His head fit perfectly on Jared's shoulder. Very carefully, Jensen got as close as he could. He slid his arm around Jared's waist and let out a contented sigh.

He grinned like an idiot when Jared curled his arm protectively over Jensen's shoulders.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The two men didn't really sleep; they catnapped until the sun began to cool a little. Once they had stretched and gotten dressed they packed up quickly and began the long hike back to the cabin.

They chatted a little, nothing heavy or too important. It was _very_ possible that Jensen wasn't the only one aware of the issues still lurking between them.

It was very likely that Jared was waiting for Jensen to fall apart, and the truth was that Jensen didn't know whether or not it would happen. He was beginning to get a bit frustrated with himself.

As they hiked, there were a few times when Jared stopped and turned to make sure that Jensen was still there. It was a small gesture, but it touched Jensen.

When they were in the field they certainly had each other's back, but this was different. They weren't in danger, nothing was going on that might cause them any problems. Jared's look over his shoulder was just checking to see if Jensen was still with him. It was the smallest sign that things had changed but a sign none-the-less. Jensen knew that he could analyze it within an inch of its existence and still be left with no answers.

Jensen listened to Jared talk about where he grew up. It was yet another view of Jared's past, and how he'd become the man he was.

When Jensen wasn't thinking, or thinking about how much he was thinking, he managed to appreciate the land around them. Watching Jared as he took it all in was a bit like seeing the land again for the first time. It really was beautiful out there, away from the city. It was no wonder that Jensen found it difficult to go back to work every time he stayed at the cabin.

As they walked, he asked Jared about his time away from the city and was pleased that Jared loved being at the cabin. In spite of the fact that he'd been kidnapped, he seemed to really be enjoying himself.

By the time they had almost made it back to the cabin, they were arguing back and forth about how they could modify the cabin to become a permanent residence for Jensen. It was amusing the _hell_ out of Jensen.

"Padalecki, I'm starting to get the feeling you would starve to death if you had to live out here."

Amusingly, Jared managed to trip at that exact moment. He couldn't have timed it better so even _he_ had to laugh. "All because I want a dog?"

Laughter seemed to be the theme for their return hike. "Not _just_ because you want a dog. Have you been listening to yourself, man? You want a hot tub? And, my friend, I believe that you mentioned a dishwasher."

"In passing!" Jared protested. "I mean, I'm not crazy. To save power I could just use paper plates."

When Jensen's head whipped toward Jared in disgust he saw a _huge_ smile on his partner's face.

"Jared you are _so_ fucking lucky that you aren't serious about that."

Laughing, Jared broadened his stride, so he could bump his shoulder into Jensen's. "Or what? You gonna kick me out?"

There was a _very_ smug look on Jared's face.

"I might, you cocky son of a bitch, and it would be a damn long walk back."

"Don't I know it. It was long enough with us not speaking," Jared said.

Jensen nodded. Things had changed an incredible amount in such a short time. Jared had been pretty pissed on the trip to the cabin and Jensen was happy they seemed to have put that trip behind them. They certainly had some much better memories from the weekend. 

The cabin was visible in the distance and, for once, Jensen found he was a little disappointed. The day had been good. And it had been a very long time since Jensen had enjoyed spending time with someone.

Of course, it helped that he'd had a pretty mind-blowing orgasm and that Jared was over six feet of hot, and funny and adorable. But more than all that superficial stuff, it felt like a first step.

"Dude, you almost made it an entire day without drifting off to la la land. Now, five minutes from home you check out on me." Jared was doing his best to sound hurt.

"Would it make a difference if I said I was thinking about you again?" Jensen could be mistaken but he was pretty sure Jared stumbled slightly as he looked up.

"Yeah," Jared said softly. "It would make a difference."

"Well, then I was." It actually wasn't as painful to admit as it might have been earlier.

"So - what exactly? You know...?"

"Was I thinking about you?" Jensen slowed his pace so they wouldn't arrive at the cabin in the middle of the conversation. "I was thinkin' that I really enjoyed today."

The smile that had taken up residence on Jared's face softened, and he reached out to twine his fingers through Jensen's. "Me too. It's amazing out here, and that water fall… and well…"

Blinking innocently, Jensen glanced up at Jared briefly.

"Yeah." Jared nodded. "There are parts of me that are still buzzin'."

Jensen couldn't help laughing again. When he looked over at Jared the sweetest blush had appeared on the man's cheeks. Once more, Jared was proving that _adorable_ just came naturally to him.

"It's our last night," Jared added quietly.

That made it sound a little too final for Jensen. Maybe, in some way, it was the end of something. He hadn't really put a lot of thought into it. _Hell_ , for a while he hadn't even been sure they would manage to last out the entire weekend.

"I was planning to see you at work when we got back."

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but I don't," Jensen said.

"Well, _that_ cleared everything right up," Jared muttered.

"Today was great," Jensen said again, in case Jared was doubting it. "But, I mean we don't really know what this is yet, right? If it's anything."

Judging by the look on Jared's face, he wasn't hearing what he wanted to hear.

"Well," Jared said as he slid a hand through his hair. "I know this is really new, but I know I like it. Us."

As they walked past the car, Jensen ran his fingers through the thin coat of dust that had appeared since they'd parked. _Us_ had stuck in Jensen's mind. He wasn't sure that he was ready for them to be an _us_. He wasn't sure if it were even possible. It was nothing to do with anything lacking in Jared, it was that Jensen wasn't even sure if he was capable.

They headed to the bench on the porch as though they both felt it was a conversation that needed room to breathe.

"You should probably say something, so I don't go crazy," Jared said as he sat down.

"I just don't have any answers," Jensen said.

"Before. When I asked about us being something, you didn't answer then either."

The mood had changed a little, and Jensen was filled with regret. He shook his head. "I didn't know how to answer you."

At first, Jared was quiet. He sat back slowly and sighed. "I know this is hard for you. I think you know that now. I'm not asking for guarantees, because I know that's not possible, but I need a little hope, don't you think?"

The wind had picked up again, and Jensen could hear the swelling sound of leaves rustling. "I think you deserve a fantastic relationship with a man who has his shit together. Someone who can give you answers when you need them."

"No, I don't wanna play that game. Don't just say the most gallant thing you can think of because that's definitely not what I want to hear. I'd rather you stuck with saying you don't know."

In his heart, Jensen knew Jared was right. Maybe he was just saying what he thought Jared wanted to hear. Maybe he was saying what he thought would be appropriate in their situation.

"It's been a long time, Jared." Fate had dealt Jensen a _hell_ of a hand.

Jared turned to Jensen and fixed him with an intense gaze. "I don't want promises and guarantees. I know that they don't work out anyway. No one knows what the future is going to hand them. But even without a guarantee, I need to know whether I should try for this...for you… or just let go."

"I don't know," Jensen said quickly.

"I think you do know."

The intensity in Jared's eyes was like a hold on Jensen. After everything they'd been through over the weekend he completely understood why Jared expected some kind of indication about the possibility of something happening between them. Something _more_ happening.

Jared's hand found Jensen's, and he held on tightly. _Holding hands._ Jensen had missed holding someone's hand. Strange how some of the things that had seemed insignificant when he was younger had become so special.

"You don't even have to be right. You think you can't change your mind later?" There was a weak smile on Jared's face.

"I'm never sure of anything so that's not a problem. I mean -"

"Stop." The grip Jared had on Jensen's hand tightened. "Just, right now. Is there even the slightest possibility that we could make something of this?"

"What happened to letting things lie and -"

"- or tell me there's no chance, and this stops right here. I'm _not_ a glutton for punishment, Jensen. I've never been good at pining for someone who doesn't want me."

The confusion that Jensen was getting so used to was becoming tainted by frustration. It had to be beyond obvious that Jensen wanted Jared. The intensity of it was much more than he was even prepared to accept. The implication that he would just pass Jared over because he didn't have the courage to face his emotions, really grated on Jensen's nerves. He might be confused, but he had never been cruel.

"Jared, you've made me feel things I didn't think I was capable of feeling anymore. What that will mean a few hours after we drive back to reality? I don't know." It was the only truth that Jensen had to tell, but he wasn't sure if it would be enough for Jared.

Jared had withdrawn his hand slightly, but their fingers touched where they each rested their hands on the bench. For entirely too long neither of them moved, and then Jared's finger slid over Jensen's.

"That's not much of an answer, but I will take it. It's better than nothin'." Jared's voice sounded lighter although there was still an underlying tension.

"Just … for now," Jensen offered. He knew it was far from what Jared wanted, but he was grateful for the reprieve. It might be short-lived, but it was more than Jensen had hoped for.

Out of the corner of his eye Jensen saw that Jared was nodding. He moved his hand over Jared's and held on tightly.

They stared out over the land ahead of them, silent, but their hands were clasped tightly.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Dinner was a plate made of all the items Jensen deemed likely to spoil before he returned. Because they were leaving in the morning, Jensen knew Linda would have to trash a lot of what they hadn't eaten.

It had been Jared's turn to choose the music and he had put on an old Rolling Stones CD. It was a good choice; the music went a long way toward elevating the mood a little. Jensen's feeble offer of _hope_ to Jared had definitely put a damper on things.

But, they still managed to enjoy their patchwork dinner. Jared even commented that he might apply the same strategy to his own fridge once a week or so. Jensen refrained from asking how bad the state of his partner's fridge usually was. 

Dinner was accompanied by a couple of shots of whisky, and that went a long way towards smoothing things out.

Jensen limited himself to two glasses. He wasn't sure what the evening had in store for him.

With that vague thought in mind he was able to refrain from worrying about what was going to happen their last night in the cabin. Oh, he expected Jared to follow him to the main bedroom after they'd spent some time chatting, after all, a precedent had been set. There were just so many things that went wrong any time Jensen felt certain of anything.

Rather than making himself completely insane, Jensen focused on the music and the pleasant conversation, and the late afternoon drifted to evening without him really noticing.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jensen fled the living room for bed as soon as he could. He didn't want to risk being the one who had to make any decisions about sleeping arrangements. Yeah. He was _that_ much of a coward. Not only was he not sure he would have the courage to make the choice, he wasn't sure what decision he would make.

He stripped out of his clothes and scrambled into bed quickly then took a few calming deep breaths. He stared at the ceiling, he gripped the quilt in his fists as he tried to calm down. 

Of all the places he'd expected to be a nervous wreck, his own bedroom wasn't one of them. Never before had he felt so unsettled at the cabin.

"Should I come in now and put you out of your misery?"

The moment Jensen heard his partner's voice he closed his eyes and let relief slow his racing heart. "Yes, please."

Eyes closed tightly, Jensen listened to the soft noises of Jared moving around the room. Finally, he felt the bed move, and the cool air as Jared flipped the quilt back. Then the room was almost silent again save for the sounds of their breathing.

When Jensen finally opened his eyes, he rolled his head to the side and watched as Jared got comfortable.

"You sure stare at me a lot; what is it that you're trying to work out?"

Jensen said the first thing that came to his mind. "I keep wondering what the _hell_ makes you want to take a chance on someone like me."

The laugh Jared let out was a little _too_ loud.

"What?" Jensen asked. "You don't know either?"

"I will admit to having had moments when I wasn't sure," Jared began. "I like you, Jensen. When you're not grumpy, you're pretty funny. You're smart, hot - "

"- come on," Jensen interrupted.

"- And I like the way your brain works, even though sometimes it seems to be working a little _too_ much."

"And what about work? There are so many reasons we can't -"

"No," Jared said firmly. "All that crap can wait until we're back at the precinct. Tonight?" Jared rolled forward quickly and pinned Jensen where he lay. "Tonight, Ackles, no talking about work, or problems, or any of those other things you distract yourself with."

Jared's ever color-changing eyes were darkening as he gazed down at Jensen. It made Jensen's blood run thick and hot.

It took a few moments for Jensen to work his voice out of his throat. "So. what will we do with our time?"

Lowering himself slowly, Jared brushed his lips over Jensen's so lightly it was like a kiss of air. "Well, Jared whispered. "We could sleep."

Jensen swallowed. "W-we could."

Another pass of Jared's scorching lips left Jensen a little breathless. All he could really manage was to continue staring up into Jared's glistening eyes.

"Or I could come up with something else," Jared said. His voice was low and heavy, and Jensen could feel every word falling to his skin like a weight.

The beat of Jensen's heart was strong and fast; he could _feel_ the steady thump in the clench of his throat muscles. Every single nerve ending in his body knew what Jared meant, judging by the way he felt.

"We haven't even talked about it," Jensen said weakly.

Jared settled tight against Jensen's side and propped his head up, so he could stare.

The gaze was a little unnerving, and the way Jared's hand was rubbing over his abs made it hard for Jensen to think.

"So, talk." An amused glint lit up Jared's eyes.

"Well." Trying to figure out where to start had always been part of Jensen's problem. Beginnings always sucked.

"Well?" One of Jared's fingertips was trailing through the downy hair on Jensen's belly. Heat was building under Jensen's skin and slicing through his body.

"Sex. You're suggesting. You mean sex." Jensen felt like a complete idiot, so it wasn't exactly surprising that he sounded like one.

"Are you nervous?"

Jensen nodded. "Fuck yes. Aren't you?"

Hair flipped crazily for a second as Jared shook his head. Jared _did_ look pretty damn confident, but that seemed to be how he felt most of the time.

"You're _not_ nervous," Jensen said, eyes wide in disbelief.

Jared shrugged a shoulder casually. "I guess, it just feels good. Doesn't feel like something I should worry about."

"How do you _do_ that?"

Without saying a word Jared frowned and shook his head.

"Jared, you just … you seem to move through life so easily."

"It is what it is, Jared answered slowly. "The Dalai Lama wrote-"

"-you read books by the Dalai Lama?"

"Shush." Jared's smile widened enough that his dimples appeared, and Jensen felt a pinch of sweet ache in his chest.

"The Dalai Lama says that worrying about something doesn't change the outcome."

In a way, it made sense to Jensen, but he certainly didn't feel like it was something he was capable of applying to his own life.

"Well, Jared. I really didn't peg you for a hippy kind of dude." 

That made Jared laugh, and the sound soothed Jensen's rattled nerves.

Jared was grinning from ear to ear, but his fingers were still moving over Jensen's skin. It was a bizarre combination of sensations. On one hand, Jensen felt the urge to kiss the tip of Jared's amusement crinkled nose. On the other hand, he wanted to crush up against Jared and slide down his body, tasting every inch with of that body with his mouth.

"One more night," Jared said slowly.

Jensen watched as Jared's tongue traced along his bottom lip. When he glanced back up at Jared's eyes, they were dark and focussed.

 _God_ , it did something to Jensen's gut every time Jared looked at him like that; like he wanted him more than anything else.

For the first time since he'd begun grieving, Jensen felt completely alive, completely grounded. For a while, he just stared into Jared's lustful eyes, because it didn't seem possible to look away. Those eyes seemed to hold the key to everything.

Finally, because he just couldn't stand it anymore, he pushed forward. Their mouths came together with enough force to push Jared back over onto his back.

Jensen swallowed up all the breath that rushed out of Jared's mouth. He stretched himself out so he covered most of his partner's body. All the flesh under him was hot and smooth, and Jensen felt like he wanted to trace his hands over every inch of it.

A sound from Jared, a sweet, low, moan vibrated against Jensen's mouth. He drank down the sound in a flurry of kisses. Very suddenly it became impossible for him to stop moving. All he could do was continue to press his mouth to Jared's.

It was all about the heat, and slick lips, and the crazy hard muscles that were spread out underneath Jensen. All of that smooth skin was there for him, and as he sucked on Jared's bottom lip long arms wrapped around his neck. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time to be held so tightly.

Jared struggled beneath Jensen, shifted his hips and managed to hook a leg over one of Jensen's.

The sensitive skin of their cocks rubbed, and Jensen groaned as pleasure rattled through him. He stared down at Jared as the man bit down on his bottom lip. His lashes fell to his cheeks, and the rise and fall of his chest was faster and deeper.

Their bodies fit together like they were made to do so. All the nerve endings in Jensen's skin were burning up. The sensation of Jared's hardness, Jared's heat, the flawless expanse of flesh - it was all so much that it overloaded Jensen.

Soon, they were writhing together. Their hips were locked in a push and pull that ground their cocks against each other's hard flesh. It was _so_ good and not even remotely close to being enough for Jensen.

"I wanna fuck you," Jensen said between kisses. The words barely had room to exist between their lips and Jared gasped in a breath before grasping the swell of Jensen's ass. He dug his fingers into Jensen's muscled rear and nodded.

Jensen felt a cool slice of anxiety when he realized how ill prepared he was. It was the heat of it; the _want_. It had burned away Jensen's sense. He had no condoms, no lube; he kept nothing like that at the cabin, because there had never been a reason to.

Reluctantly, Jensen reared back and let out a frustrated groan. "I - I have nothing… I-"

"Shhhh." Jared pushed up onto his elbows and nodded his head towards the nightstand where there was a sample tube of lube and a condom. For a second, Jensen was a little taken aback, and it must have shown on his face.

"Don't - it's. I just have it with me. I mean what if?" Jared shrugged and looked a little sheepish.

Jensen let Jared suffer a while longer, then let the smile he was holding back creep onto his mouth. It didn't surprise him, after all, that Jared was prepared for anything. Fucking Boy Scout. 

"Glad," Jensen murmured against Jared's mouth. In case Jared had _any_ doubt about Jensen's intentions he slid his hand down Jared's side until he could dig his thumb into the man's hip.

He drew back to look into Jared's eyes. Leaning down, he teased a kiss he didn't quite give Jared as he slid his hand between them until he could rub the tip of his finger over the slick head of Jared's cock.

The touch sent a jolt through Jared's body, and he arched up into Jensen invitingly.

When Jensen rolled slightly, he was able to curl his fingers around the girth of Jared's arousal. It was hot and heavy against his palm and made all the blood in his body rush even faster.

Jared let out a clipped moan and rocked his hips to move his flesh through the circle of Jensen's fingers.

_Perfect._

The word kept running through Jensen's mind. Jared was gorgeous with the sheen of sweat on his skin, the way his eyes had darkened to pools of black. Jensen _did_ want Jared. He wanted Jared so much that it was a dull ache in the center of his chest.

Moving as fast as his trembling body would allow him to, Jensen snatched the lube off the nightstand. Twice the tube slid out of his hands before he was able to remove the cap and get the cool gel onto his fingers.

Jared laughed, and the deep sound sent goose flesh tripping down Jensen's arms.

Pressing his finger to Jared's kiss swollen lips, Jensen smiled. It was all so real. The heated scent of Jared's body was all around him, and Jensen just kept breathing it in one breath after another.

He must have been frozen there for too long because both of Jared's hands slid over his cheeks to hold his face. "You alright? We can-"

"I'm good," Jensen said quickly. He liked the heat of Jared's hands; he _loved_ the way he could feel the varied landscape of Jared's body beneath him. "I'm _so_ good."

A slightly dazed smile grew on Jared's face, and he nodded almost imperceptibly.

The twitching of Jared's cock against Jensen's thigh was a not-so-subtle reminder that Jared had _no_ doubts about the way he wanted things to go.

But then, for that moment in time, even Jensen's doubts were silent.

Slipping his hand back between their bodies, Jensen squeezed Jared's cock briefly before sliding a finger forward to rub lube against Jared's puckered skin.

Jared's body lurched up off the mattress; his arm still wrapped tightly around Jensen's neck.

The movement sent Jensen's slick finger into the heated velvet of Jared's ass.

Both men moaned. Jensen managed to pull away from Jared's mouth, so he could slide down the length of the body under him.

The moment his lips met the twitching ab muscles just below Jared's belly button, Jared slammed his hands down on the mattress.

Out of the corner of his eye Jensen could see that Jared was grasping at the quilt.

Given the freedom to move, Jensen managed to divide his attention between the finger that loosened Jared's ring of muscle, and the path his lips were tracing down the man's body.

As long as Jared's body was, it didn't take long for Jensen to mouth his way down to Jared's cock.

The tight, swollen member felt almost as though it was pulsing. The musky scent of Jared's body was made more intoxicating by his body heat. After a deep breath, Jensen dragged his tongue over the velvety soft head of Jared's cock and had to dig his fingers into Jared's hip to keep him from launching off the bed.

Judging by the way that Jared was moaning, the way his breath hissed past his gritted teeth, he was loving the feel of Jensen's mouth.

Tired of waiting - _God_ he'd done so much of that - Jensen sank down on Jared's cock greedily as he slid his finger deep inside his partner.

The weight of the hard cock against Jensen's tongue was perfect. Hollowing his cheeks he sucked hard on the engorged flesh as he continued to work Jared open.

The urgency laced through Jared's moans grew, and Jensen couldn't help moving faster. As he pushed another finger into the tight softness of his lover he circled his tongue around Jared's cock to distract him from any discomfort.

All the while Jared's chest was heaving as he panted and gasped. He was _so_ responsive it was addictive. Each time Jensen touched Jared it seemed to spark off another wave of movement. It was as though Jared completely gave himself over to every sensation. Pleasure was driving his every move, sound, the way he drew in breath so urgently, and the way he gazed down at Jensen with bleary, unfocused eyes.

Jensen was drunk on it all. A little dizzy, as adrenaline continued to seep into his system, Jensen struggled to maintain a slow pace as he worked Jared open. It had been a long time for Jensen, but he remembered what it was like the first time he'd been with a new lover. He didn't want Jared to have a single bad moment to remember.

"Jesus," Jared whispered in between breaths.

Jensen's lips slid off Jared's cock. He pressed the flavor of Jared's pre-come to the roof of his mouth with his tongue and savored the taste of it. Finally, he licked his lips as he stared up at Jared's flush cheeks.

"You're beautiful," Jared said softly. With his flushed skin and dark eyes gazing through sweat-damp strands of hair - the man was stunning. But, as Jared's words sank in, Jensen could feel embarrassment prickling at his neck and cheeks. He shook his head slightly, smiled and distracted himself with removing the condom from its package.

Jared reached down to settle his finger tips on Jensen's shoulders as he waited impatiently. His unwavering gaze urged Jensen on.

Just the feel of the cool latex rolling down over Jensen's cock set all his nerves on edge. His balls ached in anticipation as he slid his hands down Jared's thighs and pushed them apart.

Jared bit down on his bottom lip and slid trembling fingers into Jensen's hair.

For a while, their eyes were locked, and Jensen's heart began to thump so loudly in his ears that it was almost painful. All his movements slowed for a time as the weight of what he was about to do pressed down on his shoulders. Very slowly, he dragged his hands down Jared's strong thighs then back up again.

When Jensen's awareness settled on Jared's gaze once more, Jared nodded slightly. For just a moment he looked a little uncertain.

The look made a new kind of sadness pinch at Jensen's chest. He didn't enjoy being the person who put that expression on his partner's face.

He took a deep breath and wiped the remaining lube off his hand onto the condom then crawled up his partner's body until he was staring down directly into his eyes.

For the briefest moment, Jensen felt the cool tendrils of anxiety reaching for him. But, then Jared's eyes softened, and he clasped his hands behind Jensen's neck and tugged him forward into a kiss.

Jared's lips were slick and swollen. So many kisses. Jensen's mouth moved over Jared's slowly as he explored his partner's mouth. He slid off Jared's body to press up against his side and get more access to all of that body.

They struggled with each other for a few heartbeats. Jared was pulling on Jensen to get him closer, Jensen was trying to slip his arms around his partner and hold him still. Finally, he worked a hand into Jared's hair and pulled hard enough to snap Jared's head back.

The tall, lean man stilled under his partner's strength, and Jensen nudged his hips forward, urging Jared onto his side. His cock rested in the crack of Jared's ass, and Jensen gasped at the pleasure of it.

Understanding finally, Jared stopped trying to pull Jensen back and rolled away.

Jensen couldn't wait any longer; there was too much want building up in his body. He trailed his hand down the furrow of Jared's spine, squeezed his ass then lined up his throbbing arousal.

He was glad of the condom and the way it lessened the sensitivity of his flesh because the sensation of pushing into Jared was almost unbearably hot. 

At first, Jared's body resisted. The tight muscle held Jensen at bay long enough for him to let out a frustrated sigh. Then Jared's hips shifted restlessly, and he arched his back until his head rested against Jensen's shoulder.

As his cock finally slid fully into the heat of Jared's body, Jensen buried his face in long, sweat-damp hair. It smelled like them, their scents mingled together, the fresh air that lingered from their hike.

Jensen's hips pushed forward as the pleasure got to be too much for him to remain still. The hiss of _desire_ and pain from Jared sent a chill down Jensen's spine. He held still just long enough to taste the sheen of sweat on Jared's neck then let his teeth graze along Jared's jaw as their bodies began to move together slowly.

Red-hot waves of pleasure rippled their way down Jensen's body as his cock sank deep into the tight heat of Jared's body.

The slide of his engorged flesh was the sweetest kind of torture for Jensen. It had been too long since he'd felt the seductive pleasure of being connected to another man. More specifically, _God_ , he felt so drawn to Jared. He inhaled the scent of his lover; he tasted the salty sweat on his bared throat and saved every sound in some small part of his mind where he could replay it again and again.

The pleasure of friction made Jensen moan into Jared's hair. His hips moved faster. His cock, aching and pulsing, slid in and out of that intoxicating heat.

Jared's moans were a little louder; his breathing was harsh as his hand reached back to grip Jensen's thigh.

Jensen felt a little like he was going completely insane. There was far too much pleasure coursing through his body for it to be real. The thing that kept him holding there was the firm presence of Jared.

Jared fumbled for Jensen's hand. "Jensen," he murmured.

There was a plaintive tone in Jared's voice and Jensen followed the man's lead.

His hips faltered as he slid his hand over Jared's hip. When the tips of his fingers bumped against Jared's cock they both started. The heat of Jared's flesh was scalding and Jensen shivered.

Jensen's fingers circled Jared's hard-on. Without hesitation he stroked the rigid flesh as he panted against the nape of his lover's neck.

He kept wanting to taste Jared, dragging his open mouth over sticky flesh. Jensen wasn't sure how his heart was still beating with the fire that ran through his veins. His hips thrust forward as the pad of his thumb swept over the slick head of Jared's cock, and he worked the satiny flesh that was so weighty in his palm.

They moved together, rhythm finding its way to their bodies as they were driven by their _want_.

Heart pounding, panting, Jensen snapped his hips forward to drive his cock deeper.

Back arched, Jared pushed against Jensen's strength to bring them closer together even faster.

Words were coming out of Jensen's mouth. He was vaguely aware of the sound of his voice against Jared's hair. He had to close his eyes against the overwhelming rise of pleasure clawing its way through his body. _Moments_. Moments were all there would be before Jensen reached the limit of his control.

Jared threw his head back, mouth open as he gasped desperately for air. His hips moved erratically, and his nails were a pinpoint of pain at the periphery of Jensen's awareness.

As Jared's body jerked, his hips twisted slightly, and then Jensen felt warm come splashing on his arm. The hard flesh against his palm pulsed then twitched weakly as Jared's breath caught in his chest.

There was no way Jensen could prevent the release that slammed into him. With Jared still twitching and writhing against him, Jensen thrust forward one more time as he came.

Pleasure ripped through Jensen's body. His fingers slid through the come on Jared's belly, and he felt his balls tighten and then clench as his release pulsed from his cock. Wet warmth surrounded his arousal, and he dragged his slack mouth along Jared's neck until his lips touched the man's ear. All he said was Jared's name. It was the only word that was even left intact in his mind. 

Each time Jensen managed to fill his lungs, another tingling wave of pleasure would echo through his body. He buried his face in Jared's hair and, somehow, managed to get his boneless arms around Jared's chest. For some reason, he felt like he needed to hold onto the man.

They lay there, pressed as close together as two men could get. Forehead resting against Jared's hair, Jensen just let his pleasure wash through him. All he could feel was the heat of Jared's body and the sheen of sweat that covered his own body. Jared's hair was damp and silken against Jensen's face. His heavy eyelids closed, and he sighed wearily as he slipped free of Jared's body. It took a mustering of energy to move back enough to tie off the condom and drop it on the floor beside the bed.

Once Jensen settled against Jared again, the man finally relaxed his hold on Jensen's arm. It throbbed a little, and Jensen flexed his fingers a few times to get the blood moving. It would leave a bruise but he wasn't sorry.

"Can't feel my legs," Jared said in a harsh whisper.

What little energy Jensen had left went into a low rumble of laughter. He definitely knew the feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

Jensen wanted to stay asleep. He lingered on the edges of _awake_ , reluctant to leave the warm comfort of the bed.

He could feel Jared's breath on his shoulder. Each puff of warmth was a gentle reminder of his presence. Afraid to jar the day into beginning, Jensen stayed still.

Each time he drew in a breath, Jensen could feel the weight of Jared's arm across his body. They'd barely managed to speak the night before as they basked in the lingering pleasure still coursing through them.

One thing Jensen knew was that Jared hadn't let go of him before falling asleep. There was always the possibility that he was afraid Jensen would bolt, but Jensen knew it was more than that. It was comfort. Jensen had almost forgotten the peacefulness of falling asleep with someone in the haze of bliss and exhaustion that followed great sex.

_Great sex._

Jensen took a long breath in and resisted the anxiety that threatened. If he could give himself just a little more time.

"I know you're awake," Jared whispered.

Jensen laughed softly and shifted down in the bed so he could face Jared.

"Used your finely-honed detective skills to bust me?" Smiling, Jensen reached up to tuck Jared's hair behind his ear.

"Not even a _fraction_ of it," Jared said gruffly. His voice was thick with sleep, his eyes only open enough to peer at Jensen through long, dark lashes.

"I didn't want to wake up," Jensen whispered.

Jared leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Jensen's mouth.

"You missed," Jensen teased.

"I never miss."

"I've seen you miss."

"Not when it's important." Jared smiled and closed his eyes again.

Still smiling, Jensen cupped Jared's cheek and rubbed his thumb across the lips he'd become so well acquainted with.

Jared stretched his back in a long arch and groaned happily. He caught Jensen's hand and pressed it to his chest as he relaxed back down onto the bed.

As Jensen studied his partner's face, he couldn't help but notice that the expression on Jared's face seemed weighed down by something. "What's up?"

Rolling his head slightly, Jared smiled a little sadly. "Gotta go back."

"Stockholm syndrome?" Jensen might be willing to joke about it but he knew exactly what Jared was talking about.

Jared shrugged a shoulder and averted his gaze. "Back to normal, huh?"

Frowning, Jensen smiled crookedly. "Well. Sure. Were you expecting something else?"

Slowly, Jared let his head fall to the side so he could meet Jensen's gaze. "Not expecting anything different," he said hollowly.

"Listen, Jared. All this stuff between us. This weekend was about us being able to continue working together. That was worth it, right?" Jensen knew there were a thousand other things that he should be saying to Jared but he just couldn't drag them out through the rat's nest of feelings in his head.

"That’s it?" It was _just_ like Jared to come right out and ask whichever question Jensen didn't want to answer.

"For now? Yeah." Jensen said. There was _more_ between them; he could feel it. Jared had managed to get through all the walls Jensen had shored up around himself over the years. But Jensen's hold on _calm_ was tenuous, at best. He was already wondering if everything would just begin crumbling out from under him.

Confusion creased Jared's brow. "I just thought that after last night…" Jared's voice faded away and when Jensen said nothing he shook his head. "You're right. Don't worry about it," Jared said.

As soon as Jensen heard the resignation in Jared's voice he could feel anxiety tightening all the muscles in his chest. Even the vaguest notion of what it might be like to _lose_ someone again - to lose Jared - was just too much for Jensen.

Just like that he could feel himself retreating back behind all his defences. _Hurt_ was exactly why it wasn't a good idea. There had been enough loss in Jensen's life.

The sun was warm on Jensen's back as it flooded in through the bedroom window. It was already late morning and they had a long way to drive. 

He kicked the covers off and rolled to sit on the edge of the bed. The weight of Jared's presence behind him was oppressive and Jensen rolled his shoulders to try and loosen his clenched muscles. "You wanna shower while I pack up? There's a diner about an hour from here; we could get something to eat there."

The room was silent for a while. But Jensen couldn't bear to look behind him. He didn't want to see Jared's face; the man wore all his damn emotion in those stupid eyes. And, well, Jensen just didn't need to see it.

"Sure," Jared said softly. He was still for a heartbeat then rolled out of bed.

Jensen heard Jared's bare feet on the hardwood, then the click of the bathroom door closing quietly.

Jensen closed his eyes when he heard the water start running. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

He knew that Jared had no idea just how sorry he was feeling.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

It hadn't taken the two men long to get ready to leave. After all, they'd arrived at the cabin with little more than the clothes they'd worn to work on Friday.

By the time they were in the car and heading down the first part of the dirt road things were starting to feel a little more normal to Jensen. He felt comfortable back in his familiar suit jacket. If he could manage to suspend his disbelief it could almost feel like any other morning when he'd picked up his partner on the way to work.

 _Almost_.

Only. The problem was that it wasn't even remotely fucking similar to any other morning they'd spent together. Everything had changed.

Jensen's fingers were wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles were white by the time he turned onto the back road that led to the freeway.

"Jensen?"

The car lurched slightly as Jensen started at the sound of his partner's voice. "Yeah?"

He steeled himself. He was pretty familiar with the way Jared worked. They were going to have to talk again. Jared would ask Jensen what was wrong and expect Jensen to actually have an answer. The guy would probably smile knowingly and say something _so_ dead on that it would make Jensen want to strangle him and kiss him at the same time. Jared just seemed to _know_ what he wanted and Jensen, well, he still didn't have the courage to explore that more fully.

"You mind if I sleep?" Jared asked as he stared ahead at the road stretched out in front of them. "I'm pretty wiped out."

A strange sensation crept across Jensen's chest before settling like a lead weight. "Go ahead."

His voice was a little unsteady but if Jared noticed he didn't say anything.

As Jensen twisted his grip on the steering wheel, Jared slipped out of his suit coat and draped it over himself like a blanket. There wasn't enough room for him to stretch out his legs but after a few seconds of fidgeting, he seemed to settle.

It was feeling a little like the ride home might _just_ manage to feel longer than the trip out. And _that_ was saying something.

Jensen sighed and fixed his gaze on the horizon.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

About a quarter of the way into the drive home, Jared seemed to relent. In spite of his attempt to fall asleep, Jensen was pretty sure that his partner had been awake since they'd left the cabin.

For a while, the conversation was slow going. Jensen would ask a question and Jared would answer with the least number of syllables possible.

Jensen was persistent and, eventually, Jared seemed to relax and began to participate in the conversation. 

It didn't seem to Jensen that their style of communication had changed much. Once they were chatting normally Jensen was finally able to loosen the death grip he had on the steering wheel.

The time passed more quickly. That fit with Jensen's theory that the more reluctant he was to get somewhere, the faster the trip would go.

The idea of returning to the city had never felt _wrong_ before. Sadly, Jensen didn't have the courage to just turn the car around and head back to the cabin though.

But, then, staying away from the world wasn't a viable long-term plan.

As usual, Jensen's mind was a whirl. He could have spoken to Jared about his doubts, his fears and, possibly, even come up with some ways for him to overcome it.

It just didn't seems like a good idea. Besides, Jensen wasn't sure he could put everything into the right words.

Driving back to the city felt like a door closing. It wasn't anyone's choice, it was like they were just locked onto a pair of rails with no way to veer off course.

It could just work itself out. That was what Jensen tried to believe but he had very little confidence in himself. In fact, as he was pulling up at Jared's house to drop him off, he was still telling himself that there were possibilities for the two of them.

When Jensen parked the car at the curb he looked over at Jared to find his partner gazing at him sadly.

"So," Jared said quietly. "Thanks for kidnapping me."

The words brought a smile to Jensen's face. It felt like a million years had gone by since he'd decided to take Jared out of the city. He looked down at the decal in the center of the steering wheel. 

If he only knew what might happen out there.

He just wasn't sure what decision he'd make knowing what he did now.

"Don't hurt your brain trying to come up with some sort of excuse-"

"I'm not," Jensen lied. Jared was absolutely right. He didn't have the _slightest_ idea what to do, not even what to say.

There were pieces of the weekend Jensen understood, things he wanted. But now that they were wearing their suits, sitting in the car; it felt like they'd been slotted back into their lives as though nothing had happened.

"Jared-"

"It's okay," Jared interrupted. "I'm not a complete asshole. I know things were hard for you. You've been through a lot. Like I said, I don't do the pining thing. It is what it is, Jensen." There was a smile on Jared's face but it hadn't made it as far as his eyes.

Jensen blew out the breath he'd held while Jared was speaking. He hadn't even known what he was going to say and Jared had shut him down. There hadn't been much of a chance for him to even screw things up. "I didn't even-"

"I mean it. It's okay. You remember I'm working with Samantha's team this week. I'll see you in the pen, though."

Feeling a bit like he'd been run over by a tank, Jensen managed to conjure up a nod.

They were left there just looking at each other for a few agonizing moments. Finally, Jared leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Jensen's cheek. "Thank you," he murmured.

Before Jensen could even muster a reply, Jared was in motion. The door opened and Jared unfolded from the front seat.

It wasn't until the door slammed shut that Jensen felt like he was catching up with what was going on.

"I didn't even know what I was gonna say," Jensen said to the closed passenger door.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

When Jensen had pried his eyes open in the morning, it felt a little like they were bruised. It could have been that he'd spent a restless night staring at the ceiling as he tried to sort through the knot of feelings that was balled up in the middle of his chest.

Morning came regardless of how tired Jensen was. His usual morning routine went off without any hitches and he was on his way to the precinct with ample time to stop and pick up coffee and breakfast.

The precinct was abuzz with activity when Jensen arrived. There was a briefing underway, no doubt for Samantha's team. Morgan was yelling about something and when Jensen strode past the Captain's office he could see Tal and Hodges on the receiving end of it. He couldn't help grinning. It was always a good start to the week when someone _else_ was catching hell.

All the paper and crap from the previous week was still spread out on Jensen's desk. Sadly no one had decided to finish up some of his work for him. He never lost hope that might happen.

He settled at his desk and unwrapped his breakfast sandwich as he fired up his laptop. When he saw that he had forty-six emails he groaned and reached for his coffee. It was going to be a long, boring morning as far as he could tell.

A cacophony of voices rose in the hall as people flooded out of the briefing room. Sam headed down the hall towards her office as other people dispersed about the building.

Morgan's door was flung open and Jensen saw the Captain's hand showing Tal and Hodges the way out of his office.

Smirking, Jensen took a bite out of his sandwich as he watched the two Detectives trudge back to their desks.

As soon as Jensen had swallowed his food he couldn't resist taunting his colleagues. "What’d you guys do wrong this time?" He grinned at Alona.

"Oh, like _you_ haven't had your ass handed to you on multiple occasions," Alona mumbled. She tossed a file down on her desk and dropped her phone on top of it. "You know Morgan. What would you do -"

"Do _not_ involve me in this...this… whatever it is. What is it?" Jensen set his sandwich down so he could wrestle with the lid on his coffee.

"We're just not seein' eye to eye on how to handle our next case," Aldis said from behind his laptop screen.

Alona tilted her head slightly and studied Jensen's face for a few moments. "Have a good weekend, Ackles?"

"What?" Jensen set his coffee cup down and moved his sandwich slightly. Alona had to be some sort of freaking witch or psychic or something.

"Your weekend. How was it?" Alona perched on the corner of Jensen's desk and clearly had no intention of leaving before getting her answer.

"I. Uh. Yeah. It was good; I went to the cabin." Smiling nervously, Jensen picked up his sandwich and took a big bite.

"You look different." The way Alona was staring was a little unnerving.

After only the slightest hesitation, Jensen frowned and shook his head. "Probably because I actually got enough sleep and don't look like a freakin' zombie." 

Alona stared silently for a bit too long and then nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" Jensen swallowed.

"Uh huh." Alona hopped off the desk and patted Jensen's shoulder before heading over to her own desk. 

Relief made Jensen take a deep breath. Of course, Alona didn't know anything; no one did. He didn't look any damn different than he had on Friday when he'd left the office. That was what he was going to continue telling himself anyway. 

"Hey." Jared's voice sent a little shiver down the back of Jensen's neck. He hadn't seen the man leave the briefing room.

"Good morning," Jensen mumbled. He focused on his desk until he realized that he was simply moving things from one position to another.

When Jensen finally risked a look at his partner, Jared's expression was unreadable. Jensen smiled slightly as his mind flashed through still images of Jared's body. _Great_.

Alona paced back over to Jensen's desk and plunked herself back down. "And Jared? How was your weekend?"

"Unusual," Jared answered quickly. "Jensen kidnapped me in hopes of molding me into the perfect partner. There was even water torture involved. It didn't work."

Ice ran through Jensen's veins and he lifted his gaze slowly to Jared's face.

Alona started laughing and smacked Jensen's shoulder. "God, you guys kill me."

Satisfied for the moment, Alona returned to her own work space.

Realizing he was still staring at Jared, Jensen shook his head in disbelief and frowned.

If Jared noticed the frown he said nothing. He settled into his desk chair and pressed a few keys on his laptop.

"Could you _not_ tell anyone we were at the cabin?" Maybe it was a little petty. Or, maybe Jensen just felt really fucking defensive because of the way Jared had spoken about the weekend.

"What?" There was a dangerous glint in Jared's eyes.

"Our professional obligations?" Jensen kept his voice down and leaned a little further across his desk. "If that gets back to Morgan - _Jesus_."

Jared's eyes narrowed and he stared at Jensen across their desks. Just about the time Jensen started to feel _quite_ uncomfortable, Jared finally spoke. 

"Fine."

The tone of that one word left no room for doubt as to Jared's feelings. He was pissed and he was pissed _at_ Jensen.

Seriously though. The very last thing they needed was for their Captain to take them to task over being involved with one another.

Rather than having the discussion devolve into something caustic, Jensen kept quiet. He could be the _mature_ one and put aside his urge to tear into Jared.

He wasn't crazy, though. There were very real and valid reasons for them to be discreet about the progression of their relationship. It wasn't a _guideline_ in their employment agreement; it was an absolute. There were reasons why fraternization wasn't allowed. It was a distraction to work with someone you were involved with. It could make cops second guess their decisions and that could mess up some very good instincts.

Jensen changed his mind about the _mature_ thing. "This is exactly what I was afraid of," he hissed.

Eyes widening, Jared sat back in his chair as though he'd been punched. "What?"

The word had a dangerous edge to it, especially when combined with the narrowing of Jared's gaze. Jensen sighed.

The silence got uncomfortable quickly and Jensen was a little relieved when Jared leaned forward to speak.

"Jensen. I was willing to pretend you didn't tell me earlier not to talk about my _own_ life. But this? Seriously? You're gonna go there?"

Yeah. The look on Jared's face was definitely a clear representation of _pissed off_.

Closing his eyes for a few moments, Jensen tried to choose his words very carefully. "Jared? I am just concerned about what might get back to Jeff. This isn't about you and me."

"How is it not?" Jared retorted.

Jensen cringed.

"Everything okay there, boys?" Alona had turned around on her chair and was staring at Jensen and Jared.

"Fine."

"Fine."

When both men answered at the same time, Alona's eyes widened and she held up her hands for a few moments before swinging around to face her computer again.

"Can we talk about this later?" Jensen kept his voice low and tried not to sound angry.

For a second or two he thought Jared might just tell him to stuff it. But, his partner nodded and began moving some papers around.

Jensen just wanted everything to go back to normal between them. Whatever that had actually been.

"Did you get a plan figured out for _Caramel._?" 

Without looking up from the file he had spread out in front of him, Jared nodded mutely.

Soothing Jared's ruffled feathers might be a little more difficult than Jensen thought.

"You goin' in this weekend, Jared?" Jensen picked up his coffee and faced Jared across their desks. He hoped that it would give Jared the impression that he was being genuine.

"Friday," Jared said. The word was clipped as though it hardly had time to get past Jared's lips.

"Who's backin' you up?"

"Sam's team."

Two words was a slight improvement but Jensen didn't seem to be making much progress.

"Anyone in particular?"

"Not sure." The papers moved around again and Jared finally looked up. He still looked a little frustrated but Jensen could tell his partner's mind was turning to the case.

"You need someone else in there." Jensen knew the club - it was too big to send someone in alone, undercover or not.

"I know how to do my job."

Jensen didn't want to get into another argument. "I didn't mean you didn't. I guess. I mean, I'm your partner. Shouldn't I be the one to have your back?"

"I'm sure Sam's team can handle it. Besides, we're thinking that it might be best if there isn't anyone else inside. It's a small crowd and people will notice an unfamiliar face."

"No _fucking_ way," Jensen said firmly.

After rolling his eyes quite dramatically, Jared slid some papers back into his folder before leveling a glare at Jensen. "Look. This is _nothing_ to do with you. Sam is one of the best cops here and you know it. It's the team's plan and we'll do what we have to in order to get this guy."

For once, Jensen was speechless. It wasn't like Jared didn't have a point. No one knew better than Jensen how qualified Sam was. Hell, Jensen would love a place on her team. But Jared was _his_ partner and he couldn't just shut off the voice that warned him. It was one thing for Jensen to take risks but he'd been on the job longer. Hell, he'd been in the city longer.

"Hey, Jared? You got time to go over something with me?" Sam called out from the door to the pen.

Jared looked relieved and gathered up his papers without another word to Jensen.

All Jensen could do was watch his partner stride across the room. He clearly couldn't wait to get away from Jensen.

Shaking his head, Jensen flipped a pen at his monitor in frustration. His breakfast suddenly seemed far less appetizing than it had at first.

"Problems?" Alona's voice was soft and closer than Jensen expected. He turned on his chair and smiled wearily at her.

"The undercover thing."

"Yeah?"

"He’s talking about going in alone." Even repeating Jared's plan made a muscle at the corner of Jensen's eye twitch.

Alona paced around the desks and sank down into Jared's empty chair. Jensen smiled at how tiny she looked sitting in it. 

"And you're worried?"

"Of course I am," Jensen answered. "Wouldn't you be? Alone? Since when is undercover work _ever_ a good idea alone?"

Alona tilted her head side to side in semi-agreement. "The way they talked in the meeting it sounded as though the gay community was pretty tight. Jared said he was a good choice for the job because he'd been going there on his own. He figured that someone new would draw too much attention and maybe spook the perp."

"There's probably some truth to that," Jensen admitted reluctantly. "But, are we supposed to just send him in there like a sacrificial lamb?"

"Sacrificial _lamb_?" Alona's laughter was bright and her cheeks turned a little pink as she threw her head back.

Annoyed, Jensen tossed his hands up and turned away. He was beginning to feel like he should have stayed at home.

"Jensen? Is there something more going on here?" There was a knowing look on Alona's face and, for a few moments, Jensen was tempted to spill about the weekend. But it just wasn't a good idea, not matter how much he trusted Alona. The best way to keep something quiet was not to tell anyone at all. It just wasn't time for any more confessing. Besides, the more Jensen talked about what was going on, the worse things seemed to get.

"Shit - Alona. I'm just bein' an overprotective partner. You know what it's like. Weirder than hell when your partner goes off to work with someone else."

Alona nodded but Jensen was pretty sure she wasn't buying it.

"Okay, Jensen." Tugging on her sweater, Alona stood again and headed back over to her own desk. "You let me know if you want to talk," she said over her shoulder.

Shaking his head, Jensen pretended to focus on his monitor in the hopes that everyone would just leave him alone.

But being alone wasn't all that great. His partner was off working with someone else. _Jared_ was working with Samantha and, for all Jensen knew, might even ask for a transfer. 

His entire desperate plan to make things better had done just the opposite.

Jensen swung his chair around, shot out of it and made a beeline for the Captain's office. The door was open and Jensen walked straight into the room and shoved the door closed behind him.

"Who the _hell_ decided that it would be a good idea for Jared to go undercover after a Goddamned murderer _alone_?" Jensen stopped just short of the front of Morgan's desk.

The Captain let out an audible sigh and closed the file that was open in front of him. He pressed both hands flat on his desk for a few moments then looked up at Jensen. "Sit down."

"I don't want to have a long conversa-"

" _Sit_ the _fuck_ down and remember who you're talking to." The sharp tone in Morgan's voice left no doubt that it was an order. "In all this time, I've never had to speak to you about keeping our friendship out of here. Don't make me start now."

Jensen hesitated long enough to let Morgan know that he was still angry. When he _did_ sit down, he blew out some of his frustration before closing his eyes for a few seconds. He knew Jeff wouldn't expect an apology; no one was more familiar with the frustrations of the job than Morgan. A lot of years had gone into getting Morgan into the Captain's chair.

"Now." Morgan clasped his hands together and rested them on the desk in front of him. "You wanna try that again?"

Nodding, Jensen pressed his lips together for a few moments while he sorted out his thoughts.

"Jared told me this morning that he's going undercover alone. This perp is dangerous; we _all_ know that. Sending him in alone is just a case file waiting to happen. He's an attractive guy. He fits the profile for the victims. If he goes in there and the guy sets his sights on him, there won't be a damn thing we can do to help him."

It looked as though Jeff was thinking for a couple of moments but he answered too quickly to have any doubts. Of course not. Morgan would have had to have approved any plan that Samantha's team had come up with.

"Listen, Ackles, You know as well as I do that your partner is _more_ than qualified. He's taken on worse situations than this in his previous positions." Morgan's head tilted to the side and his eyes softened as he looked over at Jensen.

There wasn't much that Jensen could say. He knew that Morgan wouldn't have approved the plan if he had the slightest doubt about Jared's skill. 

"He's my partner; I should be there to back him up."

It looked a little like Jeff was trying to hold back a smile. "What's all this about?"

"What?" Jensen rubbed at the stubble that had already appeared on his chin. "It's about my partner's safely. I'm just gettin’ him trained up the way I want him. I think I should be there to cover him. It's what partners do."

"You know, it was Padalecki who pointed out that someone undercover who looked unfamiliar would draw attention."

"Yeah, yeah. But how does that even make sense? New people have to go there sometimes or the club would be full of senior citizens."

The look on the Captain's face brightened. "It's gonna be fine."

"Is he wearing a wire, at least?"

"No." Jeff shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "Too much chance of someone feeling it."

"Feeling it?"

"I'm told the dance floor is very _touchy_."

" _Touchy?_ " Jensen's voice cracked and his collar suddenly felt far too tight so he tugged on it. Oh, he had seen the dance floor at Caramel; he knew exactly what it was like. It was _damn_ easy to picture the way Jared would look in the middle of the cramped dance floor. A sweaty t-shirt would cling to the curves of his chest and half the men in the place would be watching him.

"We done, Ackles? Or you wanna sit in here and daydream a little while longer?" Jeff wasn't even attempting to hide his smile.

"I don't like this."

"I can tell."

"I'm the senior partner."

"You are, but this is Sam's project and I know you respect her a lot."

It was true. That did not, however, make the situation any more appealing.

"Can you talk to Sam for me? Ask her if I can, at least, be in the van the nights they head in?" Being in the surveillance van would get Jensen in the vicinity if nothing else.

For a while, Morgan just studied Jensen's face. "I will."

After a deep breath, Jensen nodded. He knew Morgan didn't have to step in but he also knew that Sam wouldn't say no to a request from her own Captain.

If Jared was going to be in the club alone, Jensen would be happier outside than at home.

"Now get out," Morgan said gruffly. "You interrupted me."

Jensen smirked as he stood. Morgan was already looking down at his file.

"And Jensen? When you wanna tell me what's really going on, you know where to find me."

Jensen's eyes widened slightly before he caught himself. It didn't matter though; Jeff hadn't even looked up.

Rather than giving up any more clues to his mental state, Jensen stayed silent and just headed out into the pen.

He stood near his desk for a while, wondering what the hell he was supposed to be working on for the day. Finally, he sighed and rubbed his hand over his hair a few times. "Fuck."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The weekend sneaked up on Jensen quickly. It was, in no small part, due to the fact that he was carrying his and Jared's normal workload alone.

His partner had managed to make himself pretty scarce all week. Jared arrived before Jensen, spent much of the day with Sam and her team and then left before Jensen could catch him. There was to be no talking, it seemed.

Jensen wasn't really sure why everything had gone from bad to worse so suddenly. He'd expected things to be a little strained but he hadn't expected Jared to avoid him completely.

Of course, he could just be reading too much into everything. Ever since the weekend he'd been over-analyzing nearly everything his partner did.

There was the slightest possibility that Jared was just really busy.

Yeah. Jensen couldn't sell himself on that idea.

The plan he'd heard about from Morgan, _not_ Jared, was that the project would start on Friday. Jared was going to head down to the club at about 11 PM. He was just going to behave as usual.

Jensen hadn't allowed himself to get too far into pondering what _behaving as usual_ meant. He could lose a lot of sleep over that. There were some things that Jensen didn't need to know about.

As soon as he'd found out there was a day scheduled for the undercover work, Jensen had checked that the Captain had made good on his promise to get Jensen on the team.

Samantha had been delighted to add Jensen to her team. That approval meant that Jensen would be outside Caramel in an unmarked white van watching a live feed of the club's security camera. Some of those camera angles were plenty familiar to Jensen thanks to his time reviewing the evidence.

He just had a feeling that _every_ time he saw Jared on camera his heart would have a little trouble beating.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The air in the back of the surveillance van was far too warm and it smelled a little like a locker room. Actually, it smelled _exactly_ like a locker room.

The chair Jensen occupied was uncomfortable. It was too hard and was permanently tipped far enough back that Jensen felt like he was about to topple over.

There were only two things that Jensen couldn't complain about. He was keeping an eye on his partner and he was trapped in the surveillance van with Amy Gumenick. She was cute as a button, extremely good at her job and a good stake-out companion.

"Pass me the Thermos, Jensen?" Amy's voice was a welcome reprieve from the almost inaudible buzz of the electronics in the van. It gave Jensen something different to focus on. 

As he handed the Thermos over to Amy, Jensen smiled before turning his gaze back to the bank of monitors in front of him.

It was the first night of the undercover team's work. Jensen and Amy had been shut up in the back of the plainly-painted white van for two hours. Jared had been inside Caramel for a little over half an hour.

Jensen was thankful that Amy wasn't chatty. It would have been difficult for Jensen to follow any conversation with the way he was so intently focused on Jared.

Of course, Jared looked…hot.

As far as Jensen was concerned, Jared was enjoying his role a little _too_ much. His long legs were covered by tight jeans and the t-shirt he was wearing looked like it was one size too small. Jensen tried not to think about the things that people would want to do to Jared. And he certainly wasn't going to think about what Jared had done, whether there had been hookups, or - _yeah_ \- there were plenty of possibilities that Jensen wasn't prepared for.

Things hadn't improved between Jensen and Jared. Sure, there was no open hostility but they didn't really speak. The few days leading up to the first night of the undercover op had been pretty damned uncomfortable.

It was kind of a relief that the first night in the club had finally arrived. Jensen still thought it was a bad idea for Jared to be in the club alone. The van was parked just around the corner from _Caramel_ but it felt too far away. Watching the monitors made Jensen feel useless.

"He's at the first station," Amy said quietly as she turned up the volume on the feed.

There were some parts of the club that were in the line of sight of the security cameras the club had installed.

Each clear camera view was a station and Jared knew where to stand so he could be seen at all times.

Jensen still wasn't confident it was enough protection.

"Sam was right about Jared."

Amy's voice brought Jensen's thoughts back to the stuffy van with all its flickering electric lights. "What'd she say?"

Smiling, Amy tapped on the screen of her iPad as she made a log entry. "She said that it was perfect that he'd spent time at the club. That he'd look more comfortable than anyone else."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jensen swiveled on his stool until he was facing Amy.

Hands up in mock surrender, Amy laughed nervously. "Just that he was a good choice?"

Jensen sat back a little and shrugged before turning back to face the monitor. He felt better when he was keeping an eye on his partner.

Jared was holding a drink. It looked like some kind of soda. He was leaning back against the main bar and smiling as he watched the dance floor.

Jensen frowned. He didn't have the slightest idea whether or not Jared liked dancing. He rubbed his thumb over the corner of the monitor.

Jared's demeanor changed slightly and Jensen sat up a little straighter. He did know his partner well enough to recognize when his guard went up.

There was a man approaching Jared from the dance floor. He was tall, though not as tall as Jared. The suit jacket he was wearing over freshly-pressed jeans gave him the kind of _posh_ look that Jensen would avoid like the plague. His short, dark hair was combed back from his forehead and Jensen screwed his face up in displeasure.

"He looks like a fuckin' vampire," Jensen muttered.

Laughing, Amy switched through the various camera views quickly before zooming in on Jared. "Let's watch him do his magic. He's a hot guy, I bet he can get anyone he wants."

The comment made Jensen shoulders tense. "That guy isn't his type."

"Oh?" There was an amused glint in Amy's eyes when she looked over at Jensen.

"Well," Jensen mumbled. "I mean, look at the guy in his fancy jacket. I bet he's a smarmy asshole."

"Hasn't anyone ever told you not to judge a book by its cover, Jensen?" Amy was close to grinning.

"We are _not_ going to keep having this conversation," Jensen said. "Watch the monitors." A smile finally cracked the worried frown on Jensen's face.

Once his gaze was back on the monitor the smile faded really quickly. Jared was being pulled towards the dance floor by smarmy dude. "Jesus."

"What?" Amy rolled a little closer on her chair.

"Dance floor."

"He must be a little suspicious. One of those cop feelings."

Narrowing his eyes, Jensen tried to get a clearer look at the man pulling on Jared's hand. The quality of the video feed just wasn't good enough. Feeling the need to do _something_ Jensen leaned forward and turned up the volume on the small monitor a little louder.

The music in the club had to be almost deafening. Over the small speaker built into the monitor, it was so distorted that Jensen could hardly decipher the song.

As he watched Jared move through the crowd on the dance floor, Jensen chewed on the edge of his thumbnail. He switched between the various cameras to ensure there were a couple of angles on Jared. He only relaxed a little when he'd assured himself there were a couple of clear views.

"I wish my partner was as protective as you are," Amy muttered. 

"I'm not protective," Jensen said quickly.

"Uh huh."

Jensen looked over at Amy with a puzzled frown on his face. "I just don't think it's a very good idea for him to be in there alone." Maybe Jensen was being a little over-protective but he wasn't going to tell Amy. She was pretty good for a coworker but Jensen wasn't in the mood for confidences.

"Sam says he's a great cop. Very competent. She thinks that he'd be a great addition to her team, and that's pretty high praise." Amy watched the monitor and the light from the screen rippled across her cheeks.

"He is," Jensen said. It was no lie. He knew that Jared could hold his own. He wasn't sure how he felt about Sam wanting Jared on her team; it didn't seem like his partner had enough experience yet. But even Jensen knew there were all kinds of reasons he could be thinking that.

"You're gay, right?"

"Wow," Jensen said weakly.

Grinning, Amy kicked at Jensen's shoe. "Oh come _on_ ; it's not politically incorrect anymore to talk about being gay."

"It's not? I mean. No. I'm. Yes, I'm gay." It had never been secret but he wasn't accustomed to his colleagues wanting to talk about it.

Still grinning, Amy swept her long, golden hair back off her shoulders. "That's shitty."

"It is?" That hadn't been the response Jensen had expected.

"Well. There's you and Padalecki and … you're partners. Conflict of interest and all that jazz. Shitty."

If Jared were in the van with them, Jensen would have given him an unmistakable _told you so_ look. Jared seemed to be the only person convinced it wasn't a problem.

"Unless he's not your type," Amy teased. "But _hello_ , those shoulders and legs-"

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!" Jensen pushed his chair back a little and held up his hands. "We are not going to discuss my partner like he's some object of … Just no."

Amy's laughter was soft and warm and Jensen realized she was trying to get a rise out of him. Well, it had worked. He _really_ didn't need any encouragement to think about Jared's body.

Thinking about Jared's _body_ made Jensen look back down at the monitor. He switched the view to the camera that gave the widest view of the dance floor. "He's very hot," Amy murmured almost under her breath.

"What?" Jensen turned his head slowly until he was staring at Amy.

Dark lashes fluttered over Amy's pale blue eyes and she looked a little like a cat that had swallowed a canary. "I said, it's very hot in here. They really need to put air conditioning in these things."

It was Jensen's turn to look skeptical. He would let Amy have her fun while they were trapped in the van but he would get her back. He'd been known to pull off some great practical jokes in his time.

After a lopsided smirk in Amy's general direction, Jensen swung his chair back around so he was facing the monitor.

Jensen's eyes began moving over the snarled mess of limbs on the dance floor. There wasn't an inch of space left unoccupied and the mass of men all seemed to be moving to the same rhythm.

"I wonder if Jared's ever dated women," Amy mused. 

When Jensen looked over there was still a grin on her face. "He's not going to date you."

"Ackles! I would never suggest such a thing. I mean, it's _so_ obvious that he's already taken." Amy swiped a screen to the side on her iPad.

"He what?"

Amy shrugged. "Just something he said the other day at a meeting. We were giving him the gears about having men hitting on him all night. He muttered something about there only being one person he was aiming for."

"Who was it?" Jensen asked. He realized, too late, that he sounded a little intense for someone asking a casual question about his partner. "I mean, he never tells me stuff."

"I don't know." Amy was tapping her stylus against her plump bottom lip. "He got that misty-eyed look though. Who knows? Men!" She laughed and went back to flipping through screens on her iPad.

Realizing he'd been staring for a while, Jensen turned back to his monitor. Sighing, he tried to put the conversation out of his head and began looking for the tall frame of his partner. "S'personal anyway," he muttered.

His eyes slide back and forth over the screen in front of him but he wasn't seeing Jared anywhere. "Amy, where is he?"

Amy continued to flip through the screencaps of repeat customers that Jensen had saved when he'd gone through all the past footage. The glow from her iPad screen gave Amy's face a ghoulish appearance. "He was on the southeast corner of the dance floor last time I looked up."

Jensen scanned the faces on the dance floor looking for the familiar strong jaw and shaggy locks of his partner. Truth be told, Jared was by far the hottest guy in the club. That is if Jensen was noticing things like that. Which he definitely wasn't.

Frowning when he failed to find his partner on another pass of the dance floor, Jensen squared his shoulders and slid a little closer to the monitor. "Amy. I can't find him."

"With smarmy dude, the far right side of the monitor on camera 3." Amy finally lifted her head and rubbed at her eyes before squinting at the screen. "He's right… hmmm."

Jensen went from the top left corner of the monitor and systematically searched row after row of faces. Nothing. "Where the _hell_ is he, Amy?"

"Relax, Jensen. It's just hard to see him in the crowd."

"He's six foot five. It's not hard to see him anywhere." Jensen ran a hand over his hair then switched to another camera for a different view. He couldn't see his partner anywhere on the screen and his shoulders stiffened. "Amy?"

Still concentrating on the monitor, Amy put her iPad down on the empty chair beside her. "Nothing ever happens on the first night of undercover work," she said calmly.

"I'm not saying something happened; we just need eyes on him at all times."

Guilt was eating at Jensen. He'd been paying attention to Amy rather than the monitor.

"Give me a sec. I'll find him," Amy said.

The steadiness of her voice did little to calm Jensen's nerves. He was sure that no more than a minute had passed while he and Amy were talking. It couldn't have been longer than that.

The beat of the song playing in the club changed and the crowd began to thrum a bit slower. Some people began drifting off the dance floor towards the bar. As the crowd thinned it became obvious that Jared wasn't dancing.

"I'm still looking," Amy said as though she thought Jensen required some sort of update. "Maybe he went to the washroom and forgot to give us the sign."

"He wouldn't do that." Jensen remembered that part of the surveillance briefing. If Jared needed to be out of the area covered by the security cameras he would remove his wristwatch and put it in his back pocket. Jensen definitely hadn't seen his partner do that. In fact, Jensen remembered seeing it glint in the moving lights over the dance floor.

Amy shook her head and began to look concerned for the first time. Jensen's heart felt like it quivered in his chest. The van lurched and as Jensen jumped he felt a blast of cool air bully its way into the van through the open back door. Sam stepped up into the back of the van. 

"The tracker indicates that Jared left the building through the back door," Sam said breathlessly as she took a knee between Jensen and Amy.

"What?" Jensen could feel the cool fingertips of anxiety drifting down his spine.

"How could he move that fast?" Amy asked without taking her eyes off the screen. It was as though she couldn't believe they'd lost him and was almost willing Jared to appear on her monitor. Jensen knew how she felt.

Jensen spun on his chair and stared at Sam. After a moment's hesitation, she turned the iPad screen to face him.

Jensen snatched the device from his colleague and looked at the GPS tracking app. Jared was heading south and moving fast. Obviously, he was in a vehicle. "His car?"

"Gone," Sam said as she climbed past Jensen and Amy to sit in the empty chair. She leaned in close to Amy and grabbed the mouse so she could open the GPS tracking program on the computer. "Sixty-five miles per hours on Broad Street; heading south west."

The back door crashed open and Jensen hit the pavement running. He'd grabbed Amy's iPad and was yanking his keys out of his pocket. There'd been a reason he had parked so close to the van; he wasn't going to let _anything_ happen to his partner.

Jensen climbed into his car and stabbed at the iPad screen until he could see the tracking app. He tossed it onto the passenger seat and fired up the engine.

The car was in reverse and the tires squealing before Sam and Amy emerged from the back of the van. Jensen was pretty certain that he heard Sam yell his name but he had no guilt over pretending he hadn't.

With only one quick glance at the tracking app, Jensen turned out of the parking lot and headed down a dark alley.

They had to be going to Jared's place. There was no way that Jared would go somewhere unfamiliar with a suspect. And it fit the suspect profile. 

"Jesus _Christ_ ," Jensen murmured as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. What the hell did Jared think he was doing? Even if the possibility was slim to none that the first guy Jared hooked up with was their perp - he was still going way outside the acceptable realm of an undercover operation.

The ring on Jensen's phone startled him. Sam's name came up on the screen when Jensen pulled it out of his pocket. He didn't need a lecture on protocol from Sam.

As the road straightened out into the on ramp for the 401 Jensen slipped his phone into the dash stand and tapped the play icon. No doubt, Sam's message would be interesting.

A slow vehicle caught Jensen off guard and he swerved around it as Sam's voice filled the car. She sounded pissed. "Ackles. Get back here. You flying off the handle and chasing after your partner is only going to end badly."

"For whom," Jensen muttered.

There was a voice in the background and Sam covered the phone. After a few seconds, she was back. "Jensen. Listen to me. We are tracking Jared as well. As soon as we have a destination we will get him out. Do _not_ engage the suspect. Let Jared deal with it."

"Deal with it," Jensen murmured. He swiped at his phone, missed and knocked it out of the dash stand. It wasn't like he was going to answer his calls anyway.

Jared was taking a _stupid_ risk. Maybe he had some kind of gut instinct about the smarmy guy who'd approached him. Without a wire, there was no way for anyone else to know what was going on.

Jensen's gaze dropped to the iPad screen and he saw the location where Jared had stopped. Jensen had been right; his partner had gone home. 

As he drove down the off-ramp, Jensen ran over the layout of his partner's place in his mind. The living room faced the front street so Jensen would have to stop further down the road. The only thing he had in his favor was that no one would expect him to be there, including Jared.

His phone beeped from the floor as he turned into a residential neighborhood. A text flashed up on the screen from Sam. It simply read "ETA eight minutes. Stand Down."

But a lot could happen in eight minutes.

Jensen slowed the car as he got closer to Jared's. He could see his partner's vehicle on the street and swerved into the curb to park out of sight.

He was out of the car and across someone's lawn in a matter of moments. He didn't care if there was nothing going on at Jared's, he wasn't going to miss the opportunity to prevent things from taking a turn for the worse.

Warm, dim light was coming through the space between the curtains in Jared's front window. The lawn was springy under Jensen's boots and he crept along the front of the house quietly. He leaned hard against the rough surface of the outer wall then slid his hand across his chest to flip open his shoulder holster. If Jared were there he would probably laugh at Jensen's paranoia. It couldn't hurt to be prepared for anything, though. Jared could laugh all he wanted after he was safe.

Palms flat against the house, Jensen slid closer to the window. A shadow moved through the light shining onto the lawn and Jensen froze. He heard some movement and the curtain swung slightly.

Head cocked to the side, Jensen listened intently. It had gone quiet again.

He took a deep breath and swung around so he could see through the small crack down the outer edge of the curtain.

It took a few seconds for Jensen's eyes to adjust to the light. The curtain was still swaying slightly and the living room appeared and disappeared a few times before finally coming to rest.

Jensen tried to remember the layout of Jared's apartment. The couch should be just to the left of the window. Shifting slightly, Jensen was able to see the padded arm of the furniture. He could see long fingers curled over the arm. It was Jared's hand; Jensen would recognize those fingers anywhere.

There was another thump and as Jensen peered through the window he saw Jared's fingers flex then grip the arm of the couch tighter. Something about the movement made Jensen's shoulders stiffen. A cold buzz moved down his back as he became even more alert. It was then that Jared's booted foot appeared. It looked as though he was struggling to stand, or being hauled up to his feet.

Jensen rolled away from the window and headed for the front door.

A brighter flash of light behind him made Jensen pause. He pressed back into the dark shadows cast by the house and waited. The curtain had been moved and as soon as it fell back into place, Jensen slid towards the front door.

His felt a little relieved when he fingers curled around the warm metal door handle. He twisted it to the right slowly and found that there was no resistance.

Smiling slightly, Jensen turned the knob until he heard a tiny click. In the silence of the night, it sounded really loud. There were no footsteps though and Jensen pushed the door open.

The well-oiled hinges on the door were silent as it swung inwards.

As soon as Jensen was inside he could hear the low rumble of an unfamiliar voice. He wasn't close enough to distinguish any words but there was definitely tension in it.

Jensen reached for his weapon unconsciously. Later, he might call it a hundred other things but what it came down to was instinct. Jensen had a gut feeling that things had gone very wrong for Jared.

Things changed again. Jensen's Jensen's focus narrowed down to the balanced weight of his weapon as it pressed coolly to his palm. The only sound he was conscious of was the voice coming from farther down the hall.

Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments, taking another deep breath. It had to be something harmless, a mistake. Jared was going to have hell to pay when everyone found out there was nothing wrong.

He counted four more heartbeats and then headed down the hall. The carpet made no sound under Jensen's boots.

As he slowly made progress toward the living room, Jensen began to be able to pick out some words from the seemingly one-sided conversation. _"you move…", "don't want to hurt…"_

Jensen bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to give him something other than _fear_ to focus on. When his gut told him something it was seldom wrong. He'd have to make time to hate that about himself later.

"...think I won't hurt you because you're pretty?"

The words stopped Jensen in his tracks. His heart sped up and he could feel the prickle of sweat at the nape of his neck.

He had to force himself to take another step. He was just inches from the end of the hallway. His gaze wandered along the opposite wall until it found a wide silver frame encasing a black and white photo.

Jensen searched the frame for some kind of reflection and his eyes narrowed when he found one.

It took a little while for the image to resolve into something that made sense. He was able to pick out his partner's face first of all. There was something shining; it ran along Jared's jaw. There were fingers curled over Jared's shoulder and Jensen followed them to a strong arm in a suit jacket. Just like he'd thought, it was the smarmy dude from the club.

Jensen relaxed slightly. He couldn't really understand it but maybe Jared had picked the guy up. No. It really didn't make any sense for him to have done that. Jared really liked his job and wasn't likely to do anything that would jeopardize his position.

So, what had happened?

As soon as the image resolved completely, Jensen's wished he'd never harbored a single doubt about his partner.

The man from the bar was holding a wide blade to Jared's throat. Jensen's fingers tensed around the cool metal of his handgun as he lifted it level with his shoulder. Ready to fire at any second, he took a chance and leaned forward. He'd judged correctly. The two men were angled away from the hallway enough that they wouldn't see him unless they turned.

He took a valuable few moments to study Jared's face. His partner was still, chest rising and falling quickly. The only thing that betrayed Jared's uncertainty was the sweat beading on his forehead. There were a couple of red marks on Jared's cheek and it looked like he had been punched. 

Both of the men were standing now, just in front of the window. The dark-haired man looked even more noxious in the living room lamp light. His eyes were dark, his thin lips twisted into an unpleasant smirk. His mouth was pressed to Jared's ear and the deep rumble of his voice made Jared squeeze his eyes shut.

Fighting the swell of anger and possessiveness in his chest, Jensen took a steadying breath. A picture formed in his mind's eye. A hand resting on Jared's shoulders. Black knife handle with a wide, sharp blade pressed just below Jared's Adam's apple. Jared looked alert, if a little scared.

There was only one way for Jensen to get into the room. He would have to go straight at them, facing the suspect _and_ his partner. There was no other way in.

Sam's team should be arriving at the house in a few minutes and that might force the perp's hand. There were a couple of ways the situation could play out and neither of them seemed that they would have a great outcome for Jared.

_Fuck._

Jensen bit down hard on his bottom lip again. Things couldn't get much worse.

And then they did.

The sound of sirens pierced the quiet of the night outside. Jensen dropped into a crouch so that he could lean forward and keep an eye on the blade at Jared's throat.

"You were thinking you were _very_ clever, weren't you, Jared?" The dark-haired man slid his free hand down over Jared's shoulder and then his chest. The blade of the knife pressed harder against Jared's skin and Jensen was sure that he could see blood beading along the blade.

Jared's eyes took on a wilder look; his throat worked ceaselessly as he tried to swallow. "No," he whispered hoarsely.

The tension in Jared's voice was sharp and desperate and Jensen closed his eyes for a couple of seconds.

"I hear your colleagues. They really should have approached silently. They might have had a chance of getting here before I slice you open." The perp's face was contorted into a rictus grin and he nosed into Jared's hair as he spoke.

Where Jared's fists were clenched tightly at his sides, Jensen could see them begin to tremble slightly. _Don't lose your cool, Jared. Not now._

When Jensen swallowed his throat was so dry it was like swallowing sand.

The sirens were getting louder. It wouldn't be long before Sam had the place surrounded. There were perps that killed and those that didn't really have the balls to. The problem was that the man holding the knife at Jared's throat gave a clear impression of which type he was. He would slice Jared's throat in a hot second. 

The first glimpse of red and blue lights danced across the living room walls arrived and the perp let his head fall back so he could stare at the ceiling.

A thin line of blood trickled down the side of Jared's neck and disappeared into the loose collar of his shirt.

Then everything changed. A loudspeaker on one of the squad cars crackled as someone spoke. Someone in the living room groaned… the perp?

Jensen readied himself. Calves aching and tense, Jensen crouched there silently. He leaned forward again, risking detection because he knew it was time to play his hand.

The universe had other plans for them and it felt to Jensen like everything began to happen at once.

The sirens went quiet, tired squealed somewhere outside. A bright light pulsed in through the partially-closed curtains. Jensen's reflexes kicked in, his adrenaline filled body twitching. He sensed, more than saw, a movement. It was the slightest ripple of skin at the perp’s wrist and Jensen knew what was coming. He was in motion a fraction of a second before the blade at Jared's throat began slicing into flesh.


	9. Chapter 9

A lot can happen in three seconds. Two or three heartbeats can happen depending how fit one is. A squad car can screech to a halt on an otherwise quiet residential street. For his part, Jensen discovered that he could get from the hallway in Jared's house across the living room and slide to a halt in front of Jared.

There was one more thing that could happen in that three seconds of fragile time. Jared's throat could be sliced in a thin, red line from the collar of his shirt to the mid-line of his Adam's Apple.

Jensen's appearance from behind the wall had startled the perp and given Jared a flash of time to knock the knife off-kilter.

There was blood appearing on Jared's smooth skin as Jensen took a step closer.

It felt as though everything had slowed down to a crawl. The collision of each boot with the hardwood floor was jarring and Jensen could feel it traveling up his spine. The sound of it hitting the floor was thunderous. 

He raised his gun in a graceful arc from his hip to his chest. His arms were straight, all the tendons and muscles drawn tight in anticipation. 

On the fly, he aimed his pistol, and as he reached his second step his finger had already begun to squeeze the trigger.

His gaze met Jared's for one of those few seconds. He'd never seen _fear_ on his partner's face before and he hated it.

The loud crack of Jensen's gun was the switch that started time moving at regular speed again. The crack split open the air in the room and a heartbeat later the bullet drilled into the perp's forehead.

The knife - the god damned knife - finished its journey across and up Jared's neck.

As Jensen watched, Jared pulled away from the dark-haired man. It was a little like watching a tree splitting under the blade of an axe.

Just as Jared fell forward to one knee, Jensen slid to a halt and dropped into a crouch.

The perp hit the floor behind Jared like a ton of bricks and Jensen only _just_ had time to get his arms out in time to catch his partner as he crumbled forward.

"You're okay, Jared," Jensen said softly. He cupped the back of Jared's skull with one hand and pressed the other to the red line widening across Jared's throat. "Not that bad, yeah? Asshole didn't get it right."

But there was a hell of a lot of blood on Jared's throat, on his shirt and fattening a small shining pool on the floor beneath them.

Somewhere behind them a door crashed open and Jensen heard Sam's voice. "Clear!" Jensen yelled. "Suspect down. Officer down! It's my partner!"

When he looked down at his partner all Jensen could see were Jared's multi colored eyes staring up at him.

Footsteps clattered down the hall behind them and Jensen tried to sit down while keeping pressure on Jared's throat. He managed to get Jared lying against his knee, conscious of the blood that was still appearing from beneath his trembling hand.

"Jen-"

"Shut it." Jensen felt a little burst of relief. Hearing Jared's voice was good. "Don't know what you were playin' at but _now_ , you're gonna do what I tell you."

Jared's expression softened and his hand reached down to grip Jensen's trouser leg tightly. 

"Sam!" Jensen called out. "What's the ETA on paramedics?"

"Less than four minutes. You want me to take over?" Samantha's voice was far closer than Jensen had expected.

Shaking his head slowly Jensen smiled slightly at Sam before looking back down at his partner. Jared's skin was a little on the pale side, his pulse racing under Jensen's palm.

"You're fine, Jared. Just relax for a little while; try to calm down. Paramedics are on their way." If Jensen's voice wavered it was easy to ignore in the aftermath. It was probably just adrenaline.

Or maybe not.

"Get someone in here to help," Jensen snapped as more bodies piled into the room and still, no one looked as though they had medical knowledge.

"One more minute," Sam said from where she stood over the suspect. The man was probably dead, but Jensen felt no remorse.

A cough shook Jared's body and Jensen looked back down at his partner. There was blood discoloring Jared's teeth.

"Fuck," Jensen murmured under his breath. It really shouldn't be happening again. He shouldn't be looking down at another man - a man he -

"Sir, I need you to move your hand."

Jensen blinked and looked up to find a paramedic staring down at him. Somehow, he had ended up sitting cross-legged with Jared pulled into his lap. Jared's eyes were closed, a dark bruise appearing near a cut on his bottom lip.

"Officer." The paramedic grabbed Jensen's hand and removed it forcibly from Jared's throat.

The heavy weight of Jared's body was lifted from Jensen's lap and there was a flurry of activity around his partner's body. Soon it became possible to see Jared only in snatches of space. 

Jensen climbed to his feet and stumbled as his numb legs began to prickle to life.

"You got him," Sam said as she slid her arm over Jensen's shoulders.

"I - I don't know if he's gonna be okay," Jensen said weakly. When he looked around, he could see that Sam was confused.

"I meant the suspect, Jensen. He had some of the missing items from the other victims."

Finally, Jensen glanced over at the man who was lying in a pool of blood over by the couch. Yes. Jensen felt the memory of pulling the trigger. Jensen cleared some of the tension from his throat. "Dead?"

"He is," Sam said. "You need to surrender your weapon to me for testing. Pure formality. It was a clean shoot."

Numbness was creeping down Jensen's body. As he held out his weapon he stared down and watched the paramedics working swiftly.

There were wires on Jared's chest, a swath of white bandage around his neck. There was a bright red bloom in the middle of all that white.

The stretcher rose to its full height and it clicked into place just before Jared was whisked away.

"I - I need a leave of absence," Jensen said. He couldn't keep his voice steady. All he could do was stare at the spot where Jared had been lying.

Sam bagged Jensen's gun and signed the seal. After a quick glance around the room, she nodded. "I can take it to Morgan if that's what you want."

Jensen nodded slowly. He knew that he'd be off duty for forty-eight hours because of the shooting; he just wasn't sure that would be enough time. Time was what he needed to get balanced again. Everything had gone so far off track.

The tension had all gone to Jensen's shoulders and he grimaced as he rolled them slowly. His mouth felt dry as sand and he tried to swallow. "Let me know?"

Sam tilted her head slightly and frowned with concern. "What Jensen?"

"How Jared…"

Eyes widening, Sam blinked a few times. "Aren't you going to be there? At the hospital?"

"No." Jensen shook his head and shrugged. "I can't." Without waiting for an answer, Jensen retraced his steps down the hallway and headed out to find his car.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Hours later, Jensen sat on his couch in the dark. Home felt strange, unfamiliar somehow.

Sam had phoned and left a message about Jared about two hours after Jensen got home. The cut across Jared's throat was far less serious than it had looked. The angle of the cut had made sure the blade missed any of the major arteries or veins. It turned out that the blood in Jared's mouth was from him biting his tongue when the suspect had hit him.

Jared would have one hell of a scar across his throat but he would be fine.

The news hadn't really made Jensen feel any better. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just didn't want to feel _anything_ anymore. 

There were too many demons hovering around Jensen as he sat in the dark, scared to move. It reminded him of when he was a little kid and terrified of monsters. It was as though one day he just suddenly realized that he was mortal and all those fears, so real and violent, became hands reaching out for him. But Jensen had figured out the rules. If he stayed still then they couldn't touch him.

What the hell? It couldn't hurt to use a strategy that had worked historically.

Jensen had set the best bottle of whiskey he owned on the coffee table in front of him. He'd had a couple of shots. The burn of it felt good on his dry throat but then he'd stopped.

He'd needed everything to stop. The moment he'd seen the blood on Jared's throat, the blood in his mouth, Jensen had known he would just shatter. There were some things that could only _just_ be endured once. Setting himself up to go through anything so hurtful again was completely insane.

It was exactly what Jensen had been scared of. Everything that he'd dreaded had been right there in Jared's eyes when Jensen had looked down into them. It was a risk he just couldn't take anymore. There was nothing left inside of him to give someone else.

So. He sat there, still, in the dark room and stared at the whiskey bottle.

If he's been aware of the moment when sleep stole him away from all the pain, he would have been thankful.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

At first, Jensen thought that the knocking was in his head. Pain clenched tight around his skull before he even dared to open his eyes.

Thirst clawed at his throat and Jensen coughed. "Jesus."

When he managed to pry his eyes open they felt crusty and it took more than a few seconds for him to focus on anything.

The bottle was still there on the table. Feeling as shitty as he did, Jensen was glad he'd decided against drowning his sorrows in whiskey. A hangover on top of a headache would be brutal.

Groaning, Jensen slid sideways down onto the couch cushions. His back ached from the way he'd been lying for so long.

There was another knock and this time Jensen realized it was coming from the door. He patted himself down until he found his phone in his shirt pocket.

There were a lot of messages. Sam had sent a couple of texts. Jensen had missed two calls from his Captain. Jeff didn't send text messages, he hated them, said they were too impersonal.

When Jensen reached the final missed call he just stared for a few moments. Jared. At least his partner was well enough to use his phone.

There was another knock on the door and Jensen swore softly. He'd already slept half the day away. Someone at the door couldn't be a good thing.

As Jensen rolled off the couch to stand his back cracked and the room faded for a few seconds. He groaned again. "Coming!"

Stumbling towards the door, Jensen tried to pull his shirt straighter. He unlocked the door and yanked on it as he shoved his hand into his tousled hair.

The door swung open and Jensen froze.

Jared looked good but he looked terrible. The contradiction made an ache appear in Jensen's chest that felt all too familiar. His lashes fell closed slowly but it was too late; he'd already seen Jared. On one hand he was relieved to see him standing there, in spite of the stark white bandages on his neck and the dark bruises smudged beneath his stubble.

His heart broke a little more; fine china cracks that no one would notice. One tap and he would break apart. Turning slowly, Jensen shoved the door open for Jared and headed back to sit down on the couch. Maybe it wasn't too early for alcohol.

The door clicked shut eventually and Jensen wasn't sure until he heard Jared's footsteps whether his partner had left or come in.

The sound of the footsteps drew closer and Jensen held his head in his hands. The couch moved slightly when Jared joined him on the couch.

"Jensen?" Jared's voice sounded a little broken, roughed up.

Turning his head in his hands, Jensen looked over at his partner.

Jared was definitely worse for wear after his encounter with their suspect. There was a bruise from his cheekbone to the cut on his swollen bottom lip. The blood was already dry.

Jensen was glad there were bandages wrapped around Jared's throat. He wasn't sure he was ready to see that again.

He was holding his head stiffly as though he was trying to immobilize it. Truth be told, every time he turned his head the pain pounded a little harder.

Jared must have seen where Jensen was looking. His fingers drifted to the open V of his t-shirt collar. "Thirty-seven stitches."

"What?'

"My throat. They closed it with thirty-seven stitches and some of those butterfly things."

Jensen nodded and looked back down at the floor. "I'm glad. I'm glad that you're alright. No permanent damage?"

Jared shook his head and smiled slightly. "Missed everything crucial. Even had a plastic surgeon do the stitching. Minimize scarring and all that."

Nodding again, Jensen sighed. "They let you out fast."

"I left AMA. Couldn't stand being there. Hospitals make me crazy. They only wanted to keep me one more night for observation." Jared shrugged when he'd finished speaking and leaned back on the couch.

"Well, like I said, I'm glad you're okay," Jensen said quietly. He wasn't going to have it out with Jared; he was done. No more. Seeing Jared injured was difficult enough.

"Jensen, I-"

"What do you want, Jared?"

Eyes suddenly a little wider, Jared just stared for a while. He winced as he swallowed then spoke softly.

"I, uh, I wanted to say thank you."

"No problem. There. You said it. It's all good." Jensen's heart was thumping hard enough that it felt like it would be bruised from banging into his rib cage.

"This doesn't seem all good," Jared said. His voice sounded a little rougher, more worn.

"You should go home, Jared. I'd put money on saying the Doc told you to go home and go to bed."

"This is important, Jensen."

A little flare of anger burst bright white in Jensen's chest. "You thanked me. Probably that evens things out. Anything else?"

Jared sighed and caught sight of the whiskey bottle as he looked down at the coffee table. "A little early for drinking, isn't it? You already started?"

"No, Jared. I'm just naturally an asshole."

"Stop it. Why are you so pissed off?"

Jensen turned slowly until he was facing Jared. His anger flared brighter and hotter. He'd been asked a lot of stupid questions over the years but that one deserved an award. "If you don't know-"

"Tell me," Jared interrupted. His voice broke slightly and he frowned.

"This isn't the time, Jared. Go home." And Jensen wasn't in the mood to explain to Jared why the undercover gig had been a mess from beginning to end.

"Look, I checked myself out of the hospital because I need to talk to you. What happened … I know that you saved my ass. I needed to talk to you about it." Jared's eyes were clear and fever bright. They looked out of place on his bruised face. His tongue probed his injured lip tentatively.

"You're staring," Jared said.

"Because I just can't believe you _need_ to do this now. I took a leave because I wanted to forget about all this shit." Every single one of Jensen's nerves was frayed. All he wanted was to sleep; to forget all the messed up emotion that was clawing at him.

"I wasn't completely honest with you," Jared said softly. He sank back against the couch and closed his eyes.

For a long time, Jensen just stared at his partner. The rise and fall of Jared's chest was still reassuring; he was alive. But the bright white of the gauze covering the wound on Jared's neck kept calling to Jensen's eyes. "Does it hurt?"

Without opening his eyes, Jared turned his head slightly towards Jensen. "Not telling you the truth?"

Jensen shook his head until he realized that Jared couldn't see him. "No. Your throat."

"Oh." Jared's lashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. He suddenly looked exhausted, his skin was still a little pale and there were dark half moons under his eyes. They were almost dark enough to match the bruise that was still growing on Jared's jaw.

Jared's hand ran along the bottom of the bandage again. "A little. I've got a prescription in my pocket. I imagine the stuff they gave me at the hospital is wearing off."

"You're good though?"

"Nothing important was damaged like I said. I was lucky." Jared paused for a second or two and looked at Jensen. "Thanks to you, I figure."

"You covered that."

"You didn't let me finish. I said I wasn't completely honest-"

"It doesn't matter," Jensen said quickly. There just wasn't room in his head for any more words from his partner.

" _Jesus_. Just let me say this and then you can throw me out, okay?" Sitting up again, Jared fixed Jensen with a determined stare.

Jared could be stubborn; Jensen knew that. He knew his partner well enough to know that he would persist until he got to say his piece.

Jensen nodded.

"I wasn't as 'okay' as I was acting," Jared began. "The weekend. Being away with you was good. It was real good. And maybe I felt more than I told you. Maybe what I was feeling - like there could be something between us. Maybe that was wishful thinking."

Rather than interrupting and prolonging the visit, Jensen just looked down at his feet. It was better than looking at the earnest expression on Jared's face.

There was a little bit of silence as though Jared wanted to give Jensen a chance to say something. When it became obvious he wasn't going to speak, Jared shrugged.

"I wanted you to think I was okay with everything going back to the way it was. It was a lie. I _did_ want that _what-ever-it-was_ we had at the cabin."

A sigh of frustration escaped Jensen's lips. He didn't want to have, yet another, discussion about the million and one reasons they couldn't have a relationship. "You're a great guy, Jared-"

"Don't patronize me. I know you're not gonna step one foot outside your comfort zone, Jensen." There was a sad hurt mingling in Jared's eyes with the anger that seemed to be bubbling to the surface.

Jared's strong fingers swept through his hair. There was still some blood stuck to Jared's temple and along his hairline. He must have headed straight to Jensen's after signing himself out of the hospital. He really hadn't gone anywhere else, not even home to clean himself up.

"Jensen, that's why I took off. I just didn't care. I was so frustrated and things between us kept getting worse."

"Wait." As the realization of what Jared was saying dawned on Jensen, he felt a little ill. The tension in his body had reached a peak. "Are you talking about that fucking mess last night?"

For a few deep breaths Jared just stared, then he nodded almost imperceptibly. His voice wavered slightly when he finally spoke. "I wanted you to - I don't know. Maybe I wasn't even thinking about it consciously. I just didn't care. I was in that bar and sitting there thinking about all the times _you_ were so reckless-"

"Oh _give_ me a break. It was payback? Fuck you, Jared. That's the dumbest-"

"No!" Jared grabbed Jensen's wrist and squeezed _hard_. "I wanted to hurt you - make you feel something. I didn't intend things to go as far as they did-"

"I bet you didn't." The anger that had been stewing in Jensen's gut was so near to boiling over that he felt like punching something. Jared was lucky he was injured.

The expression on Jared's face darkened. "Because _you've_ never done anything risky on a job because of the way you felt."

"It's not a competition."

"No. You're right. You'd win, hands down," Jared said sharply.

Jensen let his head hang heavy between his shoulder for a few moments before looking over at Jared. "What do you want, Jared? Why are you here instead of home?"

For some reason, Jensen's question made the expression on Jared's face soften. It seemed that Jensen had finally asked a question his partner knew how to ask.

"I want a chance."

"For what?" Jensen asked.

"For you and me," Jared answered softly. "It was good… _us_. It felt good. I don't know if it would work out but it's worth a try."

Jensen was already shaking his head. "It's because of shit like last night that we can't. I _can't_ do it again."

"Again?" Jared's grip on Jensen's arm loosened and he shifted a little closer. "It's not again; this is different. This isn't-"

"It is," Jensen almost yelled. "How could you do this? How could you - you even risk letting me lose you after. After…"

"After what?"

"After everything I've lost. I can't love someone." Shaking his head vigorously, Jensen pulled his arm from Jared's grasp. "I can't.

A sadness seemed to settle on Jared's face and a twinge of hurt made Jensen avert his gaze.

"Okay," Jared said quietly. "I'm going to tell Morgan I want a transfer out."

"You what?" For some crazy reason, it hadn't occurred to Jensen that Jared wouldn't stay.

"It would be too weird for me, us working together." Without waiting for Jensen's response, Jared stood and headed towards the door.

"I can't believe you," Jensen muttered. But he could. He could see on Jared's face that the man had been pushed to the breaking point. Perhaps that was something they _did_ have in common.

About half way across the room, Jared stopped and looked back. "And don't worry. I won't say anything to Morgan about us. I'll tell him I want to move to be nearer family."

There was a crazy buzzing growing in Jensen's ears and something that felt uncomfortably close to panic was clawing its way into his chest. The whole situation felt like it was crushing down on Jensen and it was horrible.

He was scared. Hell, he was terrified. He'd admitted as much to his partner. But he hadn't thought that losing Jared completely would ever be a part of the equation. Maybe, he'd been clinging to the faintest bit of hope that, with time, he might be able to act on the feelings that were all tangled up inside of him.

Jared reached the door and pulled on the handle. He swore softly when he turned it the wrong way, then fumbled with the lock in case that was the problem and-

\- something inside Jensen's chest felt like it would split apart if Jared walked out the door. The crazy thing was that the idea of Jared simply leaving felt almost as horrible as sitting on the floor holding him while he bled.

Jensen pushed off the couch so quickly that he stumbled as he rounded the end of it to stride towards the door.

Just as Jared managed to pull the door open, Jensen's hand reached past Jared's shoulder to slam it shut again.

The crack of the door against the frame shot around the room and Jensen closed his eyes tightly. He kept his hand there, pressed against the door and breathed in the scent of Jared's hair. He was _so_ close to Jared but not touching him. Touch: that was the last wall he had left.

"Don't go," Jensen whispered. He heard Jared sigh but neither man moved.

"Why?" Jared asked wearily.

 _Why?_ Because it felt like Jared leaving would irreparably damage something inside Jensen. _Why?_ Because he had no fucking clue what to do anymore about anything and that was the fault of the man in front of him. _Why?_ Because he couldn't stand the idea of never seeing Jared again. But Jensen couldn't say all of that.

Jensen's free hand, shaking, moved to Jared's hip and gripped tightly. "Don't. Go."

Trapped between Jensen and the door, Jared was quiet. His breathing was a little faster and Jensen could see sweat glistening on the smooth skin behind the man's ear.

"Please," Jensen added.

Jared's knuckles were white on the door handle. "Jensen. I. Don't do this. I'm tired and sore and I've made my deci-"

"Don't go. Stay here today. Stay here tonight."

"And what about when we have to go back to work? What then?" Jared let his head fall forwards and his forehead thumped softly against the door. "I don't want a few weekends here and there. That's just not me."

For the thousandth time since Jared had walked in the door, Jensen felt confused and lost. He had no more answers than he'd ever had to offer Jared.

He let himself fall forward until he was pressed against Jared's back. The soft waves of hair that _just_ touched Jared's shoulder felt good against Jensen's cheek. After a moment's hesitation, Jensen pulled his hands away from the door and slid them around Jared. It felt good. Jared's chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath and Jensen closed his eyes and rested his chin on his partner's shoulder.

"I don't get you," Jared said gruffly.

"Me either," Jensen answered. His lips brushed the smooth curve of Jensen's ear. It wasn't a lie. Nothing was very clear in Jensen's mind but he was terrified of Jared walking out of his life.

"Let me go, Jensen. It's okay."

"You don't understand-"

"-No I don't. Please-"

"I wanna try," Jensen blurted out. He clung to Jared as though saying the words might make Jared run for the hills.

Jared's hands moved along Jensen's arms until he could pry himself loose from the grip.

For a few moments, Jensen felt a cool fear; Jared was going to leave. Whatever it was that Jensen was trying to offer was too little or too late or just _not enough_.

When their eyes met, Jensen let out a shaky sigh. There were tears glistening along Jared's dark lashes, his cheeks were ruddy and his eyes had the piercing intensity that always rattled Jensen.

Unable to look away, Jensen took a step back, nervous and uncertain.

The look on Jared's face was unreadable so Jensen did the only thing he could think of. "Jared? I'm sorry. It's. I don't have any more answers. Fuck, I probably know less than I did before. But you. You leaving?" Jensen shook his head, lips pressed together as his eyes began to burn.

After another deep breath, Jensen decided he had nothing to lose by blurting out whatever words would shake loose from his brain.

"Jared, you - you make me crazy." Jensen pressed his hand to his chest. "I felt it here when you said you would leave like something was being ripped outta me. If you ask for certainties I can't give you a single one. Fuck. I don't know what will happen tomorrow; let alone next week. I want. I want…" his shoulders sagged and he sighed.

Jared took a hesitant step closer. "You want what?"

Jensen smiled sadly. "You. To try. The _us_ thing. I'm messed up. I know it. You know it. But I can't spend the rest of my life like this. And you - you. Someone like you. What if this is my one chance?" Jensen had no idea where all the words were coming from but they were honest.

Jared blinked and stared at Jensen so long it was unnerving.

"Well?" Jensen said gruffly.

Looking a little taken aback, Jared smiled slightly and sucked on his wounded bottom lip for a few moments. "And what about work?"

Shrugging, Jensen shook his head slowly. "No clue. You and I go to Morgan and talk to him?"

"Together?"

"Together." The word felt like it had a lot of mass for some reason.

"Together." Jared took another half step forward. His gaze was searching Jensen's face.

Throat dry and tight, Jensen coughed and rubbed at his chest.

"Okay," Jared said softly.

Little sparks of pleasure and fear tangled together and ran down Jensen's spine. The amount of relief that poured over him, though, was a surprise. He closed his eyes against the overwhelming sensations and reached out for Jared's hand.

Their fingers wove together and Jensen tugged Jared closer. He wetted his lips and smiled nervously before leaning in to press his lips to Jared's.

A little burst of heat crept around in Jensen's belly and he moaned and slid his mouth all the way over Jared's.

Jared sucked in a breath and pulled back so suddenly that Jensen stumbled back as though he'd been struck. "What? What!"

After staring at Jensen for a couple of seconds, Jared laughed.

Jensen pressed his hand to his chest and focused on checking to see if his heart was still beating. 

"My lip," Jared said as he smiled lopsidedly. "Hurts."

There was that relief again and Jensen was beginning to feel like he was in some kind of carnival ride hell. But as confused as he was he couldn't help smiling sheepishly. "Forgot about that."

Nodding, Jared swept his hair back of his face then gestured to the couch. "Can we - I need to sit."

As soon as Jared said it, Jensen remembered what his partner had been through. "God, Jared I'm sorry. Stay here with me - my bed is really comfortable. I can. I can get you water or something."

Eyebrow raised slightly, Jared smirked. "Luxury. How could I resist that offer?"

"Shut up." Jensen reached for Jared's hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. "It's - I wasn't expecting company."

The previous few days were a blur and Jensen couldn't remember what the bedroom looked like. It could be a hell of a mess.

Following along willingly, Jared laughed quietly.

Jensen pushed the door open and looked around quickly. There were some clothes on the floor but it wasn't too bad.

Now that Jensen was standing there beside his partner and staring at his bed he felt a little overwhelmed again. He suspected it would be a long time before the roller coaster stopped. Indecision left Jensen at a loss and he backed towards the bedroom door.

"Get comfortable. I'm gonna get you some water and… something."

Nodding, Jared smiled and moved over to sit down on the bed.

Beating a hasty retreat, Jensen hurried to the kitchen. He fetched two glasses from the cupboard and opened the fridge to retrieve a couple of bottles of water. 

_Us._ He turned the word over in his mind while he filled the glasses. It was a little nerve-wracking. _God_ , he was going to make mistakes and fuck things up. Jensen knew what he was like. Maybe he'd been living alone too long to change enough. But then, he was there in his kitchen trying to find something that Jared needed and not even knowing what it might be. Jared, who was going to be lying in his bed once more, waiting for him. Maybe that would be impetus enough to change a little.

A soft smile curving his lips, Jensen opened a drawer and found a new tea towel that he could soak in cold water then picked everything up and headed back to the bedroom.

What looked like most of Jared's clothing was in a heap on the floor in front of the dresser. He'd settled under the sheets in the middle of the bed and Jensen was remarkably happy that he had a king size.

"What?" Jared propped himself up on his elbows so he could see Jensen more clearly. "Why are you smirking?"

It made Jensen a little sad that there was already a worried look on Jared's face.

"Just thinkin' how you look almost normal sized in a king size bed."

Letting out a relieved sigh, Jared nodded and settled back onto the pillows. He grimaced and rubbed his fingers along the bottom of the bandage.

"Hurting?" Jensen headed over to the bed and sat down at Jared's hip. He held out a glass of water.

"Throbs. Guess that's normal."

Jared did look a little worse for wear. But then, _Jesus_ , Jensen didn't want to think about how lucky Jared was to be alive.

Setting his own glass down, Jensen picked up the towel and leaned forward to press it to Jared's forehead. He dabbed at the dried blood to clean his partner up a little before putting the cloth down. "Better?"

An almost shy smile grew on Jared's face and he nodded.

"Good." Jensen found it a little easier to smile. "Are you really tired?"

"Yeah," Jared said. "They tell you to rest at the hospital but then they bang around all night. The nurses came in to check on me every hour."

"God," Jensen said. He couldn't imagine getting much sleep in that environment. 

"One of 'em was good looking though." Even covered in bruises Jared managed to look hot when he raised an eyebrow. 

Chuckling, Jensen moved up so he could lie on his side on the quilt. He liked looking at Jared's eyes. "Do you know him?"

"Who? The nurse?"

"Yeah." Jensen shrugged. "Just something Gumenick said when we were in the van."

Frowning, Jared slid a little further down under the covers. He winced every time he moved which wasn't surprising. "What'd she say? Is she sweet on you?"

Jensen laughed. "Nothing like that. She said you told them there was someone you had your sights on."

For a few moments Jared looked puzzled then realization seemed to dawn on him. "The meeting. I said there was someone I was aiming for."

"Who is it?"

Jared tilted his head to the side and pressed his lips together before wincing and relaxing them. "You can't figure that out?"

Jensen shrugged a shoulder. "If it was me you were aimin' for, ya missed."

Looking a little indignant, Jared couldn't seem to keep the smile off his face. "I _never_ miss."

A pleasant warmth crept over Jensen at the words he'd heard before. "I've seen you miss."

Jared slid his hand over Jensen's. "Not when it's important."

Tenderness overwhelmed Jensen; he just wanted to take care of Jared. It seemed perfect that Jared was lying there and relying on Jensen. It felt right and better than anything had in a very long time.

As he rubbed his thumb over Jensen's wrist, Jared's brow furrowed. "What?"

A little bit of calm had finally made it into Jensen's mind. For the time being, everything seemed manageable, good. "I was just thinking that I'm glad you're here."

"Honestly?" Jared looked down at their hands. "I'm glad too. I really thought you weren't going to…"

Silencing Jared with a finger pressed gently to his lips, Jensen smiled. "No more today, alright?"

Still smiling, still silent, Jared nodded. His eyes were looking tired.

"Get some rest. Hell, I could use a nap. My couch is _not_ comfortable."

"You slept on your- never mind." With a smile on his face, Jared closed his eyes. He kept his grip on Jensen's hand tight.

Maybe he was holding on so tightly because he wanted to make sure that Jensen didn't leave. Jensen couldn't blame the man. But, he had _no_ intention of going anywhere. Not for a long time.

It was the first stop on a very long journey. But, for that moment, it felt okay. Jensen no longer felt as though his heart was going to try and scratch its way out of his chest. Distinct improvement.

And Jared looked peaceful. He'd fallen asleep quickly. He needed to heal. They both did.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

It was a couple of days before Jared's energy level returned. He still wasn't one hundred per cent, far from it. The two partners had relented when their Captain had phoned for the fifth or sixth time and they agreed to go down to the precinct to meet.

When they'd arrived at work there had been a swarm of people around Jared. It seemed that Jensen wasn't the only one who was worried. 

Jared received hugs, pats on the back, a kiss on the cheek from Alona. Samantha had stayed out of the onslaught but she nodded a greeting in Jensen's direction.

Jensen knew that he would have to have a talk with Sam at some point. After all, he had been the one who _broke the rules_. He took off after Jared alone - put himself in danger to try and get his partner _out_ of danger. Sam would keep her distance until she felt that Jensen had recovered. It would be a difficult conversation.

But, they needed to get over some other hurdles before Jensen worried about telling Samantha anything.

Jensen smiled as he watched Jared's embarrassment grow with the outpouring of warmth from their colleagues.

Their meeting with the Captain wasn't quite as _feel good_ as their welcome. Morgan was glad that Jared was healing. He was, however, pretty pissed off at both of them though. In short, he was angry that Jared had been crazy enough to leave the surveillance coverage area alone and without any way to contact the team.

Jensen's amusement at Jared's discomfort only lasted until he found himself to be Morgan's target.

Rightly so, Morgan was pissed that someone as senior as him would leave his post, disobey a direct order from Sam and then leave without checking in at the precinct.

The two detectives got a stern lecture. Jared was told that he couldn't come back to work until he was cleared by the physician.

Jensen was told that he seemed fine and he'd better damned well be back at his desk Monday morning.

Jensen was okay with that. He knew that he and Jared could spend some time together over the weekend and Monday, he'd be glad to get back to work.

After their work visit, Jensen drove Jared to his physician. In the waiting room with some boring magazines, Jensen sat waiting impatiently until Jared was finished.

The doctor had said that Jared could keep the new dressing on until the weekend.

Jensen was sure it wasn't a coincidence that Jared decided he wanted to spend a couple of nights at home. Jensen knew what it was like to be dealing with an injury; it was nice to be where everything was familiar.

After dropping Jared off at home, Jensen picked up some groceries so that he could do something on the weekend he hadn't done for a _very_ long time; he was going to cook dinner for two.


	10. Chapter 10

The place smelled great. It had been years since Jensen had done more than basic cooking. He found that he'd missed it quite a lot. Living alone just didn't seem to provide him with much incentive to cook.

 _Jared_ was an incentive. They'd spoken on the phone a couple of times since the visit to the doctor but this was going to be the first time Jared had visited.

Jensen found that his nerves were a little tweaked but cooking had always relaxed him. He'd roasted some chicken breasts stuffed with gruyere and prosciutto, there were some steamed vegetables, a baked acorn squash and polenta. He'd probably overdone it considering there was a New York Cheesecake cooling on the counter. Once he'd started in on the cooking their seemed to be little point in stopping.

He'd seen Jared eat; nothing would go to waste.

For the hundredth time, Jensen checked the time on his phone. Jared would be arriving any second.

For a while, Jensen stood in the center of his condo and looked around. There were fresh flowers on the, romantically set, table. The candles were lit and there was some nice jazz playing. Maybe it was a little much but Jensen wanted to show Jared that he really meant he wanted to try. He'd probably screw up a lot of things but their first diner seemed important.

They were doing everything all out of order; somehow, that seemed to suit them though.

A quiet knock on the door pulled Jensen from his thoughts. He'd been about to go and change but Jared would just have to take him as he was.

Brushing his t-shirt off, Jensen headed towards the door. He fussed with his jeans; realized he still had bare feet, shrugged then opened the door. 

Jared always managed to surprise Jensen by looking better every time he arrived. It was like some sort of crazy superpower.

"Hi," Jensen said with a broad smile on his face. He pulled the door open wide so Jared could come in.

There was a sprinkling of rain on Jared's shoulders and hair. It was kind of cute.

"Hey," Jared said as he stepped inside. He slipped out of his boots and flipped his damp hair back. His eyes moved over Jensen's thing old t-shirt, then down over his loose fitting jeans. "You… look … really good."

Rubbing his hand over his hair, Jensen grinned. "Thanks."

He held out his hands for Jared's jacket and noticed a hesitation before Jared moved to take it off. It was then that Jensen remembered that the bandage would be off.

After swinging the jacket off Jared's shoulders and hanging it in the front closet, Jensen stepped in close. His finger's found Jared's and he leaned in to kiss his partner's cheek. "Let me see?"

Even though he was trying to look as though he wasn't concerned about the way the wound looked, Jared's smile wavered slightly. "Yeah."

Jensen slid his fingers over Jared's collarbone and up to the edge of the wound. He traced the line of little black threads until they stopped. "Not so bad."

Peering at Jensen from under dark lashes, Jared smiled warily. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." It was easy for Jensen to smile, mostly because it made Jared's own smile broaden. "Bruise looks worse."

The bruise along Jared's throat and cheek was dark and mottled. Jensen figured that it all had to be painful although he knew Jared had stopped taking the painkillers he'd been prescribed. He said they made him feel _fuzzy_.

Nodding, Jared leaned in to press his lips to Jensen's. It was almost chaste. _Almost_. But heat slithered down Jensen's body. He hummed appreciatively and couldn't help smiling again. "I missed that."

Looking skeptical, Jared laughed and walked over to the table Jensen had laid out.

"Wow," Jared murmured.

Trailing along behind his partner, Jensen chewed on his thumbnail nervously. "You like it?"

"I love it." Jared leaned down to smell the flowers in the tall vase.

"I used to cook a lot," Jensen offered. "Haven't done it for a while but I think everything will be okay."

"It smells really fucking good."

Jensen laughed. "Thanks. So, I take it you're hungry now?"

Jared nodded sheepishly and shrugged a shoulder.

"No problem. It's all ready. Have a seat." Jensen pulled out one of the chairs. "Wine?"

Jared nodded, looking a little surprised.

"What? I'm really quite civilized."

It was Jared's turn to laugh and he settled down on his chair.

It only took Jensen a few minutes to prepare two plates of dinner. He'd probably made enough for six people. There were some good lunches in his future.

Once the plates were on the table, Jensen sat across from Jared and smiled. "Dig in."

As they ate, they chatted and Jensen could see Jared relaxing. He tried not to look at the dark line of stitches on his partner's throat. It was obvious that Jared was a little self-conscious about it. Anyone would be. It would just take him a little time to get used to what he saw when he looked in the mirror.

They seemed to agree that lighter conversation was the way to go. It had been a rough week for both of them and they'd spoken enough to know that there was a lot to work through.

Jensen wanted a normal night. Maybe it was selfish but he wanted to have the kind of night that was fun, good memories, it was what he thought they needed. If nothing else, it was a good beginning to something new.

They'd laughed, toasted with their wine - Jensen had limited Jared to one glass - they'd eaten until they both swore they didn't have room for dessert and … then they both ate a huge piece of Jensen's cheesecake.

After they were finished, Jensen insisted that Jared sit on the couch and rest while Jensen cleaned up.

Jensen rushed. The rosy cheeks and tousled hair that Jared was sporting were pretty damn inviting.

By the time Jensen slid the remaining cheesecake onto the last spot in the refrigerator, Jared had his feet up on the coffee table and was flipping through one of Jensen's books.

For a while, Jensen leaned against the kitchen wall and just watched Jared. It was nice to have someone else in the living room; it was even nicer that _someone_ was Jared.

"I could get used to this," Jensen said.

"Hmm?"

"You hangin' around." Jensen headed into the living room and flopped down onto the couch beside Jared.

"You're just feeling guilty," Jared said. He flipped another page in the book.

"I am?" For once, Jared had guessed wrong.

"For letting me get in trouble," Jared deadpanned.

Jensen's eyes snapped open wide and he whipped his head to the side to give Jared a withering look. As soon as he saw the grin on his partner's face he groaned. It seemed it was pretty easy to get a rise out of him. "Jerk."

Jared started to laugh and finally put the book back down on the coffee table. "You're easy."

Lifting an eyebrow suggestively, Jensen shrugged but that only made Jared laugh harder.

It was a great sound. Jensen seemed to remember thinking that when they'd been at the cabin.

When he settled back into the couch, Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. "What do you usually do on your evenings off?"

"Sleep," Jensen answered. "Sometimes, I try to watch TV but most of it's crap."

"Yeah. I read a lot. Work out. Sleep a lot." Jared smiled.

"I can tell," Jensen said. He had very fond memories of the fitness of his partner's body.

"That I sleep a lot?"

"That you workout, asshat."

Laughing again, Jared swept his hair back off his forehead. "I was a tall, skinny kid. It sucked. I started workin' out as soon as I could convince my Dad to buy me some free weights."

"I run," Jensen said glumly. "I hate it but it gets it over with quickly."

Smirking, Jared shook his head. "Sounds like you."

"What does that mean?" Jensen bumped his knee against Jared's then just left it there. The solid warmth of it felt good.

"Just seems like something you would say." Jared's smile softened and he slid his hand over Jensen's knee.

The weight of Jared's hand felt good and Jensen's heart sped up a little. "How you feelin'?"

"Full."

"I meant, you know." Jensen gestured to Jared's throat.

"It's okay. Aches a little. It's weird…"

Jensen shifted so he was sitting sideways and face Jared. "Weird?"

Shrugging, Jared squeezed Jensen's knee. "A reminder of how stupid I was."

Jensen thought it wise not to agree or disagree. He opted for covering Jared's hand with his own.

Smiling crookedly, Jensen looked up into Jared's eyes. "I may have made a couple of questionable choices in my career."

Jensen's words had the desired effect and Jared's mouth fell open in shock. "A couple?" Jesus Age Christ, Ackles. How can you even _say_ that with a straight face?"

But Jensen wasn't able to contain his laughter when he saw how indignant Jared was.

Realizing he was being teased, Jared punched Jensen in the shoulder then shoved him lightly.

Playing along, Jensen fell back onto the couch cushions, still laughing.

"A couple times," Jared muttered. He let himself fall over sideways and shoved at Jensen's ass until he moved enough to let Jared squeeze in behind him on the couch. He slid his arm over Jensen's waist and rested his head on Jensen's chest.

It felt natural for Jensen to slide his fingers into Jared's long hair. He dragged his nails over the man's scalp and watched as gooseflesh crept down Jared's neck.

Letting out a long sigh, Jared cinched his arm tighter around Jensen's waist.

"Y'okay?" Jensen shifted just enough to press his lips to Jared's hair. It smelled good, like fruit or outside or something.

"Worried, sore, ate too much."

The last one made Jensen smile. He stroked his hand over Jared's hair, smoothing it down. The rebellious half-curls always sprang right back out.

"I told you not to finish my cheesecake as well," Jensen murmured into his partner's hair. "Your neck?"

Jared nodded against Jensen's chest. "Not a big deal. Doc said it would hurt for a while. Somethin' about nerve endings."

"You didn't pay attention?" Jensen smiled and turned his head so he could settle his cheek against Jared's hair. 

"I thought I was dying. Have some sympathy." Jared body shook slightly as he laughed.

But Jared's words were rattling around in Jensen's mind. "When I saw you… _fuck_. Was like the whole world was in slow motion."

Jared's fingers dug into Jensen's hip as though he didn't want to be pushed away. "It all happened fast. So fast. I didn't think it was him."

That certainly wasn't what Jensen expected to hear. "I thought-"

"- I just wanted to make you jealous. I wanted to make you realize…"

"Realize what?" Jensen wasn't sure how he should feel about Jared's admission. Taking risks was one thing but trying to provoke a reaction from him was a piss poor reason to risk a life.

"I don't even know," Jared admitted quietly. "That's what makes all this so crazy and. And pathetic."

Part of Jensen agreed with what Jared was saying but, once more, he remained silent. His hand was still on Jared's hair and he let his head fall back to the cushion below.

"That bruise on my jaw? He said we should sit in his car. I said mine was closer. I thought it would be safer. Soon as I opened the door he hit me with something. I don't even know why I let my guard down. I think I was cocky. Too wrapped up in trying to prove I wasn't thinkin' about you. Stupid. Like I said."

Jensen pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. It was unbelievable .. but … it wasn't.

He was glad that Jared wasn't able to see his face because he had no idea what emotion would be reflected there. It was kind of a rat's nest of things. He was pissed off, he was disappointed, he was a million things that didn't make sense and a million that did.

Somewhere deep in mind though, he knew that he could forgive Jared anything. It was just like forgiving himself. The mess between them had complicated things; they just had to find their way out of the maze. The best way to do that was probably together.

The realization made Jensen's skin flush with warmth. It was the first time that he'd truly been able to imagine a _future_ with Jared.

He was making a little progress even if no one else could see it.

"I didn't expect you to disagree about me being stupid but I figured you would say something." Jared sounded worried and it felt to Jensen like he pressed a little closer.

"I was listening. Then .. I dunno. I guess I realized we just got in a mess but we can get out of it." It didn't sound as impressive once Jensen said it out loud but he didn't want Jared to think there was silent judging going on.

Twisting around awkwardly Jared looked up at Jensen. "I'm scared to attempt an interpretation of what you're saying."

"Don't blame you." Jensen sighed and shifted out from under Jared. He slid off the couch and knelt on the floor so he could rest his arms on the cushion. He settled his chin on his arms and studied Jared's face. "Together."

"Together?" Brow furrowed, Jared propped his head up on his hand and blinked slowly.

"Whatever we got wrong. The mess. There's a way out, or through, maybe even around. But I think that it's better if we're together." A little unnerved by his own revelations, Jensen averted his gaze.

"Jensen?" There was a slight waver in Jared's voice and the softness of the words coaxed Jensen's gaze back to his partner's.

Jared was smiling slightly, his eyes were sparkling as he looked into Jensen's eyes. "That's good."

"Good?"

"That you think that."

"Good," Jensen said quietly. He untucked a hand from under his chin and reached out to trace a finger over Jared's bottom lip. "One step at a time, yeah?"

"Sounds good to me." Jared's eyes darkened and his cheeks were a little flushed. Maybe it was the wine or the ample dinner but Jensen didn't think so.

"Feels different now," Jensen said.

The pink of Jared's tongue appeared between his lips, and at the next pass of Jensen's finger the two met.

A tremble of pleasure slithered down Jensen's body and he moved his finger forward enough to trace through the wet warmth of Jared's mouth before traveling back along the cut of his jaw.

"Different how?" Jared licked his lips and smiled crookedly.

"The cabin, the weekend was … I don't know. I'd convinced myself that I could keep my distance. I was sure. Now … " Jensen just tilted his head to the side and shrugged.

"Maybe now you aren't so sure?" 

"I don't want to keep my distance." A sigh felt like it let off a little of Jensen's tension.

Smiling, Jared reached up to clasp Jensen's hand. He opened his mouth to speak but looked as though he couldn't come up with the right words. In the end, he just smiled and squeezed Jensen's hand. 

For some reason, Jensen felt a little nervous. They'd been together at the cabin sure, but everything about it had been different. He'd known then that there was an escape - at least - he'd believed there was.

Even though everything still seemed uncertain there was no reservation left in Jensen's mind. He was ready to walk straight ahead into the unknown for the first time in a lot of years. If he stopped to think about that for too long the tension began to creep back into his body.

Almost as though Jared could sense Jensen wavering, Jared surged forward and crushed his mouth against Jensen's.

It was awkward at first, their bodies were at the wrong angle. After a few moments of shifting and pulling at each other, they were lying side by side on the couch again.

They panted as they settled facing each other and Jensen closed his eyes. Jared's breath was hot against Jensen's lips. The sensation was amazing.

Everything about the moment was sensation and feeling and Jensen could tell his heart was struggling to keep up.

When he managed to swallow, Jensen leaned closer and ghosted his lips over Jared's.

Jared sucked in a quick breath; his trembling hand moving over Jensen's hip to push under the hem of his shirt.

Another blast of warmth shot through Jensen the instant Jared's fingers moved over his bare skin. His back arched involuntarily and their hips met. One instant of contact and Jensen could tell that those fleeting touches and a handful of lingering kisses had left him hard and wanting.

"I _do_ have a bedroom," Jensen said gruffly

Smiling a little dopily, Jared nodded. "Probably a good idea."

After a lingering look at Jared, Jensen groaned and rolled off the couch reluctantly. He stood and held out his hand to pull Jared up to his feet.

"Come with me, partner. I'll give you the fifty cent tour."

Jared laughed and Jensen tugged him towards the short hallway. There was no way that he was going to look back over his shoulder. If he saw Jared again. If he saw that messed up hair and rosy cheeks, full lips - there was _no_ way they would make it as far as the bedroom. The fire in his belly was a valid argument that it didn't really matter.

Fortunately, it was a _very_ short hallway.

They slammed into the wall just inside the bedroom. All the breath shot out of Jensen's lungs and he groaned as his lips split into a wide grin. "Am I under arrest?"

Crossing his arms, Jared pulled his t-shirt off and threw it over his shoulder. "You wouldn't have to ask if you were. But, you're not getting away this time."

By the time Jared finished speaking, some of the lightness had left his face.

Jensen slid his hand up Jared's chest and dragged his thumb _just_ along the edge of the long line of stitches. "I'm not plannin' on going anywhere, you know."

After a moment's hesitation, Jared nodded. He tilted his head slightly when Jensen's thumb reached the beginning of the stitches. "You keeping your clothes on?"

" _God_ , no," Jensen said in a husky voice. True to his word, he tugged his shirt off and let it drop to the floor.

Another flurry of movement began. Jared's fingers worked the buttons open on Jensen's jeans. Their mouths collided again as they worked each other's jeans down over their hips.

Stumbling forward, Jensen slid his tongue into his partner's fiery mouth.

The two men fell in a tangle of limbs on the bed. Jared laughed darkly and rolled them over until he was lying on top of Jensen.

For a little while, the two men just stared at one another; it was a turning point for some reason. And it slipped past Jensen easily the moment Jared pinned his wrists to the bed above his head.

Their bodies pressed together everywhere it counted and Jensen couldn't help the growl of a moan that emanated from deep in his throat.

He was rock hard, his cock swollen and heavy against Jared's. Struggling a little, Jensen tried to roll his hips up. God, he wanted some kind of relief.

But the weight of Jared's strong body held him almost still. It was frustrating and hotter than hell at the same time. The fact that things had changed between them only made everything burn a little brighter.

"Jared," Jensen whispered. His lips found their way to Jared's jaw and he traced his way along the hard line of it. The rise and fall of Jared's chest was faster and the grip he had on Jensen's wrists tightened until it was almost painful.

Jensen's lips dragged lightly over the spiky stitches. The wound smelled slight antiseptic. And then it was smooth flesh again and the familiar smell of Jared's skin once more.

It was like Jared's strength melted away and he collapsed down onto Jensen. The weight took Jensen's breath momentarily, pleasure and excitement sparking from nerve to nerve in his body.

He wrapped his arms around Jared's firm body. It was a brief moment of stillness after the storm of their initial touches. "You're shaking."

Staying silent, Jared nodded against Jensen's cheek. His lips pressed softly over the pulse in Jensen's throat. The gentle touch sent a shiver skittering down Jensen's body.

He surged up off the mattress and rolled them again. Jared flopped onto his back, one arm thrown over his eyes. His tongue swept over his bottom lip and then he sank his teeth into it.

The look of pleasure on his face was about the hottest thing that Jensen had ever seen.

Jared's cheeks were flushed, sweat was beading on his forehead and there were wisps of damp hair stuck to his temples.

Jensen snatched hold of Jared's wrist and pushed it up so he could see his lover's eyes. They were almost completely black. His eyelids were heavy, long lashes even darker against his flushed skin.

Arching his back, Jensen rolled his body against Jared's and finally took the man's mouth again in a rough kiss.

Jared let out a puff of breath and pushed up so he could thrust his tongue deep into Jensen's mouth.

Jensen could taste the wine from dinner and lingering just under that, the flavor of _Jared_. Jensen remembered it well. And the moment that taste was gone, Jensen wanted it back again.

Their mouths moved together ceaselessly; their hips followed the same rhythm and worked to rub their cocks together.

Sweat slick flesh moved under their palms: they dug their fingers into muscle, nails scratched skin. It was so overwhelming that it all became a blur to Jensen. A hot, desperate, perfect, blur.

They wrestled for control for a while then Jared seemed to surrender. The look in his eyes was the closest thing to submission that Jensen had ever seen on his partner's face.

Heat raced down Jensen's body and he felt the flesh on his cock tighten as it swelled even more. The trust on Jared's face was intoxicating.

As if by some unspoken agreement the two men began moving again. Tentative at first, then stronger until Jensen couldn't take it any longer.

He reared back and slid his hands down Jared's broad chest, and down to his tapered waist. He gripped Jared's hips tightly, thumbs pressing against the cut of Jared's bones.

A taunting smirk lingered on Jared's lips a few moments then disappeared as Jensen flipped Jared over onto his belly.

His heart nearly stopped when he saw the muscles ripple across Jared's back. Jensen straddled Jared's thighs and couldn't resist a moment to grab the muscular globes of his partner's ass and massage them.

The moan Jared tried to stifle in the quilt was full of want and Jensen grabbed a handful of that unruly, long hair and pulled.

Panting, Jared resisted for a moment and then stretched his neck back a little. Jensen's cock was pillowed in the crack of Jared's ass, then he dragged his teeth down the soft curve of Jared's ear. "I want you _so_ much."

The words made Jared's next breath catch in his chest and his fists grabbed at handfuls of the quilt beneath him.

Jensen straightened up and leaned over to retrieve lube from the nightstand. He was done waiting.

As soon as his fingers were slick, he began working Jared's ass. His free hand was pressed firmly to the sweaty small of Jared's back to keep him still.

 _God_ , Jensen was surprised by the intense heat of his partner's ass. Each time he thrust his fingers deeper, he could feel Jared's muscles clench around him briefly before relaxing and inviting him deeper.

Jared couldn't seem to lay still. Each time Jensen thrust his fingers forward, Jared's hips would lift slightly off the bed. He chased _every_ touch Jensen gave like he ached for it.

There was part of Jensen that could watch his partner all night. He was writhing, his hips twisting, fingers gripping the edges of the mattress and it was almost hypnotic.

Still twisting his fingers in his partner's ass, Jensen crawled up the slick muscular body beneath him. When he drew his tongue along the edge of Jared's ear again he could taste the salt of Jared's sweat. "How you doin'?"

The words seemed to draw Jared's body up closer; his spine arched up and Jensen couldn't resist sliding his hand over the landscape of muscles and flesh in front of him.

"I need to keep you like this all the time," Jensen murmured in awe.

The answering groan of agony from Jared made Jensen laugh darkly. There were some things Jensen was very good at; teasing was one of them.

A smile still plastered to his face, Jensen began to slither back down Jared's body. The width of his tongue fit perfectly in the furrow of Jared's spine. All the way down Jensen licked and nipped at his partner's flesh.

He had worked Jared's ass open so slowly, making the man wait longer than he needed to. It was entirely Jared's fault. If he didn't look so turned on, so desperate for Jensen's cock, it would be easier for Jensen to give in to his own desire.

A sound like a cross between a growl and a frustrated sigh emanated from where Jared had buried his face in the closet pillow.

This time, even Jensen had had enough waiting.

He was so hard his cock ached; his balls felt like they were swollen and every time Jared moaned Jensen's heart hurt a little at how sweet the sound was.

Jensen withdrew his fingers slowly and sat back on his heels between Jared's legs.

"Nice view," he murmured. Jared's pert ass was a little rosy, his strong thighs trembling as the squeezed his legs against Jensen's.

"Fuck off," Jared managed to rasp. He rolled his head so he could suck in a deep breath and peer back at Jensen.

That face, that _look_ made Jensen's muscles go weak.

Hair was stuck to Jared's damp forehead and cheeks; his eyes were black as pitch, his bottom lip swollen where he'd been biting down on it. It was almost painful it was so hot.

Leaning forward, Jensen grabbed hold of Jared's hips and dragged him closer. The scent of musk and sweat wafted up from Jared's body and Jensen licked his lips.

With trembling hands, Jensen covered his own aching flesh with lube before rubbing the head of his cock along the crack of Jared's ass.

It was so over stimulating after all the build up that Jensen worried for a few seconds that he might come before things went any further.

The desperate moan from Jared stiffened Jensen's resolve. Because _God_ , he needed to fuck Jared. He needed it like he needed fucking air.

He took a deep breath and pressed into Jared's tight hole. Jared moaned, his muscles loosened slightly and Jensen nudged his cock in slightly.

The heat was mind-blowing. A gentle rocking of his hips slid him deeper, deeper, slowly. Jared struggled up onto his knees slightly; his ass angled up and Jensen's next thrust shoved his cock all the way in.

The envelope of heat made Jensen throw his head back and groan.

His fingers dug harder into Jared's flesh and he lifted his partner's hips higher. The next thrust forward was smooth and slick. Jared moaned as Jensen's aching balls were pressed against his ass.

Pleasure was spiraling out of control in Jensen's body. His hips snapped forward then settled into a quick rhythm. Jared body lurched forward with each thrust, his hair flipped forwards and then back, his back moved like it was made of water, rippling up then collapsing back down as Jensen withdrew. It was all give and take; push and pull.

It was a lot more pleasure than one body was able to stand but Jensen didn't care what happened to him. There was so much heat racing around in his body that it was similar to being buried alive. Sweat was dripping down Jensen's chest and finally, fat beads of it would fall to Jared's back. Jensen's mind expected the drops to sizzle.

Everything in the room had narrowed down to Jensen and the muscular body beneath him. He stared down at the back of his hand as he slid his damp palm over the small of Jared's back. He heard the breath catch in Jared's chest and his partner threw his head back again.

Jensen's free hand followed the curve of Jared's slender waist until the tips of his fingers slid into rough curls of hair.

A hiss escaped Jared's lips and the curve of his back lengthened so that his swollen cock would brush against the back of Jensen's hand.

Without hesitation, Jensen curled his fingers around Jared's shaft. It was thick and heavy in his hand and the rhythm of his thrust faltered for a moment.

Jared's arms gave out and he fell forward onto his chest. But their bodies stayed locked together, Jensen's hips snapping forward and Jared's body so responsive it was spellbinding.

Time got away from Jensen. All he could feel was _Jared_ , all he could do was try to breathe and marvel at how amazing Jared's body felt.

Too soon, Jensen could feel all the pleasure and want in his body winding up as tight as a coil. The pressure in his balls was unbearable and Jensen couldn't help the way his thrusts grew harder. His hips snapped forward as he brushed his palm along the length of Jared's cock.

Pre come was sticky and hot on Jensen's fingers and the pent up desire deep within him began to unfurl like a bloom of fire.

The muscles in Jensen's throat tightened and the next breath he tried to suck in was a struggle.

He could feel the hot flesh of Jared's arousal throbbing against his palm a second before the man's entire body jerked.

As Jared came, his muscles tightened around Jensen's cock. Locked together, their bodies writhed and twisted as pleasure flowed through them.

The heat of Jared's come was spread over Jensen's hand and forearm and he could feel his release pulsing hot and slick deep inside his partner.

It was perfect.

And as the pleasure was wrung from Jensen's cock by the contracting muscle of Jared's ass they collapsed down onto the bed in a tangle of sweaty limbs.


	11. Chapter 11

 

As usual, the first thing Jensen saw on his desk was Alona's ass. Her jeans sat low on her waist and Jensen poked at her revealed skin. "Tal? Do you have a tattoo?"

"Don't change the subject, Ackles."

Still staring at Alona's hip, Jensen squinted. "Did you get a _tramp_ stamp?"

Aldis let out a snort from across the room where he was sitting at his desk.

Alona rolled her eyes and tugged her t-shirt down before lifting Jensen's chin with two fingers. "Listen. You can insult me and change the subject as many times as you want but I know there's something up with you."

Grinning, Jensen tucked his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

For days, Alona had been insisting that Jensen seemed different. Even though it was a little like having a stalker, it was providing Jensen with a lot of entertainment.

Leaning back a little, Alona fixed Jensen with a knowing glare. "You, Ackles, were _smiling_ when you got here this morning. You never smile. Particularly not in the morning."

To prove a point, Jensen flashed his most charming smile. "I smile."

"Not in the morning," Alona repeated. "You never smile before you've had at least two cups of coffee."

"That _may_ have been true in the past," Jensen admitted. "Can't I just be happy?"

"No," Alona said firmly.

Aldis let out a long-suffering sigh and threw his pen down. "Tal, leave the poor guy alone and come and help me with this report."

Alona huffed and folded her arms. "How am I supposed to help? By staring over your shoulder?"

The glare that Aldis shot his petite partner made it very clear that he was pissed off.

All Alona did was sigh but Jensen saw her shoulders sag a little.

Things had been strained between Tal and Hodges. For some reason, the dynamic between them seemed to have changed. Jensen didn't ever like to get between partners but he could see the stress was starting to effect Alona. Having trouble in a partnership was a lot like having marriage problems. It wore a person down after a while.

Scooting his chair closer to the desk, Jensen reached out and nudged Alona's knee with his fist. Keeping his voice low, Jensen frowned for a second before speaking. "You'll accuse me of changing the subject again, but if you ever need to talk… about work. You know I'm here, right?"

Alona's expression softened and Jensen realized how tired she looked. After a short silence, Alona nodded and patted Jensen's hand. "I know."

Footsteps sounded from behind Jensen but he didn't have to turn around to know who it was. The cadence was very familiar.

"Hey, Jensen," Jared said quietly. He let his fingers trail down the back of Jensen's neck very discreetly before heading past to his own desk.

The touch lit a fuse that smoldered down Jensen's spine. There was something _very_ hot about the way they had to pretend nothing was going on between them. It was surprising how much they managed to communicate with a discreet contact or subtle looks. If there weren't cops at the precinct twenty-four hours a day Jensen wouldn't be able to resist bending Jared over the desk and -

"You awake, Jensen?" Jared sounded amused. No doubt he had a suspicion that Jensen was lost in some kind of daydream. With the amount of time they'd spent together since Jared left the hospital it was very likely Jensen's face reflected _exactly_ was kind of daydream he was having.

"What? Yeah," Jensen said quickly. He grinned at Jared and swung his chair around to face across their desks. "How you doin'?"

There was a sparkle in Jared's eyes for which Jensen was more than willing to claim responsibility. They'd had a round of particularly athletic sex the night before. Hopefully, before lunch time Jensen could drag Jared somewhere quiet and secluded where he could get a look at the marks he had mouthed onto his partner's neck.

Jared rolled his eyes. "Stop looking so pleased with yourself," he muttered.

Laughing, Jensen leaned on his desk and moved closer. "How's your neck?"

"What? Are you twelve?" But there was a half smile on Jared's face. After a few moments, he shook his head and turned away to start up his laptop.

It was hard for Jensen to resist staring at his partner. The whole _relationship_ thing was still new enough to be a little surreal.

And there were issues. _God_ damn there were some issues for Jensen to work through. And they'd only been together long enough to scratch the surface.

So. Moments of cockiness over his physical prowess aside, Jensen had no clue what every day had in store for them.

"You talk to Morgan?"

"Hmm?" Jensen shook his head and let his thoughts go.

"Morgan." Jared turned slowly towards Jensen, eyebrows raised. "You know. Our _talk_ with him?"

"Oh. Yeah." Jensen nodded. He glanced down at the time of his computer screen then looked back at his partner. "In about ten minutes he's got time for us."

Even though Jared nodded he didn't look particularly pleased with the idea of their meeting.

Honestly, Jensen wasn't looking forward to it either. There were about a million things that Jensen would rather do than head into Morgan's office and announce that he was sleeping with his partner.

"We didn't talk about what we'd say," Jared said quietly.

"No. I'm more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of guy."

Jared snorted dismissively and turned his gaze back to his computer.

Shrugging, Jensen picked up his phone to check and see if there were any messages. There was nothing pressing to deal with. Sadly, that meant there was no reason to postpone their meeting with Morgan.

A door banged open behind him and Jensen flinched. "Speak of the devil."

"Ackles! You two get in here now. Finished my conference call early," Morgan called out.

"Great," Jensen muttered under his breath.

"Hey," Jared whispered. "This is _your_ thing."

It was true. Jared had wanted to wait a little while before talking to Morgan. He'd told Jensen that it would give them time to get used to things. The translation for that in Jensen's mind was that Jared was wondering if Jensen would bail when things got tough. That probably wasn't true though: over time, Jensen had learned to accept that Jared was far more well-meaning than he was given credit for.

Jensen had persisted. He wanted to get the talk with Morgan over with. He also _really_ wanted to know what was going to happen. Predicting the first part didn't seem so hard: Morgan would be pissed. They'd already broken the rules by fraternizing. Talking to Morgan was a little like closing the barn door after the horses were already out.

Jared walked around his desk, straightening his tie before stopping beside his partner. "Ready?"

"Nope."

"Me either." Jared pressed his lips together tightly and waited for Jensen to get up. 

They headed towards Morgan's office slowly and glanced at each other just before they headed inside.

Jared closed the door behind them and Jensen headed to the chair farthest from Morgan's desk.

The Captain was scrolling through a document on his screen. He didn't speak until both men were seated in front of him.

"If this is about you two wanting to transfer or anything like that, I don't want to hear it."

Jensen looked over at Jared and shrugged. He nodded his head towards the door to indicate they should just leave and all that earned him was a glare from his partner.

"You two gonna make eyes at each other all morning or you got somethin' to say?" Morgan swung around on his chair to face his detectives.

"Funny you should put it like that-"

"- Jensen," Jared interrupted.

"Do you two rehearse this shit or does it come naturally?"

"We-"

This time it was Jensen who interrupted. He reached out and touched Jared's arm to silence him. No matter what their relationship was at home, at work Jensen was still the senior partner.

"Sir," Jensen began. "Jared and I …"

Morgan frowned when Jensen used his partner's first name.

Jensen's mouth had gone very dry. "Okay. So, it's like this… Jared and I are having… we're in a relationship."

"You what?" Morgan spat.

Jared cleared his throat and shifted to the edge of his seat. "Jensen and I are -"

"I _heard_ what he said," Morgan said loudly.

Wincing, Jared looked over at Jensen as though he was hoping for some support. Jensen was pretty certain that remaining quiet might well be the best course of action for both of them.

The silence in the room was about the most uncomfortable thing Jensen had ever felt. Even while he was facing Jared he could still feel the Captain's eyes attempting to bore into his head.

"This is totally inappropriate and absolutely against policy. Incompet-" Morgan swore softly and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. “People working out of the same department shouldn't have an interpersonal relationship, let alone partners!" Morgan's voice got a little louder with each sentence and Jensen rubbed his fingers over his stubbled chin nervously.

"Jeff -" Jensen's mouth snapped shut when the Captain shot him a cold glare. The two men just stared at each other for a while and Jensen had to look away from the intensity of it.

"Captain," Jensen began again. "It's not like we planned this. We just - it just happened."

"Things like this don't just happen," Morgan said. "You're two consenting adults. You'd better have something more impressive than _that_ if you're trying to come up with an excuse."

Jensen had known the Captain long enough to recognize anger on his face. He was also _very_ aware of how stubborn Jeff could be when it came to the rules and regulations. The man sitting across from them didn't even like making exceptions for valid concerns, let alone something that was a blatant breach of protocol. It was one of the reasons that Morgan was such a damn good cop. Stubborn and dedicated weren't very far apart when it came right down to it.

"We know that this is unusual…"

"Do you really think this is about something that simple?" Morgan was clearly asking a rhetorical question.

Jared shifted in his chair and clasped his hands together. His knuckles were white, his hands shaking slightly. "Captain. Jensen and I are here because this is new and we wanted to talk to you about it before…"

Jared's mistake was in not finishing his sentence quickly enough. Jensen knew that but then, he'd been around a lot longer.

The expression on Morgan's face darkened. "Before _what_ , Padalecki? Before you moved in? Before everyone else in the building knew? It doesn't matter when the hell you tell me it's happening because it's _still_ happening. It shouldn't be happening at all. You shouldn't be in here telling me this like you are asking for another parking spot."

The tirade left Jared looking far less confident than he had looked when they'd arrived.

Even Jensen was a little surprised at Jeff's vehemence. Frowning, Jensen leaned forward in his chair. "Look, Jared and I are here because we're willing to do whatever you think is appropriate."

"Within reason," Jared added. It only earned him a glare from the Captain.

"Within reason," Jensen echoed. The last thing he wanted was to appear as though he didn't support Jared. He kept reminding himself that _together_ was the way the thought they would do better.

Morgan just stared for a while, first at Jared briefly and then far longer at Jensen.

It was the first real test of the friendship between Jensen and his Captain.

"Jensen-"

"Please, Jeff. Let me just say this and then you can do what you need to."

After furrowing his brow, Jeff nodded abruptly.

Relief settled on Jensen's tense shoulders. He rubbed his thumb along his bottom lip before speaking. "I love my job. So does Jared. But this?" Jensen gestured toward Jared. "This may be my only chance at having a life outside of here. This could work out for everyone. You _know_ that I've been wanting to join Sam's team-"

"So, you break the rules and then you get exactly what you want?" Morgan's expression hardened again and he snorted derisively.

This time it was Jensen's turn to look frustrated. "You think she's not gonna make my life hell? She's got every right to be pissed at me after what I pulled."

"Does anyone care what I have to say?" Jared looked a little bewildered. 

"No," Jeff said without looking toward the younger Detective.

Jared huffed but confined himself to slumping back in his chair.

Morgan ran his hand back and forth through his thick, dark hair and groaned in frustration. "What makes you think Sam will want you now?"

Shrugging, Jensen grinned widely. "Nothin' but she'd have a _lot_ of fun busting my ass as much as she wanted. Let Jared stay here. I'd put money on Tal jumping at a chance to partner with him."

"What?" Eyes wide with surprise, Jared sat forward and reached for Jensen's arm before catching himself and withdrawing his hand.

Jensen gave Jared a look that he hoped conveyed that Jared should just trust him. They hadn't had a plan regarding their talk with the Captain but Jensen was going with the flow. As Jared was so fond of reminding Jensen, he was a little reckless sometimes. In this case, Jensen preferred to call it _thinking on his feet_.

Jared's expression softened at the same time as the toe of his boot bumped against Jensen's. Neither man moved their boot away.

Jensen nodded at Jared before looking back at Jeff. "We both want to stay here, Jeff. We are going to have a relationship. You need to split us up, I get that. Jared and I know better than anyone why it's a shitty idea for us to continue to be partners. It's better for _everyone_ if we're not partners. Jared says there's nothin' in the policy that says we can't continue to work in the same precinct, right?"

Narrowing his gaze, Morgan almost sneered at Jensen. "You get too cocky and you'll find out that I can do pretty much whatever I want with you."

They both knew it wasn't true but Jensen was happy to let Jeff get rid of some of his frustration with empty threats.

Sitting back, Morgan folded his arms across his chest and turned his gaze towards Jared. "What d'you want to say?"

Jared sucked in a surprised breath and then tapped his closed fist to his tightly pressed lips a few times. "I agree with Jensen, mostly. My job is really important to me. But this relationship is important to me too. I - I want us to have a chance. If that means I have to leave here, so be it. I'm young. I can find another career. I may not find another Jensen."

Jensen frowned as warmth balled up in his chest. He allowed himself a slight smile at his partner. He had a feeling that, as long as he was with Jared, there would be a lot of surprises in his future.

"Okay," Morgan said so sharply Jensen started. "Here's what I'm prepared to do. I will _talk_ to Sam and see if she's even willing to take you on after the shit you pulled. And as for you."

Jared shrank back in his seat a little unconsciously.

"You, Padalecki," Morgan continued. "You will partner with whoever _I_ put you up with. And it had better work smoothly for everyone. You got it?"

Jared nodded mutely.

The room fell into a very uncomfortable silence and Jensen chewed on his bottom lip. There was no way he was moving until Morgan told him to.

"This isn't over," Morgan said gruffly.

Unsure what that meant, Jensen glanced at Jared with questioning eyes.

"I'll talk to Samantha this afternoon and you'll transfer. She won't say no. But, damn you, Jensen. You are on your own and will accept whatever she decides to do with you. You hear me?"

Nodding, Jensen looked down at the scuffed old floor beneath his feet. He wasn't sure how to feel about everything but he trusted Morgan. If the Captain said Jensen would be welcome on Sam's team then Jensen would have no reason to doubt him.

But Morgan wasn't quite finished. "Padalecki, you have horseshoes up your ass. Hodges has put in for a transfer. It's been in the works for a while. If it's okay with Tal, you and she will hook up."

Jensen lifted an eyebrow at the choice of words.

Morgan stabbed his index finger in Jensen's direction. "Don't you _dare_ crack a joke. I will bust you back to uniform faster than you can say _officer_."

A little taken aback, Jensen blinked a few times as he stared at his Captain.

After a final threatening glare, Morgan turned his attention back to Jared. "I will be watching you, Padalecki. Count on it. And don't either of you _dare_ to suggest this has anything to do with either of you being gay. This is entirely to do with you _both_ having a total disrespect for the regu-"

"Come on," Jensen said as playfully as he dared. "You still love me and I'm still the best Detective here."

"What?" The indignant look on Jared's face nearly got Jensen in trouble. He had to press both hands to his face and try desperately to think of something else so he wouldn't laugh. When he finally dared to look up, he was certain that he could see a smile fighting to take over Jeff's face.

"So," Jensen said. "You'll reassign us and there's no problem with us being a couple?" A strange mixture of excitement let loose in Jensen's chest.

"Yes," Morgan said after _just_ enough silence to make Jensen worry. "Now get out and I don't want to see either of you here until the assignments are sorted out."

Jensen didn't need to be told twice. He could think of a lot of things to do with a few days off and most of them involved Jared. 

The two detectives moved towards the office door quickly, but Jensen found himself stopping just short. He turned back to face Jeff, frowning. "Just so I'm clear. Can I use my handcuffs on him at home?"

Morgan stared at Jensen with daggers in his eyes. "Say anything like that again and I'll suspend you both."

"Me?" Jared protested. "I didn't even say anything."

Ackles and Morgan both looked over at Padalecki and said, "Shut up."

When Jared shook his head there was a fond expression on his face. He could probably sense the change in the tension. As gruff as Jeff looked, there was a warmth in his eyes that had been missing earlier.

Looking a little worn though, Jeff sank down into his chair. "Get outta here, you two. Go away for a few days or something."

Leaving was obviously high on Jared's list of things to do. He was heading out the door before Jensen realized what was going on.

Jensen smiled at Morgan before turning to leave.

"Hey, Jensen?"

Turning back towards Jeff, Jensen smiled again. He could tell, just by the tone of the Captain's voice that he was speaking as a friend.

"Yeah?"

"This thing with him. You sure?"

Blinking slowly, Jensen glanced back out into the pen to where Jared was walking towards his desk. The strange butterfly flutter appeared again in his chest. He sucked in a deep breath and looked back at Jeff. "Yeah. I think this is gonna be good."

Looking a little surprised, Morgan pressed his lips together for a few moments. "You deserve it," he said gruffly.

A grin slid onto Jensen's face. "Jeff, are you worried about me?"

"Oh, go away." Morgan chuckled and picked up some papers that were lying askew on his desk.

Jensen walked out into the pen. It was getting busy. Jensen had always liked the buzz of people talking. The phones were busy, there was an audio recording playing somewhere, chairs squeaking. And in the middle of all of that, Jensen's gaze settled on his partner.

There was a soft smile on Jared's face. He looked more relaxed now that the meeting was over. There was a fondness in his expression and he was looking across the wide room towards the windows. The fluttering was back; Jensen was getting used to it.

By the time he made it to his desk, Jared was looking up at him. "Everything okay?"

Nodding, Jensen sat down. "He just needed to put on the friend hat for a second."

"And?" Jared leaned on his desk, head cocked to the side slightly. The way his hair fell forward was distracting, Jensen wanted to kiss the place on Jared's cheek where his bangs landed.

"Jensen?"

Jensen smiled and leaned into his desk so he could keep his voice down. "Everything is good," he said softly. "It's real good."

Jared's smile was broad, his eyes warm and he licked his lips. "So. We've got some time off."

"Yup." Jensen nodded and couldn't help winking. "You got something in mind?"

"I know a hot guy with a great cabin," Jared said quietly.

Grinning, Jensen nodded. "Guess you better be _real_ nice to him and see if he'll let you stay there on your days off."

"Oh, I can get my way," Jared answered.

There was absolutely no doubt in Jensen's mind that Jared could get exactly what he wanted. But that seemed to have a tendency to work to Jensen's advantage. "You gotta say goodbye to anyone? Wind anything up?"

Jared shook his head. "Wanna go?"

"Yeah. I do."

It was much easier leaving the building than it had been to arrive.

But, Jensen found it a little difficult to focus on anything other than Jared. They were silent as they left the precinct building. 

"Hey Jared, you need anything from home before I kidnap you?"

"I've got everything I need right here." Jared said it so confidently that Jensen found himself laughing again. He supposed that Jared had a point.

"There is _one_ call I want to make," Jensen said. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it and hit one of the contacts. As it rang he looked at Jared and winked. Jared just looked puzzled.

A light and airy woman's voice answered the phone. "Alona!" Jensen said. "Wanna hear the latest office gossip about a couple?"

Jared rolled his eyes.

~the end~


End file.
